Interview Hell
by Black Tornado
Summary: Join me, Black Tornado, in a very special interview of the characters from Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha, here I'll ask questions you may have for them and see what kind of reaction they give, please R&R. BT
1. Interview 1

**Authors note:** just something I did for fun and for a laugh, flame or laugh at your own leasuire, but don't forget to R & R. BT

Disclaimer: I do not won any of the characters from Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha.

**Interview One: The name of the beast**

BT: Yo, welcome to a special program of your host, myself, Black Tornado interview.

_Some applauses from the background and a few boos_

BT: today we're going to interview a very special guest, he's been slowly been phased out of the series until he only makes cameo appearance, is the guy who taught the ace of aces magic at a tender age of nine and he's been named the "perverted beast," which we'll prove later, please give it up for Yūno Scrya

_One of the many doors open and in walks a ferret_

BT: ummm… Whose pet is there?

_The ferret jumps onto the seat opposite Black Tornado_

Security: That's Yūno Scrya

_BT looks at the ferret questionably  
_

BT: Yūno Scrya I presume?

Ferret: Yes

_Fangirls begin to cheer_

BT: right… mind me asking why you're in ferret form?

Yūno: Well Nanoha loves me in this form, so I came on just to please her desire

_BT looks at the ferret then to his schedules of interview_

BT: I won't ask anymore… anyway lets begin the interview

Yuno: by all means

_BT looks through some questions he written down_

BT: OK let's begin with the most widely asked question, why are you called the perverted animal?

Yuno: I resent that, I'm not a pervert animal!

BT: try telling that to the million of people who want to barbecue you over a fire and put some ketchup on you

_Yuno looks worried to BT whose cackling with evil laughter_

Yuno: I won't even ask where you got that idea from

_BT composes himself_

BT: well can you enlighten me as to the nickname?

_Yuno sighs and curls up on the seat_

Yuno: it's because I've seen all the girls without their clothes on

_BT jots it down_

BT: that brings us to the next question, didn't you state that you were a guy when you first met Nanoha?

_Yuno turns red_

Yuno: it kind of slipped out of my mind at that moment

_BT raise an eye brow_

BT: could it be you're a peeking tom?

Yuno: no!

BT: then I suppose that all the fans across the globe will accept your statement without any problem?

_A knock came from the front door_

BT: excuse me… who on earth could it be?

_BT opens the door to find a mob baring hatchets and torches standing at the door_

Mob leader: where is the Perverted beast!

BT: ummmm… be right back with you in a moment.

_Slams shut the door and barricades it_

BT: Did you tell anyone about this interview!

Yuno: only Chrono

* * *

_In dark room somewhere who knows sits Chrono watching on a large screen with an evil smile then rubs his hands in glee_

Chrono: excellent,

_Laughs evilly while his kids hide in a corner and shake in fear of their dad laughing like some evil villain from a comic_

* * *

BT: when I get my hands on that guy I'm going to…

_Shouts from the mob of people outside can be heard chanting_

Mob: burn the beast, burn the beast, burn the beast

Yuno: you're not going to give me to them are you?

BT: hell no, I still got an interview to do!

_Reaches to the phone and begins to dial a number_

Yunno: who you're calling?

BT ignores Yunno

BT: Hello, yeah it's me, I need you to come down and deal with a mob of guys at the front door, yeah later.

_The window is busted down and one of them tries to climbs in, BT throws the phone at the guy knocking him out, then quickly he shoves a bookcase in the way and bracing himself against it_

Yuno: protect me!

BT: aren't you supposed to be a mage!

Yuno: I only know defensive ability

BT: well why don't you try helping me protect us from what I can only see as extreme pain coming our way!

Yuno: I kind of used up most of my magic

BT: DOING WHAT EXACTLY!!

Yuno: practicing with Nanoha on some particular magic

_The mob behind the barricade became even angrier having misheard it as "practicing with Nanoha on some particular thrills" as to how they mange to misheard it as that is beyond even the author_

Mob: the Ferret must burn and so must the one interviewing it!!

BT pushes against the barricade as best as possible

BT: well Gee, thanks for sharing THAT little information with me and the rabid mob outside!

The sound of people dying in agony and chainsaw sound is heard for a few moments before stopping

BT: finally

_Tears down the barricade and opens the door to find a blood splattered man wielding a chainsaw and wearing a sack of his head._

BT: thanks, I owe you one

Chainsaw guy: ….

BT: I'll send the money after the interview

Chainsaw guy: the beast…

_Revs the chainsaw and runs after Yuno_

BT: oh crap

_BT grabs a Steel chair and begins to beat the chainsaw guy to a pulp before throwing him out_

_Yuno half scared out of his wits hide underneath one of chairs_

Yuno: what was THAT! And why didn't you use the steel chair on the mob?

_Bt sits back on his seat_

BT: oh him, some guy I met while on a road trip in some backwater place in America, as for the chair it's reserved for one person, not a freaking MOB!

Yuno: errr may I ask what he's like?

BT: he's really a nice guy, even offered to cut the roast chicken for me, of course I declined, not because of his obsession with that chainsaw.

_Yuno looks very worried_

BT: anyway, moving on to the next question how is your love life with the white demon of the TSAB?

_The ferret looks round_

Yuno: we're just friends

BT: yeah right, we all know you're after her

Yuno: hey, I'm not like that!

* * *

_In some forsaken place which is also dark sat Fate smiling like the devil, at this point people may wonder what is it with people wanting to sit in a dark place and laughing like some maniac?_

Fate: so much as hint it and I'll be sure to pop down there with a bottle of Mayonnaise

_Next to her is a bottle of Mayonnaise ready to be used... what's with people wanting to eat a ferret with some sauce on it??_

* * *

_Back at the studio_

BT: then please explain why THIS was found underneath your bed filled with… ummmm questionable magazine

_Shows picture of Nanoha undoing her uniform in her room, Yuno eyes bulge out of his socket and blood shoots out from his nose rocketing him into the ceiling_

BT: that's one hell of a reaction to a photo you keep under your bed

_The ferret remain limp in the ceiling_

BT: I can't continue with my guest in the ceiling can I?

_Grabs a pole with a noose on it._

BT: Right, just have to wrap the noose round him then…

_Yanks the ferret out of the hole and drop him on the chair._

BT: So let's con…

_Yuno is unconscious with a look of heavenly joy on his face_

BT: why oh why do I have to do this

_Grabs the ferret and dunk him in some ice cold water in a bucket a few times to snap him out of his day dream_

Yuno: COLD!

BT: good, I got you attention

_Dumps the soaked ferret on the seat_

BT: why the over the top reaction to the photo you have?

Yuno: BUT IT'S NOT MINE!

BT: then you're saying this isn't yours either

_Pulls out a photo of Nanoha sleeping in her bed with her shirt half undone_

BT: or this

_This time she's taking a shower, the steam obscuring her naughty bits_

BT: and of course this

_The final photo of her taking a swim in a bikini._

BT: care to explain.

_Yuno is currently looking pale_

BT: ??

_BT looks behind him to find a demon in white._

Demon: you slime ball

_The demon in white is none other than Nanoha, looking royally angry as well_

Yuno: Na-nanoha I'm telling you they no…

_Before he could even finish the sentence a pink blast incinerated the chair_

Nanoha: I'm going to make you pay by making you suffer to the point where you begged the crowd roasted your perverted hide and put barbecue sauce on you

_Yuno is now praying for a miracle that would save him, BT looks at the angered mage and wonder should he even intervene_

BT: ummmm…. Nanoha you're not scheduled to be here unti…

_She gave a death glare to BT who promptly change the subject_

BT: I was just saying that I just finish interviewing him that he's all yours… later!

_BT runs out of the room and slams the door leaving the poor ferret to his fate of what could possibly the end of his life, meanwhile BT looks at the photo again._

BT: hmmmm, strange Fate told me they're Yuno's….

_Something hit him_

BT: when did Fate begin sneaking into other peoples room

_Mental picture of who the picture truly belong to made him think happy thoughts before turning to something slightly wrong which he will not even dare even to mention nor think._

Nanoha: Divine…

_BT quickly clears the building and watches the ensuring firework_

Nanoha: Buster!!

_A pink blast blew the roof of the building, within the centre of the projectile is the ferret._

BT: well that conclude today's first interview, let's hope the next one won't be so… violent

_Looks at the building as the white demon walks pass BT muttering about "Divine Buster a ferret every hour"_

BT: the insurance company is NEVER going to believe this

* * *

Authors note: please R &R and also if you want me to interview someone (besides Nanoha) feel free to say.


	2. Interview 2

Discalimer: I do not own any of the characters of Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha

**Interview Two: Anger Management  
**

BT: good day, I'm your host of this mad series of interview of the people from Magical Girl Nanoha, today I have a special guest, she's crossed blades with Fate and came out of it alive, survive the hell of cos play mad woman known as Yagmi Hayate and even beat a muscle bound lover to boot as well!

_Zeck Appears stripped down in black thongs and oiled as spot lights are focused on him_

BT: OFF THE SET!!

_the muscle lover continues to pose as his abs begin to bounce on their own_

BT: … that does it!

_telephones someone_

BT: yeah, a cookie for your trouble if you can get rid of this guy… I don't care how you get rid of him just do it quick before my audience are scarred for life

_a few of the audience are now lying on the ground with froth coming out of their mind as their fragile mind tries to cope with the image of Zeck posing for all of them to see, the door where the guest walks in opens letting the female swords woman, Signum, to walk in and sits in the seat in front of BT_

Signum: I'm in the right place, right?

_stares worried at Zeck showing his muscles to the horrified crowd who are dropping like flies_

BT: unfortunately yes, but don't worry the eye sore will be gone any moment now

_a wall caves in and a large pink blast ripped through one side of the wall hit Zeck and blow him through the other side of the wall and off into the distance blue sky_

Signum:… did Nanoha agree to this?

BT: sort of

_in flies in a nine year old Nanoha_

Nanoha: OK, I got rid of him, where are the cookies?

_BT props a seat next to him and place a jar of cookies on a table in front of the seat_

Young Nanoha: YAY!!

_sits down and begins devouring the cookies_

Signum:… why is there a younger version of Nanoha here?

_BT pats the little girl next to him and smiles_

BT: time travelling, not to mention this Nanoha here is by all means willing to do things for me as long as I reward her with cookies and stuff

Young Nanoha: plus if you so much as try anything on me my older self and I will double Starlight Breaker to befriend him!

_Signum looks very worried_

Young Nanoha: at full power of course

BT: she thinks blasting your foe with extreme amount of firepower will make them your friend

Young Nanoha: but Fate said it worked!

BT: errr… I won't comment on that

_turns back to the interview while Young Nanoha drinks the jug of milk in one go_

BT: first off, what do you think of your mistress?

Signum: she's very kind and gentle, the best master I have ever had in my long life as a guardian of the tome of the night sky

_has a dreamy look in her eyes which made the fans go "awwww"_

BT: this sounds a little too perfect… she MUST have a flaw

_Signum becomes depressed and begins emitting this darkness which made BT shuffle away a little as the swordswoman turn dull in colour… and it isn't special effects either!_

Signum: she would call us up all of a sudden, even if we were in a middle of a mission, and instruct us to wear the costumes she brought, I recall the time when I raided a pirate ship I was force to wear a maid outfit.

_the gloom round her spreads and causes a few of them to become depressed as well, BT has moved himself well away from her_

Signum: I slaughtered them all as they laugh at me, I only manage to restraint myself from killing the captain, when the TSAB reinforcement came in I slaughtered most of them for laughing as well, it was one of the MANY incidents that has marred my record for injuring fellow officers who can't keep their mouth shut.

BT: you mean this

_holds up the photo of a blood drenched Signum going berserk on some poor officer who is currently rolling on the ground in fits of laughter_

Young Nanoha: oooo, that's scary

_BT looks back to his guest to find her brandishing Levatian with an aura of pure rage burning round her as it incinerates the seat she was sitting moments ago_

Signum: put it away… before I loose it…

_BT puts the photo into the shredder and puts a match in that causes the bin to explode destroying the photo, Signum returns to normal and a chair is quickly brought out for her by a terrified helper_

BT: remind me never to do something like that again with any of Hayate's knight.

_whispers to his aid who had come to dispose of the burning trash_

BT: OK, can you tell us your relationship with the other aces, starting with Nanoha

Signum: she's a good fighter and by all means I enjoy our sparring,… but we occasionally get carried away

BT: no need to say anymore, my camera man is currently in the hospital taking photos of your latest battle

_displays picture of Signum wearing a layboy bunny suit outfit complete with fishnet stockings while battling Nanoha wearing a red and white Santa outfit while they hover over burning buildings_

Signum:…

_BT notice the sudden flames surrounding Signum igniting once more and Levantian out again with only an inch away from his nose_

BT:… ooops

_quickly rips it and throws the bits at Signum and watch them turn to cinders_

Signum: do it once more and I will ensure you will become another stain on Laevatein

BT: threat noted and written for my grave stone

_Signum sits down looking ready to do as she said and turn BT into another blood stain on her blade_

BT: OK… anyway I heard the insurance people was calling your regarding that little battle

Signum: they were taken cared of immediately after we finished

_BT conjures up an image of Signum and Nanoha going on a slaughter fest upon the poor insurance people_

BT: I won't ask any details regarding that matter

Signum: wise choice

BT: so any thoughts of the Aces of Ace beside she's a good sparring partner

Signum: …..

_looks left and right then to the young girl sitting next to BT and leans forward and whispers into his ear_

Signum:she can be a real devil if you ever get on her bad side

BT: The fans and I know about that all too well…

Young Nanoha: what are you whispering about?

BT: NOTHING!!

_watch the younger version of the White Devil next to him gives an evil smile and raises Raising Heart and points it at him_

BT: SERIOUSLY NOTHING!!

Young Nanoha: Signum did you said something bad about me??

_points her device at the quivering swordswoman_

Signum: NO!

_the little girl stares at the two then shrugs and puts her device away, BT and Signum breathes a sigh of relief_

BT: let's move onto Fate then

Signum: ah yes, my eternal rival,

BT: yeah… I heard at one point she looked up to you as a role model, was this true?

Signum: I can't really say much about that

B T: well here is a few photos of our beloved Enforcer during her tenders years while looking up to Signum

_shows a picture of Fate mimicking Signum as they sat down for tea_

Signum: that's normal

_the next shows Fate blushing bright red as she spies upon Signum in the lingerie store_

Signum:… where did you get that

BT: sorry, trade secret

_next photo shows Fate jotting down stuff as she watch Signum and Shamal making out on a table_

Signum:…

_is burning red and brings out her sword again and switches it to Schlangen form that wraps round BT_

BT: hey, I didn't take the picture

_sees her stare at him with eyes of pure fire, in short she's extremely angry_

Producer: may he rest in peace

_all fans are praying for what seems to be BT execution_

BT: OI HELP ME!

Young Nanoha: Signum

_all eyes turn to see the little girl stare at Signum with a brilliant smile… if it wasn't ruined by her holing Raising Heart in Excellion form with one hand pointed at Signum_

Young Nanoha: could you release him?

_Signum watch Raising Heart charging up and makes a decision by withdrawing Laevatein and sits down_

BT:…thanks… I think

_his saviour is still smiling points Raising Heart at him_

Young Nanoha: no problem

_BT stares at the growing pink orb with dread as the little girl continues to point it at him, Signum even gave a sympathetic look before sticking her middle finger up and laughing at his plight_

BT: errrr… can you point that at someone else?

_on cue flying through the hole is Zeck with his thong that falls off_

Zeck: witness my beautiful body as my muscle capt…

_he never got to finish his sentence, nor did anyone saw what was underneath his thong to everyone's relief, as he's Starlight Breaker out of the building again, hopefully for good_

Signum: at least we're still sane

BT: Agreed

_orders more cookies and milk for their saviour and returns to the interview  
_

BT: still on the topic of Fate, what are your thoughts regarding her fanboys?

Signum: I have seen her slaughter droves of fanboys once in a while at her school which worried me, beside that I don't see anything else wrong.

BT:… that's understandable

Signum: she did once try to copy my hair style, I sued her for the breach of copyright of my hair style

BT:… would it be a bad time to point out that someone in the crowd has your hair style?

_one guy has Signum hair style cringes when he saw Signum head slowly cranes to stare at him with eyes filled with evil intent_

Signum: now you mention it, I do see him

_guy curses BT who gave apologetic shrug to the poor guy as Signum goes off and turn the man into a pile of mass flesh_

Young Nanoha:… you really should get a cleaner for the mess your guest makes

BT: I did they resigned a day later after they saw the mess after the first interview

Signum sits down in her seat and looks very happy

BT:… had fun?

Signum: it was good to let off some of my anger out on someone

_everyone look at what is left of the man who was used to help Signum let off some tension_

BT:… ever consider seeing an anger management?

Signum: I did

BT: And?

Signum: they cancelled my contract within an hour after I slaughtered their consultant

BT:… remind me never to ask personnel questions regarding consulting or medical for that matter

Signum: wise choice if you want to live longer

BT: then how about your fellow knights?

Signum:…

BT: errr… skipping Shamal of course

Signum: fine really, Vita is really spoilt but that's really not her fault since she so cute when she pouts according to Hayate

BT: errr… is that it?

Signum: yes, there isn't any other knight beside Shamal and Vita

_everyone went quite_

BT: what about Zafira?

_the swordswoman thinks for a moment_

Signum: he's a Guardian beast not a knight

BT: it says here he's a Knight?

Signum: well if everyone is to recall back in Nanoha A's he said he's a Guardian Beast

BT: do that mean he lives in a dog house

Signum: of course not, too luxurious for someone like him

BT: what do he live in then?

Signum: a hole

BT: I think I'll refrain asking further about how you treat him

_a buzzer sounds_

BT: I guess I'll stop for today, thanks for coming Signum

SignumL my pleasure

_they shakes hands_

BT: now then, tune in next week to another exciting interview with another member of the cast of Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha

Young Nanoha: and I'll be here as well

BT:… why may I ask?

Young Nanoha: my older self told that you tend to have trash problems… I wonder what she meant

BT: I'm not too sure am I thrilled at the prospect of working alongside you dealing with the… trash or not

Signum: I agree, he can't die yet I got a bet that he'll be reduce to a pile of ashes by older Nanoha when she concludes her interveiw

BT stares at her

Signum:….ooops

_the gloom of his demises returns turning the room dark as BT settles into a corner curls up and rocks back and forward thinking what has he ever done to deserve the fate of been blasted to bits_

Signum: it was a joke

BT: I only did this show to get to talk with them but now I'm going to be killed by her, is someone up there having a good laugh at my soon to be fated end?

_he weeps in the corner as everyone consider what should they do, none want to tell him that there's bets regarding how much of him will be left after he interview the older Nanoha_

Young Nanoha: Fate said she would like to be on the show as well for next week

BT: fine, the more people to blow me up the merrier

_he tells them while still weep as he continues to think of the nasty things they might do to him, either he runs and have those things done to him or wait until the end_

* * *

Jail Scalleti is getting a foot massage as he watches the interview and sees BT drowning in his sorrow

Jail: my, my I wonder should I ask for a special interview for myself?

Uno: that would be ill advisable

Jail: why?

_message from Fate saying should he so much as leaves the prison she will personally turn him into a pile of ashes_

Jail: and that will stop my genius?

Uno: I prefer not to temp her, especially when I got this message from the White Devil

_message from Nanoha saying she will reduce Jail to cinders, if it wasn't because he was in a high security person that's defending HIM from her, she would have already reduce him into particles of dust_

Jail: I see, then why not invite BT to interview me here?

Uno: I will fax a request to him

_feeds the paper into Quatto as she sends the Fax off… don't even ask why Quatto is doing this!_

* * *

Authors note: all review welcomed good, the bad and the ugly, later. Black Tornado


	3. Interview 3

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the character from Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha

**Interview Three: Love's Fury**

BT: welcome to another interview, I'm your host BT.

_Loud applauds as everyone in the studio claps their hands_

BT: today I've been given a request by ToumaSan for us to interview someone, so the producer is happy to oblige to fulfil it today

_Everyone claps their hand at the announcements with a few holding up signs for their favourite character to come on the set already_

BT: but sadly this will be the only time, unless more people petition for it, that a guest can requested as I been told by quite a few they rather not been called out here without sufficient fan requests when we just finally agreed on a time to book them in.

_BT shows letter by Lindy Harlaown with threats to unleash an Arc-enceil on BT_

BT: anyway let's move on to our very special guest today

_Crowd goes wild at who might be showing up today_

BT: She's survived hell from a deranged mother, survived, the not so gentle, wake up call from Nanoha in the form of a Starlight Breaker and she survived the utterly crazy genius, who has a thing for little boys, known as Scalleti, it's with pleasure I welcome to the show, Fate T. Harlaown!

_Door opens and in walks Fate in her normal black enforcer uniform, but behind her is dragged in her barrier jacket a nine year old Fate whose face is bright as a tomato, Older Fate (for the duration of the chapter Older Fate would be known as OF while Younger Fate will be called YF) seats Younger Fate down before sitting down._

BT:…

_Crowd goes absolutely wild, with some fans now waving banners, some began to head butt each other in pure excitement to see OF, and as a added bonus YF as well, which drove the loli fans wild to the point they all burst into nose bleed_

BT: hold a moment

_One call later Erio and Caro, with __Friedrich in his big form, came and began to slaughter the raving Fan's while BT interview both Fate, above the noise of the poor fans been slaughtered_

BT: may I dare even ask why there is a Younger Fate here?

OF: well remember last interview with the little Nanoha you had with you?

_At the mentioning of the younger Nanoha OF gave a carefree look while blood began to drip down her nose_

BT: your nose

_One tissue later_

OF: I thought it would cut the amount of time you have to interview people if I brought my past self with me?

BT: by any chance do this have anything to do with me been turned into a pile of ashes quicker?

_OF is giving the most evil grin possible, BT dare not even ask whether this is the case or not_

YF: where is Nanoha?

_Looks round like a lost puppy… which caused some of the raving mad fans to go "awww" before been promptly been toasted by __Friedrich, BT looks at her with a happy look of finding such an adorable puppy, when he saw Erio soaked in blood giving him a nasty look did he composed himself_

BT: she's currently busy with her older self, said something about enhancing her younger self destructibility

_Vague images of a very poor unfortunate, and not to mention still not forgiven, ferret is been used as target practice_

BT: anyway let's move onto my first question of the day

_Flips through the cards while a fan crash onto the table in front of them while holding a pen and note out for an autograph, only to have a foot stomped onto his face by OF before signing the place she stomped and letting Caro carry the unfortunate, and happy, guy to the slaughter pit_

BT: what do you think of your current family? This goes to both of you

YF: well my family is wonderful and I'm very happy with them, Lindy is so kind to me, when I was been unfairly by some of the teachers so she threaten the school to demolish it with the Arthra Arc-en-ceil

_BT looks at the happy smile YF gives and then to see OF smiling fondly at her younger self, everyone else wonders is that even legal using the Arc-en-ceil on school for that reason, no one dared ask in case their homes might get shot by a 'stray' shot of the Arthra Arc-en-ceil_

BT: what about the others?

YF: oh yes Amy is really nice as well and is always helping me

BT: like?

YF: keeping Chrono-nii in check, I'm not sure why because he's the best brother I could ever ask

OF: all except one slight flaw which is why Amy is keeping him line in case he might do something

BT: may I ask what?

OF: ever heard of a younger sister complex?

* * *

_Meanwhile at the Harlaown family place on Mid-Childa_

Nanoha: I'M GOING TO SKIN YOU ALIVE!!

_Poor Chrono is the only one at home, Lindy having gone to earth, Amy has gone out with the kids and Arf is not in_

Chrono: you're misunderstanding, I never had such a thing for her!

_A pink blast tore his room, and left him unharmed somehow, incarnating all the furniture, in steps the White Devil looking round with two blood red eyes that are looking to maim and kill someone, namely the poor guy in the room who has incurred her wrath_

Nanoha: I'll mend your ways with my new training regiment plan I just made this morning

_In walks Young Nanoha (YN) looking chirpily as the Older Nanoha (ON) restrains Chrono_

Nanoha: he needs befriending

_YN smiles innocently and powers up Raising Heart in Excellion mode for a full powered Starlight Breaker_

Chrono: oh crap

* * *

_Back at the studio BT thought he heard the wailing of a tortured soul_

BT: … by chance is Nanoha watching this show?

OF: of course

_BT looks to the remaining audience who shrugs as this is a normal occurrence on the show where someone goes slaughtering on or off the set_

BT: well I guess no point lamenting over the poor unfortunate fool there, so let's move on

_Waves a hand to Caro and Erio who is currently kicking the last fan to sit down_

BT: I heard that some officers has given you a hard time because of your past crime, is this still the case?

OF: ummm… it was but that seem to have been resolved mysteriously of late

BT:… dare I ask what do you mean by that?

OF: well at one point there was this guy that was really nice but just made a joke about my past crime, I laughed with him about that but then the next day he didn't turn up, I wonder why

In some god forsaken dark room a man is chained up to a chair strip down to a pair of neon green thongs

Voice: so you thought it would be funny to make fun of my Fate?

Man: what do you mean, it was only a joke!

Voice: silence!

_The man shuts up_

Voice: looks like I have to tutor you about what you say

_From the darkness steps Arf looking really angry, a whip at her side with a spike on it_

Ark: now let's get started shall with

_The man is hauled up by a guy with blue tail to the chains on the ceiling and left him dangling while his legs are spread wide open_

Arf: now let's begin the lesson, make sure you remember because there's a test coming up soon after this

_The whip cracks and the man cries as Arf smiles evily while in her child form _

_BT thought he heard another tortured soul screaming with a very high pitch voice all of a sudden_

BT: I think I'm going need a psychiatrist after this

_Continues to hear the screams of the voice which seems to be getting high in pitch_

BT: scratch that I need an exorcists

_Makes a random call_

BT: yes, Alan, could you come round and try and exorcise my demons… why can't you?

_Gives a shifty look to OF whose combing her blushing younger self hair_

BT: that's quite understandable… I'll give you a call another time, later

_Fans wonder who BT called_

BT: moving on, who is your favourite amongst the youngsters here?

_Instantly Caro and Erio look hopeful to Fate who gave a thoughtful look_

OF: that's obvious

_Cuddles YF, much to the dismay of both Erio and Caro who looked so shocked they fell off their chairs and remain stone still_

BT: not counting your younger self in this matter… and what in hells are you doing with her?

_OF is currently braiding the younger blondes hair while giggling happily _

OF: grooming her for her future wife

_BT looks at OF then to the little girl under her administration and wonder how on earth did a timid little girl turned into a blood thirsty, walking heart attack, sex craving and Nanoha obsessed woman… he refrained from asking as the outcome that played in his mind revolved around him been scrapped off the wall by the staff over a two week period_

BT: OK, what do you think of this then Young Fate?

_The girl blushes badly then brandish Bardiche in Zamber form and smacks BT into the door where the guest comes through, after much painful screaming and cursing BT returns with his clothes torn apart as if some raging animal was waiting for him_

BT: and that was for what?

OF: can't you tell, she's shy

BT: if that's how she reacts when she's shy I hate to see her when she's angry

_Looks down at Erio and Caro and deicide not to disturb them, else he might find himself at the pointy end of a spear or been roasted by a dragon_

BT: right let's move to the next question, this question I'm sure every single person on the planet wants to know

_Drum rolls as the spot light is focused upon the two blondes… until YF blasted the lights and drummer with a Thunder Rage out of her 'shyness' BT muttered about asking for AMF to be fitted to the interview set for the next interview if this keeps up_

BT: can you tell us what the martial status between you and …

OF: I'm her wife, pure and simple

_BT hasn't even finished and she simply answered it_

BT:errr… can I see you marriage certificate?

OF: we don't need to

BT: errr… you can't be a married couple unless I see a certificate

OF: no need to, because I said so

BT: I don't want to even try to argue with that point

_One section of Fan's scream their joy for Fate been married to Nanoha, they are silenced exactly five seconds later by OF with the use of Zamber Bradiche, and a quick change into her Sonic form_

BT:…

_Looks dreamy at the form but quickly compose himself as the thought of been strung up by his neck then slapped by Fate with Bardiche didn't really appealed to him, espcailly how many times she might have to slap him with Bardiche in Zamber form_

YF: ummm… are you finished yet?

_OF is still slaughtering the poor fans for the hell of it, judging from the grin she's giving and cackling laugh it's obvious she's completely forgot where she is, nothing new as most guest tend to go on a rampage once or twice_

BT: nope, but I do have one question just for you, what do you think of your Nanoha?

_Watches nervously as YF gets ready to swing Bardiche in Arc sabre form at BT with the most cutest shy look imaginable, BT would have been standing there looking at her adorably but considering she's reach to chuck certain death at him he has to keep on his toes_

BT: can you put that down; I'm kind of want to come out of this alive in the end for the next interview

_Does as she told_

YF: she's my best friend, the first friend I ever had and is really precious to me

BT: anymore to say about her?

YF: she's really nice to me all the time, once I was been picked on I was too scared to even defend myself, she came along and blasted them at point blank rage with Divine Buster, told me if someone is picking on me I should either blasted them or get her to do it

BT: how many have you blasted since she gave you that advice?

_Begins counting her fingers before giving an answer_

YF: three times

BT: and how many did she blasted, for you case and others?

_The young blonde goes back to counting, ten minutes past, and yes older Fate is still slaughtering the fans who seem to keep piling in to have her autograph signed upon their body!_

YF: I think about four hundred and eighty five

_BT jaw went slack, he tries to recall anything that might say about a girl going postal in her school by blasting 485 times, but came short to only 50 times he heard of her blasting someone to bits so far, and that's with the journalist coming back half to death, another 145 going unrecorded as to who she's blasting at that time_

BT: errr… were they all school bullies?

YF: no some were monsters, like this sick tentacle monster that grabbed me, it was all slimy and smelly and was about to…

BT: STOP! I don't want to even know anymore about that PARTICULAR thing

_Looks ready to sob_

YF: why did you shout at me?

_BT tries to calm her down knowing he has a thousand strong people wanting to tear him apart_

* * *

_Meanwhile at the Harlaown house on in Mid-Childa__, older Nanoha watch as her younger self watch the show and gets angry_

YN: he made Fate cry!!

_Gives a blood curling scream before going back and blasting Chrono a few more times, older Nanoha gives approving look_

ON: that's it make sure you only stop blasting them when they just about reach to the point where they can't feel pain

* * *

_BT felt like someone is talking about him behind his back in a very bad way… namely something to do with him been blasted to bits by a angry little girl in white with a blood crazed Raising Heart to boot._

BT: well you see, I dislike people describing tentacle things attacking, especially when it comes down to young girls or woman's, tend to get a little… messy and unpleasant in my imagination

_The cameraman, asks a question to BT_

Cameraman: how about little boys?

_BT gave the most disgusted look then threw up in the bin at the mere thought of what the cameraman said_

BT: so much as mention that again I'm feeding you to that meat grinder

_Points a thumb to Fate standing on a mound of dead Fans who look very happy, currently she's laughing hysterically at the carnage she caused_

BT: well I think we should call it a day, thanks for coming to the show

_YF gave a smile to BT who took a picture of the occasion knowing he'll probably won't get another chance, in this life time anyway if what he heard about Nanoha turning him into ashes_

YF: thank you for letting me on the show

BT: no problem, if you like you could turn up for next week interview if you like as guest bodygua…helpers

YF: I'll think about it

_Older Fate finally return, her sonic form barrier jacket is rather loose as she fan herself from the vigorous exercise _

OF: ah that really hit the spot, now when I get home I and Nanoha are going to hit the shower and spend the next…

BT: RIGHT! Thank you Fate for telling us how much you enjoy been on the show

_Drool rolls down Fate lip as she thought of happy thoughts of what she's going to do tonight with a certain brunette_

BT: Next week I'll be interviewing a new character that was just recently introduced to Nanoha Strikers, Vivio Takamachi, so tune in fo…

OF: it's Vivio T. Harlaown

BT:… errr what she said, I'm your host BT, bye for now.

_The set darkens but a flash of yellow by a scared young Fate blasted the room tto bits_

BT: The insurance company is going to go mental when they hear this…

* * *

Authors note: request for different character is welcomed, or question for the character is also welcomed. BT


	4. Interview 4

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha, BT is currently mine until he's turned to ashes by a certain White Devil.

**Interview 4 – White Devil in Training**

BT: Welcome to the show, I'm your host BT

_The crowds clap, some are in bandages and wheel chair, and one is on a stretcher_

BT: as you can tell from our audience, some has manage to return from the first interview, so I'm pretty happy about that, now on with the show

_Light turns off leaving a spot light on BT_

BT: today my special guest has become the adopted Daughter of our beloved White Devil, has been on the receiving end of a quadruple Starlight Breaker for bad behaviour and is also undergoing a raising program which is similar to the Spartans of ancient times

_Some of the audience groan at the mere thought of what the guest must have gone through, a Spartan raising AND been Starlight Breaker, not once but four times at once, made most of them shiver to think how could the guest be still alive_

BT: please give a loud of applause to my guest today, Vivio Taka…

_A knife drops from above and lands between BT's legs, he looks down sweating bullets to see a note, he reads the note with shaking hand then looks round before throwing the note in the bin and pocketing the knife, he clears his throat and wipes the sweat from his head before continuing._

BT: Please give a BIG round of applause to our today's guest…

_A large white card appeared in front of the audience to see, it read simply, "clap as loud as possible as if your life depend upon, which it dose, F.T.H" everyone in the audience didn't need to be told twice who would be hanging their corpses out to dry if they don't comply with the command_

BT: Vivio T. Harlaown

_A spot light appears at the door and opens allowing a eighteen year old Vivio, decked out in Nanoha's barrier jacket with the mini skirt, to walk to the seat next to BT, the spot light followed her until she seated before the lights turn on._

Vivio: thanks for inviting me to the show

_Sequel of fans as they all began taking pictures and gawking over Vivio, she simply smiles and waves at them which drove them over their limit, some clamber over the barrier and began running to the stage to get close to the beauty_

BT: not so fast!

_BT whips out a whip and a chair_

BT: Back! Back I said!

_The fans roars at him like lions as he manage to drive them back before they lunge at him, one grab the chair with his mouth then breaks it, BT having enough whips up and yanks, nothing happened for a moment until a car lands on top of them, the fans promptly seated themselves as BT do the same_

Vivio: errr… where did the car come from?

BT: a prop for the next show, they're all suspended over our heads

_Points up, Vivio looks up to see all kinds of things hanging above her, ranging from pot plants to a artillery, as to how in hells name did they manage to bring it in and keep it up is beyond her, frankly she wonders is it even safe to be sitting there with those stuff hanging over her head_

BT: don't worry I've been told that we're perfectly safe

_As if someone upstairs wants to prove him wrong, a locker above BT tilts a little and from inside it comes out all kinds of swords and knifes, they all hit the floor and amazingly didn't hit BT as they landed close enough that if he moved even a finger he would have been chopped up into bits, the crowd watch with awe, until a speed boat lands on half of the crowd and squashes them_

BT: see

Vivio: …you seem awfully calm about what just happened

BT: well I don't exactly have much time to live until I interview your mum, plus I seen to have become indestructible, like a plane landed on my car just after I left it, or Vita bringing down a building after a dispute with Signum no more than ten seconds after I walked past it

Vivio: I see your point…

_Vivio and the crowd wonders is someone above making sure BT is blasted by the White Devil so it protecting him until that interview, no one wanted to even think about it_

BT: by the way, why are you in your older form?

Vivio: oh this?

_She points to her body which made fan, and the camera crew, drool, BT holds back a nose bleed_

BT: yes

Vivio: well I thought it might be easier to answer some of your questions in this form, manage to get Shari to help me inserting a Relic into me again just for the duration of this interview, after all would you want to ask a five year old questions which she might be able to answer properly?

BT: point take… wasn't it painful to put the Relic back into you again?

_Vivio shivers_

Vivio: please don't mention it to me, I'm still trying to get over the pain of it been pushed into me

* * *

_Meanwhile in Mid-Chila somewhere in the streets Shari is running for her life_

Shari: Vivio asked me to! It isn't my fault!

_Behind the technician blazing a trail of destruction is Nanoha_

Nanoha: I'm going to blast you until I finally forget about what you did

_Which in this case won't be until BT interview… which is a long way till the interview_

* * *

_BT thought he heard mass screams but ignores it, he's gotten use to hearing wailing souls since the interview series started…_

BT: err… don't mind me but it sounds like when someone pops your cherry

Vivio: pop your cherry?

BT: pretend I didn't said that

_Flips through the cards in his hand praying no one watching related to Vivio in any way is currently sharpening their axe to put it to BT_

BT: OK the first question, what do you think of the people of section six, starting with the forwards

Vivio: well for starters Caro and Erio took care of me whenever Nanoha-mama wasn't around, they would watch me with Zaffy, and we had so much fun

BT: mmmm… I can imagine

Vivio: but Caro kept wielding this baseball bat with nails in it whenever me and Erio were having fun, also she would give this flame effect round her and giving this evil feeling while smiling… similar to Fate-mama whenever someone tries to get Nanoha-mama attention for more than five minutes…I wonder is there something wrong with her?

_Everyone in the room, except Vivio, knows that Fate has an extreme jealous problem, it seems that Caro has inherit that side of her guardian personality _

BT: errr… I don't know, but I'm sure she has her reasons

Vivio: maybe you're right

BT: speaking of Zafira, what do you think about him?

_The woman smiles brightly at the mentioning of her care taker_

Vivio: Zaffy is always watching me, he's really nice, despite looking like a monster, we even at one point dressed up Zaffy in a frilly blue dress and gave him make up, he was so pretty as well that we took a photo of him… here

_A screen pops up showing Zafira in his Wolf form, his eye lashes has been given some highlight of black so they stood out, red spots on his cheek of some blushers and red lip stick applied to his mouth, even a pair of ear rings have been placed at the bottom of his ears while he wore a frilly red dress with the skirt managing to cover his legs and make it seem like Zafira is standing in the dress_

Vivio: isn't he adorable

_BT is rolling on the ground as well as everyone else at having to see the fierce Guardian beast been turn into a woman, BT recovered quickly_

BT: stops laughing… I take it you're fond of Zafira?

Vivio: yes I 'am, he's my guardian Wolf

BT: we can all guess… anyway how about the older Forwards?

Vivio: they're nice to me as well, Subaru especially she kept hugging me while giving this carefree smile, even drooling at one point

BT:…do you know why?

Vivio: said something about me smelling like Nanoha-mama and that she thought about eating me on three separate occasions… I'm not editable I told her

_BT didn't even want to comment on that, neither did the crowd_

Vivio: Tia is also nice, but she sometimes give me this evil look whenever Subaru is hugging me, until Nanoha-mam blasts her with a Divine Buster for not paying attention

_Again BT didn't even want to comment on this matter, especially if it concern with the White Devil_

BT:errr… let's move on, what do you think of Yunno, what do you think of him and what relationship do you share with him?

Vivio: uncle Yunno is always telling me stories whenever I visit him, I really love him to bits as much as my mamas that I once called him dad and said he should marry Nanoha-mama, I was only joking…

* * *

_Inside the Infinite Library a thunderstorm seems to have entered in the form of Fate T. Harlaown as she chases Yunno in his human form_

Yunno: what did I do?

Fate: You're not becoming Vivios Dad!!

_Before the librarian could ask Fate fires a Trident Smasher at him, he avoids it by turning into a ferret _

Yunno: Vivio didn't mean it! Didn't you heard her say that!

Fate: So you admit wanting to be Vivio's dad, which also means having Nanoha become your wife!

_Yunno is trapped as his back is pushed against the bookcase while a angry Fate stands in front of him wielding Bardiche in Zamber form_

Yunno: you got it all wrong!

_The tip of Bardiche press against the squirming ferret's neck_

Fate: you don't need to explain yourself, once I'm finished with you then I can claim to be Nanoha's wife!

_Fate laughs manically while powering up a Plasma Zamber Breaker_

Yunno: HELP!!

* * *

_BT is sure he heard a thunder clap somewhere and knows all too well that the Grim Reaper is going to find his next visit to the poor soul he has to carry to the next world to be…crispy… extra crispy_

BT: err… do I smell something cooking or is it just me?

_Sees the fans barbecuing burgers shaped as Ferrets as they all mutter curses to Yunno for having a way to get to Nanoha through Vivio… BT returns to the interview_

BT: right I got a special question from Major Mike Powell III, he asked th…

Vivio: what was the question?

_BT looks left then right then to the camera and motion with his hand over his neck, instantly everyone writes their wills out and hands it to the manager who quickly runs off to get them all verified should they all die within the next ten minutes_

BT: right, he said, "Vivio-chan, did you hear some weird noises comin' from your mamas' room last night?"

_Vivio thinks for a moment while looking up at the ceiling_

Vivio: well when I woke up once I heard them speaking really quietly, so I pretend to sleep and heard Fate-mama saying something about me before she stopped talking which was followed by this really wet sound, then Nanoha-mama saying that Fate-mama is delicious

_Someone in the studio is currently praying softly to someone as the audience follow in pray as well for what is about to happen within the next five minutes_

Vivio: I think I rolled over during my sleep and felt something sticky, when I woke up in the morning there was this strange smell and the bed was rather sticky where my mama's where sleeping, when I asked they said that they spilled some glue on the bed while they were sticking some paper together for something.

BT: errr… dare I ask is there more?

Vivio: yes, when I woke up at night I saw both mama's with no clothes hugging each other, I got angry and grab hold onto Fate-mama, she smelled a little sweaty while Nano…

_A yellow blast wiped out the entire wall where the audience was and in flies crackling with uncontrollable rage is Fate, she promptly blasted everyone, including BT until Vivio stops the blast on the grounds that BT hasn't done anything wrong, when the fan asked why she didn't save them she pointed out they were giving her funny looks, this got them blasted again by Fate for good measures_

Fate: hand over the questioners address!

BT: sorry can't do

_BT stares down the length of Bardiche in Zamber form_

BT: really I can't tell you, because I don't know myself!

_Fate didn't believe poor BT and is ready to beat him up until Vivio saved the interviewers hide_

Vivio: Fate-mama, why are you here? And why can I smell as if you've been to a barbecue?

Fate: I'm here to exterminate everyone that heard what you said!

Vivio: is there something wrong with what I just said??

_BT is now balancing on the back of his chairs legs as the blade hovers all too close to his liking to his neck, when a drop of sweat drip onto the blade he watch it turn into smoke, saying how angry Fate is at this point in time_

Fate: of course not honey

_Removes the blade, much to BT's relief, as Vivio looks ready to cry_

Fate: Vivio dear what mamas do in the bed shouldn't be shared

Vivio: so Vivio been a bad girl?

_Fate hugs Vivio and hushes her, the surviving audience say "awww" until they get splattered by the props above them which has their hardness finally giving way, the props that came down range from a anvil to a coffin with a plaque engraved "BT's crib" and underneath the plaque, "Used by date" _

_Fate's see the coffin and then to BT who shrugs with a smile_

BT: gotta be prepared for it when it comes round, be it by her or someone else

_After Vivio cheers up Fate makes a good suggestion, which is bad for the majority of people_

Fate: why don't you run along and do what Nanoha do whenever she's angry or upset

Vivo: OK!

_Runs off through the door she used to come onto the set, BT counts to ten before hearing the screams of the unfortunate people behind the set_

Random Guy One: ARRRRHHH, my hair is on FIRE!!

Random Guy Two: THE PAIN!! THE AGONISING PAIN!! MAKE IT STOP!!

RandomGuy Three: OH MY GOD!! THE AGONY IS BEYOND BELIEF!! PLEASE PUT OUT OF MY MISERY!!

RandomGuy Four: THE DEVIL IS HERE THE DEVIL IS…ARRRHHHHH!!

RandomGuy Five: today we're going to visit the place where BT interview th… RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!! WHITE DEVIL IN TRAINING ON THE LOOSE!!

_BT looks worried as he listens to the screams of the unfortunate people who got into the way of Vivio rampage_

BT: errrr… did Nanoha taught her that?

Fate: that's my little Vivio, learning from her mothers… especially Nanoha

_Drools with a happy face, BT faces the camera man, who somehow was untouched during the entire incident_

BT: I think I'll call it a day, tune in for next interview where we interview Erio and Caro together, just for the sake of speeding this along as my insurance dealer is currently broke… again… see you later… hey Fate, Vivio can you two keep it down the viewers can hear your demented laughing from here… guess they didn't heard me…


	5. Interview 5

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha

**Interview 5 Weddings and Coffins**

BT: welcome again, I'm your host BT

_BT stands on top of a rock platform as the winds blows a tumble weed by that's one fire for some strange reason… soon five baby dragons run by in the back ground as they chase the tumble weed… let's not ask whose kids they belong to…_

BT: today we've come out all the way to interview not one, but two guest, they should be arriving soon

_Coming into view is Friedrich__… with a bouquet of roses on his horn while the two on his back are dressed as if they're going to get married…_

BT:…errr… did my producer told them this is an interview, not a wedding show?

_Freeido lands and from somewhere the wedding music went off, Caro walk towards BT with her white veil down, while Erio in a tuxedo walks towards BT looking a little pale, BT saw Caro holding onto Erio's hand a little too hard… the way his fingers bended made him wonder do Caro have the strength of an ogre _

BT:… dare I ask why you two look like you're about to get married?

Erio: I told her this is an interview not a wedd…

_A hard elbow by Caro stopped Erio from saying anymore, the boy cries silently as he lets his… bride speak for them_

Caro: since we're going to appear on TV, we might as well get married to make it official that to everyone watching

_Caro looks to Erio smiling while dark flames surround her_

Caro: right?

_Erio looks left to BT who looks the other way pretending he didn't see the desperate look Erio gave him, the boy then looks right to Friedrich __whose currently sweating bullets as he remain out of the argument between the two youngsters, this left Erio with no way of refusing without having something terrible happen to him _

BT: errr… we don't have a priest here

_Church bells ring and the sound of heavenly trumpets as Erio look to BT as if he's his saviour_

Caro: oh is that so?

_Gives an evil look to the crowd, none of them dare say a word in case they might be incinerated, not by Friedrich but by Caro's burning rage!_

BT: errr… can I get on with my show then?

Caro: if you can find us a priest… if you don't…

_Clicks her fingers and out pops Voltarie in a tuxedo, the giant dragon looks down upon everyone with flames coming out of his nostrils the large dragon bends down and stare BT_

Caro: now, get a priest before I have Voltarie incinerate you

BT: will it be a bad time to mention that Nanoha has told me if someone was to use death threat against me I'm suppose to play this video

_BT clicks his fingers and a screen appears with Nanoha smiling happily, behind her is some building which has been reduced to rubble… everyone remained silent as the white devil spoke_

Nanoha: anyone who lays a finger upon BT before he interviews me will be promptly turned into a pile of ashes OR turned into mine meat

_Caro looks scared, so scared that she's hiding behind Erio, who looks like he's about to wet his pants from seeing his former instructor, even Voltarie has decided now would be a good time to leave before the White Devil comes round and reduce him to a molten slag_

Nanoha: if it's any of the forwards, then they know how bad I' am when I'm annoyed, which is only a quarter of how much pain I'll inflict upon you

_The video ends, everyone took one step back away from BT who's currently smiling knowing he's invincible to all harm… until he interviews Nanoha_

BT: care to try that death threat again?

_Caro shook her head with Erio wishing the ground underneath him swallow him up as he recalls the brutal training he got during a one to one training session with his former instructor…_

BT: can I now get this show on the roll then?

_No one protested and so the show began, seats are brought out for everyone, except Caro promptly sat upon Erio lap, when he protested she brought out the dreaded blood encrusted nail filled base ball bat while smiling innocently… very innocently_

BT: first question, this is for both of you, do you still remember your past with fond memories or do you want to forget about it?

Caro: well I rather not remember about my past life with my clan, they banished me and I just wandered aimlessly until the TSAB took me in, but they treated me nothing more than a nuisance

_A few of the audience is in tears_

BT: have you return back to your clan to check them up?

Caro: no, I rather I never have to see the clan again

_The Asura is currently orbiting a planet, Lindy sat in the captain table while sipping hot water with sugar_

Officer: preparation is complete

Lindy: good

Officer:…err is this really necessary?

Lindy: it's for my adorable Caro, too bad I couldn't persuade Chrono to lend me a fleet of ships

Officer:… errr maybe he thought it's a bit much to use the Arc-en-ceil on a clan that Caro didn't like, let alone an entire fleet

_The background changes black and Lindy looks back with horns growing out of her temple while a pointy end tail comes out of her back side and a pitch fork comes out of the ground… with a note from the Devil saying that he'll loan it to her for a week while he's away on holiday…_

Lindy: nothing is too far when it comes down to my precious children

_The officer etches away very slowly while sweating bullets as Lindy turns the key and the Asura fires the Arc-en-ceil_

_BT thought he heard an explosion followed by the cries of people begging for the god forgiveness then a cackling laugh that made him shiver_

BT: errr… Erio what about you?

Erio: well to be honest I was a hand full when I was young, I tended to zap the people who was helping me for no apparent reason, not until Fate showed up did she manage to get close to me, even after I electrocuted her, she was the first one who reach out to me

BT: that was very thoughtful of her

Erio: yes, when she adopted me the first thing she did was disciple me about that time I zapped her

BT:… How did she manage that?

Erio: first she chained me up to a table while brandishing a whip, if I answer wrong she'll drip some candle wax onto me, or use the whip on me, afterwards she tie me up with my hands and feet behind my back while suspended over a row of candles, it seemed to work too

BT:… dare I ask did she learned this from someone?

Erio: yes, she told me Nanoha-san taught her those after they became friends

_Everyone just look at one another and didn't say anymore, it seems Fate was trained at the very beginning of her relationship with the white devil in manners the hard way… scary_

BT: well moving on, how many people thought you two were a couple at the end of the striker series?

Caro: everyone

Erio: all except Shari who insisted that we're just siblings

Caro: oh…did she?

_BT watches as she writes something in her notebook… which has blood splattered on the front cover_

BT: well let's move on then, what do you think of your fellow forward?

Caro: they're really nice, even when I had Friedrich toast Subaru-san for trying to take my husband away from me

_Everyone remain silent and wonder will Subaru appear onto the show after hearing that she got toasted for trying to steal Erio… which is untrue of course…_

BT: errr… What about Tia?

Erio: she's really nice too, but the last time I heard from her was about chasing a guy with obsession about a camera

* * *

_Somewhere inside section six Tia has cornered the man_

Tia: hand over the camera and all those pictures you saved to Storm Raider

Man: over my dead body!

_Tia was waiting for this and fires a barrage which all miss the man… this of course is on purpose_

Tia: I was hoping you would say that… now I hope you got a will written out Vice-san, because this is for all those times you took a picture of me while I was in the shower

Vice: I'm telling you that I wasn't taking pictures of you I was hoping to get a shot of Nanoha-san and Fate-san

_The sound of thunder and a blood curling howl made Vice wish he kept his mouth shut as Nanoha and Fate appear from above_

Nanoha: so you were the one whose been sneaking to the woman's bath

Fate: what should we do with you??

* * *

_BT thought he heard the sound of a nuke going off and the wailing of a tortured soul been carted to the hospital… again!_

BT: anyway how are we doing for time?

Assistant: we still got five more minutes

BT: but I haven't got anymore good questions to ask

Assistant: what about the others?

BT: would you dare ask them these question and feel safe?

_The assistant looks at the paper cards in BT hand and took them away and burns them_

Assistant: point taken

BT: so what will we do then?

Caro: marry us!

BT: but we do…

Assistant: I can do the rights, I got a trainee priest license

BT: errr… by all means, first off anyone here object to them getting married?

_Caro looks back with a smile while holding onto her bloodied nail bat… no one spoke a word unless they want to become another stain on the bat she's wielding_

Assistant: right, I'll make it quick then, will you take Caro Ru Lushe as your wife?

Erio: hey isn't th…

Caro: he said yes

_The assistant was going to object but after she points the bat at him he continues straight to the end_

Assistant: I now pronounce you husband and wife… you may kiss the groom

_To everyone astonishment Caro grabs Erio and swung bend him back before giving him a kiss, the way he kept struggling wasn't reassuring, nor the gleeful look Caro gave when she stopped kissing him_

Caro: since I haven't got any rings this will do nicely

_Slaps on a spiked collar that has a black leash which Caro is now holding onto, everyone cheers and throws paper stuff in the air, some are crying, not at joy but relief that they get to live_

BT: ah yes what a happy couple… I wonder will he be able to survive a month with Caro as his wife

_Caro waves to everyone whose cheering while dragging Erio with her new leash, Erio is clawing at the ground as he begs someone, anyone to save him from certain death, BT made a call to someone then returns to the camera_

BT: well, that wraps up another exciting interview, join me next time as I interview Arf inside the Infinity Library, if you me to carry your letters to Arf please send it with a large haunch of meat, special request from Arf for doing a interview with her, so until then, later!

_Watches Friedrich __flying away with Erio dangling from the leash in mid air_

BT: should someone tell Caro that she's about to kill her husband before she gets him to their bed?

_Shrugs then smiles_

BT: and the good news is that none of our staff or audience got hurt this time

_Voltaire pops up and sqauses everyone except BT… turns out the dragon was hiding since he heard the message from Nanoha and just came out to rectify BT's words_


	6. Interview 6

Discalimer: I do not own any of the characters from Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha

**Interview 6 Pleading Innocent**

BT: welcome to the show, I'm your host BT, today I'm interviewing someone inside the infinity library

_The camera man is currently filming BT upside down… or is it the camera man whose upside down??_

BT: due to the rules none of our usual audience is allowed here, so instead we've set up a live feed so they you can still see them

_BT clicks his fingers and a huge holographic screen appears showing the fans sitting comfortably in what appears to be a eight seat high stand, they all cheer loudly_

BT: well let's get this show on the road then

_The audience are holding up banners like "More Arf-chan", or "Arf is the best!" and so on as well as one banner with the picture of Arf giving a peace sign while smiling_

BT: she's been slowly been phased out of the show until she's only making cameo appearance just like the ferret, has now got a huge loli fanbase as a result of using her child form and is by all means still protective of her master as evident in the news that said that an unknown familiar simply slaughtered a group of people who were using the word Fate for something entirely different, so please give a warm round of applause to Arf!

_Floating into view is Arf who stands and smiles to the camera in her child form, currently the camera has Arf looking like she's the right way up while BT has now spun to the point where he's now sideways_

Arf: thanks for welcoming me to the show

BT: no problem, could you do me a favour before we start?

Arf: sure, what is it?

BT: how am I suppose to stop spinning because I'm getting a little dizzy

_BT is now pointing diagonally down_

Arf: simply, just will yourself to stop

BT: I've been willing myself to stop spinning for sometime now

Arf: errr just will harder.

_BT looks at Arf with the look that said "thanks a bunch…not"_

BT: dizzy or not can I begin questioning you?

Arf: by all means

BT: OK for starters, what are your thoughts about been phased out of the show?

_Arf looks glum as an overwhelming gloominess emitted from her as a black fog_

BT: OK FORGET I SAID THAT QUESTION!!

_The black fog disappears_

Arf: why do you want to skip the question?

BT: ever seen the interview with Signum when I mention about Hayate?

Arf: ah… I see…

BT: I rather not go through that unpleasant bit of trying to cheer you up, so let's move on

_Reads the card_

BT: OK, what do you think of Caro and Erio?

Arf: oooo them

_She licks her lips which makes BT think of bad thoughts_

Arf: they're nice kids and they're always hanging off Fate and…

_Arf went back into depression, BT moves onto the next question before he's choked in the fog_

BT: ack…OK what is your relationship with Yunno!

_Snaps back out of her black depression_

Arf: he's a nice guy, he's always allowing me to help him and is always there when I'm feeling really down

BT: wow, that's a first of hearing of Yunno been praised so greatly… hold a sec wouldn't Fate go crazy if she hear you say that in fear that you've been corrupted by Yunno?

Arf: Fate, please don't hurt Yunno, he's always here since you've stop coming by to say hello

_Begins to cry_

Arf: oh Fate, please come and visit me, please!

_BT pats Arf on the back while giving her a handkerchief as she blows her nose, out of sight comes Yunno who scratches Arf behind her left ear which makes her smile_

BT: well since you're here want to add anymore comment?

_Yunno is still bandaged from his last encounter with Fate_

Yunno: nope, except to make a point that Arf here has been using me to replenish her magic since Fate's been a bit busy

* * *

_Somewhere on Mid-Chila Fate is wailing and banging her fist against a already pummelled Chrono_

Fate: I'm sorry Arf… Yunno I'll forgive you for all the wrongs I did to you

_Continues to pond upon poor Chrono_

Chorono: cou…ld you…stop…po…unding…me

_Fate is too deep in her wailing of having not make the producer give Arf more screen time so continues to pound poor Chrono as a way to relief herself_

* * *

_BT thought he heard the sound of someone begging before the sound of a high pitch cry which is followed by several more screams until he thought he heard glass shattering then the sound of a beast roaring…_

BT: well I'm sure Yunno is now safe… for the time being

Yunno: why do you say that?

BT: do you really want to know?

Yunno: on second thought no, since last I heard you predicted that Subaru will probably butcher the entire cast when she comes onto your show when they talk about Nanoha been Fate only

BT: did I said that?

Yunno: during your depression, yes

BT:… that's something to see, anyway I heard you've set up an insurance company called Ace Calamity Establishment, or ACE for short, that deals exclusively with any damage related to the three aces

Arf: yes, but Yunno lent me a hand, so I can't really claim the glory of creating it without his help

BT: hmmm… still how did you manage to make any money with a company which should have gone bankrupt twenty times over

Arf: easy it's coming right out of the government payment,

BT:… errr is that suppose to reassure people?

Arf: of course, whenever Fate or Nanoha, the usual suspect, goes on a rampage the government will give us the money on the pretext that we're the middle people, in reality I told them that if I'm in charge I could probably stop at least half of the destructions by talking them out of their rampage

BT: how many times have you manage to talk them out of stopping?

Arf: remember the time you heard reports of Nanoha going berserker after Shari?

BT: yeah I heard that half the city was wiped out

Arf: I manage to stop her by telling her that I'll deal with Shari if she stop destroying everything in her path

BT:… if Shari still alive?

Arf: yes…barely I last recall

_No one spoke a word as they all made silent vows never to anger Arf as they all imagine been locked inside a dark room with her doing awful things to them, for the men it was too much so some of the fans simply fainted_

BT: I think I'm going to pass out

Arf: why?

BT: you don't want to know… moving on, Arf I've got questions from Major Mike Powell III

Arf:… isn't he the guy Fate wants dead

BT: errr… yeah, and no I still don't know where he lives, and if I did know I can't tell anyone because it'll breach one of the rules regarding protection of individual health, in this case I can fully understand

_Everyone nods in agreement that if the questioner is going to ask something which is going to get him killed it's best to remain Anonymous_ _as to where your life might be in danger…_

BT: anyway here is the first question, "Arf-chan...what are your REAL feelings towards Fate?"

_Arf began to tear up_

BT: err… should I go along the lines of if Nanoha wasn't entrusted with Fate happiness it would be you who would be going on a rampage at everyone who so much as look Fate the wrong way?

_She nods while Yunno rubs her head while crying as his own predicament of been excluded from Nanoha's life… BT moved on regardless_

BT: OK the second question is… "What's your favorite form?"

Arf: well it's hard to say, this form is compact and useful as I don't need to fight

BT: what about the others?

_Arf thinks then switches to her huge wolf form_

Arf: this form is great at helping in battle and at times pretending to be a dog

BT:… as much as I hate to say it you're too fierece, and not to mention, superb to be a dog, I would say more of a wolf

_Arf blushes but no one can see it through her fur… except Yunno who smiles knowingly_

Arf:… errr thanks…

Yunno: by any chance you're a wolf fan?

BT: what makes you say that?

Yunno: well you made an interesting comment so I thought it might be that you like wolves

_BT smiles sheepishly_

BT: I'm suppose to be questioning people but for one I'll answer that question, yes I'm a big wolf fan and that's as far as I can say as this show is dedicated to me asking the question

_Arf shifted to her puppy/cub form_

Arf: this form is plain adorable, even I have to admit that as Fate walk me around in this form as people pat me and even fed me at one time

_Now she finally shifts to her human adult form, which sends the audenice into a blood craze roar of approval of seeing her in that form once more_

Arf: well the fan said it all, this form is plain sexy

_Gives a sexy pose before blowing a kiss at the fans… some have a massive nose bleed and simply dies while one is ripping his head while taking pictures like hell_

Arf: not to mention it's great for combat use too

BT: I can see what you mean, anyway divulging for a moment, what is your relationship with Zafira?

Arf:… errr do I have to answer that question?

BT:… nah if you don't want to, I just want to prolong the last question for a bit

Arf: what is the last question?

_BT makes a sign then tells her the question_

BT: as said before this is from Major Mike Powell III...what's your bra size?

_Everyone waited for Arf to go into a blood crazy berserk rampage_

Arf: why do he wants to know?

BT: it's a question, I can't do anything about it

_Arf thinks for a moment_

Arf: I never measured them before…

BT: dare I ever ask this question then

Arf: what's that?

BT: you don't wear bras… do you?

Arf: nope

_The screen with the audience is covered in blood as the fan simply die from nose bleeds from what they heard, BT had grab a tissue in case he has a nose bleed, Yunno sighs seemingly unaffected by the revelation… then again he must have know for sometime…errr not a good thought as to HOW he knows…_

BT: you really don't know… do you?

Arf: seriously no

BT: Yunno, you must know

Yunno: why me?

BT: because I recall you're a genius and who manage to guess Fate and Nanoha's breast size at a glance at one time

Yunno: that's absurd I don't know that Nanoha is an A cup and Fate is a C cup…

_Dead silence greeted everyone at what Yunno just said_

BT:…

Arf:…

Yunno:…

_They all begin to wonder that maybe Nanoha isn't watching_

* * *

_On a dead planet the white Devil is currently blowing up craters about the size of cites_

Nanoha: that ferret is going to die tonight!

_Blows up another crater_

Nanoha: he's going to be my supper tonight once I'm done with him!!

_Blasts a comet that was coming towards the planet…_

* * *

_BT thought he heard blood curling scream of revenge and the blasting of something before it went bang_

BT:… Yunno, if you have a will I suggest you write them out

Arf:… even I can't save you now

_Yunno has drainged completely of colour and is currently drifting away like a dead body…_

BT: I can't say I can blame Nanoha for been angry about this

Arf: me neither…

BT: ever had someone try to measure your breast?

Arf: it's a little hard when I'm always in my kid form

BT: point taken… anyway I've run out of question, so why don't you tell us interesting then

Arf: I've been practising to play the electric guitar with Yunno help

BT: is there anything that guy can't do?

Arf: getting Nanoha for himself or stopping her from wiping him out of existence

BT: you have a point there… still why don't you play us something while we wait

_Arf brings out a guitar and begins to play a song called "Johnny B Good" and even sings it_

BT: ah yes… brings back sweet memories

Cameraman: you're not that old are you??

BT: hell no I'm saying it bring back memories when I watched Back To The Future when I was a kid

Cameraman: sorry

_Arf continues to sing and play the entire song, in the background Yunno is seen shifting a coffin into place while wrting his will… that was the only thing which marred Arf great performance…_

Arf: whew… how do you like it?

_BT gives a loud wolf whistle at her performance_

BT: if I could convince the manager I would have you singing for our show!

_Arf blushes and laughs at his comment_

Arf: awww, that's sweet

BT: anyway that's all for today's show, thanks for letting me interview you here Arf, it's been a great pleasure

_Shakes her head_

Cameraman: hey why don't you kiss her on the cheek like some interviewers do?

BT: errr… I prefer not to incur the almighty wrath of the fans

Arf: he has a point

Cameraman: bummer

BT: anyway next time we're going to head out to a remote prison to interview a notorious man known as Jail Scaglletti, all death threats to the man is more than welcomed, so until then I'll take my leave

_A cart is brought in_

BT: before I forget this carten of meat is for Arf for participating in this interview

_She instantly jumps int in her puppy form and begins to devour the meat… a moment later Nanoha comes in burning with rage, BT points to Yunno who's currently waiting inside coffin with his will written out already_

Nanoha: now taste my wrath!

_To everyone's surprise Fate comes down and stops Nanoha… she's still crying_

Fate: let's leave it for this time Nanoha

Nanoha: Fate I'm going to barbecue this ferret right this moment!

_Fate looks to Nanoha with tears in her eyes while the top three buttons of her jacket is undone... any fan that was still alive died from the heavenly sigh, even BT has to plug his nose at the sight_

Fate:… won't you do it for little old me??

_Nanoha shifted from angry to hungry… she grabs Fate and sling her over her shoulder_

Nanoha: fine, but I'm having Fate for tonight meal!!

_Nanoha leaves with her 'meal' while Yunno remain in his coffin crying with joy that he lived… then slams the coffin door shut that Fate has stolen Nanoha from him… again!_

BT: I swear these guys are just getting crazier every time I interview one of them.

Cameraman: you said it


	7. Interview 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha**

**Interview 7 Ultimate Villain**

BT: welcome to the show, I'm your host BT

_BT is currently sitting inside what appears to be a prison block with cells on each level with him right in the middle of the opening of the 'yard' currently there is a LOT of prisoners cheering like mad at BT… seems like they all love his show…_

Cameraman: why are you so popular here?

BT:… good question, hey why are you all cheering me?

Prisoner: because you got the best show, not to mention we can safety laugh at the insane stuff that happens on your show without been blasted to bits

BT:… errr you know that if any of the aces get in here they'll likely demolish you all

Prisioner: if they do we'll greet them warmly

_The guy licks his lips… BT looks angry from the large bulging vein that threaten to pop, then grabs a steel chair_

BT: be right back!

_The sound of wailing death as BT goes on a rampage upon those who would even THINK of such thoughts of the aces are now getting their just desert… of course most of the prisoners by all means have not such thought of doing THAT, so they all cheered as BT showed them what he could do… which is no better than what some of his guest do to relief their anger…_

Cameraman: I swear he's becoming just like them from the amount of time he spends with them

_BT returns with his shirt covered in blood and his trousers ripped to shreds the deadly steel chair now deformed beyond recognition_

Cameraman: isn't the interviewer not supposed to go on a rampage??

BT: I'm a fan first then a interviewer

Cameraman: wish I could share you view but the manager said that if you go berserk it's fine but any of us will be fired…

BT: can't be helped, I'm working with little to no pay actually no pay since I'm still paying for some of the destruction caused by our guest…

_BT walks off and returns in five minutes with a new black suit with a black tie_

BT: anyway let's begin the show shall we?

Young Nanoha: yes you should

BT:… why are you here?

Young Nanoha (YN): well I was neglecting of helping you of late, so I came back after my extensive training

BT: well I'm sure that training will come in handy, still glad to have you on the show helping

YN: it's a pleasure

BT: anyway let's begin, my guest today is living a comfortable life in this prison with no fear of been turned into a pile of mince meat by our beloved and justly deserved aces, he also has this strange thing for little boys Erio if you're seeing this HIDE! not to mention he's the so called father of the numbers, with annoyance I welcome to the show Jail Scaletti!

_A warden walks in with Jail wearing his lab coat, he sits in the seat in front of BT and YN and waves the guard away_

BT:… why are you in your lab clothes and not in your prison suit?

Jail: I have to look my best

BT: oh well, first off what do you think of your status of been the most hated person by everyone?

Jail: an interesting position, as I've always wanted to have some form of admiration from a large body of people, be it hate or love as they're all the same to me

BT: do you have a death wish of saying that?

Jail: by all means I do not have one, but it seems that no matter what I say will change anyone's mind of what they think of me

BT: well let's move on to the next question, why are you into little boys?

_Jail looks carefree with drool running down his mouth… a few of the prisoners begin to vomit and die from the sight, even BT has to hold himself back from lobbing the guys head off with his chair!_

Jail: little boys are so nice and cuddly, won't you agree?

BT: errr… I think I'll pass on even answering that question

Jail: ah, I wonder will I ever get my hand on Erio-kun

* * *

_In some god forsaken place Erio is currently shivering as he's chained to a bed with Caro in a cat suit_

Caro: well looks like Jail wants you badly… but not as bad as me

Erio: oh please someone help!!

_Caro jumps on and sinks her teeth onto Erio's neck_

* * *

_BT heard what seemed to be a scream followed by a blood curling laughter…_

BT: well moving on, what are you thoughts of the numbers?

Jail: they are my finest creation and I treat them like children

BT: could you name any priceless moments?

Jail: one time Otto and Deed was bathing while the others were working in the training room, when they came round they heard funny noises, they burst in to find Otto on top of Deed and question arisen as to what they were doing, when Otto simply said "I'm on top of Deed" they all went crazy

BT: errr… is Otto a girl but LOOKS like a guy… that's scary

Jail: ah but all my numbers are girls

BT: by chance if they were a boy you would be on them faster than I can say "loli"?

Jail: ah yes it would be such a waste

_Jail returns to his happy land thought… everyone in the prison is currently hanging themselves at the very thought of what Jail just put into their heads… BT is been held back by the cameraman after he grabs a spare chair bash Jail for even suggesting that!_

Warden: Mr BT, I need your assistance for a moment

BT: what is it I'm in the middle of an interview

_The warden drags BT away leaving Jail and YN… they make eye contact_

Jail: hmmm you're her younger self… I wonder what if I try this…

Cameraman: I wouldn't do that if I were you

* * *

_BT is lead to the front door, without another word he's chucked out to be greeted by what appears to be a war that is over with tanks and even a ship littering a stretch of one mile in front of him… standing in the middle of this carnage is the White Devil and Nanoha's Wife, better known as Fate, looking very angry_

BT:…errr why are you two always showing up to these interviews?

_Nanoha blast the ground in front of BT as he leapt back_

Nanoha: kill Jail

Fate: eradicate Jail

_They're both pointing their devices at BT and powering up their most powerful attacks, Plasma Zamber Breaker and StarlightBreaker Ex with the four bits also powering up…_

BT: I know you want to kill him… hell I want to chop his head off!!

_The two aces stop their attacks as BT goes on a rampage by head butting a destroyed tank turret… and ripped it in half by his constant head butting… he calmed down after that while the two aces look at him worriedly and wonder is the stress getting to him_

BT: OK, I'll make a deal with you two IF you don't demolish this prison

Fate: name it

BT: I'll bring him out AFTER I finish my interview with him, you can do whatever you want with him after I'm only interested in getting him to answer my three last questions

Nanoha: fine, but bring out Quattro, I've got a Starlight Breaker with her name on it

BT:…errr that maybe a little hard to get her to…

_Watch her aim a half prepared Starlight Breaker with her eyes glowing red_

BT: OK!! I'll do it just stop trying to incinerate me!

* * *

_BT returns to find half the prison block is demolished and the cameraman is still intact… maybe he's invulnerable like BT?? In the middle of the mess is YN looking royally… you get the idea_

BT: errr… where's Jail?

YN: you mean this?

_She raises Raising Heart in Excellion mode that has a bloodied Jail hanging at the tip of the spear… Jail looks fascinated by something_

Jail: my, my, she has the temper for such a young girl

BT:… somehow I wish I returned like an hour later to find out how much of you were left

Cameraman: hey that means there wouldn't be a prison either if you came back in an hour time

BT: ack… you have a point, let's see, WHOSE STILL ALIVE!!

_About twelve return his call while the rest just moan or groan as the medic runs about helping the unfortunate to be blasted by 'accident' from YN during her rampage at shooting Jail… BT has no wish to even know what did the guy did to make her go on a berserk rampage for his own safety_

BT: oh well let's continue then

_Jail sits on the, miraculously, intact chair_

BT: OK, first off do you have any hobbies?

Jail: I like to observe Zeck as he shows off his muscles to me, it fascinate me to no ends at his manly body

BT:…

_Everyone went silent as they all wonder is Jail somehow suggesting he's into men_

Jail: if only he was a little boy it would make it much more entertaining to watch

_NY and BT are been held back by twelve wardens after the two nearly jumped Jail and unleash terrible vengeance upon the man… and who could blame them!_

BT: right… anyway le… can you guys hear something?

_From the corridor comes monsters that look humanoid but then legs and arms are blades while their heads is suspended a foot from their body by spikes… it jumps at BT only to get walloped by the interviewers deadly weapon… the chair_

BT: what are you guys doing here?

_The thing simply screeches until BT beats it up with the chair a few more times_

BT: wrong set this is a interview, you're suppose to appear in the set called The Suffering ten blocks down

_The monster looks round then sees the young White Devil looking positively evil with blood red eyes and Raising Heart powered up to fire a Starlight Buster… even monsters are afraid of something, especially if they're little girls that have a tendency to blast things to atoms! _

_The monster fled quickly from the set allowing BT to return to the interview… with a new chair after he manage to dented his own beyond recognition_

BT: speaking of Zeck why did you bring him back to life, and please don't use the excuse of his muscles were the reason

Jail: of course that was only part of the reason, the other was that I wanted to give Lutecia a companion during her travel, since she wanted someone strong I immediately thought of those beautiful well carved muscles of Zeck might do the job

BT:… why not one of your numbers?

Jail: I suggests this to all of them but they immediately said no on the grounds that they'll be eaten alive if they so much as step out of line with Lutecia

BT:… I can understand their point, then how come Zeck is still in one piece?

Jail: it is his awe inspiring muscles which has been his only protection

BT: I think it's the fact that if Lue killed Zeck she would be branded as the one who killed a muscle lover… I thin that reputation was the reason why she stayed her hand

_Everyone agreed, no one wanted to be called "The Muscle Slayer," for life …_

BT: oh well, where is Quattro, I haven't seen her

Jail: she's right here

_Uno comes in with Quattro… she's eating paper for some odd reason and spitting them back out with words on them…_

BT:…

Jail: I've modified her for faxing, it was an interesting idea since I was bored

BT: have you made any modification to Uno??

Uno: no, since I refused while Quattro agreed…

_BT shared a uneasy look to Uno who, despite looking calm, sighs knowing that everyone is thinking the same thing "thank the other numbers are safe from him,"_

BT: anyway I got some fans dying to meet you and Quattro

Jail: oh, is that so

BT: yes, they request to see you… in person, will that be fine?

Jail: this has nothing to do with luring me to find my fans pointing magical charged weapon of mass destruction with a itching to take bits of me home to use to relieve their frustration of what I did to people?

_BT kept a straight face as he didn't want to let out that is probably what's going to happen to Jail_

BT: nope, nothing like that will happen to you…

Jail: well then let's be off and see them

_BT whispers to YN who instantly walks off and the sound of a crazy laughter as YN goes on a berserk rampage on set ten… looks like the Monsters demon has followed them there too…_

BT: follow me

_BT leads Jail pass a corridor which is scorched with bits of pieces of stuff lying around, as to what those things are BT didn't want to know, on one wall carved into it reads "the devil isn't red it's white and it's a little girl!" he had to agree with the line… at least the strategy of distracting the warden is working… maybe a little too well._

BT: OK please step through, I'll be there shortly once I get the camera equipment through

_Jail walks through the door with Quattro… BT slams the door and bolts it before placing a AMF field around it in case of any stray magical blast that might blow the door and him up with it_

* * *

_Outside Jail finds not only Nanoha and Fate, but a legion of fans waving all manner of death weapons… most of them been pens which is used for writing death threats to the poor guy_

Jail: my, my, I didn't expect you two to be at the front of the queue

_Those were his last words as the raging mob engulf him before a Starlight Breaker blast the group that was around him again and again, so in short both Jail and the Jail hater fans are been obliterated as well… this didn't seem to matter to either the two raging aces nor the fans who want to see blood _

* * *

_BT hears the battle cry then the blasting began, YN has returned smiling happily while her skirt is covered in blood…_

BT: well thanks for watching; next week I'll be looking for my guest, I should get the information where to find her shortly

_From a puff of smoke appears a ninja… with a camera round his neck_

Ninja Cameraman: I've found her

BT: good to hear, so I'll see you next time as I go and hunt her down

YN: and I'll be there too to see who he's interviewing

Younger Fate: so will I

BT: errr aren't you kind of late showing up?

YF: my older self was teaching me about something… interesting

_YF turns a bright shade of red… BT didn't even need to ask what she was been taught, for his own safety and his crew _

Cameraman: don't tell me our informer and the one who took those photos is a Ninja Cameraman?

BT: yep, I even got a Samurai Cameraman, Pirate Cameraman, Shaman Cameraman, Marine Cameraman from the Warhammer 40K universe and so on

Cameraman: why so many?

BT: the guest tend to slaughter them if they find out

Cameraman: true

BT: well that's all for today, so until then, Later

_The warden gives BT an invoice for the destruction wrecked by YN_

BT: well that's thirty insurance companies gone bankrupt since this show started…


	8. Interview 8

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha

**Interview 8 Extreme Craziness?**

Announcer: BT and his loyal companion have journeyed far to this desolate place, their goals is simple as they defeat countless minions that stand in BT's way as he seeks out Priscilla Testarossa to complete his quest, to interview her!

_BT is wearing a torn up shirt with a jacket with no sleeves as he beats an evil pig monster with his most deadly weapon ever wielded by an interviewer… THE CHAIR!!_

BT: come on, we're nearly there!

_BT is accompanied by the Ninja cameraman and the Cameraman… that's carrying the camera_

Cameraman: why in hells name are you beating up random monsters with nothing but a chair?

Ninja Cameraman: he is a interviewer so he must use the great chair as his only weapon unless he wants to sully his name as an interviewer

Cameraman: you know what... forget I even said that because the answer you gave sounds extremely screwy!

_They arrive at the great evil castle as BT, with his chair, and the Ninja Cameraman, using his deadly camera as a flying weapon, to defeat the horde of evil monsters that stands in the interviewers way… the cameraman follow slowly behind and apologises to the monsters which lay on the ground after the first two went and stormed the castle…_

BT: there is the door!

_In front of the door stands a seven foot knight with a sword as big as BT_

BT: move or else face my wraith!

Knight: nay, for I have given my word of honour to thee tha…

BT: this is taking too long!

_Begins to pose with his hands together looking like he's going to do a dragon ball Z move_

BT: Ultimate Super Mage Death Move…

_BT points at the knight whose now showing off his swordsmanship… better than showing off his muscles!_

BT: Audience of Hell!

_The cameraman sighs as a catapults fires raging audience which attack the knight… the poor guy is dragged kicking and screaming to the audience benches who are sharpening their pens… let's not even ask what in hells name they're going to do to the poor guy_

BT: FINALLY! My quest is at an end, beyond this door lies the evil, for hurting Fate by deleting her fifty hour final fantasy save game file, crazy, she whipped Fate each time Fate gave her those innocent looks because she didn't know how to react to Fate, and by all means has a strange dress sense, look at her clothes and Fate outfit to get what I mean, so without further ado…

_BT kicks the door down and pose ready to fight with his mighty chair… only to find Priscilla is currently knitting a black, yellow, white and blue scarf wearing normal clothes of a white sun dress sitting at a table with a girl of fifteen who's doing her homework…_

BT:…

Priscilla: oh, how may I help you?

BT:… Priscilla Testarossa?

Priscilla: yes, I am, and you are?

BT: hold a moment please

_BT runs out, a few minutes later returns in a new black suit with a black tie and towing a new steel chair with him… the other one was little too dented and blood encrusted to be used…_

BT: sorry, I'm BT the interview of Hells interview, I've come to interview you and…

Priscilla: oh this is Alicia

Alicia: hello

BT:… errr… not for been rude but wasn't Alicia…

_BT makes a sign with his hand over his neck_

Priscilla: oh no, that wasn't the case, Alicia forgot to set her alarm clock and was really sleeping, she gave me such a scare for doing that to me

Alicia: gee, mom I told you not to touch my alarm clock!

_BT looks to the two cameramen who shrug wishing they knew what those two are on about… then again maybe they don't want to know for their safety…_

BT: errr… could you let us hear the alarm clock?

Alicia: sure

_Brings out a normal alarm clock, she sets it so it begins to ring like a normal clock_

BT:… anything else?

_The alarm clock all of a sudden stops, the clock is saying something, BT put his ear next to the clock and try to listen carefully_

Clock: WAKE UP ALICIA OR ELSE YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE!!

_BT is knocked off his seat as his head is now ringing with those words from the clock…_

Alicia: I only wake up if I hear this, the world could come to an end and I'll still be sleeping

Cameraman: now that is what I call a hard sleeper

BT: tell me about it

_Shakes his head_

BT: anyway I better get back to interviewing; first off what is your thought of Fate?

Pricilla: oh Fate, she's such a good girl, always getting me cake and showing me how wonderful she is at starting hobbies at co...

BT: err… by any chance you haven't got the funniest idea why she did that?

Pricilla: I thought she was starting a hobby

_No one wanted to point out that it was HER who made Fate did it… but right now Pricilla is currently operating in a normal mode, so no one wants to grind her to dust for her past crimes… then again if she do goes nuts then she'll probably grind everyone to dust… this is a no win situation in short_

BT:.. OK Alica what do you think of my question regarding Fate?

Alicia: I would answer if I met her

BT:… you got a point, OK change of subject, what is your relationship with you mother like?

Alicai: she's a wonderful mother, but she can go over the top

BT: like?

Alicia: at one point she was doing the shopping and came out and forgot about to buy the milk, the store was instantly demolished as she laughs like a mad wicked witch before reverting to normal and saying why the store is gone.

BT:… Jackal and Hyde anyone?

Pricilla: oh dear, I'm not like that at all…

_Pricilla pricks her finger and smears the scarf with a little blood_

Pricilla: the scarf…ruined…

_Suddenly runs out of the room_

BT: is that a good thing or a bad thing

Alicia: bad

_She flicks the TV on to show Pricilla, wearing her outfit from the first series, is now whipping the poor knight that has stuff written all over his armour… the scarf she ruined has a spiky ball at the end of it… let's not even ask how did she manage to get it onto the scarf…_

BT: you don't have that kind of mode… do you?

Alicai: nope

BT: that's a relief

_In steps Younger Nanoha (YN) and Younger Fate (YF)_

YN: sorry about that, we kind of lost you guys when you started to run around beating up those monsters while I was taking care of that tentacle thing

YF: now I know why BT hates those things

_YF shudders_

YN: no worries I'll make sure nothing of that sort touches my Fate-chan…

_YN drools while YF is giving the cutest puppy eye to YN... fans from afar drool as well, even BT looks carefree… that is until YN blows up the admirers of YF… _

BT: good of you two to join us, I'm currently interviewing Alicia and…

_Both girls freeze and see Alicia whose eating a cracker, she waves at them_

YN:…

YF:…

_The next thing anyone knows YN jumps Alicia and tackles her onto the ground_

YN: two Fates just for me!!

Alica: wha…I'm not Fate!

_YF sits down next to BT as they heard the random noises coming from underneath the table as YN and Alicia rolls underneath the table, the cameraman is forbidden from filming unless he wants to become the next poor victim to renew his life insurance_

BT: is it me or do it feels like this interview session is going to be a waste?

YF:… if you want I could try answering the questions

BT: no point as I'm asking them about how they feel about you guys, not the other way round

_Alicia appears from underneath the table with kiss all over her... YN appears smiling like a cat that just ate a bird..._

BT: I'm not even to ask what you thought of that.

Alicia: please don't

_After a few minutes later Alicia returns to the table, clean from YN show of affection…, YN is currently been restrained by a jar of cookie and a jug of milk to keep her from jumping Alicia again... who could blame her?_

BT: moving on, what kind of hobbies do you have?

Alicia: I like making flower chains

BT: that's nice

Alicia: mom wanted me to make her a two metre long chain from spiky roses... I wonder why?

_BT didn't even want to comment on that as everyone in the room, except the youngsters, knew what Pricilla is using it for_

Alicia: why is Nanoha giving me a hungry look?

_YN is currently staring at Alicia with drool running down her lips, BT became extremely worried where this might go_

BT: don't worry about her… just don't make eye contact if you want to live a little longer

Alicia:… right I'll… do that

_BT is now trying to think of a question_

Cameraman: didn't you have them written out already?

BT: I was in a rush… OK let's go with this one, now that you've seen Fate what do you think of her

Alicia: she's pretty cute, just like me

BT:… you do know you're currently been eyed as the main dish along with Fate

_YN is currently eyeing the two blondes with a knife and fork… errr RUN!_

Alicia:… I think I'm going to take a stroll…

_Priscilla returns looking bloody before Alicia could walk out_

Priscilla: oh dear, looks like I walked into some red paint on me… silly me

BT: errr… I won't even try to correct you

_Priscilla sits down… YN points Raising Heart at her with a half prepared Starlight Breaker_

BT: hold it!

_Stops her from shooting the mad woman…_

YN: LET ME BLAST HER!!

BT: hold your horses… Fate do something about her!

_YF takes YN away to a corner and tells her not to blast her mother… YN didn't care as she looks a little dreamy as she talks to the young blonde…_

BT: OK I'm really low on time here so I'll ask this one question to Pricilla then wrap it up for today

Pricilla: by all means please ask

BT: OK the question which has been bothering people beyond believe, and me for another matter

_YN is currently licking YF at the corner… the Ninja Cameraman goes to help the blonde from been licked clean… OK let's end that train of thought shall we?_

BT: were you the one who designed Fate's Barrier jacket?

Pricilla: oh my goodness no, I never would design such a lewd uniform for her

BT:… could you tell me who then?

Pricilla: I believe it's her familiar Arf who designed it

* * *

_Somewhere inside the infinity library, Arf is sitting on Yunno lap in her puppy form_

Yunno: don't tell me no one knew

Arf: can't be helped, after all I do love my Fate

_Arf drools with happy thoughts of Fate… why do I get this funny feeling it has something to do with food here?_

Yunno: Arf… you're ruining my tr… never mind

_Allows the puppy to continue to drool over his trousers... he really has no say unless he wants to find something 'missing' in the morning  
_

* * *

BT:……….

Pricilla: is there something wrong?

BT:… thank you… I think that's enough for today's show…

Cameraman: I think he's in shock, could someone do something for him?

_Alicia dumps some water onto BT who remains unchanged… she slaps him with a pan but still no responses…_

Cameraman: errr don't tell me he's broken?

_The Ninja Cameraman goes to BT, he manage to get YN away from YF by promising her a cookie warehouse… maybe you could bribe her with cookies from blasting you… maybe not…_

Ninja cameraman: BT…

_The interviewer remains completely unchanged… the ninja hands a photo to BT who smiles but then goes pale… then back to normal… let's not even ask what the photo was… for our own sake_

BT: well that's that all for today's show, next time we'll be inte…

_The announcer appears and hands a letter to BT before walking away with a stuffed briefcase_

BT:…

Cameraman: is it bad?

BT: it is

YN: what's bad?

BT: currently the manager and everyone else has left the show

YF: why?

BT: well according to the stats roll here twenty percent left on grounds of wanting to live, sixty percent are now residing in a hospital, while the rest are currently renewing their life insurance…

Cameraman: errr even the producer?

BT: yep

Cameraman: damn

BT: hmmmm…

_BT looks at Alicia_

BT: mind if I offer you a job?

Alicia: hmmm, why not I got nothing better to do

BT: good, now then I'll just need to call Yunno and Arf and… OK change of plans, we'll be doing some rearrangements with the staff, so if you want to make any suggestion to the show, like less violence, or even a interview of a character again, by all means it's more than welcomed, so until then, later

Cameraman: but that's only three people so far, you still need at least three more to run a skeleton staff, who can you ask who are not afraid to be turned into an ashes?

BT: I got a list, don't worry they'll say yes no matter what

Cameraman: somehow that didn't reassure me as to how you're going to convince them

BT: with my demonic ways

YN: are you stealing my line?

_BT looks back to see YN holding Raising Heart with a Starlight… you get the idea_

BT: ah cra…

_BT gets blasted…_


	9. Special Event

Authors note: to answer a question asked by Regina, no this is not related to The Chat Device, the author of that fic is XBlue-PhoenixX, I didn't copy from XBlue-PhoenixX either, I'm trying to ensure no one start saying I copied someone else idea... anyway back to the mayhem!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha

**Special Event: Is This The Last Show?**

BT: welcome to the show, I'm your host BT

_BT is currently in a hospital bed with his left arm bandaged and his right foot as well, sitting beside his bed is Arf, Yunno, Younger Nanoha (YN) and Alicia…_ _Priscilla_ _can be seen in the back ground doing something to a poor guy… let's not ask what did they did to her…_

BT: as you can see I'm currently in the hospital after been blasted by the white devil

YN: you should be cinders by now, not moderately injured

BT: let's not even ask how I even survived that…

Cameraman: maybe you're indestructible until you finally interview the White Devil

BT: thanks… I really like to remember that everyday I continue to live is all thanks to some divine protection so I can get blasted by her… really that cheered me up so much

Cameraman: hey, what are friends for?

BT: if you're a friend who needs enemies?

_BT writes something down... the cameraman gets worried from the way BT stabs the pen into the paper... I think someone needs anger management_

BT: anyway you guys got questions for me right?

Arf: we need more meat

Yunno: I need more screen time

Alicia: we need a new set

BT: right, Arf we're going to get a shipment of meat soon so hang in there, Yunno you're going to get some screen time don't worry just wait until the next show, if we can even get the show going that is, and Alicia… we kind of trying to building the set that can withstand Starlight Breaker, but they say it'll take some time…

Cameraman: when am I getting a raise?

BT: when we get some money!

_The Ninja cameraman comes in with a cloud of smoke_

Ninja Cameraman: the list you requested is here

_BT reads it then puts it away_

BT: good work now I…

Yunno: I've been meaning to ask

BT: what's that?

_Yunno points to the Ninja Cameraman_

Yunno: how did you manage to recruit a Ninja Cameraman?

Arf: and the other cameramen you mention as well

Cameraman: that's been bothering me too

_BT looks a little worried as they all crowd round him giving him no room to breathe… YN simply shoves Raising Heart in Excellion mode... looks like the white devil don't like to leave any of her vict...targets to live._

BT: OK people, back, back!

_Gets a whip to get them all to stand at least a yard away from him to breathe, two feet for the young white devil and her bloody thirsty device who still pointing at him._

BT: OK, I advertise that we needed a cameraman and funny enough got them to sign up within an hour of me putting it up

Alicia: dare I ask there reason for doing this?

Ninja Cameraman: I thought it would be a good experience to see can I get close to a target whose wasting an entire city without been notice

Arf: if you're a stalker and you've been stalking my Fate I'm going to eat you

Ninja Cameraman: I do not do such a thing

_BT throws a photo to Arf who goes into berserk rage of a picture of Fate in a hot spring... anyone want Ninja stew?_

Yunno: errr do you think he'll be fine?

_The Ninja and Arf have left the room and the scream of curses, helps, pleas of mercy and general painful wailing is heard throughout the hospital... looks like another slaughter has begun… again..._

BT: he'll be fine if he manage to avoid Signim's wrath as well as Fate's

Alicia: he has a point... what about the samurai, pirate and the Space Marine Cameramen?

BT: well the samurai wanted something challenging which involve strong opponents, so that pretty much sum up why he wanted to work for me

Yunno: how good is he with a camera?

BT: very good, he manage to catch the initial blast of the Asura firing the Arc-en-ceil from the moon

Alicia:... did he survive?

BT: yeah he did… of course it took him a month to recover from the hospital after finding himself a little too close to the blast site

_They didn't ask how much pain did he went through as it's pretty obvious that if anyone was caught into that blast they're probably pretty battered up_

YN: what about the pirate?

BT: he was a bit of a crack pot, he simply wanted to do it because he said that raiding ships is boring and wanted to sail in the sea while been bombed by numerous magical attacks...

Yunno: I'll pass on asking more about him, what about this Space Marine?

BT: he came along because he wanted to show how indestructible he is... he instantly called me a brother after he said "I feel the presence of a man with an aura indestructible" he agreed to join up just because of that...

_No one wanted to even ask what kind of thing has this Space Marine gone through to earn that title… why in hells name is a Space Marine from the Warhammer 40k universe doing in this universe????_

Alicia: so can we continue this show or what?

BT: unfortunately we still missing two more members to carry on

Yunno: got any idea as to who you might be able to call in to help?

BT: well if I could make a familiar then we only have one member missing... but since I heard creating a familiar is kind of... interesting procedure I think I'll have to rethink about this

Alicia: in short this is the last show???

Cameraman: please no, I don't want to get fired!

Yunno: what's up with him?

BT: what would you do if someone came in with their work record saying they were nearly in constant contact with the White Devil?

Alicia: point taken

Yunno: what about you?

BT: the contract had in small print that if I fail to interview everyone I'll be incinerated by the white devil sooner than later.... see my dilemma?

Alicia:... yeah....

_Doom and gloom descended upon everyone as the room turns dark... YN on the other hand is smiling evilly while sharpening Raising Heart... is that even necessary?_

Yunno: ... my screen time... gone....

_The door opens then a vacuum cleaner is used to suck all the darkness out of the room, once done in steps Vivio... except there's two of them._

Older Vivio (Vivio): I heard you were in trouble?

BT:...

_BT smiles and would have jump out and kiss the newcomer except two things are stopping him from doing that, the first been his injuries and the second is that if he did kiss her he'll probably get beaten up by a thousand fans plus Vivio and everyone else that's related to Vivio... painful indeed..._

BT: well if you're here for a post at my show you got one

Vivio: good, also I brought my younger self

BT:… errr what could she do?

Vivio: serve the drinks

_The young vivio (Vivi for the sake of simplicity here) is blushing while holding onto a cup of purple stuff… it gave off a vile smell when you're about to drink it and it has something floating in it… are those bones in it… I think its best said not to even ask what it's made from_

BT:… errr… thanks?

_He watch Vivi smile and hands him the drink… he looks down at it questionably then looks up to see Vivi on the verge of crying… either he drinks it and die OR he don't drink it and bring unholy wraith upon himself from god who knows how many fans… and one White Devil as well_

BT:…

_The cameraman gives a salute to him, Alicia and Yunno are making a holy sign while YN smiles with every evil intention in the world… BT sighs before drinking the entire cup then puts it down_

BT:…

Cameraman: if you're still alive blink

YN: if you're dead drop

Yunno: if you're still alive scream in agony

BT:… that didn't went as bad as I thought it would be… quite good too

_The others are staring with their jaws hanging… wasn't that drink suppose to kill him???_

Yunno: could I try some?

Vivi: sure uncle

_She brought out a small flash which she pours a small portion for Yunno to drink, he drank it_

Yunno:… I have to admit it's quite good

Vivi: would you like some?

_Offers to the cameraman_

Cameraman: sorry, no

Vivi: no?

_The little girl is nearly in tears_

Cameraman: I'm on a diet; really I can't have anything that has sugar in it

Vivi: oh…

_Vivi still looks unhappy…_

_

* * *

Meanwhile somewhere in deep space _

Nanoha: the cameraman refused my daughters drink!

_She blasts an asteroid about the size of a moon… OK she's angry!_

Fate: I recall drinking it and been sick for a weak

Nanoha:… you have a point, why are those two still OK?

* * *

_BT drank the Cameraman's portion, this made Vivi very happy as Vivio escorted her younger self out to the nurse who took her away, when the door is shut both Yunno and BT drop to the ground… looks like they manage to last long enough for her to leave._

BT: errrrkk… need water

Yunno: someone…get …. The… doctor to perform a… stomach pump on me

Cameraman: you were fine a moment ago?

BT:…yeah… give me five minutes and I'll get back to you on that one

_Five long minutes of groaning and painful coughs later the two of them are back to normal… they seem to have a lot of energy…_

BT: wooh, that's the first I've drank an energy drink with that much kick in it

Yunno: I agree, I feel all fired up… but the tastes is an issue

Vivio: sorry, the energy drink are effective… it's just getting over the taste

BT: no problem, we'll get use to it… somehow

Vivio: so does this mean the shows back on track?

BT: oh hell it is, we're back on track and ready to roll

Yunno: then could you explain our roles then?

BT: Yunno is to deal with public affairs, that includes governments who are currently trying to get us banned

Vivio: why?

BT: let's see since this show started they had to rebuild Mid-Chila three times now and then there's the mountain of paper work regarding the insurances companies which went bust and…

Alicia: I think we got the idea… so what am I suppose to do?

BT: you're in charge of managing staff and our guest; it'll be hectic trying to make the guest happy… just read up what happened when they try to keep Signum happy

Alicia: errr… I read it saying four assistants personnel were taken away and at least half the fans that try to jump her are still been scrapped off the walls

BT: there you go

Arf: what about me then?

BT: you're in charge of finance of the set and props we need, that includes equipment like those AMF I've been asking

Arf: well the only one who knows how to build AMF is currently in this hospital under a battalion guard from a certain trigger happy Ace

BT: that's good to know, also sound is your job as well after I last heard you play that guitar

_Arf smiles at the compliment then whips out her double neck electric guitar and goes of playing a solo… errr isn't this the wrong time and place to be doing that?_

Vivio: what about me?

BT: you're going to be on the set with me and will restrain the guest or try and minimize the damage to the property around us

Vivio: I already read the reports… also can you stop destroying your chairs; you've gone through at least eleven since this show started

BT: what's wrong with me deforming eleven steel chairs as oppose to half the audience been wiped out?

Vivio: currently the people from where we order the chairs told me that we should order them in bulks of fifties with our current track record… also when I visited them I overheard them saying that they're taking bets how many chairs you'll go through when you finish this show

_BT has a steel chair in his hand with the words "death to dealers" written on it… looks like someone is going to get it!_

BT: is that so, will you excuse me as I correct their ways

_Everyone jump at him and restrain him from leaving and going postal upon the chair dealers… YN sat back and enjoy the struggle while eating some dumplings… is it me or is she been pure evil to poor BT here?_

Yunno: calm down

BT: OK… I'm calm…

Cameraman: as if you're calm while holding onto that chair as if you're a wrestler!

Arf: he has a point you use steel chairs as your only weapon against practically everyone

BT: do you think I'm mad enough to threaten my guest *especially the aces* with a steel chair?

_YN smiles ever so innocently… while she's writing in her dairy of how she's going to roast BT… would anyone really want to harm this innocent girl??_

BT: well now we're back on track we're going to the high seas!

Yunno: why?

BT: because our guest is currently sailing that's why

_Bursting in is a pirate… he looks like a stereotypical pirate with a wooden crutch as one leg, on hook as a hand and a eye patch, except the wooden leg is fake as they can see that he's kneeling on that leg while the hook on his hand is made of plastic and they can see the hand holding onto it through the sleeves, while around his neck is a camera… enter Pirate Cameraman!_

Pirate Cameraman: arrrc, well me hearties, we'll be sailing to the great seas

_The pirate has a parrot on his shoulder… the parrot has a wooden peg as a leg, has a hook on his left wing and a eye patch, it looks more like a pirate than the does for freaking sake!_

BT: you got that right, so tune in next time as we take to the high seas to hunt down the self proclaimed "Lone Wolf" of the Wolkentritter, better known as Zaira, so don't miss it, but for not later

Yunno: we'll see you next time

Arf: we'll all be here so let's get along, OK?

Vivio: hope to see you guys next time

Cameraman: you know guys half the people who's watching are probably in the hospital

_They all look to the other rooms to find that it's true… at least we know where they all are now._


	10. Interview 9

**Disclaimer: I do not won any of the characters of Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha**

**Interview 9: Hard Choices**

BT: WELCOME TO THE SHOW… I… I'm… YOUR HOST… BT!

_The reason for BT shouting is the setting, currently the entire crew of the show is on a pirate ship that's sailing through the worst storms seen in years, everyone is trying to stabilize the ship all except BT whose tied to the mast… seems like he's dead weight here_

Pirate cameraman: Full sails ahead!

Crewmember: that's reckless Captain!

Pirate: who gives a damn, nothing is going to stop us!

_A large whale about the size of a small mountain passes right in front of them… OK maybe that will stop them?_

Pirate: arrrrhk, think you can stop me and my ship you overgrown fish!

_Turns towards YN who's currently standing at the front of the ship_

Pirate:p give the beastie a warning about standing me my way, arrrrk

YN: but it's a cute whale

_Everyone stare in utter shock… when has YN refused to blast anything which isn't Fate???_

BT: I second that thought!

Cameraman: if we don't do SOMETHING we'll end up as whale lunch

_To make his point the overgrown whale decided the ship will make a FINE snack and opened it's mouth to eat them… why do it have napkins, table salt, knife and Forks?_

BT: thanks for JINXING us!

_Everyone on board is considering throwing the cameraman overboard… he deserve it fro crying out loud!_

Pirate: Ready my loud speaker!

Crew: already done, so start shouting at that thing!

_The pirate Cameraman breathes in deeply_

Pirate: you're standing in my way you overgrown fish, if you don't want me to inspect your teeth I suggest you leave us!

_This didn't seem to matter to the whale until the pirate ship unfurled it's sail… except the sail is an oversize certificate of dentist practitioner on whales… is that even possible to get?_

BT:…

Cameraman: is that even possible?

Yuno: yes it's possible, it's just been recently introduce

BT: jee weeze I really wanted to know that!

Arf: Does that mean he can look at me teeth?

Yuno: yep

_Arf jumps into a barrel to hide… looks like everyone is afraid of the dentist…_

YN: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!

_She jumps into a barrel and hides… looks like even the white devil has something to fear!_

BT: that whale don't seem to be scared

_The pirate captain use his trusty camera to zoom on the large whales teeth to find a plaque nailed to it reading "this whale has past all dental records of having the finest set of teeth," the pirate captain looks dumb founded… that's a first, whales making sure they have nice and healthy teeths_

BT: well that sucks

_All of a sudden music started to play as a ship came into view… it has the biggest loud speakers ever seen in history too!_

Voice: move aside or face the fury of my fist!

_Who ever it is made the whale turn tail and ran… why did that line that guy said sounded so cheesy?…_

Pirate: thanks for the assistance me matey!

_The ship comes alongside and from it jumps one tall blue hair man with wolf ears and a blue tail… gee I wonder who could this new comer might be?_

BT: finally!

_BT rips the ropes that's tying up to the mast… couldn't he have done that earlier???_

BT: at last I found my guest, the self appointed Lone Wolf of the Wolkentritter who ran away from the cosplay crazy mistress, who is always forgotten as no one seems to remember his name and was dating Arf, Ladies, Gentlemen, fishes and all fishes of the sea I presented to you Zafira! Or also known as Zaffy by Vivio

_The storm dies down and from, god knows where; submarines appear and unloaded the audience who began to cheer to the blue wolf… what the hell?_

Zafira:… by any chance this is been broadcasted around the world including interdimensional places… say Mid-Chila?

BT: yep it is an…

_Zafira jumps back to his ship and is ready to set sail, a quick lassoing later and bounding to a chair BT begins interviewing Zafira… what is he so afraid of?_

BT: right, first off why are you trying to run?

Zafira: I'm running from HER!

BT: by any chance her first letter of her name begins with an H and ends with an E?

Zafira: damn right!

BT: errr… right we'll do something about that, but right now let's get this interview on the roll

_Everyone else, namely BT staff sit round giving at least two feet of breathing space of the two… or maybe they're giving such a large space for them in case of any "stray" bombardment spells comes down upon them…_

BT: First off, a question from Major Mike Powell III "Dude, don't you feel kinda rejected in A'S? You barely, and I mean BARELY get ANY screen time, AND you get your ** handed to ya in the final chapters. LOL"

Zafira: I reject that statement; I had plenty of screen time

BT: care to count for us?

_Zafira is ABOUT to count for us but then decided not to… can you blame him?_

Zafira: also I didn't get my butt handed back to me

BT: who remembers Zafira having his butt kicked pretty badly in A's and Strikers?

_Everyone agrees, including Arf whose laughing at how pathetic Zafira in having his butt kicked… isn't it true?_

BT: there you go the audience has spoken

Zafira: but you haven't seen my show have you!

BT: errr… what?

Zafira: why do you think I've been prowling along the seas for… I don't know

BT: you just told me to get away from a cos play maniac

Zafira: that is only HALF the truth, for I have been recording my courageous and daring trip round the sea on my own

BT: why on earth are you doing that?

_Zafira looks proudly at his ship then to BT_

Zafira: because the producers say that they'll make a spin off show just for me!

BT: will this be a bad time to mention that the White Devil has taken an unhealthy interest in your ship?

_YN stares at the ship before looking at Zafira with the evilness look before pointing Raising Heart ready to shoot the ship, Zafira sprang into action against the little girl but came across two obstacles, one been YF brandishing Zamber Bardiche giving the cutest look possible that would put a puppy to shame… and the ever trigger happy White Devil who swung what appears to be Divine Buster at Zafira… either get in the way of the blast OR let her blast his ship… tough choice_

Yuno: should I… you know… save his pride?

BT: by all means stick yourself in front of the firing squad if you want

Arf: please Yuno don't, you won't come back in one piece!

Yuno: errr… by any chance you're worried about me because I make those fabulous steak sandwiches?

Arf: that and other things

BT: errr I think I don't want to know ever know what the other things are!

_The great Lone Wolf Zafira has come to a final decision, with a heavy heart he turns round and sits down on the seat beside BT… the White Devil begins to put holes into Zafira's ship, one tiny little hole at a time… OK I think she's pure evil incarnated!_

Zafira: my records

BT: well if you're so looking for screen time why not join my staff?

Zafira: as what?

BT: assisting Arf maybe?

_The blue wolf stare at the orange wolf who gives a playful look…_

Zafira:…

BT: you can give me your answer after the interview

_BT looks for the next question… YN is still carving up the poor ship at a slow pace… maybe it'll be there at the end of the show?_

BT: right, what are your thoughts of the other knights and your mistress?

Zafira: Vita is Childish, Shamal is scary, Signum is strict and my mistress… can I skip her?

BT: errr… by all means yes on HER, but you've given me a brief summary of each of the knights… like one word per knight if I'm not mistaken

Zafira: well you did interview Signum and she pretty much summed the others up pretty well without me having to say anything

BT: so what she said applies to you?

Zafira: pretty much

BT: care to go into detail on… Vita for example?

Zafira: fine, she loves watching Saturday cartoons in the morning like Bugs Bunny and all the that

BT: anything else?

Zafira: one time she stayed up late and I told her there was a cartoon was on, she instantly sprang into action grabbed some popcorn a tub of coke and parked herself on her favourite couch… I on the other hand was lying on the floor

BT: it's tough been the man of the house

Zafira: anyway, when the cartoon started it was kind of gory and really scarry, I was fine but Vita nearly choked me as she screams at the horrible death on screen… can I stop here about Vita now?

BT: you may, don't worry I understand, you want to stop for the good of your health, correct?

Zafira: yes

* * *

_Somewhere in the sea… _

Vita: ZAFIRA WHERE ARE YOU!!!!

_Looks like Vita heard about the interview and is in the process of finding the poor Guardian beast_

Vita: ARRRRRRHHHHHH

_Reasons unknown she begins to pummel the first thing she sees… in this unfortunate case it's the whale that ran away… you can guess what Vita did to it_

_

* * *

  
_

_BT thought he heard the wailing of an enraged demon… followed by what appears to be evil laughing… BT needs to leave… NOW!_

BT: do anyone got the urge that we need to leave this area… say NOW!

Yunno: RAISE ANCHOR!!!!

Pirate Cameraman: DO AS HE SAID!!!!

Zafira: why is everyone running around like something is coming

_From the horizon is a tidal wave… with a certain hammer knight surfing on the huge whale that try to eat them…_

Arf: we won't make it!

BT: I know!

_Grabs YN and puts her on the end of the ship then points at Vita and whispers things to her… she get's angry and fires a barrage of Starlight Breakers… let's not even ask what BT said that could have made her this angry!_

Arf: somehow I'm not reassured that he manages to get her to unleash that manage Starlight Breakers that quickly

Yunno: it might be for the best if no one knows

YF: what about BT?

Yunno: I'm sure he'll live… for now

_Vita and the tidal wave is obliterated… as to where Vita went to is everyone's guess… then again that new star that just showed up in the night sky might be a hint…_

BT: right, now for the next question

_Sits down smiling smugly while the rest of the crew edge a little further back from him… wouldn't you be scared if he knew how to make YN do a barrage of Starlight Breakers under five seconds?_

BT: what is your relationship with Arf like then?

Zafira:…

_Looks to Arf who smiles while wagging her tail… Zafria on the other hand gives a dreaded look_

BT: err… something the matter?

Zafira: we have nothing special happening between us

BT: as if , Arf is practically going to jump you if Yunno wasn't restraining her

_Yunno has placed binds round the orange woman… looks like she didn't mind… errr bad thought_

BT: who here thinks Zafira and Arf makes a cute couple

_Everyone raises their hands… another overwhelming vote against Zafira's words_

BT: tell us plainly for us to understand and we MAY reconsider about our opinion

Zafira: when we're alone she would force me to be underneath

BT:…

Zafira: she's so harsh and relentless it's uneblieveable I'm still alive

BT:…

Zafira: the pain and the humiliation I felt as she lead me… I should be the one leading!

BT: well that's love… in the bed I guess

Zafira: I'm talking about when she forces me to be the puppy that leads me on a leash

BT:…

Yunno: BT thought of something else…

Vivio: weren't you thinking of the same thing?

Yunno: I think the same thought crossed everybody's mind

Vivio:… you have a point

BT: I'll be moving on then

Vivio: why not ask him what his thoughts about me?

_Zafira stare at Vivio and her younger counterpart Vivi_

Zafira:… Vivioi… two of them!

Vivio: ah, Zaffy seems to be happy to see us!

BT: he don't lo…

_Zafira turns into a puppy and plays with Vivi… whatever happened to the forbidding Lone Wolf character Zafira was trying to be?_

BT: maybe he's a puppy at heart?

Cameraman: you know this is the cutest moment I've ever seen of Zafira

_Zafira is now on top of Vivi and is licking her… while Arf looks ready to tear someone apart…_

Arf:… you're cheating on me!

_Arf would have gone postal except two problems, the first been that Yunno is holding her back with more binds… how many binds can this guy make… on second thought don't even answer that question, the second reason is that Vivio is smiling innocently with a Starlight Breaker prepared… if she hits the ship they're all done for!_

BT: Zafira… Zafira… ZAFIRA!!!

_Zafira is brought back to the seat by Vivi who sits down with the blue cub/puppy on her lap… some of the audeience is giving envious looks…_

BT:… OK since I'm on the subject what are your thoughts of little Vivio?

Zafira: she's so adorable… words can't even describe her.

BT: I can see what you mean… but do she have any bad points?

Zafira: been easily influence by Hayate

BT:… Fate, Nanoha if you're watching this please keep Hayate away from Vivio, we do not want another Cos play Maniac

* * *

_Somewhere on Mid-Chila both aces are listening_

Nanoha: should I Starlight Breaker Hayate?

Fate: NO!

Nanoha: but…

Fate: we'll simply talk this over with Hayate

Nanoha: fine… but first

_Nanoha tackles Fate to the bed and has her ways with the blonde… do I need to even say anymore about this??_

_

* * *

  
_

_From somewhere BT thought he heard some… interesting sounds… let's not even go there shall we?_

BT: well looks like we're out of time

Zafira: it was kind of short

BT: well lack of questions and the strange things that happen on this show tends to eat up my time.

Zafira: that's understandable

Yunno: plus Zafira's ship is still floating

_Zafira's ship is floating with a few dozen holes in it… until a Divine Buster blew it apart and manage to hit the nearby submarines containing the audiences as well… come on having the audience been injured or slaughtered is a given for this show!_

Zafira:…

BT:… I know it's kind of cruel, but why not work for me, this way you can stay away from HER and at the same time spend time with Arf and Vivio

Vivi: YAY!!! Zaffy is staying!!!

_Hugs Zafira to the point of strangling him…_

Arf: oooo, I'm going to take my time with you

_Zafira is crying as he's dragged by Arf to the captains cabin and places a "DO NOT ENTER!" sign at the front… anyone wants to take a peek inside at the cost of their life?_

Yunno: you just sentence him to death row

BT: ah, he'll get over it

Cameraman: IF he survives that is

BT: oh well at least I got an extra staff, anyway next time we'll be interviewing Reinforce and Reinforce Zewi!

Yunno: wasn't Reinforce… you know

BT: I did say I have my demonic ways of getting people didn't I?

YN: are you trying to steal my line again?

BT:… NO!

YF: where are we going to see Reinforce-san?

BT: simple, we'll be interviewing her, and Rin, at the place she was sent off, namely on that hill

YF: that hill brings back memories

YN: yes indeed

_YN is licking her lips while her hands keeps squeezing something imaginary… errr couldn't be anything to do with a certain blonde woman… could it?_

BT:… anyway make sure you tune in for the next show, so with that, Later!

Pirate Cameraman: unfurl sails and play the ending theme!

Crew Member: Ay, Ay captain!

_The ship sails away while playing the Pirate of the Caribbean Song "He's a Pirate" _


	11. Interview 10

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha**

**Interview 10: Black Angel**

BT: welcome to another wonderfully crazy interview, I'm your host BT

_BT and crew are currently on top of the place where Reinforce was "sent" off, for some odd reason it's also snowing… maybe it's nearly Christmas?_

BT: today we're interviewing a special guest who'll be joining us soon

Cameraman: Doesn't this interview show feel like something I've watched…. I think it's called Seto no Hanayome

Arf: is it as crazy as this show?

Yunno: from what I recall it's quite random

BT: can we not suddenly talk about another show while we're doing the interview guys?

Zafira: so why am I here in this form with Arf?

_Both Arf and Zafira are currently in their puppy/cub form and are sitting on either side of BT while he sits upon a fold up Steel Chair which also double up as his weapon, currently the number 35 is stamped upon it on the back in red… what ever happened to the other 34 chairs? _

BT: she might want to see a familiar face

Zafira: but why not my other form than this puppy form?

BT: Vivi

_On cue Vivi (Young Vivio) jumps onto the set and cuddles Zafira… is it me or is Zafira turning bluer than usual?_

Vivi: Zaffy!

Vivio (older version): Vivi, you better let Zaffy breathe or else he won't play with you

Vivi: OKK~~~~~!

_She drops Zafira who lay sprawled on the ground_

Yunno: come on Vivi, we all got work to do

Vivi: OK uncle Yunno!

_Runs off to the large snowball… which is about the size of a freaking HOUSE… how in hells name did she manage to roll a snowball that big????_

Pirate Cameraman: arrrk, I should be at the high seas than here

Ninja Cameraman: you agree to come onto dry land you old sea dog just to witness this

Pirate Cameraman: arrrk, ay that is true, but I rather be sleeping in Davies Jones Locker if the guest goes on a rampage

Ninja: you have a point

BT: stop jinxing this show before it even started, anyway I got a bit of backup for today if our guest do go postal

Cameraman: I pray it's not your chair which will take the guest out

BT: nope, the R & D folks are still tinkering for that indestructible chair I asked for

Cameraman: I'm sorry I even asked

Yunno: well both of the aces are ready to go as well as all of us

Cameraman: what?!

Yunno: well we got older Vivio, Arf, Zafira, Young Nanoha, Young Fate, Alicia (same rank as Older Fate in Magical terms), Myself and the Asura

Cameraman: what about us NORMAL people?

BT: well the cameramen are to take cover

Vivio: what about you?

BT: I'm counting on my indestructibility to keep me safe

_Everyone looks at BT wondering is he mad… then again he's been through quite a lot so they'll leave it up to fate to keep him safe…_

BT: what's taking so long?

Arf: what about Reinforce II?

BT: ah yes, Reinforce II won't be with us today, she's currently on a mission with Hayate and will be interviewed some other time… don't even ask me what the mission was because I was too scared to even ask when Hayate began to laugh like a maniac with plans of beating someone up with her paper fan

_From above the snow stop and the clouds parted as someone floated down like an angel from heaven… or hell depending if she goes on a rampage_

Cameraman: isn't this going over the top just for entering the show?

Yunno: do you want to become the next pin cushion for her bloody daggers?

_The Cameraman shuts up as the guest finally touch down and sits upon the chair opposite BT_

BT: ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I like to introduce today's guest, she was nearly sent to the heavens by a blood rage Raising Heart when she insulted the White Devils Device by telling the young White Devil to give Raising Heart a few more "medicines", was nearly introduce to Hayate's Cosplay taste and is the ONLY one to have her use the ACS mode… in short she got a Excellion Buster in the face and survive, Please give a big hand for Reinforce One!

_The audience pops out of the bushes and begins to clap loudly… when did they get here?_

Reinforce: thanks for inviting me to the show

BT: first off care to explain why you're not… you know

Reinforce: I was only retired

BT:… but in A's you make it sound like you're… you know

Reinforce: well I did make it sound like that, but I really wanted to just retire for a bit, I've severed hundreds of masters and I felt like it's time I retire

BT: by any chance you had inkling into Hayate's Cos play fetish?

Reinforce: no I didn't

_Reinforce is giving an uneasy smile as her eye brow keeps twitching… yep she retired before Hayate had her devious ways with poor Reinforce…_

BT: right… what are your thoughts of your knights?

Reinforce: they a little hard head at times as they usually try to complete their mission set by their masters, I remember at one time Zafira was ordered by one of our former master to baby sit his six children on his own.

BT: …what happened?

Reinforce: when we returned I found Zafira with no fur and with strange drawings upon his bare skin plus something else, which I don't want to even say, was stuck onto him

BT: did you hear that Zaffy?

_Zafira glares at BT with all intentions of biting the guy to death… at this point Reinforce FINALLY notice Zafira… how on earth could she not notice him when he's sitting beside her FOOT?_

Reinforce: Oh I'm sorry Zafira, I didn't notice you in… that form

Zafira: that's… understandable…

Reinforce: why are you in that form anyway?

_From behind the cameraman Vivi pops her head and stare at Zafira with all intentions of kidnapping him…_

BT: come over here Vivi

_Vivi did just that and runs over and grabs hold of Zafira and giving him another choke hold without meaning too… he's not going to last very long at this rate!_

Reinforce: what an adorable child, who's her parents?

Vivio: Nanoha-mama and Fate-mama!

_Reinforce eyes the older Vivio then looks a little whiter than usual… she leans over to BT and whispers _

Reinforce: has the older one display tendency to blast things and become hyper jealous of someone?

BT: thankfully no on both accounts, I'm having her work for me for a bit so she won't become like them… well not too much anyway

Vivio: what are you two talking about?

_Vivio looks a little angry as she cracks her knuckles while a vein bulging on her head is ready to explode… errr… LEAVE!_

BT: Nothing!!!!

Vivio: Reinforce?

Reinforce: nothing, I said you're just like your mothers

Vivio: oh is that so, I'm as beautiful as them… but don't worry I'm not hyper jealous or blood crazy like them

BT: what about that time you went postal after the interview

Vivio:… what do you mean? I remember just standing in a corridor that Fate-mama went on a rampage just after the interview ended

_No one wants to remind her in case she does go postal on all of them again… "What you don't know won't hurt you" is definably true here…_

BT: OK back to the interview, what is your view of Hayate, minus the cos play bit

Reinforce: she's kind and is hard working, she'll be glad to stand up for her friends

BT: so beside the cosplay bit she's fine… right?

Reinforce: yes… but her credit account was at the reds when she brought all those clothes for my knights… then some for me… I'm glad I was away when she brought that black leather body glove

BT: I get the idea…

_BT is edging away from Reinforce whose crying at the last thought… the tears turned into ice spikes and is inching closer towards BT_

Yunno: what do you think of all of us then?

Reinforce:… who are you??

BT: you weren't in the same screen as her… were you?

Yunno: no… my poor amount of screen time meant I never met her properly

_Yunno is crying over his screen time been reduced with Arf comforting him, she also crying about her own problems… I can understand why the producer didn't wanted to give Yunno too much screen time… let's not even ask why Arf was also included into the "cut screen time appearance"_

BT: anyway a question from MMP (Major Mike Powell) III has come in for you… it say "what are your feelings for Hayate? And be honest. LMAO"… didn' we cover this already?

Reinforce: yes we did… also I have a fear of paper fans now

BT:… did she used it on you?

Reinforce: do I have to answer that question

BT: on second thought, no, I rather not know how many times she used it upon you for the sake of all our fans who might be wondering how many people has Hayate kill with that paper fan

Cameraman: oh come on, no one can die from been hit by a paper fan

BT: Ninja!

_Appears in a puff of smoke… hold a sec he's only ten steps away from where BT is sitting… maybe he likes doing that?_

Ninja Cameraman: you called?

BT: show him the picture of the massacre of fans by Hayate and her paper fan or better known as "harisen"

_The ninja pulls out a picture of Hayate standing upon a smoke ruined place over a mount of mangled… happy corpse and a few tanks nearby while she's in her barrier jacket and holding onto the blood drenched paper fan… how in hells name did she defeat tanks with that???_

BT: anyone want to object?

_No one dare say a word_

_

* * *

_

_Meanwhile somewhere in section six Hayate is standing over the battered bodies of the forwards with her paper fan… RUN AWAY!!!_

Hayate: aw nuts, I've only manage to knock them out

Reinforce Zewii: that's true~desu

Hayate: I won't stop until I can split the heavens with this

Subaru:… th…that impossible

Hayate: well until I achieve my goal you're all going to help me

_The forwards groan and got back up only to have Hayate jump them and start beating them up with it_

_

* * *

_

_BT heard wailing voices of four very familiar people who are been beaten to death by an all too familiar evil laugh… maybe BT has super hearing for these things?_

BT: moving on then… MMP III second q…

Reinforce: what's wrong?

BT: it's a statement really, "Rein...you're SO freakin' cute! ROFL Chibi-cuteness." Is what he said

_A crow flies past while screeching "wack" before been shot down by everyone… hey crows are bad luck… right??_

BT: so what do you think of your mini version

Reinforce: you mean the one called Rein?

BT: yep, I heard she's quite popular as you found out, then again you're only around three episodes while she's been around for nearly twenty five and not to mention she has this cute way of ending her sentence with "desu" which really get to the fans a… are you li…

_Reinforce is now in her rampaging mode… aka the one with black wings and the look of wanting to turn you into a roast turkey… errr anyone wants BT medium rare or well done?_

BT: oh crap

Reinforce: destroy all who worship Rein

_Everyone on the set gets ready to battle her, the two aces stand ready, both wolves next to BT went into combat form, Yunno prepares as many binds and shields as possible, Vivio gets ready and stood next to Alicia who brandishing her own Device that's the shape of a freaking grim reapers scythe, she's even got the cloak as well! _

BT: CUT TO COMMERCIAL!!!

_Everyone runs as Reinforce unleashes a black ball of destructive magic, BT is left staring at the black ball of destruction heading his way on his own… _

* * *

_The screen goes blank for a brief moment then shows Yunno in what appears to be an advert standing next to a stand with DVD's_

Yunno: do you want to capture those wonderful moments on Interview Hell where a guest goes on a rampage?

_A screen flash to Signum laughing while she's beating up a penguim… it is a fan for freaking sake!_

Yunno: or capture those grand moments where your friend/relative/yourself or someone you know been blasted into oblivion?

_Shows Young Fate blasting the audience while blushing red… anyone wants to ask her what she was so shy about?_

Yunno: then purchase volume one of Interview hell; inside you'll get a free autograph from one of us

_Screen pans out to show Yunno, Young Fate, Young Nanoha, Arf, Zafira, Alicia, older Vivio, Young Vivio, Ninja Cameraman, Pirate Cameraman and the Cameraman and no BT… oi why am I (the author) not there in the list???_

Yunno: the DVD also includes special commentary of made by the characters of each episode

_BT ducks as Signum tries to cut him in two for some reason while on at the bottom with subtitles are reads "Yunno: BT sure don't know when to stop talking about people's anger management," _

Yunno: also in one of these DVD's is the personal mobile phone of one of the aces

_Yunno holds up a pink card with Nanoha's number on it then brings up a yellow card for Fate's number and finally a black card with white writing of Hayate's number, the numbers of course are blank… having one of the aces phone number might be helpful…_

Yunno: so order now while stocks last!

Arf: you better buy them or else I'll go on a rampage

Yunno: give us a call at the number at the end of the show

_Arf passes a note to Yunno_

Yunno: please note we cannot be responsible if the aces blasted you to kingdom come if you do give them a call, if you do call them and they do come along to blast you, please do not think of calling us as we'll simply book an appointment for you with the Grim Reaper.

_The adverts ends _

_

* * *

_

_We return to find BT is lying on the ground with smoke rising from him and his blackened chair… everyone else is sprawled around the place, YF on her back with YN on top, Zafira and Arf on top of BT… is that even safe to have YF and YN in that position???_

BT:…welcome…back

_Yunno is on his back with Alicia standing on top of him… thankfully her foot isn't any lower of else… why is Alicia still standing???_

Yunno: urrrggg

Alicia: how many of the audience survive?

_No one needed tell her that none of them survive… well what's new?_

Reinforce: is something the matter?

_Reinforce is sitting upon the chair looking perfectly normal and didn't seem to have notice that she went berserk upon them… you got to hate that_

BT:… nothing… nothing at all

_BT grabs hold of his blackened chair only to watch it turn into ashes… how come he's not ashes yet like his chair?_

BT: CHAIR!

_Someone throws him a chair, he unfolds it and sits upon it with the number 36 stamped on the back in red… at least we can guest the rest of the chairs was destroyed in a similar way!_

BT: well beside that tragic event that none of us wants to even mention nor think about, has anyone got a question for Reinforce?

Alicia: I got one, how old are you? You look about mid twenties but then again you could be as old as my old grandma an… oh dear

_Reinforce is all black again… go Alicia and her big mouth!_

BT:… not again

* * *

_Commercial cuts in showing Arf this time in her adult form_

Arf: having insurance problems because of an ace or three?

_Shows Nanoha blasting the crap out of a poor guys car_

Arf: or someone related to them?

_Subaru is beating up a guy who manage to get an autograph from Nanoha_

Arf: or simply having caught in the middle of it all

_Signum and Fate and duelling inside a wrecked battleship, the captain is seen sitting at his chair as he cries as the two women rips apart his ship while sparring… if this is sparring what's live combat like?_

Arf: then fear not, contact Ace Calamity Establishment, or ACE for short, and we'll be happy to give you a quote for covering you from health insurance to ship insurance at a reasonably price

_Screen flashes with ACE contact telephone number with Arf giving a thumbs up_

Arf: so give us a call and we'll be happy to assists you

* * *

_We return to the set to find BT is… strangely… standing with the stumps of a chair in his hand and Reinforce sitting in her seat looking perfectly normal, everyone on the set is all over the place all except the cameraman who somehow was spared the slaughter… go cameraman!_

BT: who's still alive?

Yunno: is the show over yet?

BT:… we're run out of time…

Reinforce: I didn't manage to answer many questions

BT: well that can't be helped; still I'm happy to have you on the show

_Shakes Reinforce hand while he sits upon a new foldable seat with the number 37 stamped upon it… will he reach 100+ chairs!_

BT: by the way, would you like a job on the show?

Reinforce: as what?

BT: maybe as the Chief of staffs or helping Yunno deal with government officials of closing this program down?

Reinforce: hmmm… very well I'll accept the offer

BT: good to hear

Yunno: are you still recruiting?

BT: yep

Arf: how many left?

BT: not sure… anyway, next time we'll be interviewing the great Hammer Knight Vita while she's in the middle of beating someone up whose going to propose to Fate

Cameraman: Does that guy have a death wish?

BT: he does, he told Nanoha who blasted him, then Ginga and got beaten to a pulp, and now Vita is beating him up by orders of Nanoha… if she don't beat up the guy by the time we finish our interview…

_BT stopped there but everyone there could pretty much guess what will happen to Vita if she doesn't follow Nanoha's order… that's tough love for you!_


	12. Interview 11

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha**

**Interview 11: Chair Vs Hammer**

Yunno: welcome to the show, I'm your temporary host Yunno Scrya

Zafira: and I'm your temporary secondary host Zafira

_They're currently sitting inside what appears to be a castle; the audience are dressed up in old medieval dress and gowns and stuff while the two hosts are in normal modern clothing… where is the rest of the staff??_

Yunno: if you're all wondering why it's only me, Zafira and the cameraman here then Zafira will explain

Zafira: currently both young Fate and Nanoha have gone back to school and won't be attending the show today

_General alert has been posted to all other students about a slightly angry White Devil with a trigger happy problem with maths home work_

Zafira: Reinforce is currently doing the papers to get employed on the show

_And slaughtering the right officials_

Zafira: Arf is out with the other cameramen as they try to stop Lindy from shooting a market for overcharging her sugar jars

_Is it even legal to use the Asura for these things is still in debate by the higher ups… who are currently sitting inside a Arc-en-ceil prove bunker as we speak _

Zafira: Alicia is currently out stopping her mother from creating a doomsday device

_Let's pray she hasn't set up in some blasted asteroid in the middle of some black hole like a typical bad guy would_

Zafira: While Vivio and Vivi have accompanied BT as he goes off to pick something up…

_A few of the audience is growling like hungry animals… why do BT need those two with him?_

Zafira: so that leaves just the three of us for today

_Everyone wonders do that mean none of them will get slaughters… well the primary slaughter is YN, so they're pretty safe… for now…_

Yunno: anyway let's introduce today's guest

_The drum rolls and all lights turn out while all centred upon the red curtain door_

Yunno: she's survived one task after another set by the White Devil, has become smitten by the White Devil's ultimate lady killer smile which has managed to snag Subaru, Tia, Vita and of course Fate, and finally she's got the smallest bust size in the entire house and this includes Rein, Ladies and Gentlemen I like to introduce the Red hair and Red Dress girl with a Hammer for anyone who laughs at her, Vita!

_Vita comes charging out of the doorway with Graf Eisen in Giant form… errr Yunno is going to go splat soon_

Vita: ARRRGGGGGHHHHH

_Zafira restrains his friend from going postal over a calmly Yunno… is it me or do this picture looks wrong?_

Vita: KILLLL!!!!! FERRET BOYY!!!!!

Zafira: s….s..sst…….STOP!!!!

_Zafira got so angry he glares at Yunno for help, Yunno wave his middle finger at Vita and binds come out by the dozen and bounds Vita tightly where she stands… errr Yunno wrapped up Zafira as well_

Yunno: could you calm down for a moment Vita?

Vita: HOW CAN I!!!

Yunno: if you don't… I'll tell everyone some interesting facts… facts which I only know from covering your… mistakes

_Vita turns white like a ghost and begins to grovel at Yunno not to tell… errr when did Yunno got such "diplomatic" leverage against Vita… and when did Yunno started smiling evilly_

Vita:…. Fine…

_Everyone takes their seat while the audience puts up the blast prove boxes they've brought with them… what's the chances that they'll work!_

Yunno: OK first on our list of question, were you successful in apprehending the guy Nanoha wants dead?

Vita: what guy?

Zafira:… let's skip that question Yunno

Yunno: you got a point, moving on, when Hayate brought that bunny dol…

Vita: IT'S NOT A BUNNY DOLL!!!

Zafira: she's a little touchy if anyone mishandles her friend

Yunno: I recall Vivio playing with you friend at one time when I was visiting…

Vita: well Vivio asked… so I couldn't refuse can I?

Zafira: Vivio is cute when she asks isn't she?

Vita:… no… she…..

_Everyone in the audience goes "awww" that Vita has developed such a soft spot for Vivio… hasn't anyone try thinking that maybe Nanoha was the one who "persuaded" Vita to give the bunny to Vivio?... guess not…_

Yunno: what are your thoughts of Subaru?

Vita: she's a nice kid, but she can space out at times whenever Nanoha is around

Zafira: like instructor like student

_Everyone agrees with Zafira's statement… well it is true that practically most of the female cast is eyeing Nanoha in one way or another… Hayate for her cos play anyone?_

Zafira: what are your thoughts of been sidelined when you express your interest to Nanoha by Fate?

Vita: I don't mind… I just don't…. you know want to get her mad

_Everyone agrees with the hammer knight… who is Vita referring to, Nanoha or Fate?_

Yunno: this brings up one of the questions made by Major Mike Powell III

Zafira: that guy should thankful that his address is been protected by BT (which is totally untrue)

Yunno: the guy would have been toast a hundred of times by now if anyone knew where he lives, anyway MMP III asked this, "Vita-chan...what are your REAL feelings towards Nanoha?"

Vita:…

_Vita is blushing bright red as she thinks of what to say… one wrong word and you'll be eating Plasma Lancer for supper by the great head chef Fate!_

Zafira: this is the firs time I seen you been so quite about answering such a simple question Vita

Vita:… SHUT UP!!!

Yunno: can you answer the question then?

Vita:… well she's a good friend and I respect her a lot

Zafira: so you're just like the other girls who got cupid arrow by her lady killer smile… right?

_Vita is been restrained again by a dozen of binds from bashing her hammer upon Zafira, unfortunately for the blue wolf is also bounded up for making Vita so angry… I think Nanoha uses Divine Buster than a Cupid arrow if you ask me!_

Yunno:… Zafira…. Please don't provoke Vita

_Yunno is looking a little too evil for anyone's liking…should I call the exorcist… anyone?_

Yunno: anyway on to the next question, MMP III asks, "Which one's your favourite? Young Nanoha or Older Nanoha? And be HONEST, Vita-chan. LOL"

_Vita is unbounded while Zafira is left bounded… by any chance Yunno is doing this on purpose so Vita can use Zafira to let off some "stress" on something?_

Vita:…. Arrk….. can I skip that question?

Yunno: no, it should be a simple question of answering, isn't it?

* * *

_Inside the Takamachi residents inside, Nanoha's room, watching the show is none other than the older and younger White Devil… they're both polishing their Raising Hearts_

Young Nanoha: which is it Vita?

Older Nanoha: please say

_Judging from their looks as they polish their Raising Hearts they're going to use it on Vita… if Vita say she likes the younger one she'll get blasted by five Starlight Breakers, while saying she likes the Older will earn her a point blank range Starlight Breaker… hmmm five SBs OR one SB in the face???_

_

* * *

_

_Yunno thought he heard the cackling of evil laughter's by two Devils… isn't BT the only one who can hear this stuff???_

Vita:…. I like both of them!

_The crowd is shocked at her bold answer… Vita has found a loop hole in the question!!!_

Yunno: well I won't ask any further details regarding your reason

Vita: thanks

_Looks relieved that she won't be dying… yet_

Yunno: anyway, what are you thoughts of Fate?

Vita: she may be soft when she's talking to young kids but if you get on her bad side…

Yunno: Vita… you're talking to the guy that got Plasma Lancer eight times in a row, then Plasma Zamber Breaker four times on top of it in only four hours

Vita:…why are you still alive??

Yunno: must be the time when Nanoha Divine Buster me twenty fours in just one hour

_The crowd is too shock for words… wouldn't anyone be shocked to hear that Yunno has survived what has to be the most painful thing you could ever have done to you in your entire life?_

Zafira:… anyway, Vita have you got any words to express about our mistress?

Vita:… she's nice

_I think everyone got the idea that Hayate is feared for her Cos play craving and paper fan… I feel sorry for her poor aides that have to work under her…_

Zafira: it can't be helped, whenever Hayate ask you in that sweet voice you agree all too eagerly

_Vita looks embarrassed, everyone agrees with Zafira words… why do I have this sudden chill running down my spine?_

Zafira: you even slept in the same bed while she dressed you up while you were asleep

_Yunno backs away a little as Vita is now beginning to shake uncontrollably… anyone wants to stop Zafira?_

Zafira: I remember her putting you in diapers while sucking on a milk bottle and calling her "mommy," then…

_Zafira just notice Vita brandishing Graf Eisen in __Zerstörungform__ (Destructive form aka giant form with a huge drill!) looking angry with glowing red eyes… ah hell not again!_

Vita:…z….z….z……..k

Zafira:. w….w…..we can talk about this… can't we??

_The blue wolf jumps out of the way as the hammer smashes his chair and the audience stand behind him, the audience boxes survive the impact and is sent through the walls to land in the moat filled with man eating Tunas… if the audience manage to survive been shaken like a baked bean can they have to deal with the man eating Tunas… why is there man eating Tunas here in the first place???_

Yunno:… *sigh*

_Zafira is running away with Vita smashing everything round her, she demolished the nice room they're in and all remaining audience inside their nice boxes… audience still attending after the end of this interview… ZERO_

Zafira: HELP!!!!

Yunno: sorry, I can't bind her when she's running this quickly

_Yunno is smiling evilly as he watch Zafira try to avoid been pummelled into food paste… anyone want mince dog meat or tooth paste?_

Voice: we're back!

_Walking through the red curtain door is BT with something strapped to his back, walking alongside him is Vivi while walking alongside him, while leaning on his shoulder, is the older Vivio… is it me or do Vivio looks a little green?_

BT: yeesh, I told you eating that extra large sundae was a bad idea

Vivio:… *blech* … I can't help it if I have a sugar craving

BT: I thought a bar of chocolate would do it, not a freaking truck!

_Vivi is holding onto her adorable bunny rabbit that's dressed up in the same outfit as Vita, it even comes along with it's Graf Eisen… let's pray that bunny rabbit don't go on a rampage like Vita is right now_

Vivi: YAY Bunny!!!

_BT saw Zafira runs past him and looks ahead to see Vita wielding Graf Eisen with murderous flaming rage surrounding her… someone better call the fire department!_

Vita: KILLLLL!!!!!!!

_Looks like Vita has completely and utterly gone into over kill and isn't caring whose in front of her… isn't this a bad thing if Vita beats BT up and Nanoha hears about this… it's nice knowing both, we shall all remember you two, Vita and BT!_

Vivio: yikes!

_Vivio grabs her younger self and springs away while BT whips out the package on his back and blocks Graf Eisen attack, the audience are surprise to see the package that's blocking Vita attack is a chair… OK I've seen everything now!_

Vita: BREEEEEAAAAAAKKKKKK!!!!!!

BT: CHAAAAIIIIIIRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_The two began to scream at each other as they try to see who will win the chair of the hammer… someone tell me they're not ripping off another show!_

Vivio:… ark

_She runs off to the bathroom leaving Vivi who runs around laughing between the hammer knight and the interviewer… you know if either of them hurt Viv they're going have to answer to the legion of fans and not to mention the White Devil._

Yunno: that's enough you two

_Yunno binds both of them… why didn't he do that from the very beginning?_

Zafira: why did you stop it, I was betting BT been creamed by Vita!

_Zafira is sitting at the side with popcorn next to the cameraman as he snatch a few from the large box… anyone order some hot dog for lunch today and a camera deluxe toy as well?_

BT: hah! My newly acquired indestructible chair will win!

Vita: Graf Eisen will bust that chair of yours to bits!

_Yunno forgot to pull them away because their…weapons, are still locked together… someone wake me up when they finally stop messing around._

Cameraman: did anyone hear that cracking sound?

_Graf Eisen simply breaks apart; the chair seemed to be the winner for a second until it crumbled into pieces as well… well that was exciting_

BT:…m…..my…..chair…

_BT gets depressed and skulks over to a corner and cries over his loss over his precious chair… someone slap him back to normal, please!_

Vita:… Graf Eisen!

_The hammer knight clutches at her device which has return back to its standby form… is it me or is the thing crying?_

Zafira: Vita… Vita…

_Vita has gone completely silent as she stares at her precious device_

Zafira:… Vita sit down and don't cry… I'll got and get you some hot milk and a warm blanket for you, OK?

_Vita jumps the blue wolf and begins ripping his fur out… at least we know Vita isn't going to descend into depression like BT who's still crying over his broken chair… _

Yunno: seeing as you're back to normal what do you say about this statement

_Vita sits on the chair while holding onto the fur of what appears to be the end of Zafira's tail_

Vita: what statement?

Yunno: Major Mike Powell III said this "you're SO adorable. You're just right after Vivi in my Adorable-o-meter. LMAO"

_Vita smiles at the compliment… why do I have such a bad vibe when she smiled like that?_

Vita: oh… is that so then I'm sure he won't mind if I thank him personally if he told me his address…

BT: sorry, no can do

_BT states while standing behind Vita… when the hell did he recovered from his depression?_

Vita: why?

BT: because when you find the guy you're going to smash him just so you can get on Nanoha's good side

Cameraman: I thought Vita was on good terms with the White Devil?

BT: the guy who she was suppose to pulverise has just made his proposal to Fate when she visited him in Hospital

_Everyone went silent…_

Vita:…o…oh no…

* * *

_Somewhere inside the hospital Fate is looking at the small box the patient just gave her_

Injured guy:… well what do you think?

Fate:.. I… I don't know…. Sorry

Injured guy: what do you have to lose?

_Stepping into the room is the White Devil looking ready to blast the guy to dust… if you don't succeed once try, try again_

Nanoha: DIE!

_She blast the poor guy before Fate would explain to Nanoha_

Fate: Nanoha, he's not proposing he's asking me do I want to adopt a puppy!

* * *

_BT and Yunno heard the sound of crying and apologising and the sound of cracking as someone is extracted from two floors below… great, does this mean that both Yunno and BT can hear these things from now on?_

Yunno: why are you back to normal???

Vivio: I reminded him that chair is the prototype

Vivi: Hammy Bunny!!!!

_Vivi ran around with her bunny which is now wielding a giga size hammer… someone please don't tell me we're going to have killer rabbits next on this show!_

BT: anyway thanks for coming to the show Vita

_He shakes her hand… sorry Yunno BT is back so you can step down now_

Yunno: well I guess it's not bad been an interviewer

BT: why don't you do the announcement of whose the next guest for the next show?

Yunno: certainly

_The camera zooms on Yunno then stops only inches from his nose… that's a little TOO close buddy!_

Yunno: next time we're going to be heading out to section six training field to interview Vita all time favourite pupil, and the one whose got the hots for Nanoha, yep you guessed it we're off to interview Subaru, don't worry Nanoha won't be there because she's going to be apologising to the poor guy she just blasted in the hospital while Fate is playing with their newly acquired puppy

Vita: how do you know all this already?

Cameraman: the Ninja Cameraman just got there and reporting is reporting by telephone, also he's taking the photos as we speak of the White Devil grovelling to the man she wrongly blasted thinking he wants to marry Fate

BT: also next time we'll be meeting up the Samurai Cameraman as he displays is his sword camera better or is Subaru's Mach Calibre better, so until then, later!

_The bill is handed to Vita, the others watch as Vita goes on a rampage and make a quick exit from the crumbling castle and pass the moat filled with the empty metal boxes… here's a lesson kids, never put yourself in a metal box when there is a moat filled with man eating Tunas_


	13. Interview 12

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha**

**Interview 12: Home Run!**

_The setting for this interview is set on the training field of section six, most of the staff, minus BT, are there with a ring of audience all dressed in baseball gear... anyone want to play human size baseballs?_

Arf: welcome to the show I'm your temporary host Arf!

_The crowd cheers wildly as Arf gives a peace sign while in her adult form... fan service anyone?_

Arf: BT can't join us because he's currently having a chat with the three aces, well one of them... the white devil is still grovelling for forgiveness, my adorable Fate is playing with a not so adorable puppy and Hayate is trying to put BT in some strange outfit as payment for using the training field... all in all that leaves me running the show for today

_The crowd head butt each other at the extra good news... by any chance BT is doing this to give the "forgotten characters" their precious "screen time"?_

Arf: well let's get started, my guest today has been trained personally by the White Devil, has a stockpile of pictures of her beloved instructor in some... questionable shots made by someone with a death wish (no it's not the cameramen who took the shots!) and is another drooling Nanoha zombie who will willingly stand in front of Nanoha if she said "do anyone want to volunteer to see how powerful is my Starlight Breaker is at point blank range?".... Ladies and gentlemen I like to present you the Queen of Braves Subaru Nakamaji! (Reference to the King of Braves!)

_Roller blade into sight is Subaru who decided to show off her skills by grind a railing then skate across a wall sideways before kicking off and try to land on the seat next to Arf, unfortunately she lands on the chair and breaks her part of the stage and chair... will this count towards BT chair count destruction?_

Arf:.... nice.... landing

Subaru:...thanks... I think...

_Subaru extract herself from the small crater she created and brush off the splinter of woods and glass before getting a new chair and sitting down on the platform that still survive… remind me to never ask her to attend any grand opening which involves chairs and a stage_

Cameraman: arrrk, whose paying for the repairs for that?

Yunno: no one, it was about to be destroyed but we salvaged it just for today's show

Cameraman: gee sounds like we gone a little cheap on this show

Zafira: the only one in the entire staff whose been paid is you!

Cameraman: well that really makes my day knowing that I'M the only one been paid

_Zafira, Arf, Yunno and the other three cameraman looks ready to turn the Cameraman into mince meat… we're currently looking for a new Cameraman who don't mind been blasted to bits, fancy taking the job? If so please contact BT at the end of the show._

Arf: anyway my first question, do you love your older sister a lot?

Subaru: yes I love her so much, right next to Nanoha…

_Subaru begins to drool and looks so carefree… OK someone snap her out before the show ends!_

Arf: could you say more about why you love your sister so much… Subaru… Subaru… SUBARU!!!

_Subaru didn't pay attention until Arf took a table and slaps Subaru with it and sent her flying to the crowd… she tore them apart two seconds later… great what's next on the furniture weapon list… a lamp?_

Subaru: sorry, sorry, sorry

_She apologises to the unfortunate audience who are forgiving her… I wonder will they send their health bills to her?_

Arf: could you answer my question?

_Our beloved familiar is now holding onto what appears to be the bonnet of a car… what no frying pan?_

Subaru: errr…. sure….

_Seats herself next to Arf whose still holding onto her "reminder" for Subaru sake… and here I thought the use of the chair as a weapon was stupid…_

Subaru: me and Ginga-nee really get along well, we're always laughing together while we bake cakes or going out for fun and even during my rampage when someone I know got an actual autograph from Nanoha my sister would put me down faster than I can say "Nanoha is mine!"

_Arf wonders would it be a blessing to simply knock Subaru out now with her new "weapon"… uses the chair for freaking sake, that's what BT would have done and it's normal too!_

Alicia: OK, would it be a bad time to mention that Nanoha belongs to Fate?

Subaru:…n…nn…NEVER!!!

_Subaru runs into the audience and begins to "let off" some frustration at what Alicia said… is Subaru letting off steam knowing that she'll probably only last about half a second against Fate… where the hell has Alicia been all this time?_

Arf: *sigh* restrainers!

_Popping out of the ground is dozen of binds and Zafira with the new Samurai Cameraman who carried Subaru back to the seat next to Arf while snarling hate at the audience… I said it once but I'll say it again, how many binds can that guy make?… anyway anyone want to call Fate and call it early today?_

Samurai Cameraman: should I knock her back into her senses?

Arf: please do

_The samurai drew out his katana slowly while Subaru is slowly breaking out of the binds, he points his sword towards Subaru while a camera is attach at the end of his sword… how in blue monkeys name did he manage to draw that sword with THAT attached to the end of it!!!_

Alicia: I'm still trying to figure out how he does it

Vivio: don't try; you'll simply give yourself a headache

Ninja Cameraman: only we Cameramen know the secret

Cameraman: we do?

_The Ninja and Pirate Cameramen stare at the Cameraman with looks of disappointment… I really need to give that guy a proper name than Cameraman… anyway the Cameraman is normal compare to you weirdoes with your Chain Camera weapon and Camera Harpoon!_

Arf: this is taking too long!

_Arf jumps in and smack Subaru with a wooden deck chair which puts Subaru back to normal… told you using the chair is a good idea!_

Subaru:…errr… what happened?

Arf: never mind, anyway we got a question from our usual questioner

Alicia: Major Mike Powell III… right?

Vivio: be glad SOMEONE wants to ask a question

Arf: true, anyway MMP III asking two questions, the first is this "what are your thoughts on having a car brand's name?"

Subaru: hmmmm well Subaru is kind of common and can be used as a name for both guys or girls, it also been used for other names like a telescope in Hawaii, an ancient region in the Middle East and even the name of a Star Cluster called Pleiades in Japanese, since I'm named after so many important things I'm proud of the name

Alicia: wow, you know all that fact about your name?

Subaru: nope, I just looked it up on Wikipedia before I came here

_Everyone stare at her with looks of shock… who don't use Wikipedia for goodness sake!_

Yunno: you could have asked me!

Vivio: uncle Yunno probably knew all those facts

Yunno: yeah, but her name is used for a lot of characters from anime and games, which I'm not going to name right now

Alicia: you know that really didn't reassure me one bit at all

Samurai Cameraman: fight me!

_Subaru does just that and fights the Samurai who is holding his ground against her… I wonder will that camera on the end break… then again how much the damn thing cost to make!_

Arf: Yunno

_On cue binds came up and bind the two… is it me or is the Samurai turning blue from having his neck tied up or could it be the bind between his legs a little tight… on second thought let's not even think about that shall we!_

Arf: now can you two be sensible as I ask the next question without you trying to kill each other?

Vivio: I think they got the point

Alicia: I'll say, if someone was to tie me up like that I would listen for sure

Cameraman: is Yunno into that kind of thing?

Yunno: want to find out?

Cameraman: no thanks I'm not into that kind of stuff

Zafira: can't it be helped; Yunno used every known bind to make it look like "that"

_Everyone tries not to think about "that"… I'll leave it to your imagination what it could be, BWHAHAHAH__A__!_

Arf: let's get on with the show, OK Subaru Major Mike Powell II also asked this, "WHY do you have the hots for Nanoha?"

Subaru: Nanoha-san is the one person I want to be with as she's stolen my innocence and soul in one day when I flew in her arms

_Subaru drools at the memory while everyone stare at her wondering is she really telling them the truth… do anyone want to break the news to Fate or Nanoha… or if you're feeling extra friendly why not both at the same time and see what the results are?_

Alicia: wouldn't it be your heart than your innocence?

Vivio: don't try to reason with her, she was like that ever since she was young… I heard she broke a mugger's legs and arms at the airport when she was only ten years old before she met Nanoha-mama

Voice: looks like you guys are having fun

_They all turn to see a guy dressed up as the Masked rider (Kamen Rider, just look it up on wiki!) standing in front of them all in a justice pose with his hands at his hip while the long red scarf is blowing by the wind and the sun reflecting off his large black helmet with two large green bug eyes… OK special effect guys doing the lighting and fan sure did a pretty good job with this_

Vivio:…

Vivi: MASKED RIDER!!!! YAYYY!!!!

_Vivi jumps the guy dressed up as the Masked Rider… at least he's not dressed up as a power ranger!_

Maksed Rider: Hey, it's ME!

Arf:… BT?

Cameraman: boss?

Alicia: sir?

Young Nanoha: Target?

_Everyone stare at the newly arrived Young Nanoha whose smiling with Raising Heart prime to attack BT/Masked Rider… what is her problem with wanting to blast BT? _

Alicia: why are you dressed up like that?

Cameraman: for a party maybe?

BT: no, Hayate made me wear this stupid belt and asked me to do a pose, I did and before I knew it I'm transformed into the Masked Rider… beside the snazzy power boost and stuff, I CAN'T get this thing off!

Samurai: do Hayate have an Afro Samurai outfit!

_The Samurai is now duelling with Subaru as they wreck the small stands and half a building… bet's on whose going to win is welcomed!_

Arf: get back here!

BT: let me get them!

_BT websites and a motor bike comes through that crush half of the audience, he jumps up do a somersaults lands on the saddle and rides after them with the grand weapon of all, the Masker Rider Ultimate Rider chair!... OK I'm going to leave if BT suddenly starts acting like a super hero on the next episode!_

Arf: Yunno…

Yunno: with pleasure

_Yunno fires off (don't even ask me how many!) binds and drag the three of them back to their seat so Arf can continue her interview… at least we know Arf and Yunno got a great relationship in terms of team work, Yunno tie them up and Arf beats them up, simple!_

Arf: can you PLEASE finish this interview before you go off beating people up?

_Arf looks like a demon with a demonic visage behind her of what appears a large wolf with knife and fork with a napkin which scared the hell out of the three of them into obedience… bet the devil will be running away in fear if he saw Arf… then again wouldn't anyone want to run away?_

Subaru: …ok…

Arf: good… now then you only answer half the question; Major Mike Powell III also said "Don't you have Teana to help you out with that itch? LOL"

Subaru: I and Tia are good friends, we're not like that at all, after all I heard she has a thing for Vice-san

BT: who told you?

Subaru: Vice-san of course

* * *

_Inside section six Vice is running away in a wheel chair with Teana shooting a barrage at the poor guy with demonic flames round her… anyone want to take bets Vice is going back to the hospital in the next five minutes? _

Teana: I'm going to skin you alive!!!

Vice: come on… you're not into Subaru are you???

Teana: you went and told everyone that I fancy you when I have my eyes on Subaru!

_Vice power slides round a corner… what the heck…. and skid to a stop in front of Nanoha and a half prepared Starlight Breaker… White Devil in front and the Devil Gunslinger behind… I think Vice is going to need to contact the Grim Reaper about his date…_

Nanoha: so you were the one who took those pictures, hmmm???

Vice: b..but…but Subaru asked for them!

_The White Devil simply points and shoots the Starlight Breaker JUST when Teana came round the corner_

_

* * *

_

_Part of Section six is blasted to bits as two familiar outlines could be seen inside the Starlight Breaker accompanied by screaming… at least everyone can hear that!_

Vivio: Vice-san deserved it

BT: but Teana didn't if you notice

Zafira: I'll go off and find her… what's left of her anyway

BT: Ninja and Pirate will help you with that

_The three jump onto the Pirate Cameraman's ship and sail off to find Teana, if they find Vice they'll probably just leave him or make him walk to the plank to a pit filled with a raging White Devil and Teana… sorry we couldn't afford the sharks!_

Yunno: should we carry on?

Arf: yes, Subaru, what do you think of Erio?

Subaru: well Erio is really cute whenever he walks on us girls when we just came out of the bath, the way he blushes and tries to runaway while I cuddle him and smother him to the point he has a nose bleed and pass out, or the time…

BT: we get the idea! What about Caro?

Subaru: Caro is also so sweet, we tend to chat about random stuff, but whenever we talk about how cute Erio is she would start giving off this bad vibe and holding onto a bloody nail driven baseball bat… I can't exactly remember what happened the last time I got her so enraged…. Heheheh…

_Everyone pretend they didn't hear the last part… I'll leave it to your imagination as to what COULD happened to Subaru after one "session" with Caro_

Yunno: what about Fate and Hayate?

Subaru: Fate-san is always smiling to the others but when she set her eyes upon me I felt this cold shiver run down my spine, it felt like the Grim Reaper apprentice is standing right in front of me… I don't see our commander much so I can't comment except Vita who always mumbling about been used for dress up…

_Everyone wonder how in hells name has Subaru survived with constant contact with Fate… that is true how did Subaru survive if Fate is nearby with a Plasma Zamber Breaker with Subaru's name on it!_

Arf: well I think I'll call it a day, thanks for coming to the…

Vivio: what do you think about me Subaru-san?

Subaru: Vivio…

_Subaru simply drools at the sight of older Vivo and begins to drift towards her with a carefree look… someone protect Vivio or else Subaru will eat her!_

Alicia: errrr…

_Subaru opens her mouth filled with rows of razor sharp teeth ready to eat Vivio, Alicia comes in and smacks Subaru with a baseball bat… she's going… going… gone… HOME RUN!!!!!!!_

Arf:… never mind

BT: don't worry about it; the guest may leave at anytime for strange reasons

Yunno: I recall every single guest you interviewed shaking your hand before leaving

Cameraman: there's a first for everything

BT: anyway next time we'll be interviewing Lindy Harlaown in the blasted ruins of some place, don't ask me what that place was before Lindy decided to blast it, also I'll be there with our final Cameraman the Space Marine who's been itching to get on the show and show off his indestructibility, if you have any question for Lindy then tell us and I'll be sure to tell her, so until then later

Cameraman: you seem to be introducing the cameramen awfully quickly of late

BT: can't be helped the Holiday special episodes coming up so I want to introduce the staffs before that happen

Cameraman: what holidays will we be covering?

BT: Christmas and new years of course!

Cameraman: are you going to interview that Muscle lover Zeck as well?

BT: unfortunately yes, I'll be interviewing him in the near future

YN: I'm barely in this episode and it's already ending!!!

_Young Nanoha goes on a rampage and wipes out the last remaining audience and section six… from the wreckage flies a seriously angry older White Devil who promptly stares at her quivering younger self as the flames began to burn her large collection of Fate pictures stash… if you want to live start RUNNING!_

Arf: I think it would be wise if all of us leave this place

BT: less talking more running!

_The survivors, which is the entire staff of Interview Hell… when has the audience ever survive in this show?…, leaves the area while Young Nanoha stare at her older self fearfully … anyone want to bet that the younger Nanoha has just wet her pants from seeing her older self looking at her with pure rage??… Then again who wouldn't be wetting their pants if they were in her position??_


	14. Interview 13

**Authors note:** I'm breaking my usual routine of posting this on a Tuesday and going to post one today, but that might mean there may not be a chapter for next week… oh well you'll have to wait until next week to find out. BT

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha**

**Interview 13 Blasted once, blasted twice!**

BT: welcome to the show, I'm your host BT, today I'm sitting here inside a crater as you can see

_BT and the cameraman is in the middle of a still smoking crater while a statue stood next to BT with a banner saying "BT Interview set!"… Is it me or is the words written in blood…. or ketchup judging from the bottle of ketchup standing a few yards away from them?_

Cameraman: why is it only the two of us here?

BT: the staffs are currently hiding inside a bunker fifty miles to the north while to the east are the audience in their own bunker, but they'll be here spiritually

_Click s his fingers making two screen appear showing the staff on one screen the audience on another… anyone want to take bets how long will the audience survive?_

BT: also we're here with the final cameraman, the Space Marine (please look up Warhammer 40K to find out what the guy looks like if you're wondering)

_The statue beside BT, that stood seven foot high encased in gunmetal colour armour gives a thumbs up before folding his arms across his broad chest… tell me that guy isn't suppose to be the shield against any possible Arc-En-Ceil attacks?_

BT: anyway today we're joined by the Captain of the Asura, which has been repaired more times than episodes this shows been running, loves drinking sweet hot green tea which has made Nanoha queasy when they first met and is the proud mother of both Fate and Chrono, of course she's about to lose a son if Fate don't stop beating him up, Ladies and Gentlemen I proudly introduce the captain of the Saura, Lindy Harlaown

_A screen appears with Lindy smiling brightly at BT… Is it me or do that look like a black pitchfork standing at the side behind Lindy?_

Lindy: thanks for inviting me to the show

BT: no problem, but why are you on the Asura still and why did you ask me to interview here?

Lindy: do you really want to know?

BT: errr... on second thought, imagine I never ask that question… which begs to have a Arc-en-ceil fired upon me

Lindy: oh my you do have such a wild imagination

_BT laughs nervously as do the others on the other screens… do anyone want to try and see if Lindy is lying or not about not shooting you with the Arc-en-ceil at you? Anyone?_

BT: well let's get started, how do you feel about slowly been side line from the support cast in Strikers?

Lindy: I felt its fine after the producers said they'll allow me a scene or two, I agreed to their offer asking them to foot the bills I've acquired since the last season

BT: errr… I won't ask what kind of bills they are… anyway what your thoughts are of having Amy as your daughter now?

Lindy: she's wonderful to say the least, she's a good cook, knows how to house clean, is great with her kids and above all she keeps a tight leash on my rampant son whenever he gets the urge to see his beloved sister while they were younger

BT: yeah… hey guys, is our little Fate with you?

_The screen with the staffs look round for a few moments before the screen turns to see Fate is sleeping comfortably in Arf's lap making everyone go "awww" at the cute sight… everyone have ten seconds to look away before a Excellion Buster wipes them out… Starlight Breaker has been banned by Older Nanoha because of what happened last episode…_

BT: good, if our little Fate heard about her precious "onii-chan" I'm sure I'm going have one less interview in the near future of this show

Space Marine: ha, if I protect him he'll survive to make that interview

BT: I'm more worried about you incurring older Fate's wraith, which in turn will be directed at ME!

Cameraman: talk about tough customers

BT: anyway, what are your thoughts of your dear children/grandchildren/ whatever, namely Caro and Erio?

_Everyone try to follow what BT said but fail miserably… well Erio IS Fate sister in some respect after Lindy became Erio guardian while Caro has Fate as her guardian… or was that the other way round??_

Lindy: they're so adorable, especially when I heard the news that they got married and living on a farm as they make babies together and…

BT: errr… let's move on then

_Everyone agree as everyone can picture Erio in the worst possible position with Caro with a whip and bloodied nail bat… anyone want BT to interview Erio how he's coping been "married" to Caro?_

Cameraman: Does Lindy mind we call her Fate our little Fate?

Lindy: of course not, I know all of you take good care of her... right?

_In the sky they saw something sparkling… ALL HANDS TAKE COVER!!!_

BT: YES WE DO!!!!!

Cameraman: PLEASE DON'T SHOOT US!!!

Lindy: fine, I wo…

_Before anyone could say a word the Asura fires the Arc-en-ceil… errr… Lindy you just ended the interview before its even half way through!_

BT: ah crud!

Cameraman: whatarewegoingtodo whatarewegoingtodo whatarewegoingtodo whatarewegoingtodo whatarewegoingtodo whatarewegoingtodo whatarewegoingtodo!!!!

Space Marine: ha! I can take it!

_At this point the Marine sticks his middle finger at the oncoming blast then cross his arms over his chest in display of defiance… Showdown! Space Marine Vs the Asura!_

BT: Quick get the blow torch and stuff we brought with us!

_BT and the cameraman grabs some wielding torches and plates of metal and build a shelter BEHIND the marine and took cover… it's a new record! They built that small cover within five seconds!_

BT: want to take bets that my invulnerability will safe us?

Cameraman: you have to be kidding me!

_The Arc-en-ceil hits and blasts the crater… again! _

_

* * *

_

_We now move to the staff hiding in the north bunker… anyone wants to take bets that BT survive that without a scratch… again?_

Yunno: can anyone get a bearing on them?

Alicia: nope, I can't get anything but static

Arf: that's it… we're out of the job… there goes our wonderful screen time

Yunno: NOOOOOO!!!! After we finally got some decent screen time as well!!!

Alicia: oh pipe down you two, they maybe still alive

Reinforce: I highly doubt that

Arf: where have you been?

Reinforce: I just got permission to join the show just this moment, so I came by to give BT the good news… of course I find that a little hard if he's been turned into dust after all that hard work I went through…

Arf: why don't you go out and check on him?

Reinforce: who's willing to go with me to check up on them?

Everyone: nope!

Vivio: come on, what on earth could survive a direct hit from an Arc-en-ceil attack?

Voice: me of course!

_Everyone turns to the screen to see BT standing straight with the Cameraman, the Space Marine still has his arms folded across his chest while lying on his back, the front of his armour is pitch black while smoke rose from it… errr I think that hurt the guy judging from the fountain of tears gushing out of his eyes… hold a sec he's got a helmet on!!!_

_

* * *

_

_BT dusts off the dirt on his clothes and hauls the stunned Cameraman to his feet with one hand… BT must be working out if he can haul the heavy cameraman with one hand… you'll find out later what I meant by heavy Cameraman, BWHAHAHAHAHA!!!_

Arf…how?

BT: combination of my luck, invulnerability, the Space Marine here and this!

_BT held up the stump of a chair… stop with the chair gags for goodness sake!_

Yunno: impossible!

Cameraman: trust me it's possible, I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't see it in person!

Lindy: oh you're still alive…

_Lindy looks disappointed that BT and the Cameraman survive what should be one shot kill… join the cue of characters that try to kill BT and failed!_

BT: yes I' am, care to explain why you shot me?

Lindy: sorry, subconscious reflex, when I put the key in I always turn it…

BT: someone get up there and keep an eye on her from turning it again on me!

Reinforce: I'll go

BT: take Vivio and Vivi with you just in case she needs reasoning, what better people to reason with her than her own grandchildrens!

_The three of them are beamed up to the Asura to watch over Lindy from "accidentally" turning the key that fires the Arc-en-ceil… someone must have thought "beam me up Scotty" at that point when they were transported to the ship... right?_

Cameraman: yo, still alive Marine?

Space Marine… I'm fine… just give… me a few minutes… to catch my breath

BT: well back to the interview, have the higher ups finally come to a decision about banning you from using the Arc-en-ceil yet?

Lindy: whatever could you mean?

_Lindy has her "borrowed" pitch fork accompanied with two red horns and a devils tail… if anyone knows an exorcists by the name of Alan Walker, could you tell him to get his sorry butt here already!_

BT: somehow I got the impression that subject was dropped… right?

Lindy: yes, they're now discussing should they ban Nanoha from having another season after the billions of bills she manage to rack up for them

* * *

_The higher ups (aka producers in this case) are held at staff point with Nanoha smiling ever so innocently with her younger counterpart as the producers grovel before her_

Older Nanoha: cut my show and I'll blast you before you can say "no more Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha"

Producer: errr… but you're a woman now…

Younger Nanoha: but I'm still eligible to be called girl though

Producer: yes but the older Nanoha can't be refer to as "magical girl" anymore…

Older Nanoha: I'll never retire as a Magical Girl

_Five Starlight Breakers and one Excellion Buster are charged and ready to be unleashed_

_

* * *

_

_BT heard the begging follow by the sound of evil laughter and blasting then more grovelling… BT really needs a holiday if he keeps hearing things which takes place millions of miles away from him_

BT: anyway my next question comes from our number one questioner

Cameraman: you mean ONLY questioner whose brave enough to ask

BT: you want me to cut your salary?

Cameraman: I mean wonderful questioner!

BT: Major Mike Powell III asked this "Let's see…hm…Lindy-sama…Drools for about a half-hour and then shakes head) I was thinkin'! I was thinkin'. LMAO" errr… mind if I fast forward a bit?

Lindy: oh don't I want to hear what he said

_Lindy looks very happy… who wouldn't be happy to hear such flattery?_

BT: OK, "Now, Lindy-sama...what do you think of Nanoha's mother, Momoko-chan? 'Cuz there's this fic on the A'S forum where you and her end up together. I just wanted to know your thoughts on this."

Lindy: oh Momoko-san, she's a very interesting woman and I got on very well with her as we talk about our children's

BT: are you avoiding the question?

_Lindy turns her head very quickly as black flames surround her while she smiles… everyone has two seconds to leave before BT gets blasted again!_

Lindy: what makes you think I'm avoiding the question?

BT: errr… *puts on a brave face* I need you to answer it because I wouldn't have answered the question in the first place…

Lindy… fine, the thought of me and Nanoha's mother ending up together IS an interesting thought… but should someone bring that up again I won't be so nice to them

_Everyone wrote down her words to remember for the rest of their lives that even one mention of this will earn them an Arc-en-ceil… do that mean she might have a thing for Nanoha's m*commentator gets blasted*_

BT: errr… this should put you back in a good mood…

Lindy: oh what could that be?

BT: Major Mike… MMPIII also said this, "And you're FREAKIN' B-E-A-Utiful, Lindy-sama! I just LOVE those symbols on your forehead!"

Lindy: mmmmm, I'm starting to like him

_BT smile then read the last part and gulps down whatever he has in his throat, he makes a motion to the staff screen as they scramble to do what he asked them to… eruk looks like she even blast those off screen as well… my poor car! (the commentator is currently weeping over his ruined car…)_

BT: OK… please don't get mad…

Lindy: oh it couldn't be that bad… right?

_Lindy looks like the devil from the way she smiles at BT while our poor interviewer is sweating bullets… oh dear looks like BT is going to get blasted… what's new other than seeing BT or the audience gets blasted?_

BT: Errr… we have a new questioner that just sent us a new question

Cameraman: wow that's defiantly new, what's the question?

BT: the question from Rockonmaniac is, "Why did you adopt Fate?"

Lindy: oh my, Fate is such an adorable girl, I couldn't but help adopt her and add her to the family when I heard about her past… I would have love to test the capability of the Arc-en-ceil after extended periods of firing it on Pricilla if I took her alive back then…

_The audience nod in agreement… well she did deserve it back then… but now it's a little hard…errr… shoot her when she's nice one second and demon the next…_

BT: if it was Hayate family I dread to think what could be happening right now…

Cameraman: wouldn't it be worse if Fate was adopted into Nanoha's family?

BT: let's pretend that sack of meat didn't say that… anyway the second part of the question is, "What do you do to Fate at home?"

Lindy: … BT…

_Lindy has a large bulging vein that's ready to pop… someone is going to get blasted soon… how do you like your interviewer steak, medium rare or well done?_

BT: you know I can't divulge that information no matter how much you threaten to shoot me, I told older Fate and everyone else that I don't know!

Lindy… what could the questioner be referring to?

BT: that you shower Fate with so much love that she could eat it?

Lindy: oh, if you put it that way I do educate Fate about normal life

BT: like?

Lindy: how to deal with annoying males that try to grab you at certain places or even to deal with the odd fan with extreme force or to turn a interviewer into mince meat with only a spoon...

BT: errr… I imagine that Nanoha would be the one to educate those to Fate?

_Everyone wonder did BT heard about the last part about turning a interviewer into mince meat with a spoon… in this kind of work BT probably gets regular death threats daily from fans to characters of the series… anyone wants BT job?_

Lindy: Nanoha already knows before I taught her, I would have love to adopt her as well, and set up cameras in Fate room, Naonha would probably jump my precious Fate right behind my back and do this and then maybe some of that and...

_Lindy simply drools at the thoughts that passes through her mind along with the audience, some are currently on the floor bleeding through their nose while having uncontrollable thoughts of Fate and Nanoha been together… the audience are begging to be blasted!_

BT: … errrr…

_Most of the staff is running about getting the thing BT asked them with his earlier gesture, Arf is smiling happily as she thought of something while Fate comfortably remains sleeping her on lap… next up Santa helper Nanoha is going to get a young Fate as a Christmas present!_

BT: moving on… MMPIII also asked another question

Lindy: oh, what kind of question?

BT: *gulp* right MMP III ask this as well, "Oh, and what's your bra size? They're D's, I bet. They're D's, aren't they? ROFL"

_Everyone watch as Lindy simile radiate light while she held up the key… shouldn't the guys on the ship restrain her before she shoots BT again?_

_

* * *

_

_On the Asura, Vivio plays a game of pass the ball to her younger self with Reinforce watching… HELLO!!! Emergency happening right behind you!!!_

BT: LINDY IS ABOUT TO SHOOT ME… AGAIN!!!

_Vivio hearing this turns to see Lindy still smiling radiantly while holding the key up as she readies to plunge it into the slot… please don't tell me Lindy is enjoying letting BT see his death come at him in slow motion!_

Vivio: stop it grandma!

_Vivio and Reinforce tackle Lindy to the ground, Vivi takes the key… let's pray (or hope depending who you are) that Vivi don't put the key in and turns it_

_

* * *

_

_Back on the ground BT is pacing back and forward, the cameraman is praying for some miracle and the Marine is still on his back crying… I still can't understand how his tears are coming out of that helmet when it's still intact!_

BT: where is my protection!!!!

_From above them a crate is dropped, BT throws a miniature chair boomerang that sent it plummeting to the ground and land on the Space Marine... I said it once but I'll say it again, enough with the chair gags!_

Cameraman: what do you have in mind boss?

BT: THIS!

_Brings out a huge drill and hands one to the Cameraman and the Space Marine… oh no, don't tell me he's now going to rip off THAT anime series and say THAT line as well?_

_

* * *

_

_Lindy is finally restrained at her seat by Reinforce and Vivio's binds while little Vivi dances round with the key in her hand… anyone still thinking that BT is still save!_

Vivi: what's this for?

Vivio: that's the key to shoot the big firework thing on this ship

Vivi: oooo fireworks!

_Vivio had call the Arc-en-ceil a firework which made Vivi scramble to the captains chair and put the key into the firing port and turns it… well I didn't see THAT coming, not at all!_

_

* * *

_

_The Arc-en-ceil fires for the second time and blows up the crater... if you don't succeed once try, try again!_

Arf: he couldn't have survive that as well!

Young Fate: survive what?

_Rubs her eyes while the audience cheers with some dying from nose bleed or random head butting… tell me a young Fate in her barrier jacket in Sonic form isn't cute?_

Yunno: I rate their survival at fifty percent

Arf: why would you say that?

Yunno: hehehehe, BT asked us to send in his secret weapon to survive a possible Arc-en-ceil attack…

Arf: which is???

Alicia: three hand drills

Arf:…

_Arf looks at both Alicia and Yunno and wonder are they mad… I take it she hasn't seen THAT anime?_

Zafira: I doubt he'll survive

Alicia: oh Zafira, where have you been?

Zafira: I was sleeping with Vivi, when I woke up she's gone

Yunno: well Vivi is up on the Asura

Zafira: that's nice

Yunno: she was the one who fired the Arc-en-ceil at BT

Zafira: … that's… nice…

Voice: MY DRILL CAN PIERCE THE HEAVEANS!!!

_To their surprise the screen show the smoke been forcefully parted as a man wearing what appears to be a large navy blue trench coat, with a white shirt underneath the trench coat, and a pair grey low-rise jeans while he wore a ridiculously large shades emerge with a large drill about the size of a chair in his hand… if anyone has is reaching for the telephone to tell someone that we just ripped off another show please refrain for the moment_

Yunno: errr… who's that?

Zafira: I don't recall seeing any guy a guy like that in our staff room

_

* * *

The guy with large shades laughs like a maniac until another drill appears from behind him… if the next guy is dressed up like the first I suggest all readers leave as I fix this… with a human size spoon!_

BT: damn it… I really thought I was a goner there

Shade guy: do not fear for my drill can take us to the heavens!!!

BT:…

_The guy with shades gives cheesy thumbs up only to get BT to whack him with a chair… hell yes beat that guy u… where did BT get that chair from???_

BT: GET…BACK…TO…NORMAL!!!

_No one can see what's happening from the dust cloud that gathered from BT smacking the guy silly, but after a dozen hard smacks with the chair BT discard it and from the smoke rose the cameraman with his camera in a white shirt blue jeans a baseball cap turned backwards… errr… do not tell me that the guy with Shades was the cameraman… when he did change his clothes??_

Cameraman: huh… what?

BT: good you're back to normal… still with us Marine?

_BT and the cameraman drags the Marine out_

Marine: looks like this show will be worthy of displaying my invulnerability

BT: errr… yeah… anyway we'll conclude the show here, it's been a… pleasure to have you on the show Lindy

Lindy: the pleasure is all mine…

_Lindy is unbound with Vivi sitting in her lap while older Vivio smiles from behind Lindy while Reinforce is in her black form looking at the officer icily… Reinforce is about to go boom folks…_

BT: well that's all for today's show, join me next time as I interview someone we all been dying to meet

Cameraman: who?

BT: Chrono of course, Rockomaniac said he wanted Chrono so we'll give him Chrono, so stay tune for the next episode folks, until till then, later!

_The Asura fires something which lands on the audiences bunker and destroys it, rising from the smoke is reinforce looking normal and wondering what is she doing there… that's a new record of the audience managing to stay alive this long!_


	15. Interview 14

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Magical Lyrical Nanoha, but I DO own BT and the Cameramen, you'll have to ask me if you want to borrow them!**

**Interview 14: Unlimited Hate!**

Vivio: welcome to the show, I'm your host Vivio

_A screen to the right shows the audience going wild as they cheer older Vivio… don't tell me BT has gone off to get another invulnerable chair again!_

Vivio: BT is not here because he was in an accident just an hour ago and is currently hospitalize, also we've been invited to interview the guest here

_Vivio gesture to the room that looks pretty good with the chairs and table been made of oak and the mirror and book shelf to the side, not to mention the vault like door that looks like it can withstand two Starlight Breakers… wish I got those kind of doors…_

Cameraman: Does that mean he can't even pop up half way through the episode?

Vivio: I'm afraid not

_She gesture with her hand and a screen appears of someone bandaged like a mummy lying on a bed with both his hands and legs been strung up… what in hells name happened to the guy?_

Vivio: how you're feeling BT?

BT: I feel like a truck is sitting on top of me carrying twelve elephants… the pain!

Cameraman: what the hell happened to you boss?

Vivio: BT don't remember what happened, but luckily I was there to witness the entire thing with Vivi

Cameraman: OK… why didn't you go and help him?

Vivio: let me explain, BT was walking down the stairs from the eighth floor, the Samurai Cameraman told me this, when he tripped and fell down one flight of stairs and mange to bounce to the next set and kept rolling straight down to ground floor

Cameraman: ouch, talk about painful and unlucky been bounce straight into the next set of stairs

Vivio: true, but a crate of a statue was been moved up from the stairs, the guy holding the trolley let go when he saw BT bounce by him, you can guess what happened to the statue after that…

Cameraman: let's pray that statue didn't have any pointy bits on it

Vivio: nope, it held a warhammer which, oddly, struck BT square in the chest, as if that wasn't bad enough a tank truck smash through the wall, we manage to get everyone out except BT, Zafira was about to go back to save him but the tank truck blew up…

Cameraman: OK let's get this straight, the boss rolled down eight flights of stairs, gets squashed and whacked by the statue warhammer THEN a petrol truck plough through the wall and blew up right next to him, yet he STILL alive somehow?

Vivio: I know, I'm still surprise he's still breathing at all, he must have divine protection

Cameraman: maybe the one giving Divine protection made BT go through that for boasting to be invulnerable, like last episode when he survived an attack from the Asura Arc-en-ceil, not once, but twice!

BT: can you guys stop talking about my rotten luck of been nearly turned into roasted pate and carry on the show

Cameraman: sure we will, but what about you boss?

BT: it's not like I can do much while I'm bandaged up like the mummy for crying out loud, so I'll leave this interview to Vivio while I get some sleep

Vivio: I'll make sure the show goes smoothly

BT: good luck with trying to get it to run smoothly, anyway I'll see you guys when you come round to give me my flowers… you are visiting at the end of the show aren't you?

_Vivio and the cameraman looks guiltily at one another wondering should they tell BT… sorry BT I've been invited to the party they're holding_

BT: thanks MR commentator for telling me THAT!

_Vivio and the cameraman smiles sheepishly… hey we would have invited you, but you can't exactly walk can you BT?_

Vivio: I'll pop by with Vivi at the end of the show

BT: thanks, oh yes I nearly forgot, apology to AquaKaede, I'm afraid Tia won't be joining us for the next episode; she's still recovering from the Starlight Breaker from two episodes.

Cameraman: how do you know this boss?

BT: NURSE!!!

_A beautiful blonde female nurse appears and gives BT a sizzling look as the injured interviewer seems a little scared of… also she has a camera round her neck…don't tell me she's the Camera nurse that's going to be attending to the poor guy!_

Nurse: yes?

BT: could you pull back the curtains please so everyone can see my point

_The nurse did so to reveal BT neighbour is a bandaged Tia, her left arm and right leg been held up similar to BT… at least we know that Tia is still breathing from her encounter with Nanoha's Starlight Breaker… do this mean Vice is BT other neighbour or is Vice in the clutches of the White Devil?_

Tia: as BT said I can't make it for the next episode as I' am.

BT: there you have it, Tia won't be joining us on the next episode, don't worry Vivio will announce who the next guest will be at the end of the episode, anyway this is BT signing off for today

_The screen shuts down leaving Vivio in charge of the show… let's pray that Vivio makes a better job of controlling the guest than BT does_

Vivio: today's guest is still nursing the beating he got from been pummelled by Fate-mama, also he's been on the receiving end of aunt Hayate's paper fan of death and has suffered his beloved wife's wrath when she found out about his large collection of Fate-mama pictures stashed inside some secret basement… ladies and gentlemen please give a large round of applause to my uncle, Chrono Harlaown!

_Chrono pops out of the ground from a secret hatch right next to Vivio, he looks left then right before climbing out to sit in the seat opposite Vivio… wouldn't you be scared if you have all three aces after you PLUS your enraged wife?_

Vivio: is something wrong uncle?

Chrono: nothing… did you tell anyone where this place is?

Vivio: no I hav…

Chrono: good, don't tell anyone, I beg of you

_Chrono is on his knees as he begs Vivio not to tell anyone where they are… wouldn't anyone be on their hands and knees begging for their life if the three aces is standing in front of them?_

Vivio: … anyway my first question, how is married life with Aunt Amy?

Chrono: it's wonderful; I have a beautiful wife who keeps the kids in line while I work at the administration office without having to worry about anything going wrong… well mostly

Vivio: could you explain what you mean by that

Chrono: well the kids have a bad habit of disappearing if you don't keep an eye on them, I remember when they did disappear Amy panicked until they appeared an hour later with a box full of… stuff…

Cameraman: could it be the naughty shots of Nanoha you took while she was on the Asura with Yunno?

Chrono: that's not true!

Yunno: not true my butt! I saw you taking snap shots of her while I was talking to her about toning her power down when she fried a mugger with a Divine Buster

Vivio: is this true uncle Chrono??

_Vivio smiles ever so innocently while Chrono begins to sweat bullets as he considers should he answer truthfully or not… Vivio IS the daughter of the White Devil so if she begins to smiles innocently RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!_

Chrono: errr… maybe…

Vivio: I see… anyway on with the next question, what are your thoughts of your friend who appeared in Strikers… his name is Verossa Acous… correct?

Chrono: yes… Acous is interesting… but he has a problem of not been able to keep his mouth shut when he sees a beauty in front of him

Arf: I think he tried to use a pick up line with me at one point

Zafira: HE WHAT!!!!

_Zafira looks ready to tear someone head off… Acous is going to need to find a hole… a DEEP hole if he wants to avoid Zafira's wrath_

Vivio: I think Nanoha-mama and Fate-mama told me that he tried that on them and was placed in a week long "befriending" session… he never tried it again after that

_The audience looks to one another and made notes never to try and flirt with the aces… well Nanoha belongs to Fate and vice versa while Hayate belongs to… errr… I think Yunno was paired up with her the most… right?_

Yunno: hey!

Vivio: well moving on, why are in this bunker place anyway?

Chrono: it's my safe house against any possible attacks…

Yunno: Aces prove in short… right?

Chrono: …yes

Vivio: on to the next question, what are your thoughts of been the punching bag?

Chrono: who asked that question?

Vivio: from us of course

Chrono: ... Vivio, you really should quit if you're going to be so rude to your uncle

Vivio: but my mamas always beat you up....

Chrono: .... errr.... bad vibe....

_Vivio gives a puppy look to Chrono... please note if the White Devil or her daughter gives a puppy look to you this will be shortly followed by extreme amount of pain!_

Cameraman: the guy has a lot of fans

Yunno: that's been taken care of

Cameraman: by whom?

Yunno: you don't want to know

* * *

_In some far, far, far away place... well actually it's three miles above from where Chrono is, a group of fans are been massacred by the White Devil and co._

Nanoha: CHRONO!!! GET YOU BUTT OUT OF HERE NOW!!!

Vita: WE GOT A NICE BIG PRESENT FOR YOU!!!

_Vita wields Graf Eisen in giant mode as she plays bowls with the poor fans as the balls..._

Fans: but we didn't do anything!

Nanoha: you're his fans right?

Fans: yes...

Nanoha: that's all the reason I need!

_Goes on a killing spree while the fans try and run from her... kill frenzy anyone?_

_

* * *

_

_Vivio heard the dying of droves of Chrono Fans and her Nanoha-mama laughing like a demon... you get the general idea..._

Vivio: anyway we have a question from AquaKaede

Cameraman: what happened to Major Mike Powell III?

Yunno: he said this "Chrono, you SUCK! And I hope you get hit in the nuts by a football!"

_Chrono gets angry and gives a quick telephone call to the fleet master with specific orders to find Major Mike Powell III... hello, Chrono, if the others couldn't find them (while slaughtering droves of people) what makes you think can find him?_

Cameraman: that might explain why boss gave me this football before his accident

_The cameraman holds up a football that has an iron chain coming out of it... the colour of the ball seem to have scratched off a little showing metal underneath it... hold a sec that isn't a football!_

Vivio: anyway as I was saying, AquaKaede ask this question "What exactly you problem with Yuuno?"

Chrono: what do you ever mean?

Yunno: as if, you set up a slew of pictures in my office this morning and told Nanoha about me as well!

Cameraman: why are you still here?

Yunno: easy BT assigned the Ninja Cameraman to be my assistant; he even provided this picture for me

_Yunno brings out a picture of Chrono with some mask on while he sticks the pictures to Yunno's office with a basket filled with "interesting" pictures... Chrono is going to be roasted after this is over_

Chrono: LIES!

Cameraman: well man, you did leak the information of the interview location from the first episode

Chrono: I didn't mean to let it slip of where Yunno was been interviewed

Vivio: is that so, just before BT was hospitalize he found a bulletin board named "Nail The Beast!"

Yunno: errr... I have this really bad feeling here

Vivio: it talks about how to turn a ferret into editable food ranging from ferret burger to ferret steak... and funny enough we manage to get someone to find out who the site is registered to... anyone want to take a guess who it belongs to?

Cameraman: Fate!

_Everyone glares at the poor cameraman who feels like crawling under a rock... make sure it's a LARGE rock because I'm sure as hell she heard that remark, she's probably on her way to turn the cameraman into pork chops!_

Arf: Chrono!

Vivio: correct

_Fireworks go off in honour of Arf getting the question right... come on, who didn't guess it was Chrono? errr when did Arf get here?_

Yunno: Arf, where have you been all this time?

Arf: sorry I was sleeping inside this box here

_Points to a large box.... what was inside that?_

Chrono: what's inside there?

Arf: you'll find out soon enough

Vivio: OK let's move on, AquaKaede also ask a second question, "ever consider to go to specialist for you sister complex disease?"

Chrono: that is a total lie!

Yunno: I object!

_Everyone turns to see Yunno posing with his finger pointed at Chrono... why do Yunno have a Nintendo DS in his hand???_

Arf: I recall plenty of times of when I bit you because you kept spying on my Fate whenever we took a shower

Chrono: that's a lie; I don't sneak into the bath room everyday while Arf and Fate are taking a shower just to get hold of Fate's panties...ooops...

_Everyone stare in total stone silence at Chrono... ooops indeed you idiot!_

_

* * *

_

_Somewhere above them Fate has joined in the slaughter of the fans_

Fate: when I get hold of him I'm going to string him up by his private bits and hang him!

Fan: why are you doing it to me then!

Fate: practice makes perfect

_The fan screams in agony as Fate drags him and three others away from the slaughter pit_

_

* * *

_

_The sound of someone screaming can be heard all the way down in the bunker... whoever screamed that loud must have a set of strong lungs!_

Cameraman: we'll pretend we didn't heard that

Yunno: heard what?

Arf: don't know

Vivio: anyway moving, one of our staff raised an interesting question

Chrono: which is?

Vivio: do you usually peak on my mamas when they're transforming into their barrier jackets?

Chrono: when is everyone going to stop asking such stupid question which is untrue!

Yunno: Chrono…

_Yunno holds up a photo album filled with the aces during their transformation… how much is that worth I wonder?_

Arf: errr… where did you find that?

Yunno: one of his ids found it while I was baby sitting yesterday night

Chrono: wait… Amy was supposed to be looking after the kids!

Yunno: she had a meeting with the church about devising a new technique to reign in a husband whose taking naughty shots of his sisters and friend with the help of Vice

Chrono: that's a lie!

_Arf opens up a holographic display showing Chrono and Vice meeting inside a shady bar as the two wear large grey trench coats to conceal their identity… the trench coat I can understand but do they really need to put on biker helmets?_

Arf: caught red handed, so give it up!

Chrono: you guys are framing me!

_The door leading to the bunker is ripped off by someone... errr Chrono you have exactly two minutes to write your Will_

Chrono: HELP!!!

_Chrono dives into cover... if he doesn't take his hands off Vivio in the next five seconds I'm coming down there and beat the hell out of him!_

Voice: do not worry, for it is us

_Walking in is the other cameramen, the Ninja cameraman leading the way follow by the samurai and pirate cameramen and behind them walking with a large box is the Space marine Cameraman... where have these guys been?_

Space Marine: where do you want me to put this?

Ninja: on the table

_The box is placed on the table in front of Vivio_

Vivio: what are these?

_She opens the box to find it's filled with stacks of photos of the three aces... oh good grief Chrono has just signed his death warrant!_

Space Marine: do you know how hard it is to get into a door that's less than seven feet high

Samurai: wouldn't that be ALL doors?

Pirate: arrrk, you me hearty is armoured better than me old galleon!

Vivio: where did you guys get this?

Ninja: a quick investigation of his home reveal a secret base that's made exclusively to capture pictures of the aces, then to print them off once they're taken

_Everyone looks to Chrono with an urge to beat the pervert to death… wouldn't it be best to simply throw him to the aces and see how much of him is left?_

Yunno: the commentator has a point; we'll simply throw him to them and wait for our turn

Chrono: why are you scheming against me!

_A phone call comes in from someone… gee wheeze if this call don't concern about Chrono's immediate demise then I'm a commentator from some car show on a British show who is tall and fat… which I'm not of course!_

Caller: hello Mr Harlaown, the life size models you ordered are ready to be picked up

_Before Chrono can cut the call the cameraman talks with the caller… anyone taking bets that the life size models concern with two certain woman we all love and fear who will slaughter you faster than I can say "White Devil and Nanoha's Wife"?_

Cameraman: life size model of what?

Caller: oh these

_The caller steps out of the way to show a life size model of Nanoha, Fate and Hayate, all three are in skimpy bikinis lying on top of one another while giving an embarrassed look to someone… anyone just suffered a massive nose bleed?_

Yunno:… oh…..

Cameraman: I….I

Pirate: th….th

Samurai: w…..w….

Ninja: mmm……

Space Marine:…

_The six men are having a massive nose bleed at the heavenly view of the life size model which looks so real… told you someone just had a massive nose bleed… err blood is gushing out of the Marines mouth grill… let's not even bother how is that even possible_

Arf: Chrono….

Vivio: Uncle….

_Chrono stare at the two women who smile ever so innocently while holding onto a chair and chains… err… Arf that's BT number fifty two chair you're about to destroy Arf… _

Chrono: can't we talk about this?

Arf: about what?

_Before Chrono could run away he's drench in blood while two hands clamp down on him, he looks up to see it's the Space marine whose holding him while he continues to bleed… isn't that kind of unhealthy with the amount of blood the guys are pumping out… the Ninja looks a little pale..._

Vivio: thank you

Space Marine: ….my….pleasure…

_They ignore the Marine and tie up Chrono to the chair and throw him to the elevator and push the button that will send him to the surface… sorry kids due to the extreme amount of violence that will happen within the next thirty second we are not allow to show is_

Vivio: well that's the end of the show, as BT told you at the beginning we won't be interviewing Tia, instead we'll be going live to the wrestling ring to interview someone who you all met earlier in the series

Cameraman: don't tell me it's HIM!

_Horror music sounds as the Cameramen's began to scream in pure horror… what in hells name did the next guest did to make them all scream like little girls???_

Vivio: right…as I said we'll all be going to the wrestling ring to interview the man that loves his body… you guessed it, we're going to interview Zeck, so stay tune for the next episode, until then this is Vivio T. Harlaown signing off.

_The staff gives Vivio high five for a job well done while Vivi jumps into Vivio's arms as they get ready to go and visit BT with a flask of Vivi's infamous energy drink... won't that kill him for sure this time?_

Cameraman: say hi for us when you see him

Vivio: I will

Arf: do you think he'll be happy if I send a steak to him?

Yunno: if it's from you I'm sure he'll be thrilled

_Arf runs off and brings back a cart filled with steaks... isn't that much?_

Yunno: ... I'm sure he'll love them...

_The cameramen as still screaming in horror… don't you guys feel like we're missing something here?_


	16. Interview 15

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha!**

**Note: Look up wiki if you don't know what I mean half the time with reference to shows or words which are in Bold**

**Interview 15: Ringside mayhem!**

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming to today's match here in the Pride and Joy Arena, today we have a special guest that will be coming today, so give him a loud round of applause for turning up!

_The ring side fans cheer wildly while signs can be seen reading "THE CHAIR!" or "Iron Will, Iron Chair!!" and other signs... if disqualification is on the guest will lose because of his chair madness... I pretty much gave it away who the guest is!_

Announcer: weighing at 168 pounds and standing at 74.4 inches, the Indestructible Interviewer of all times, BT!!!

_Fireworks go off and marching through the flames is BT with his jacket on fire while he waves his chair to the crowd who jumps and cheers for the interviewer arrival... errr... BT is your jacket meant to be on fire?_

Announcer: also entering the ring, weighing at 187 pounds and standing at 85.2 inches is BT ONLY paid employee, whose become known as "Untouchable Cameraman," ladies and gentlemen I present you, the Cameraman!

_Marching behind with the camera still rolling is the cameraman whose patting out the fire on his baseball cap... really we need to give the poor guy a name beside Cameraman!_

BT: thanks for introducing us Commentator.

Announcer: no problem, now I'm off back to commentating!

BT: right if you're wondering why I'm a guest star here it's to do with the fact I had to schedule myself into another show just to interview my next guest here in the Pride and Joy Arena of the Time Space Wrestling Federation, or TSWF for short.

Cameraman: Boss when are the others going to show up?

BT: relax, they'll be here, if they don't show up I'm sure I can just call them.

Cameraman: whose number did you get, is it Vivio's?

BT: do you want me to feed you to Fate and Nanoha one piece at a time?

Cameraman: SORRY!!!!

BT: anyway to answer the cameraman's question I simply have to call "NINJA!" really loudly and the ninja will appear, convenient hmmm?

Cameraman: weird more like.

BT: anyway, my guest today has a passion of muscles to the point of showing off his body to everyone... which has caused a massive increase of people been introduced to the mental ward.

Cameraman: don't remind me of that!

BT: he use to have a lot of female fans, one of them been Subaru and Ginga's mother, making us wonder WHAT pose her to fall in love with his perfectly carved muscles which could probably bounce a woman or two...

Cameraman: you pretty much summed up the fact the guy has muscles like Kenshiro from **Fist of the North Star**...

BT: finally this guy has gone toe to toe against Vita and Signum, he manage to win against Vita by showing off his muscles to our beloved hammer knight... I hear she's still having nightmares of that scene...

Cameraman: DON'T remind me, I was watching that episode when it HAPPENED!

BT: if you wondering what did he meant, the producers has told me that they were force to delete THAT particular scene from the Strikers DVD volumes after the massive report of fit that swept the country after that particular scene was broad cast.

_The crowd cheers wildly while some fans hold up signs "Bring out the pump handle slam!" or "__Muscle Millennium__!"... if you don't know what's wresting is don't worry you're not missing much._

BT: Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSWF, you know him as Ultimate Muscle, but I want to interview his true form, so if you're hearing me Ultimate Muscle get your sorry butt out here so I can interview you!

_Music begins to play while fireworks go off and the arena goes dark as someone appears at the entrance stage wearing a mask with a pair of red boots and red trunks with a microphone in his hand... hold a _sec why does the mask look like the face of Mantaro Kinniku from **Ultimate Muscles**?

Ultimate Muscle: I know you came a LOOOONNNGGG way to this arena BT, but let me tell you that you're not worthy to be calling me out here.

Fans: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Ultimate Muscle: secondly do you really think you're that indestr...

_BT runs up to Ultimate Muscles and starts beating him up with the chair before he could say anymore, the crowd boos at his actions... the referee is the cameraman so DQ is OFF!_

BT: back to normal yet?

_Rising from the smoke from the fireworks is Zeck still wearing the red boots and red trucks... couldn't BT simply rip off the mask than beating the guy up?_

Zeck: behold the wonder of my beautiful carved muscles that the gods envies!!

_Zeck strikes a pose and begins to show off his ludicrous muscles to the wild crowd, BT seems ready to hit the guy again... MY EYES, MY POOR EYES, THEY BURN!!!_

BT: let's get on with this interview already.

Zest: very well, but I have to show my beloved fans the magnificent of my muscles.

BT: oh no not THAT!

_BT walks back to the stage followed by Zeck striking different poses while he hovered towards the ring... the crowd is either blind OR they're muscle lovers like Zeck..._

BT: do I really have to do this?

Cameraman: nothing we can do boss, he IS a character of MGLN...

BT: fine, first off when did you get this obsession about having a muscle interest?

Zeck: it was during my tender years as a youth when I was watching the great strong men's who flaunt their so called superior bodies that have been pumped off of steroids, I vow to build my body up into a beautiful cathedral of muscles using no muscle enhancers for all muscle lovers to see.

BT: that might explain about the reports I read up.

Cameraman: what reports?

BT: some kid that had perfectly carved muscle was regularly posing for everyone; the men would be envious of his muscles while the women would swoon at his very sight, the report is about ten or twenty years old now... wonder why it's so different now?

Cameraman: girls don't dig muscles anymore.

BT: next question, what are your thoughts of your former subordinates Megane Alpino and Quint Nakajima?

Zeck: they admire my muscles whenever I do this.

_Zeck flex his arm muscles that send the girls in the crowd cheering like mad and some die from nose bleeds... its official Zeck has a lot of fans... anyone wanting to take bets that Zeck's fan will be obliterated by the end of this show?!_

BT: then how about their daughters?

Zeck: Ginga is captivated by my pure muscles as is Lue.

BT: errr... two points I like to make, the first been that you didn't mention Subaru.

Zeck: I'm sure she was mesmerized by the sight of my pure flawless muscles when she first saw me do this.

_Zeck strikes a pose with his hands point upwards, as if he's ready to throw a ball, while he face the same direction, then displaying his control of his muscles by making each individual one of them to flex while in that position... I'm getting sick here!_

BT: the second, making comments like these are bound to get you killed.

_

* * *

_

_Outside the building of where the interview is taking place, three young women met up_

Girl 1: you're ready?

Girl 2: whenever you are Gin-nee.

Girl 3: let's make this quick, I have cookies baking at home for my mom.

_The three marches in with carrying with them the flames of hell... any security guard that's manning the front door should take cover right about... NOW!_

_  


* * *

  
_

_BT thought he heard the funeral march coming closer... GET OUT MAN!!_

BT: right... anyway...

Zeck: what's this feeling...

_Zeck looks round the crowd then to BT then to the quivering Cameraman... really what do the cameramen have against Zeck anyway... unless Zeck got a drop on them while they were in the camera room last episode and display "THAT" to them... ARRRH, THE IMAGE IS BURNED INTO MY BRAIN!!!! THE HORROR OF IT ALL!!!!!_

Zeck: you!

Cameraman: me... what?

Zeck: I can feel it!

BT: oh good grief, now what?

Zeck: I feel the presences of a Divine body, it calls out to me!

Cameraman: boss... HELP!

BT: sorry I'm kind of busy here.

_BT is eating popcorn while he watch his Cameraman backs away from Zeck, the crowds are doing the same wondering will Zeck do something to the Cameraman... if the Cameraman dies who will be manning the Camera for BT?_

Zeck: do not worry, for I shall use the hidden power slumbering within you to transform you!

Cameraman: what could you mean, I'm a normal cameraman.

Zeck: you cannot deceive me; I can feel the power of your body sleeping deep within you... now I shall unlock it!

_Zeck runs and strikes the cameraman in the chest with one finger... if this show was THAT anime show where one simple touch will give you a painful death... I'm leaving before Zeck tries it on me!_

BT: I can't believe that Zeck is trying to pull off a **Fist of the North Star** move!

Cameraman: arhhh!

_The cameraman begins to change as his clothes begins to rip and he begins to grow bigger... now all we need is a large amount of green paint for the cameraman so we can call him Hulk Cameraman!_

BT: oh hell, what did you do to him?

ZecK: I unlocked his sleeping potential inside, now he will have perfect muscles like mine!!!

Cameraman: ARRRHHHHH!!!!

BT: I'm praying you're not going to do the same to me...

Zeck: I cannot, you have something terrible sleeping within you, something so horrible that should I unleash it all of existence will end.

BT: well gee thanks, I REALLY wanted to know that from someone who regularly gives people mental scars for showing his muscles to them all day long!

Cameraman: what kind of terrible thing?

_The cameraman clothes have been destroyed as they couldn't contain his incredible muscles... if the cameraman becomes a muscle **Narcissism** as well I'm breaking out the RPG... screw that I'm going to bring out the Satellite cannon for them!_

BT: tell me that what Zeck said about unsealing your muscles is untrue.

Cameraman: actually it's half the truth...

BT: I'm all ears.

Cameraman: well when I get up in the morning I put on these clothes which instantly reforms my body into a normal person body than this muscle bound body as you can see...

Zeck: be proud for you have the quality of muscles which I have rarely seen which is not artificially made.

Cameraman: I hate this body!

BT: we're still listening so carry on.

Cameraman: do you know how hard it is get clothes for a body with THIS many muscles?

_To prove his point the cameraman flex his arm which sent a squeal through the crowd while the shirt sleeve that held on rips apart... FINALLY someone who isn't going to go on a posing spree every two seconds!_

BT: let me guess, those clothes was specially made so you don't have to worry about walking round and breaking your clothes... right?

Cameraman:... yes...

BT: *sigh*... might as well make that call.

Cameraman: errr... what call?

_BT breathes deeply then shouts..._

BT: NINJA!

_In a poof of smoke the ninja appears in the middle of the arena, the crowd goes wild at the appearance of the ninja; one sign read "Izuna Drop!"... I'm guessing everyone on BT show is a celebrity now._

Ninja: you called?

BT: yeah, first off when are the others going to turn up, and secondly can you find clothes that would fit our guy here?

Ninja: the others have all decided to take a break today, so none of them will be attending today and about the other matter... I'll see what I can do about it...

BT: do it, because currently I got two muscle guys to deal with at the moment.

Ninja: sir!

_The Ninja disappears into a cloud of smoke... what is it with Ninjas and disappearing into a cloud of smoke or leafs?_

BT: anyway, carrying on with the show...

Voice: DEATH TO THE MUSCLE MAN!

BT: *sigh* now what?

_Glances to the great entrance to see the beaten and mangled security guards while standing on top of them is the three Grim Reapers they are; Subaru Nakajima, Ginga Nakajima and Lutecia Alpine, here to take Zeck soul... I wouldn't mind if my soul is been taken if it's them!_

BT: girls, can you hold it until I finish the interview... if you don't listen to me I'll be force to do a few unpleasant things to you.

Subaru: like what?

BT: call Arf to make up a story to bring the wraith of all three Aces upon you which can range from Fate dicing you to bits then frying you, Hayate forcing you into cosplaying mania for a month none stop AND five Starlight Breakers from Nanoha once per hour for the next week... are you feeling lucky punk?

_All three are on their knees begging BT NOT to do that... errr... BT has the ultimate bargaining tool against EVERYONE!_

Cameraman: I've been meaning to ask you boss, why are you healed up when it's only been about a week and a few days since your accident, the doctors said you'll need at least five months to heal up before you can even walk?

BT: Vivio came along with Vivi and two days supply of Vivi's energy drink, I was forced to drink it, during that time I suffered five cardiac arrests so they place an anvil above my bed which will massage my chest to get my heart going again.

_The crowd gives a loud "ouch" as they visualize it in their heads... by any chance Shamal was BT'S doctor during his stay in the hospital?_

BT: twenty violent spasms which require tranquillizers, bleeding excessively from the nose nine times which left me with less than forty percent of my blood in me, and finally full body cramp thirty times which got worst no matter which way I turn.

_The crowd is in silent at his explanation... Vivi's engery drink has been placed in the "hazards section" of lethal food items... right next to Shamal's "ULIMATE CURRY!"_

Zeck: that proves your dark powers I spoke off!

BT: yeah, yeah, anyway AquaKaede has a question for, it said, "what you true feeling about Lutecia and Agito?"

Zeck: they are devotees of my divine muscles.

BT: I'll refrain from asking anymore more on the question while one of your "devotees" is now grinding an axe about the size of me for you Zeck...

_All eyes turn to see Lue sharpening an axe about the size of BT and testing it's sharpness at the running audience every now and then... Zeck's Fan living counter is reading at twenty at the moment!_

BT: well the next one from the same question is... "why exactly you want to work with Jail since almost all of us HATE him."

Zeck: I worked for him after he brought me back to life and sai my muscles at too good to be allowed to disappear from this world.

BT: for some odd reason I feel like paying Jail a visit with a RPG as a gift for him.

Zeck: the Numbers couldn't get enough of me as I pose for them in a forty eight hour muscle expedition marathon.

* * *

_Meanwhile somewhere in Mid-Chila at section six the Numbers, that weren't sent to prison with Jail, are currently on the floor having fits while froth came out of them mind ._

Space Marine: get a hold of yourself!

_The Space Marine shoots the TV and puts all the Numbers into a chair and gave them blanket and hot drinks... errr... why is the Space Marine here in section six with the Numbers?_

Cinque: please knock me out... don't want to remember...

Otto: trying...block...horror...

_The Marine looks at each of the Numbers horrified face and decided to cheer them up with something else._

* * *

_BT heard someone sing followed by a chorus of demons screaming... Marine Strategy status: Failure!_

BT: .... I'll pretend I didn't heard that... for the sake of my sanity...

Cameraman: errr.... Boss... you freaking me out here...

BT: don't worry about me, anyway AquaKaede has one more question, "what you opinion about Signum"

Zeck: she's a model knight if I ever saw one... not to mention she would DEFIANTLY appreciate the magnificent of these muscles of mine as they cause even the he...

BT: right moving on before I'm force to use a bowling ball on you.

Cameraman: for what?

BT: to SHUT him up of course, anyway Major Mike Powell III has a question for you Zeck, "Dude, who the FCK are ya? ROFL"

Zeck: who am I he asks?

_The lights on the stage turns dark and Ultimate Music theme tune begins to play while fireworks go off round the entire arena... oh for crying out loud Zeck this is going a little too far!_

Zeck: I am the disciple of Muscles, my very body is homage of the those who crave to see muscles that has been blessed by the heavens, my very foot steps causes those with unworthy muscles to bow before me, the very sight of my flawless body causes everyone to fall in love me with, this is all possible for one man only and I'am that man, Zeck Grangatiz!

_Fire works explode as the remaining fans cheer loudly as Zeck takes a pose and begins to make each of his individual muscles move on their own... again.... Someone...ANYONE.... SHOOOT HIM!_

BT: ....

Cameraman: ....

BT:...

Cameraman: I think this will be classified as one of the most disturbing moments of my ENTIRE life so far!

BT: Well Rockomaniac has this to say to you after you just said all that, "Just tell him stop being such an arse, and stop acting hero"

Zeck: give me the man's address so I can show him the brilliant radiance of my...

BT: sorry can't do, and that brings the show to a close, and on that note he's all yours girls!

_The three Grim Reaper jump Zeck at the same time as he ready to fight them, only to get hit by BT with his trusty deformed chair, the girls begin tearing the poor guy to bits... hands up for those who wanted to beat the crud out of Zeck for giving us nightmares for the rest of our lives!_

BT: well folks that's the end of the show, join me next week as a I take a visit to see Tena Lanster while she's out in the jungles hunting down someone

Muscle Cameraman: by any chance it's a guy that likes to take shots with his camera and then get sent to the hospital straight after?

BT: ... I really can't answer that question, still I'll see you guys next, this is your host BT signing off.

_The cameraman has a few girls eyeing him, chief among them is Ginga... the cameraman has just earned the undying hatred of all Ginga fans and Ginga's father, for shattering his harem dream, and of course my hatred because I was going to ask Ginga out tonight!_

BT: tough luck Commentator!

_BT laughs like a maniac while Zeck is carried out in a coffin by his remaining loyal fans only to have the Space Marine charging through while the Numbers are chasing him howling out for his death... let's pretend the Marine been chased by the Numbers never happened... also... watch it BT, you might be carried out of here in an urn next by me!_


	17. Interview 16

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha**

**Interview 16: Fear Thou Name!**

BT: welcome to the show, I'm your host BT

Vivio: and I'm his assistant interviewer Vivio T. Harlaown

Cameraman: how in hells name did we end up all the way out here?

_The cameraman wearing clothes which are at bursting point as they try to contain his muscles... I pray he's not put into a PVC body glove for my sanity and everyone else's!_

BT: well it's just our luck that our plane got shot down by someone… and just to make it worse we crash landed in the middle of this jungle…

Vivio: well you did insist that we were in a hurry and left the others back at the nearly complete studio

Cameraman: can't you fly us out of here?

Vivio: sorry I can't carry two people at the same time

Cameraman: just take me back and leave the boss here

BT: did I hear someone not wanting to be paid tomorrow?

Cameraman: NO…. I mean… you are supposedly indestructible, so you should be fine even if a volcano was to erupts right next to you

BT: care to say that again?

_BT has manage to put together from the scraps__ of their downed plane__ a chair… why a chair of all things!?_

Vivio: calm down BT

BT: I will once I can find out if we can interview Tia

Cameraman: well just simply make an announcement and I'm sure SOMETHING will happen in our favour

BT: well the camera IS rolling so let's get this started shall we… today's guest has gone through hell after training with the White Devil, has earned Fate's undying rage after she gave Nanoha one jealous look before finding herself the proud owner of fifty Plasma Lancer Salvos all ready to skewer her… and finally she has made it her personal mission to become Subaru's wife with or WITHOUT her consent, ladies and gentlemen, wild animals and quadrupeds, I present to you Teana Lanster!

_From the very bushes burst out tribeswomen armed with bows all pointed at BT and the cameraman, from the bushes emerge Tia wearing nothing but Lion cloths that cover her chest and hip while her hair is left to flow down her shoulders … looks like Tia has gone Amazon… if someone is going to make a joke of Amazon the online shopping thing I'm going to skewer you with this pole I just got!_

Cameraman: errr… good on getting our guest… not so good on the pointy things been pointed at us

BT: yeah… anyway glad of you for turning up Tia… can you…. You know get them to put their weapons down?

Tia: SILENCE! You men have sullied this forest with your presences, for that you will taken back to our camp and turned into our servants!

Cameraman: …hey boss, would this be a bad time to mention if I don't get back by the end of today's episode for that date with Ginga I'm dead meat?

BT: let me handle this… Tia can't you be reasonable, I'm not…

_Tia shoots BT fourteen times, unfortunately for her they all miss as BT reacted with lightning reaction and avoided them all… well BT do gets a lot pf practice dodging certain death by his lovely workers, namely from Young Nanoha on a twenty four seven basis!_

Vivio: can't we talk about this?

Tia: are these men your servants?

Vivio: eh?

BT: don't worry Vivio; I know just the thing to get her back to normal.

Cameraman: another chair beating?

BT: nope, I can't hit girls; instead this should do the trick… now Tia if you would be so kind as…

Tia: you're wasting your time you filthy men, you'll become our slaves where you'll wash our dishes and do the house work, then we'll have you cleanse our bodies before satisfying our primal urges

_T__he cameraman looks interested and gives a pose to show off his muscles, the shirt rips apart to show his awesome muscles to everyone… MY EYES!!! MY POOR EYES BURN OF THE IMAGE BRANDED INTO MY MIND!_

BT: as tempting as it maybe I'll pass, instead I'll ask you a simple question

Tia: what's that?

BT: Nanoha sends her greetings and has also told me that if you harm me or my people she'll come here quicker than you can say "Subaru is mine."

_Teana looks perfectly normal for two seconds before shrieking in horror at the White Devil's name and climbs a tree faster than I can slap the cameraman with a door… even when Tia has gone Native the very name of her former instructor (tormentor) is enough to send her hiding!_

Vivio: I didn't think Tia was that scared of Nanoha-mama

Tia: DON'T SAY THAT NAME!!!!!

BT: then get down here so I can interview!

Tia: NEVER!

BT: should I mention that Fate has been looking for you of late?

Tia: ARRRHHHHHHH

Cameraman: is it me or is Tia scared of the mere mentioning of either Nanoha or Fate?

_Tia began to say, "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" over and over again while her mind flashes to the moments of where she thought she was dying while training with the White Devil… good job BT she's no longer wild… instead you caused her to have a nervous break down instead!_

BT: I've got Subaru's picture while she was having a bath about an hour ag...

_BT never finished his line when Tia jumps out of the tree and lands on our poor interviewer and grabs the pictures from his hand and drools at the heavenly sight of Subaru… don't worry folks, if BT can survive a point blank range Starlight Breaker and the accident two episodes before then having a girl jumping from a four foot tree onto your back is nothing… it's just really painful!_

Vivio: are you OK?

BT: could you be so kind as to snap my spine back into place by following my instructions please?

Vivio: errr…. Sure… I think

_Five minutes later and plenty of wailing from BT Vivio __have finally managed to reset BT's spine back to normal… I'm sure all of you are thinking of the same thing right now, "WHAT THE HELL?!" would best summaries what we just saw there… is it me or do BT seem not to mind Vivio doing painful things to him?_

BT: thanks… anyway first off Tia… if you answer my question and come back to civilization you can see Subaru on next week episode

Tia: I can!

BT: yeah… just don't jump me or else I'll have all these lovely Amazon ladies skewer me with their not so lovely arrows… not to mention the thousand of fans who will tear me apart just for the hell of it!

Cameraman: don't you have an entire organization that is aimed at destroying you?

BT: we'll talk about that later, anyway question time, my first question is what happened to you and where is Vice?

Tia: well I kind of got lost here and was found by the Amazon tribe, they enslave men and if they so much as get out of line they're punished… severely!

BT: by any chance their means of punishment is worse than the Aces?

Tia: …. I can't really comment on that question I'm afraid as I never seen them punish any men before…

BT: that's the point, any men they torture is probably never going to be heard from again, they're probably locked away in a deep dark room left to rot away OR they die a horrible and slow painful death in broad day light

Vivio: that might explain why Fate was dragging a smelly bag this morning from the bath room

Cameraman:… remind me to never go near the aces again… like say a few MILES!

BT: that's if you're a sensible man, unfortunately their fans aren't… anyway what about Vice, is he still alive or is he hanging from his private bits upside down while snakes are making babies with him?

Tia: errr… for the record Amazon don't do anything THAT nasty, and yes he's still alive and is currently in rehab as the Amazon are training him NOT to take a picture of a girl without her permission every single second

BT: and the results?

Tia: he's still the same, even after he was thrown into a river filled with man eating crocodiles twenty four times in the last week

BT: well if all amazons are like these lovely ladies here with bodies to die for and wearing nothing more than lion cloth, then I can pretty much understand why he has reformed yet.

Tia: then what do you suggest?

BT: put him in a barbarian camp filled with muscle bound men like my cameraman here, which should fix him

Cameraman: are you're sure that it won't break him instead by forcing him to live with such men for a week?

BT: I've lived knowing you for a month so he can do the same, anyway moving on, is it true at one point you had a crush on Erio?

Tia: who asked this question?

BT: wouldn't you like to know

Cameraman: hey boss… sorry to interrupt, but don't some of your questions come from the audience which is usually slaughtered during the show?

BT: yes, but currently we have no audience for today episode after I had a report of one boat filled with them been attacked by a swarm of flying piranhas and tidy eating crocodiles.

Vivio: could you answer the question BT asked Tia?

Tia: whoever asked the question must be stupid to think I would admit that I did like Erio but was too scared to admit it at having Caro torture me for ever thinking of such a thing a…

_Tia stopped mid sentence and notice the amazons who were aiming their weapons at BT and the cameraman are now having some tea with the Cameraman, BT on the other hand is talking to Vivio of what's happening on the next episode, a sign written in red placed in the chair in front of Tia reads, "taking a break as Caro gets here and kills Tia for admitting the truth of her feelings for Erio"… did I miss something… I was having a nice chat with Young Fate over here_

_

* * *

_

_Somewhere on a planet a thunder storm has just been unleashed in the form of an adorable young girl with pink hair tied into a low pony tail._

Caro: that's so mean of Tia-san to say that when I'm married to him

_Caro looks down with the look of the red eyes demon of hell to her grovelling husband Erio whose is still been pulled around by the leash held in Caro's hand_

Erio: what are you planning?

Caro: nothing much, probably a present comprising of a cake that will have some laxative in it that will spell out my death threat to Tia-san, nothing serious of course

_Caro hums happily at the thought and goes to the kitchen to prepare the death threat cake while she drags Erio along_

_

* * *

_

_BT heard the annoying sound of evil laughter followed by someone wailing in pain… looks like he's no longer disturbed by random that usually comprises of evil something and painful something_

BT: anyway let's move onto the question sent by our beloved questioners!

Cameraman: well MMP III will be there of course

BT: yep, but joining him will be AquaKaede and RetardedFool as well

Cameraman: well that's new, so who are you going to start with?

BT: with our prize questioner of course MMPIII,

Vivio: MMP III said this before he asked the question, "You're pretty cute, Tia. LOL I like your hair. You should let it down more often." He has a point I think Tia looks much better with her hair down, don't you agree BT?

BT: you took the words right out of my mouth

Tia: well I did started to let my hair down since the sound stages

BT: anyway the question that MMP III asked is, "what are your REAL feelings for Subaru? And you've GOTTA be honest!"

Tia: well I love Subaru more than anything so it's pretty clear

BT: yes very clear, especially this photo of Tia's room filled to the brim with merchandise of Subaru that range from a cute plush doll to a full size body pillow taken by the Space Marine while riding the Pirate's ship while they ploughed through the city

_BT turns around to see Tia looking angry while black flames surround her, the very ground caught fire from her pure rage at the sight of the photo held in BT's hand… whose taking bets that BT will throw the photo into the flames to calm Tia down?_

BT: sorry I got a better idea, Vivio could please cool Tia down for a bit?

Vivio: sure, now then Starlight….

_A small orb of white began to gather at the tip of Vivio's gloved hand while pointing at Tia… well Vivio IS the White Devil's daughter so it's natural that she would know how to use Starlight Breaker, hell I bet she was on the receiving end of one of those for bad behaviour! _

Tia: STOP!!!

BT: you can stop Vivio

Vivio: oh… but I want to shoot it…

BT: why don't you shoot upwards, it won't harm anyone that way

Vivio: OK… Burst!

_The ball of energy didn't fire a beam, instead it simply shoots upwards and disappears before exploding… is it me or was that explosion a little bigger than it should be?_

_

* * *

_

_Somewhere in Mid-chila in the Harlaown residents a call came for Amy_

Voice: sorry Amy to tell you this, but Chrono ship was shot down by something

Amy: WHAT????

* * *

_The sound of someone familiar wailing and praying for help, the sound of the Grim Reaper laughter made BT tune out the sound of the begging and grovelling the followed shortly after… well looks like shooting it upwards WASN'T the best idea in the world... oh well._

BT: anyway moving on to our next question from the next questioner RetardedFool

Cameraman: can't you refer to him as RF?

BT: he has a point, OK RF asked this question, "It seems that people think that you girls are a couple, a perfect one. So be honest! What did you girls like to do when nobody's looking?"

Tia: what we like… to do?

_Tia has a massive nose bleed and her head began to give off steam as her mind goes into overdrive and thinks up the things she and Subaru "could" do if they were given the chance to do them… hold a sec isn't it more like what YOU want to do to Subaru than wanting to do it together Tia?_

BT: anyone got some water?

Cameraman: I got this large lump of ice here.

BT: OK… where did you get it and… never mind I really don't' want to know how you got that; just put it on Tia's head for the moment.

_The Cameraman did so and watch the large ice that's about the size of his forearm melts away quickly as Tia mind is still thinking up all those wonderful things she could be doing to her beloved Subaru… someone please snap her out of it or else we're going to run out of time!_

BT: Tia, Nanoha and Fate are here to see you about tomorrow's traini…

Tia: NEVER! SHE'LL NEVER TAKE ME BACK ALIVE TO THAT TRAINING OF HERS!

BT: see you're back to normal now.

Cameraman: I can't really say screaming in fear of the White Devil is even considered normal.

BT: it's normal in my books, anyway AqauaKaede has two questions, the first is, "what you opinion about Nanoha"

_Tia shrieks at the name and frantically digs into the ground to bury herself from ever to hear that name again… can you blame her after the amount of times she nearly died at the hands of the White Devil?_

BT: well that pretty much sum up her opinion of our beloved ace, anyway the next question is, "how you feeling to been blast by Fate every time you look at Nanoha with pure jealously? And be HONEST."

Tia: ARRRH THE DEVIL IS COMING AND THE GRIM REAPER IS COMING FOR ME!!!

BT: looks like the last two questions has finally made her snap…

Vivio: strange she wasn't like this yesterday

Cameraman: I recall seeing Nanoha and Fate visiting her just after the boss paid her a visit two days ago…

BT: let's not even THINK what those two could have done to Tia to make her like this…. Anyone want a Subaru ice-cream?

_A the mere mention of the ice Cream Tia jumps BT and pulls his arm 120 degrees backwards, BT didn't scream in pain but the sound of his bones snapping wasn't reassuring in the least… well he DID suffered unbelievable pain for two days because of Vivi's drink!_

BT: Vivio could you…

Vivio: … OK… you're sure about this?

BT: just do it, before I pass out from the numbing pain of having your shoulder joint, which that has been popped out, been rubbed by the outer shoulder bone… in short the pain is quite overwhelming

Vivio: OK…

_The others watch as Vivio proceed to pop BT arm back into place, the poor interviewer screamed as his arm is return back to normal by Vivio… I think I'm going to be sick for the rest of the day from seeing THAT happening!_

BT: thanks

Vivio: anytime

Cameraman: didn't I say that the boss probably has a thing for Vivio!

BT: please ignore that sack of meat which I'm going to mince later folks

Cameraman: EEEEK!

BT: anyway thanks for coming to the show Tia

Tia: it's been a pleasure been on the show… I think

_Shakes hand while the Samurai Cameraman appears and takes a snap shot of them… where the hell has he been?_

Cameraman: the commentator has a point, where have you been all this time?

Samurai: finding you of course, I had to chop my way through here!

_BT and the cameraman looks behind the Samurai to see a few mile long stretch of carnage and destruction through the rain forest and a few busy roads… there's your destruction if you were missing it in this episode!_

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BT: at least we can get back to civilisation

Cameraman: you didn't announce who we're interviewing for next week

BT: we're not interviewing anyone

Cameraman: what has this show been canned already? I thought Reinforce was slaughtering the ministers that were campaigning for this show closure

BT: no that's not the reason, next week is Christmas, so we're going to be doing a special episode to celebrate it with presents and parties

Cameraman: Does this mean that there might be a New Year's special as well?

BT: yep, so tune in for out special episode next week, but until then later

_The cameraman watch with shifty eyes as Vivio chat with BT as they walk through the path the Samurai made for them… BT has just earned the undying rage of all Vivio fans as of now… what's new that guy is practically on everyone's death list!_


	18. Christmas Special

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of MGLN**

**Christmas Special: Christmas crisis**

BT: welcome to a special edition of Interview Hell, I'm your host BT

Cameraman: hey boss I've been meaning to ask something for quite some time.

BT: what's that?

Cameraman: when did the show got renamed to Interview Hell, it use to be called Black Tornado interview before, so why the name change?

BT: try and take a wild guess why we change the title…

_The entire cast of Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha are currently gathered together at section six headquarters, the entire place is covered in snow… do I spy a giant snow ball been thrown by Subaru at the unfortunate audience that joined for a snowball fight?_

BT: anyone so much as throw a snowball at me will get a chair for their troubles!

Cameraman: you're not a fun guy when it comes down to snow ball fights are you?

BT: normal snow ball fighting is fine but I won't join when they throw THAT kind of snowballs

_The cameraman looks to see ice chunks falling upon the poor audience who began picking a snowball fight with Hayate… well we do have a TON of audience today so we'll probably see them been slaughtered throughout the entire episode!_

Vivi: do uncle BT want to play with me?

Vivio: BT needs to do some work, so maybe later

Vivi: OK~~~~~~!

_Vivi pushes a large snowball about the size of a freaking chopper by BT with people in it, the snow ball falls into the by accident, the unfortunate ones inside the snowball are frozen solid before they could escape their white prison… I've heard of deep sea frozen fish but deep sea frozen audience?_

Vivio: so what are you going to be doing for today's episode?

Yunno: she has a point

BT: where the hell have you been Yunno?

Yunno: well you did had a few problems in the last two episodes so I can't be blamed for not been around when you were given a full display of Zeck's "pride" or when you were ambushed by Amazon Tia.

Vivi: yay uncle Yunno~~~~!

_Yunno picks up the little girl only to get a snowball in the face by Vivi… awwww, Vivi is so adorable!... wish she hit Yunno with something harder next time._

BT: today I'm going to be asking what everyone got for Christmas!

Arf: who are you going to start with then?

Cameraman: why not start with our staff then?

Samurai: great idea, what present did you get Pirate?

Pirate: arrrkkkk, I got mee a beauty of a fine steeel Parrot stand

_The pirate proudly displays the new stand to allow the parrot to perch upon… who in blue monkeys name gave him that?_

Cameraman: right, what about you Yunno?

Yunno: errr…. This

_Displays socks with the design of Nanoha on them giving the usual innocent smile with five Starlight Breakers… is it me or are the audience glaring at Yunno like a roast beef… or roast Ferret in this case…_

Zafira:…that's… nice… what about you Fate?

_Older Fate is drooling a small puddle while she holds onto a younger Nanoha who seem to be enjoying herself judging from the nose bleed, sitting beside her is Older Nanoha who is also drooling a puddle while holding onto an adorably blushing younger Fate who looks rather nervous in the older woman's arms… anyone brave enough to rescue young Fate will be saluted by me for their bravery (aka stupidity!)_

Alicia: Fate… could I borrow younger Fate for a bit?

Older Fate: sure~~~~~~!

Older Nanoha: but I haven't cuddled my Fate enough yet!

Yunno: we just need Younger Fate for a moment; you can have her for tonight though

_Older Nanoha thinks of the things she could with two Fates on her own, the result is a massive blood spurt from the nose and fainting at the same time… one point for Yunno for knocking out the White Devil WITHOUT harming her!_

Cameraman: what do we need young Fate for?

BT: saving her from tonight's "feast" that Nanoha has plans for.

Samurai: good call… what about you Vivio, what did you get and please tell us who gave it to you.

Vivio: I got this scarf from BT!

_Vivio shows off the red, blue, white and yellow scarf to everyone then smiles to BT… is it me or do BT looks a little pale… like a freaking ghost!_

Everyone: WHAT!!!

_BT is been throttled by Fate and having a Starlight Breaker ready to blast BT for "violating" Vivio, which in her category refers to him giving her a present, and a legion of fans wanting BT blood… OK what should I use to kill BT for doing such a thing as snatching Vivio right under our noses!_

Vivio:…errr… I was joking…

Cameraman: kind of late saying that as they all get ready to massacre the boss here.

Alicia: so who EXACLTY sent it to you then?

Vivio: from all our questioners from what BT told after he got a mail a day before Christmas…

BT: NINJA, SAMURAI, SPACE MARINE!!!!

_The three cameramen seeing little choice went into action, the Ninja appeared in a puff of smoke and carried BT off from the legion of fans that is running after BT after the aces heard what Vivio said, the Samurai begins chopping the unfortunate to get in his way while the Space Marine is currently is playing Baseball with the bat been one of the unfortunate fans and the base balls been the oncoming blood thirsty fans…BT brigade finally gets to be in the spot light!_

Alicia: is the Pirate and the cameraman has a role in this so called BT brigade?

Cameraman: I got a membership of the guy who films all this.

Pirate: I provide my trusty ship to sail where hee wants to sail, arrrk!

Alicia: I wish I didn't ask now…

Arf: well moving on, what about you Alicia and Zafira?

Alicia: I got this handbook about how to deal with evil maniac mothers who are trying to end the world…

Zafira: I got this baby suit from Hayate…

Yunno: anyone can think of SOMETHING to say about those two presents because I'm completely speechless what to say about them.

BT: try "it could be worse," anyway speaking of presents what did Arf get?

Arf: I got this juicy meat!

_Part of the ground opens up and rising from underground is the biggest haunch of meat you can see, about the size of a two storey building… don't tell me someone gave Caro's Dragon to Arf as food!_

Yunno: someone defiantly wants to keep Arf happy… BT….

BT: what… no it's not me, how can I afford to buy something like this, not to mention if I was to hunt it down do you REALLY think I can take it down?

Cameraman: we're talking about a guy who manages to survive the Arc-en-ceil shot with a freaking CHAIR, so it won't be strange if you took down a dinosaur or two with a chair would it?

BT: you make it sound like I take on big monsters as a freaking hobby!

Alicia: well you never know, anyway what did you get Vivi?

Vivi: I got two bunnies!

_Vivi proudly shows the two bunnies she got are dressed up in Nanoha's and Fate's barrier jacket, they also came with Raising Heart and Bardiche... I swear those two bunnies are giving me the evil eye!_

Vivio: now Vivi, make sure your bunnies don't go on a rampage like mamas do whenever they're angry

Vivi: OK~~~~~!

Cameraman: tell me I didn't just hear that…

BT: you didn't... anyway moving on, what did Subaru got from Santa this time?

Subaru: THIS!

_Subaru holds up a plush doll of Nanoha that's smiling innocently while aiming a half prepared Starlight Breaker, Subaru squeezes it causing the doll to say "STARLIGHT… BREAKER!!" then the sound effect of the Starlight Breaker going off… great killer plush dolls and bunnies rabbits… WHAT'S NEXT KILLER ICE LOLLIES!_

Cameraman: I wouldn't go that far… oh well what did my lovely Ginga got this Christmas… beside my present?

Ginga: well I got this map of ever single city in all dimensions… I wonder why did someone give me this?

Samurai: could be the time you got us LOST when we were simply trying to find a coffee shop

Vita: how bad could it be?

Samurai: we somehow ended up on a mountain half a dozen miles away from the city

Subaru: I remember Gin-nee got us lost when we were heading out from our home to the airport, we somehow winded up on the Asura a few dozen light years away from Mid-childa somehow…

BT: remind me to never let Ginga give any of our driver's direction under any circumstances… anyway what about you Tia?

Tia: I don't need anything for Christmas…

_Tia keeps eyeing Subaru whose drooling at her plush doll while making it say the same line over and over again until it finally said "you need befriending!"… I'm not too sure who to worry about, Tia jumping Subaru or the plush doll blowing up Subaru…_

Vivio: what about you guys?

_The Samurai, Ninja and Space Marine look up to her while they slaughter the last throng of fans that's still trying to kill BT… is anyone keeping count on the slaughter?_

Samurai: I got this gold plated camera to slot onto my platinum made sword!

_The Samrauri proudly shows it off but considering it's heavy an unfortunate fan is splattered by the gold camera, the samrai mourns that his Camera just got dirty… I'm not even going to DARE ask who gave him that!_

Ninja: I got this as recognition of my superior skills…

_Shows a pink spandex that looks two size too small for the Ninja… don't think of Ninja wearing the pink Spandex *commentator just did imagine the Ninja in the pink Spandex* THE HORROR! THE PURE UNDILUTED HORROR OF THAT IMAGE WILL HAUNT ME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!! THE HORRRRORRRR!!!!!_

Space Marine: I got a chair

Vivio: why a chair?

Space Marine: every chair I sit on breaks…

_The Marine shows off the __Orichalcum_ _chair to everyone then sits on it while a few of the survivors tries to crawl away... what's the chances are it'll be destroyed because of BT?_

Yunno: I wonder were all the raving Fans coming from?

_The fans continue to come armed with all sort of weapons ranging from pens to tables… I wonder is there an evil organisation that is out against BT?_

_

* * *

  
_

_Somewhere in the darkest reach of the world… can't tell where the hell it is because it IS the darkest place in the world for crying out loud!!_

Voice 1: excellent…

Voice 2: what do you mean "excellent…" when our assassins are been skewered by that guy's bodyguards!

Voice 3: don't mind him he's been watching too many Simpson episodes again.

Voice 2: how is the "project" coming along?

Voice 3: fine, in a week's time we'll have the power to take him down!

Voice 2: and when we do we'll rule the world of interviewing!

Voice 4: is there any point of taking over Interviewing?

Voice 2: yes there is, we'll be close to the ones we worship!

Voice 4: I don't know, BT do…

Voice 1: do not mention that demon in this holy place!

Voice 4: sorry, my bad

Voice 1: now it's that time again

Voice 2: is it already that time?

Voice 3: it's my favourite time

Voice 4: not this again

* * *

_BT thought he heard the sound of a group of people laughing evilly and wonder should he go and shut them up before it gets out of hand… remind me to ask the producer why did we did that pointless scene?_

BT: ah well I'm sure it's nothing… I think…

Yunno: hearing strange things again which has something to do with some evil laughter or some painful wailing of a lost soul?

BT: yep, I wonder do interviewers and assistant interviewers get these strange powers to hear that kind of stuff?

Yunno: that's kind of disturbing to think about… anyway did anyone see Caro and Erio?

Arf: nope, I think they left a message saying they have some "business" to attend to… but they did send this great cake for Tia I heard

BT: let's see it!

_They all crowd round Tia as she opens the cake box… the cake has strawberry syrup dripping down the side of what appears to be a perfect replica of Tia's head with an icing shaped into a knife through her head… anyone feels a little squeamish or is it just me?_

Alicia: anyone wants to eat this?

Cameraman: who would eat that?

_Older Fate looks at the cake and takes it away, when she returns the cake has five more stab marks while she smiles innocently to them while beaming the evil eye to Tia… Tia has ten seconds to run away before Fate really stabs Tia with Bardiche in Zamber form!!_

Younger Fate: ummm….

BT: what is it?

Younger Fate: where's Amy-nee and Chrono-nii?

Cameraman: speaking of those two where's Lindy?

BT: last I heard Lindy was taking care of Chrono's "problem"

Yunno: what kind of problem?

BT: the same kind as usual, having a sister complex… I think she mentioned about the use of the Arc-en-ceil and abandoned asteroid field… anyone want to fill in the blanks I left out?

Vivio: … I think we'll pass on asking that… anyway what did you get for Christmas Vita?

Vita: Christmas is for losers

Samurai: then what is this picture about?

_Shows a picture in a Santa elf outfit paired up with Rein sitting on the orange girls shoulder while she blushes blood red… that's not the only thing red judging from the mound of dead people she's standing on top of… News head line "mad Santa helper goes on rampage because she hasn't been paid!" was probably what it said…_

Vita: …

Samurai: so much as harm me in any way and I'll spread the fifteen gigabytes of pictures to everyone you can possibly imagine

_Vita has Graf Eisen out and the Samurai has his Camera sword out as the hammer knight resists the urge to splatter the Samurai… where in hells name did the Samurai get FIFTEEN GIGS worth of pictures of Vita… VICE!_

BT: then why are you here then?

Vita: somebody told me to wait here for something

Yunno: who told you that?

Vita: I don't know he had a biker helmet on when he came by me on a red motor bike…

_From above a helicopter flies over and drops a crate… which is promptly shot down by Nanoha… who could the pilot be I wonder to have Nanoha shoot it down just when it arrived?_

BT: either Nanoha shooting him down OR having Vita use his butts to wipe the floor with… which one would you pick guys?

Alicia: I'll pass thank you… anyway what is this?

_Alicia looks back to see BT run and dives into a hidden bunker with the other staffs… I have a BAD feeling about this!_

Vita:…

Older Nanoha: go on show us what it is!

_Vita pulls off the covers to show a statue of herself in what appears to be a bunny outfit… all hands brace for impact!_

Vita:…

Everyone: …

Vita: ARRRHHHHH!!!!

_Vita proceeds to smash the abomination to bits while screaming that when she finds the guy he'll pay by having his most private part of his body been reshaped by Vita's hammer in the most painful way imaginable… any men is about to visualize that please prepare a barfing bag as well!_

Alicia: when did you prepare this bunker?

BT: I didn't, this bunker was designed specifically so someone could watch while the forwards train with the White Devil… you get my drift?

Alicia: yes I do… so what are we going to do, Vita is on a rampage and the two aces there are gloating over that fact…

BT: you could always go out there and ask them nicely to stop… if you don't mind forfeiting your life that is…

Yunno: I'm getting worried from the way Fate and Nanoha are enjoying the destruction…

Young Fate: I'm scared…

_Everyone looks back to see Young Fate with Bardiche in Zamber form… well it's either you comfort her and get skewered OR you could leave her and wait the inevitable destruction that will be coming…_

BT: …

Yunno: go on comfort her

BT: why freaking me?

Yunno: indestructible interviewer BT…

Cameraman: he has a point boss

BT: you make it sound like I'm the poor sucker whose suppose to be used for any dangerous situations!

Alicia: actually you are, you are supposed to be indestructible…

BT: not you too!

Arf: there, there Fate

_Everyone turns to see Arf patting Fate while the little blonde girl happily sits in Arf's lap… damn I was hoping to see BT get skewered by Fate here!_

Alicia: shoot, looks like you won the bet Yunno

Yunno: well Arf can't stand seeing Fate sad so it's a given

BT: hold a sec, were you guys having bets to see will I get killed if I went and comfort Fate?

Cameraman: would it be a bad time to mention that we all taking bets on how many death threats you're getting from the post at the end of each episode since you formed the staff?

BT: why haven't I seen these so called death threats?

Yunno: well the death threats are usually taken care of by Reinforce and Alicia before the show starts.

BT: could that explain the dumper truck you guys hired?

_The staff looks to one another and shrugs while BT hand is slowly itching to the Space Marines chair… I told you it won't last long when you have a chair nut like BT!_

Alicia: you think that's bad you should have seen the amount of letters we got during the episode when you interview Fate and Vivio…

BT: couldn't be that bad… could it?

Yunno: remember that time you nearly made younger Fate?

BT: who could forget that when you have a Plasma Lancer aimed at you?!

Yunno: well we manage to get a grand sum of a few thousand letters… I won't tell you the details of the letters as you can guess what they are…

Alicia: when you interview Vivio we got one…

BT: what's wrong with one letter?

Yunno: she meant one ton of letters…

BT:…

Cameraman: he should have seen the letters about last episode where every single one of them mention about wanting the boss's head on a stick for making move on Vivio.

Vivio: BT isn't like that at all!

BT: if I had to blame someone to put me in this situation it has to be the commentator!

_BT shakes his fist at the ceiling… well tough luck BT I'm in a place you can't touch me!_

Reinforce: I think Vita has calmed down

_Everyone looks out to see the smouldering remains of the "thing", Vita took one last swing and sends the abomination into the sky… what's the chances are that it'll hit a ship like the last episode?_

Signum: lively as ever I can see.

BT: oh good Signum, what did you get for Christmas?

Signum: …

_Levatian __is out on fire and Signum is beaming a look of pure rage… BT sure knows how to get on everyone's bad side today!_

BT: Signum… could you… calm down for a bit?

Signum:……

Arf: looks like Hayate had her ways with her again…

Ninja: yes, she was doing this to Signum

_The Ninja reveals pictures from inside his uniform three pictures of Signum in different outfits, one with her wearing a police uniform with a mini skirt, the next with her wearing a biker outfit with the front of the jacket pulled down to show the top of her breast off and finally the final picture shows Signum with cat ears and tail while on all fours… nose bleed inevitable!_

Alicia: wow, Signum looks so good in the biker out fit!

Yunno: speaking of which we haven't asked what the Cameraman got for Christmas

Cameraman: well if you really want to know Ginga got me a single boxing glove

_He holds up what appears Mach Calibre replica… don't imagine a male muscle bound version of Subaru… if you did thought of that imagine then I'm pretty sure you're currently on the ground ripping out your hair as you try and banish that evil thought out of your mind! BWHAHAHAH!_

Vivio: what did you get BT?

BT: nothing

Arf: you must have SOME kind of present

BT: nope, I didn't… seems like no one likes me this Christmas

_BT suddenly begins emitting black clouds as he drops into a deep depression while everyone else backs away slowly… how long has it been since we last saw the cloud of depression appear in this show?_

Arf: anyone got a present for BT they HAVEN'T given him yet?

Vivi: I got this for uncle BT!

_Vivi holds up her (in)famous bottle of her personal energy drink… is Vivi trying to put BT into the ground as well?_

Vivio: errr… here you go BT

_She gives him a present which seems a little big… hands up for those who think the present is a chair!_

BT:…

_BT opens it to find a box containing a neatly pressed black suit with the words written on the back of it "INVINCIBLE BT!"… don't tell me Vivio made that for him!_

Arf: did you?

Vivio: no, it just came through the post today addressed to him

BT: at least I'm loved by SOME of my fans!

Yunno: guys… something don't seem right with Signum here…

_Signum stare at the Ninja with pure rage as everyone backs away from the unfortunate cameraman… do BT want me to get that job advertisement going again?_

Signum: kill….

_Before Signum could do that Hayate shows up with the other half of the MGLN cast… tell me they're not here to watch Signum tear the Ninja apart?_

Hayate: actually no, we're here because the shows about to end

BT: she's right, so that's that for this special episode, I'm your host BT, signing off, before you leave everyone wants to say something to you all

_The cast of MGLN gathers round as well as the stags while Reinforce and Rein set off the snow bombs that exploded throwing snow onto the wall of glass brought out earlier, as the snow slide down it some parts of the wall change colour and form three words… BT sure knows how create a scene _

BT: OK everyone, on the count of three!

_Everyone nods as BT begins the count down._

BT: ONE!

_An audience rush to join in but gets crushed by the burned out remains of Vita's Christmas gift… it's raining scrap~! Halleluiah it's raining scrap~!_

BT: TWO!

_A stealthy audience lunges towards Vivio in hopes of at LEAST getting a good squeeze before dying, unfortunately he got chaired for this Christmas by, no not by BT, but by Arf instead… couldn't Arf simply set him on fire for trying to do THAT to Vivio?_

BT: THREE!

_Everyone took a deep breath then shouted all together._

Everyone: MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

* * *

Authors note: Merry Christmas everyone


	19. New Year Special

**Discalimer: I do not won any of the characters of MGLN!**

**New Years Special: new ballistic order**

BT: Hello, I'm your host BT, today is NOT a late special New Years episode of Interview Hell

_BT smiles while smoke rises from his suit and the smell of charcol is coming from him... did BT went to a barbecure or was he the barbecure??_

BT: anyway we've come all the way to Urmari city where the Aces grew up to celebrate this special episode!

Cameraman: OH YEAH!

_The entire staff of interview Hell and the characters of MGLN is wearing Kimonos, the girls looks absolutely fabulous as do the men… all except BT whose still wearing his normal black suit and black tie and a pair of black shades… maybe BT is hoping to star in the next Men In Black Movie?_

Yunno: come on, it's nice to wear something other than suits and ties

BT: sorry I just can't handle Japanese traditional clothing, especially the bit about not wearing anything underneath…

Vivi: weeeeh~~~~!

_Vivi runs by while Vivio tries to catch her younger self, the little girl grabs onto BT's trousers then stick her tongue out at Vivio, Vivio grabs her younger self who wrap her arms and legs round our favourite interveiwer... popular as ever aren't you BT?_

Vivio: come on Vivi let go of BT

Vivi: na arh!

BT: errr... if you keep this up my pants are going to go bye bye

_Vivio gives one more yank and finally got Vivi off but in the process rips BT's trousers revealing a pair of boxers with chair designs on it… ack he's a chair manic all right!_

BT: …

Everyone: …

_BT took one step back into the bush for a brief moment then took a step back out with a new pair of black trousers… let's pretend that never happen shall we folks?_

BT: we're going to break from the norm today and simply enjoy ourselves; the Cameraman will be following me.

Young Nanoha: ooo enjoy myself…

_Young Nanoha begins to drool a small puddle while holding out Raising Heart aimed at BT while her eyes stare at her young blushing self hiding behind Arf… looks like she hasn't made up her mind about which to do first, blow up BT or go after Fate… pick your votes for either Fate been taken first or BT been blown up!_

Cameraman: but I wanted to spend some time with Ginga

BT: … damn it call me an old romantic fool… OK you can spend the day with Ginga…

Cameraman: thanks boss!

BT: with no pay for a month.

Yunno: you're not giving him much of a choice are you?

BT: as if that's stopping him from running off with Ginga

_Yunno glances to where the Cameraman is but didn't see him, BT pointed a thumb to the disappearing figure of the Cameraman blazing a fiery trail with Ginga slung over his shoulder… did he even heard about the bit of not been paid for a month?_

Pirate: well meee matey he's in love as I am to the sea, arrrk!

Ninja: he needs to indulge in his desire once to balance his inner force

Marine: more like he wants to hit the sack with Ginga as fast as possible!

Alicia: why are you wearing the Kimono over your armour?

Marine: what do you mean by that?

Arf: well it's a little weird wearing normal clothes OVER armour… can't you take the armour off?

Marine: then why don't you peel off your skin then?

_Arf looks round to see everyone looking at the Marine shiftly... that's not as bad as some guy who manage to replies to his emails while wearing a pair of boxing gloves!! _

BT: knock it off you two… anyway you're going have to man the Camera for now Marine

Marine: OK

BT: now then people we're all meeting up on that hill in about five hours, don't be late or else I'll remind you in my **_own_** little way

_BT is holding a sledge hammer to indicate his point about been late… I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! BT ISN'T USING A CHAIR AS A WEAPON!!!_

Yunno: sure

Older Fate: come on Yunno it's been ages since we hang out

Older Nanoha: Fate-chan has a point

Yunno: WHAT!!!

_Yunno is dragged by the two women off in one direction while everyone wonder what has gotten into those two… maybe they're forgiving Yunno past crimes???_

Vivio: I'll tag along with BT if it's OK

Alicia: I'll do the same

Vivi: we're going to play with uncle BT!!!

BT: I'm not too sure should I be thrilled or scared…

Marine: scared of what when you got two beauties following you!

BT: ever consider about the fans who want to bury the hatchet on my head?

Marine: errr… I forgot about that… could be worse

Alicia: enough talk already!

BT: she has a point, so let's get a move on; our first port of call is Midaori Café!

Vivio: why there?

BT: I just wanted to make sure the appointment interview with them is still on.

Alicia: you're going to interview Nanoha's family?

BT: of course I'am, do you really think I would miss them out of all people?

Marine: the roster didn't say about you interviewing Carim of the church or Agito or…

BT: that'll be fixed in due time anyway we… WATCH OUT!

_BT pushes the girls back as a Helicopter crashes in front of them, from the pilot seat climbs out Vice… what is it with him and been shot down of late?_

Vice: ah yes… my cameras working and there's two hot babes that… errr

_Vice stare at the black flames in front of him emitted from BT and the Marine as they consider should they slaughter the guy right there and forget about adding his name to the interview roster… can anyone fill me in as to why those two are going to kill Vice again?_

Vice: errr… hi guys… are you still mad about me saying those pictures I took of Subaru and Tia was yours?

BT: …

Marine: …

Vivio: what pictures?

Vice: you see I was on my way home when I was jumped by Tia, I told her that the pictures I took of Subaru and Tia, after they came out of the bath, with my super deluxe, long range one hundred mega pixel, camera is for them…

Alicia: that would explain why BT and the Space Marine came out of the dressing room on fire… then having Tia and Subaru beg for their apology later on…

BT: CLEANSE!!

Marine: PURGE!!!

BT: KILL!!!

Vice: can't… can't we talk about this guys… guys… GUYS!

_Vice is dragged slowly by the two men with black flames round them to the nearby bushes, they exact their terrible revenge upon Vice in the most painful and unsettling way imaginable… thank goodness we don't have to see whatever they're doing to Vice that's making him scream like a little girl!_

Alicia: I should we tell Fate and Nanoha that Vice is here?

Vivio: I'm sure Vice will learn his lesson after BT and the Marine are finished with him… if he's still alive that is…

_BT and the Marine walk out of the bush without Vice… let's not even ask is the poor pilot still alive_

BT: got any place in mind you guys want to visit?

Alicia: I want to go to the place where Fate and Nanoha first became friends

Vivio: I want to go to the place where my mamas went on their first date.

BT: errr… I can deal with Alicia request, as for Vivio's request… you're going have to ask you mamas about that

Vivio: I thought you would know

BT: I'm not that suicidal in asking that kind of personal information from my would be executioners!

Marine: I think their first date was at a fancy restaurant somewhere in the middle of the city

BT: how do you know this?

Marine: I overheard them while I was in hostpital from the last time you used me as a shield!

Alicia: oh you mean the time when we were visiting the new set we asked Nanoha to test it out with you acting as the second shield should the AMF fields fail?

Marine: don't make it sound like it's my HOBBY of standing in front of mad women/girls that have a tendency to nuke you!

Vivi: I want cake!

BT: OK, OK we'll discuss about where to go when you get to Midori café

_With that they made their way to the famous café which is owned by Nanoha's family… what's the chances are that the family are currently slaughtering bad guys that came to assassinate them?_

Marine: why would anyone want to kill them of all people?

BT: well you see originally Nanoha was a side character in a anime called Triangle Heart with her brother and sister been highly trained in the use of swords..

Alicia: but now they're shifted to minor characters so in theory they should be able to lay waste to probably two or three swat teams…

Marine: makes me wonder what's a family reunion is like

Vivio: I remember that at one time we all sat round the table to have a nice meal together when one of the walls cave in and bad guys showed up, Grandpa simply said "oh look, uninvited gust, whoever kills the least have to clean up the place."

BT: remind me to never get on their bad side for my personal health

_After ten minutes of walking they finally arrive at the place, the busting crowd of "customers" holding onto weapons streaming in and then coming out of the OUT door as corpses… business as usual by the look of things_

Marine: lively place

BT: very… anyway let's go in

_The "customers" turn and turn their weapons at BT only to get chaired for their rudeness as BT walks in to the shop… is it me or is BT acting a little too calm at having twenty odd guns pointed at him? _

BT: anyone in?

_The others peer in to see the father and mother of Nanoha currently slaughtering the "customers", Nanoha's father, Shiro, is currently slamming the poor unfortunate guy into the floor while chatting about how nice the weather is to his wife Momoko, she on the other hand is stomping the guys most private bits with some high heel shoes… I wonder do they do Café latte here?_

Shiro: well isn't it BT, came to visit us or are you doing the interview today?

BT: visiting, I see you two are working as hard as ever

Momoko: yes we are!

Marine: if this is working I hate to see what's relaxing

Alicia: did Fate and Nanoha drop by?

Momoko: yes they did, they just came by to pick up the picnic set we just made for them

Shiro: I'm still wondering should I cut the ferret into tiny bits right now…

Marine: for what?

Momoko: my husband still thinks that Vivio is Nanoha's and Yunno's son

Vivio: Grandpa threaten to shave Yunno in his ferret form with a cleaver at one point

Alicia: could it get any worse?

BT: I came by to pick something up and talk about that arrangement of having you attend my show

_BT and Shiro talk about the time of the interview while standing on the poor guy that Shiro was beating up… he must be a regular from the way he's reading the newspaper while they stand on top of him._

Shiro: where are you headed off to?

BT: visit the place where Fate and Nanoha first met

Shiro: I heard they close the place off today

Marine: for what reason?

Momoko: something about the White Devil last I heard from this guy

Alicia: thanks… I think

_With that they left the couple continue beating the next "customer" who waited patiently for BT and crew to leave… at least they have the manners to wait for them to finish before rushing into their deaths!_

Marine: where are we off to sir?

BT: let me see…

_Before they come to a decision a stampede of cats and dogs ran by followed closely by Subaru and Tia as they destroy everything in their paths… do I spy lingerie been carried by the perverted animals?_

Marine: who does that remind you of?

Vivi: uncle Yunno!

BT: let's move on then…

Marine: I feel like this episode has become not so funny all of a sudden

Vivio: did you said something?

_Before the Marine could reply Hayate appears and grabs the Marine and drags him off… errr… random or what?_

BT: …

Alicia: did the guy did something to Hayate?

BT: maybe she wants his help with something

Alicia: like what?

Vivio: lifting something very heavy?

* * *

_Meanwhile at Hayate's home_

Hayate: perfect!

Shamal: I have to admit you do know who to pick for this

_Standing in front of them is seven foot replicas of the original Gundam… don't tell me the Space Marine is inside it!_

Voice inside the Gundam: GET ME OUT OF THIS!!!

Hayate: quick photo!

* * *

_BT and the two ladies and little girl arrive at the hill where they did the interview with Reinforce, they found the rest of the staff of Interview Hell and the characters of MGLN, minus the Marine and Hayate with her assistance Shamal, partying loudly… oh, I wanted to see more of the city!_

BT: wow, looks like everyone got the same idea about partying here

Subaru: heh, mee…. Want… Nanoha…

Tia: I want… Subaru as my…*hic*… lunch

BT: are they're drunk?

Fate: Yunno should marry us

Nanoha: yes… I'll have the best of both worlds

Yunno: I love you girls… and I love Arf as well!

Alicia: don't tell me that she's going to go on a rampage while drunk?

BT: I've seen worse

Alicia: like what?

BT: White Devil and Hang over… get the idea?

Alicia: now I wish I didn't asked

_BT sits down while the others laugh and sing drunkenly… more like wailing judging from how Chrono is singing with Lindy and Amy poking him with hot poker sticks and Strada!_

Cameraman: hey boss, what took you so long to get here?

BT: we had a run in with Vice

Nanoha & Fate: VICE!!!!

_The two grab BT, Nanoha is currently pointing Starlight Breaker at his Face while Fate has Bardiche in Zamber form ready to cut off BT's head and the rest of the MGLN girls, except employed by BT, are currnetly sharpening all kinds of weapons to use upon BT… at least we all know that Vice has a lot of "admirers"_

BT: HELP!!!!!!!!!!

Yunno:…

_With a wave of his finger binds appear from the ground and retrain the two women who are screaming for blood... BT is going have to give Yunno a raise for safing him..AGAIN!_

BT: what is it with you two and pointing a Starlight Breaker and cutting my head off???

Nanoha: I WANT TO ROAST VICE!

Fate: I WANT TO EAT VICE!!!

Cameraman: errr… is Fate wanting to eat Vice medium rare or well done OR as he is?

Alicia: thanks for bringing up that DISTURBING picture of Fate doing THAT to Vice!

Hayate: they're probably after him for taking snap shots of Vivio and Vivi after they just took a bath together

BT: I thought you girls by now would have already beefed up security around the women bath rooms!

Alicia: when did you get here?

Shamal: oh we had a few things to do, also we brought this along

_Behind the two newly arrival is the Gundam walking towards them with a rifle and shield aimed at the cosplay manic Hayate… great killer cosplay robot is after Hayate… WHAT'S NEW!_

Gundam: KILL!!!

Vivio: isn't that the Marine voice?

Vivi: Yay~~~~~!

_Vivi latch onto the Gundam's leg and began to giggle while it continue to walk with her on it's leg… what is it with Vivi and latching onto peoples leg of late?_

Shamal: oh yes, anyone want some of my home made sandwiches?

_At the mention of Shamal's sandwiches everyone shouted "NO!"… any brave volunteers willing to sacrifice their stomach to see how bad is Shamal's sandwiches this time?_

Young Fate: are they tasty?

Hayate: yes they are.

_Young Fate looks up at Hayate grinning like a devil and wonders is it even safe to even touch the sandwiches … please don't eat them or else we're all going to pay for it with Plasma Lancers until Easter!_

Vivio: BT can tell you how tasty they are!

BT: wh… WHAT!

Vivio: come on, could you do this for little old me?

BT: errr…

_Vivio is giving him the infamous puppy eyes as he consider should he refuse to eat the sandwiches or not… if she did that to me I would do it without a second thought!_

Cameraman: what's wrong, Vivio is asking you nicely to do it

BT: have you guys forgotten whose daughter she is?

Cameraman: errr… yeah I think I get your point

Alicia: what's that?

BT: if I refuse she's going to blow me to kingdom come!

Vivi: uncle BT, have this!

_BT is handed a sandwich by Vivi who took it from Shamal… don't this scene look familiar somehow?_

Vivi: also have this, I made it all this morning!

_Vivi hands BT a cup filled with her "special" energy drink… what's the chances are that BT will defiantly die if he drank Vivi's engery drink AND ate Shamal's food at the same time?_

BT:…

Alicia: go on, eat it!

BT: I'm still trying to see do I have any regrets before I do this

Cameraman: could it be any worse than having your final moments before the White Devil blows you up?

BT: I don't know, having only two seconds left before you become dust compare to having your stomach melt away in two hours… which one do YOU think is more painful?

Alicia: never thought of that…

_BT looks down at the sandwich, which has purple vapours coming out of it with fillings of a reptile thing and some skeleton with mouldy cheese, the drink on the other hand is simply green and it seem to be melting the cup… don't worry BT you're known as the indestructible interviewer so maybe you'll survive this!_

BT: thanks for the vote of confidence there Commentator!

Signum: drink it already so we can keep on partying!

_BT glares at the smiling swordswoman, taking one last look at the food in his hand he stuffed the entire sandwich into his mouth then knock the entire drink in one go... what do you think will happen next?_

BT: …

Everyone: …

_BT turns green, blue, yellow, red, white, black and then back to normal before falling over with the stupidest grin on his face possible… that was unexpected!_

Vivi: uncle BT, wakey, wakey!

BT:…

Camerama: hey boss… if you're still alive tell me my salary has been cut

BT:…

Alicia: if you're still alive start a spasm!

BT:…

Young Nanoha: if you're dead stay still so I can blow you up!

_Young Nanoha has a Starlight Breaker all ready and aimed at BT while behind her is her kill count board… get up BT or else I'm out of the job!_

BT:…

Young Nanoha: Starlight…

_Before she could finish BT gets up and looks round at everyone wondering what everyone is looking so anxious for… errr BT Starlight Breaker right in front of you!_

Young Nanoha: …Breaker!!!

_BT finally notices the Starlight Breaker and dives out of the way… BT is getting better at avoiding these things... can't say the same thing about the poor audience behind him though..._

Young Nanoha: nuts!

BT: do you want another lecture by your older self again?

Older Nanoha: Nanoha…

_On cue older Nanoha stands in front of her younger self while giving a radiating innocent smile… innocent smile my boot while she's carrying Raising Heart with a half prepared Starlight Breaker!_

Cameraman: you're still alive?

BT: somehow…

Alicia: that's not possible, having Vivi's drink AND Shamal's food should have killed you out right!

BT: ever consider that they're so bad that they cancel each other out?

Cameraman: it's possible, after all Shamal's food IS bad and Vivi's drink is just the same… still I was expecting you to be inside this coffin we prepared for you

_The cameraman hauls the coffin from inside a already dug out grave to show to BT… tells you how much confidence they had in BT surviving!_

BT:… errr… why do that coffin looks like it's been used?

_They all look to the coffin to see it nailed shut, just when they're about to ask whose coffin it is the front of it is ripped off and from inside it appears Zeck… oh freaking hell not him again!_

Zeck: behold the Divine muscles has returned!

Cameramen: ARRRHHHHHH!!!! RUN!!!!!!!

_The cameramen all turn and ran away, even the Gundam ran as well, from Zeck as he began posing with nothing on but a pair of G-strings… ARRRRHHHHHH!!!! THE HORROR RETURNS!!!!!_

BT:… I got an idea everyone!

Everyone: what?

BT: let's play "beat up the muscle manic!"

Vivio: I think I'm going to pass out

Yunno: I'm going to have nightmares for the rest of my life of seeing this!

Signum: KILLL!!!

Vita: MANGLE!!!!

Hayate: COSPLAY!!!

_Everyone look at Hayate, she has stars in her eyes with a few costumes in her hand while Shamal wheels in a rack filled with more costumes… which one will be worse Zeck been slaughtered by everyone OR letting Hayate have her ways with him…_

Shamal: I think this will suit him!

_Holds out a superman outfit_

Hayate: no, no, this would be better!

_Hayate has the costume of a sailor moon outfit_

Everyone: …

_Zeck looks at the sailor uniform with interest… NOOOOOOOOO!!!! DON'T LET HIM WEAR IT FOR ALL OUR SANITY SAKE!!!!_

BT: Hayate… can't you… you know take Zeck back to your home to do this?

Hayate: and not let you guys see Zeck cosplaying as an innocent young school girl?

Vivio: ummm aunty Hayate… we thought it might be better if you surprise us with the results when you're finished…

Hayate: as expected from my number one follower of cosplaying!

_Vivio wonders should she find a rock and crawl under it from the looks everyone is giving her… I think the look they're giving you is thankful than anything my dear!_

Chrono: it's nearly time for the party to really get started

Yunno: how long have you been here?

Chrono: I was the one wailing when you all got here!

Cameraman: he was too

BT: when did guys get back?

Gundam: just a moment ago

Alicia: right… don't tell me the Marine is inside that thing?

Ninja: I'm fear it is true

BT: what was Chrono on about anyway?

Chrono: mum said she's ordered a bombardment from the Asura while she was drunk…

BT: WHAT!!!

Fate: why did you think all of us got together?

Cameraman: to shoot them down maybe?

Nanoha; exactly

_From the sky came down missles aimed at BT and crew… what's the chances are one of those "stray" missiles will land upon the hidden audience that's been shadowing everyone since this episode started?_

Nanoha: ready?

Hayate & Fate & young Fate & Young Nanoha & young Hayate: ready!

Samurai: when did younger Hayate get here?

BT: didn't you notice her?

Samurai: no….

BT: she was dressed up as a freaking Darlick from Doctor Who for crying out loud?

Samurai: I thought it was a chef robot judging from the whisker stuck on it…

_The Aces blast the missiles in the sky one after another, unfortunately one manage to pass them and landed a few hundred yards away from them, the sound of people screaming in pain followed a moment later… told you it would happen!_

Cameraman: I was wondering when they were going to get blown up

BT: before I forget interview Hell is taking a break for three weeks

Reinforce: did I miss an offical or two?

_Reinforce wonders while a few piles of dead bodies litter behind her... looks like she's been busy since we last saw her!_

BT: no that's not it we're simply taking a holiday for a bit... after all I want a break from the constant death threats that keeps coming my way... not to mention having constant contact with the White Devil is not healthy for me!

Shamal: you have a point, the last person who was always with Nanoha is now hiding somewhere in a bunker after he made the mistake of asking Nanoha out on a date just when they met up with Fate

BT: may the poor soul rest in peace... anyway once we're back we'll be interviewing Caro's rival Lue and then maybe Young Hayate or Shari afterwards, anyway this is BT signing off folks.... oh yes before we go everyone here wants to say something.

_The missiles that exploded showered the city in colours, in the sky four words remain._

Everyone: HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!

* * *

Authors note:

Happy New Year folks, I'll see you in three weeks time, until then.

Later

BT


	20. Interview 17

Authors note: well I broke my promise and brought out a chapter in only two weeks… anyway here's a chapter for you guys to choke on… R&R as per usual!

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT own any of the characters of Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha, I do own the Cameramen and BT!**

**Interview 17: Oh bugger!**

Alicia: errr… BT we're on the air… BT?

_Alicia is currently shaking BT whose taking a nap in a bed, the bed is currently sitting outside a nice big house with a nice big porch in front where BT and crew are… damn it's good to have a holiday once in a while!_

BT: *yawn* welcome back to a LONG three week absent of Interview Hell, I'm your host, BT

_BT gets up from the bed and stretches a little, the interviewer looks a little dog dragged judging from his messed up black suit and messy hair… I spent my three weeks with the others at a sunny resort beach!_

Cameraman: my dear Ginga…

Marine: there he goes again

Samraui: love sick puppy

Ninja: the curse called love has claimed another victim

Pirate: arrk, we should take hiimm to the high sea me mateys!

_The cameraman is simply oblivious to the others as he thinks of Ginga… anyone got a sledgehammer?!_

Vivio: you don't look so good BT

BT: how would you feel about running Arf's company, A.C.E., on your own for two solid weeks while you guys were off on a holiday?!

Cameraman: did we?

BT: you guys booked the tickets just when we finished the new year's special without telling me and left, then when I woke up the next day Arf's company came after me and made me take charge because they couldn't find Arf!

Samurai: why would you be given full control of A.C.E.?

BT: according to them the boss is the one with the MOST experience of handling the aces… guess who got the job while all those who had MORE experience were on holiday?

_BT is currently holding onto a chair in one hand and table in the other with all intention of harming everyone that comes near him… this is what you get for not giving an interviewer his coffee breaks!_

Vivio: calm down BT, you just need some rest after this interview

BT: and how do you suggest I get rest with the crazy stuff that's been happening around here?

Vivio: how about I give you a back rub?

_BT stare at her with his jaw hanging open, screw that everyone in the room is staring at her with their jaws hanging off… I bet everyone would be in the exact same position if Vivio told you she's going to give you a back rub after work!_

Vivio: what?

BT: no thanks

Cameraman: are you crazy for refusing THAT?

BT: fans, cursing, screaming, weapons, explosion, Molotov cocktail… you get my drift or do I have to make it even more obvious and add the White Devil to the mix?

Cameraman: you don't have to tell me twice about a rampaging mob of fans and the White Devil out for your head!

BT: anyway today's guest has been Caro's eternal rival for Erio's heart (or manhood whichever you like to see it), she may have a calm demeanour but if you so much as step out of line I can guarantee you'll be bug bait within seconds, and finally she has threaten me with Hakutenou for not calling her when Caro married Erio, it's with pleasure that I welcome to the show, Lutceria Alpine!

_Walking out of the house is Lutceria, while standing on top of an antenna tower next to the house is Garyuu with his arms crossed and his scarf blowing in the wind… what's the chances are that Ninja is going to be jealous of that?_

Marine: you have to be kidding me, Ninja here isn't that petty to… where did he go?

_Standing on top of a tree to the left of the house antenna tower is the Ninja mimicking Garyuu's pose while a full moon is shining behind him… there's two things wrong with this scene, 1. it's freaking MORNING!, 2. isn't that a little pointless typing two trees with a freaking print of the full moon???_

Lutceria: KILL!!

_Lue simply looks at the Ninja before he's engulfed by a million metal flies, when they left the Ninja is left wearing nothing but a towel around his waist and his mask, the tree on the other hand is stripped of all it's green…angry Lue alert!_

BT: can't we talk about this?

Lutceria: Hakutenou CRUSH!

_BT dives out of the way as Hakutenou uses a giant size base ball bat to smash where BT was two seconds ago… looks like __**BT**__ is going to be the next __**B**__aseball __**T**__rophy if he's not careful!_

Alicia: we have to safe him!

Yunno: I'm trying to think of a way to stop her but there's nothing I can think of short of using ourselves as human shields

Vivio: Lue… could you stop?

_Lue looks to her left to see Vivio giving the most cutest smile ever, the fans that were hiding in the bushes pop up and scream their undying love for Vivio, exactly two seconds after they declared their love Vivio blast them… is it when she smiles innocently or cutely that she's trying to tell you she's going to blast you?_

Lue: Hakutenou stop… for now

_Her orders came too late as Hakutenou crashes to the ground while standing on top of the fallen giant is BT with half his jacket and shirt ripped and his trusty chair dented beyond recognition… giant slayer BT at your service!_

BT: try that again and I'll be sure to bring out the bigger chair!

_Hakutenou is now on his knees as he grovels for BT's forgiveness as the fuming interviewer is now ranting on about slaying dragons next while changing into a new suit... why is it that BT can beat up giant monsters but not the White Devil?_

Yunno: probably because Nanoha IS the main star of the show

Arf: somehow that isn't reassuring knowing that your boss is a demon interviewer who can slay Dragons about ten storeys high!

BT: anyway on with the questions then

_Lue sits down on a chair brought out by the still smoking Ninja and another is also brought out for the heavily bandaged Hakutenou... errr... how is Haku (Hakutenou) sitting on a normal size chair without breaking it!_

Marine: it's my chair of course!

Samurai: better make sure BT doesn't get a hold of it or else it's going to end up like the others.

_Shows a picture of a mountain of mangled chairs with a sign in front of the picture saying, "BT chair dump spot!"… At least we all know where all the chairs went to!_

BT: what's your thought of Erio?

Lue: he's my husband

BT:...

Lue:...

BT: and?

Lue: that's it he's my husband.

Yunno: what are your thoughts of having Caro married Erio?

Lue:.................

_Black flames erupt from Lue... who wasn't excepting that?_

BT: MOVING ON!!!

_Lue reverts back to normal... mental note to all, do not mention about Caro has married Erio for your own personal safety!_

BT: why is it that Zeck is still alive, all the Numbers say you would eat them if they so much as step out of line?

Lue: I hate muscles

BT:...

Lue:...

BT: I'll simply take it you like to only say five words at most, right?

Lue:...

Yunno: I can't decide is this a good reaction she's giving us or a bad one.

Marine: how can you tell when her face is still neutral!

BT: OK... how's your mother?

Lue:shesfineandwantstohavemisosoupbuticouldntgetanybecauseihadaninterviewwithyouandiwasgoingtogetgaryuutogetsomebuthedeaicdedtoshowoffandposetomaketheninjajealousalsoiwastoldbylindatohavehakutenoutocrushyouthemomentiseeyoubecauseyoumadeyoungfatesancrywhenyouchairedthebullyshewasgoingtoskewerwithadozenroundsofplasmalancerattheurgeofhermotherwhensheheardaboutthebullyoverthephonewhenshewashavinganiceconversationwithfateshewouldhavecalledintheasuratoblowthebullyupbutforgotthatherpreciousdaughterwastooclosetousetheasura

_Everyone looks to one wondering did anyone get even a quarter of what she said... all I got was Fate and chair... BT IS GOING TO DIE!!!_

BT: errr... I think she's referring to the fact I chaired a guy young Fate was going to plasma Lancer to death...

Young Fate: *sniff* BT is a meanie!

Arf: BT!!!

_BT is given two seconds to brace himself as Arf switches to her large wolf shape and bite BT's butt... ALL HATERS OF BT TO ME!_

Yunno: Arf, I think BT isn't exactly at fault here... Arf?

BT: ouch... the show must go on... even if I have Arf currently stuck to my butt!

Marine: do you want me to remove her?

BT: leave her… what do you think of Vivio's mamas?

Lue: they're nice

BT: are you afraid of them?

Lue:…

BT:…

_Lue began to sweat a lot as she recalls one particular moment when she got on both Nanoha's and Fate's bad side at one point… I'm surprised she still alive from whatever happened with Nanoha and Fate…_

BT: errr… moving on

_BT tries to sit down but couldn't with Arf still firmly attach to him… should I get the crowbar or the dynamite?_

Ninja: let me

Samurai: OK…

Ninja: nimpo… Picture Tornado!

_The Ninja is simply engulfed in pictures, Arf instantly let go and dives into the whirlwind of pictures, soon after the Ninja is seen running with Arf snapping at his heels… was that even necessary??_

Alicia: I wonder what were the pictures?

_One of the pictures drift in front of Alicia, she grabs hold of it and look at the picture, it's a picture of Older Fate eating an ice scream while wearing her black bikini with a bit of ice cream dribbling down from her chin and down between her… you get the idea… ME WANT PICTURE!!!_

BT: Marine!

Marine: SIR!

_The marine brings out a lighter; he drinks some oil then spat it out making a neat flamethrower as he burns the pictures of Fate before anyone can get their grubby hands on them… DAMN… hold a sec the Marine drank the oil through the grill on his helmet and spat it back out!_

Samurai: why didn't you keep any?

BT: Fate is watching the this show…

* * *

_Somewhere in Mid-Chila at section six in the lounge, Fate and Nanoha are watching the show._

Fate: good BT, so much as leave one and I'll be there faster than you can say "Fate is coming!"

_Nanoha on the other hand is carving a the table up with a spoon of pictures of what she's going to do to BT… errr… looks like the spoon has found a new use!_

Nanoha: bad BT, destroy anymore and I'll be over there faster than you can say "Target Practice!"

* * *

_BT felt like the Grim Reaper is currently setting up a welcoming party for someone special… namely YOU BT!_

BT: errr… Marine… could you save some please?

Alicia: do you want Fate to kill you?

BT: ever consider that Nanoha might want a few?

Yunno: wouldn't that mean that if you do save some you would be blown up by Fate or if you DON'T save some Nanoha would blow you up?

BT: you got the gist of it.

Vivio: I could always talk mama not to blow you up?

Vivi: I like uncle BT too!

_Vivi latches onto BT with her arms round our favourite Interviewers neck and gives him the biggest squeeze as to show her affection to the man… errr… BT's face is turning blue folks!_

Yunno: anyway Lue, where were you during the Christmas and New Years special? We did send an invitation to you.

Lue: I couldn't attend.

Yunno:…

Lue:…

Yunno:…

Lue: someone needs punishing…

Yunno:… errr… that wouldn't be me… would it?

Lue: not you

Yunno: that's a relieve

Lue: the helicopter pilot.

_Everyone look to one another and wonder is Vice even alive… last I heard he was hiding from Hayate after he took a snap of her changing…_

Alicia: do you have a favourite food Lue? If so I could make you some.

Lue: I only want one thing

Samurai: she spoke five words!

Reinforce: BT stated she only likes saying five words.

Alicia: what would you like then?

Lue: Erio.

_Everyone wonders is that even possible to ask for Alicia to cook Erio… I think Lue wants to eat him as he is people… why am I getting this really bad feeling that Erio life is in danger?_

Yunno: isn't it a bit hard to feed Haku because he's so big?

Lue: no it isn't

Alicia: the bill must be really high

Lue: he eats the annoying one

Reinforce: would that explain about the missing tourists that been reported from around here?

Lue: they're annoying fans

Marine: she is right, tourist are fans in one sense

Yunno: we have a question from RetardedFool, "Caro saved you from going berserk and go using up almost all of your magic power in summonings. So, did you develop any feeling of gratitude towards her, or is it something else? Though in some of the fanfics place you together with Vivio/Vivi."

Lue: …

Everyone: …

Choking Voice: arrk, help!

_Everyone ignore the choking voice and wonder what kind of reaction Lue will give them… the suspense is killing me!_

Lue: …

Everyone: …

Lue: shouldn't it be obvious?

Alicia: what do you mean?

Lue: my face said it all

Cameraman: IT DIDN'T CHANGE ONE BIT!!

Lue: tell me where RetardedFool lives.

Yunno: standard rules, we can't tell you no matter how much you threaten us with burning, maiming, slaughtering, torturing, annoying, wailing, begging and some other stuff.

Lue: Vivio is nice

Everyone: EH?!

Lue: …

Ninja: our time has become limited

Samurai: I'm glad Arf didn't get you

Ninja: I'am the wind and the wind cannot be caught

_The Ninja walks past them with Arf firmly attached to his buttt… if the Ninja gives some wind to Arf will she let go or will she bite down even harder?_

Yunno: anyway since BT is too busy playing with Vivi I like to thank you Lue for attending the show

Lue: chop

Samurai: ???

Choking voice: get… her… off… *gasp* *collapse*

Alicia: next time we'll be heading out to see Young Hayate at the theme park her older self has purchased and in charge of, so if you have any question for her please send them in. Until then this is Alicia T. Harlaown signing off.

Yunno: when did you become a Harlaown?

Alicia: after Fate thought it might be a good idea so I accepted

Samurai: what did your mother say about it?

Alicia: she said its fine while she was building the next doomsday weapon

Cameraman: that's one piece of information I could live without knowing!

Vivio: could you guys give me a hand!

Yunno: what's wrong?

Vivio: BT isn't breathing!

_Everyone turn to see that BT is lying on his back while his face is blue and froth coming out of his mouth… what killed our invincible interviewer?_

Vivio: Vivi wouldn't let go while you continue to the interview, when I didn't felt him breathing I try to give him mouth to mouth respiration. But that didn't work either!

Yunno: are you're sure he didn't wake up for a split second just to find your lips on his which made him die happily?

Cameraman: when has the producer been that nice to give BT a happy death? Hell I don't even think the producer is going to give BT a happy ending either!

Alicia: quick get someone to Starlight Breaker him!

Young Nanoha: …Breaker!!!

_Everyone leapt out of the way as Young Nanoha appear on the scene and blasts BT… here's our friendly neighbourhood White Devil!_

Cameraman: did it work?

_When the smoke cleared the charred remains of a chair can be seen next to the prone body of BT… damn it BT why did you had to train your body to react to any Starlight Breaker by bringing out a chair!!_

Samurai: Marine, hold him!

Marine: sir!

Alicia: one more time!

Young Nanoha: with pleasure!

_Everyone look to see the young White Devil smile evilly as she puts everything into this one final attack… wouldn't the Marine be blown away as well?_

Marine: not if I did this!

_The Marine quickly ties BT to the invincible chair the marine got for Christmas and held it up as the Starlight Breaker is been powered up… don't you guys feel like this is a preview of BT's execution by the older White Devil?_

Young Nanoha: Starlight… Breaker!!!

_The attack causes a crater and rips the ground apart as the attack rushes towards the tied up BT, just when the attack was going to hit the screen turn to static… sorry folks we've run out of time, tune in for next time to find out did our invincible interviewer survive the Starlight Breaker + by the young White Devil!_


	21. Interview 18

Authors note: I'll probably limit myself to updating once every two weeks from now on, sorry about that folks.

**Discalimer: I do not own any of the character of MGLN… BT is my creation so hands off!**

**Interview 18: Power Rage! **

Yunno: hello, welcome to another mad show of Interview Hell, I'm your temporary host Yunno Scrya

Vivio: and I'm his secondary host Vivio T. Harlaown

_The fans, wearing cosplay, cheer at Yunno, wearing a silver knight's armour with a white cape, and Vivio, wearing a playboy bunny suit… I think I'm going to need a bucket at the amount I'm drooling here!_

Yunno: if you're wondering has BT kicked the bucket, don't worry! BT is healthy as any normal interviewer should be… well he was healthy when I checked up on him last night…

Vivio: BT has disappeared from the hospital this morning, we've asked the police to help but they refuse on the grounds that the most likely people to capture BT are those who want to blow him up

Yunno: or he could have run away

Vivio: he could have after what we did to him

Alicia: you mean about typing him up to be Starlight Breaker, or about his disappointment that Vivio wasn't kissing him?

Vivio: eeek! Don't even phrase it like that!

Yunno: moving on, the cameramen have all gone off to find BT, so Reinforce is taking over the role of the Cameraman's position for today

_Reinforce is chewing some gum while wearing a pair of tight fitting blue jeans and baggy white shirt, she even has her long hair tied back into a low pony tail and a white Baseball cap with the words "Touch and Die!" written in red on it… must… resists… urge… to…touch!_

Alicia: was it necessary for everyone to cosplay?

_Alicia looks at her own clothes which is a red Chinese dress with a golden dragon sewn into it… I think I'm going to have a heart attack at this rate!_

Yunno: well this entire park DO belong to her, plus we were invited here to do the interview, she even said we can keep these.

Yunno: I'm not sure I want to keep this…

Arf: don't worry, Fate would probably make Nanoha wear it for one of them "special" nights.

Yunno: errr… thanks for the info Arf… anyway let's introduce today's guest, she's been given the name "Cosplay" maniac because of her undying love of cosplaying people, currently Nanoha and Fate are in hiding from Hayate because of what happened in the past and finally she's the unofficial teacher of Vivio in the ways of cosplaying.

Vivio: that's a LIE!

Yunno: anyway it's with pleasure that I introduce Hayate Yagaumi!

_A car power slides through the audience stand and comes to a halt in front of the two interviewers with blood still slick on it's wheels… that didn't took long to wipe them out!_

Older Hayate: ooops, I wasn't meaning to power slide into them…

_Out steps older Hayate wearing a Reindeer outfit with some horns as well, she goes to the passenger seat and helps her younger self, also wearing a Reindeer outfit, into the wheel chair Alicia hands to her._

Yunno: was that necessary to do that?

Older Hayate: well we were running late

Younger: we really wanted to see what kind of outfit you guys picked so I can take a picture of them!

_Young Hayate whips out a camera and takes a photo of everyone before they could stop her… what's the chances are Vice is also taking a picture with a sniper scope camera?_

Older Hayate: where's BT?

Yunno: we don't know… hopefully he's not in the clutches of some evil organisation that's out to dispose of him because of his prowess in… something…

* * *

_Somewhere in… somewhere…_

BT: errruk, I feet like Vita had whacked me with Graf Eisen in giant form, if anyone is wondering yes I did got hit by the aforementioned girl and her aforementioned device during my two week of running A.C.E.

Voice: well that's an interesting bit of news to me

_BT looks round to find himself in a pitch black room with a single lamp illuminating himself a small space round him… typical evil villains setup, have the poor victim in the middle of a spotlight while hiding themselves in the darkness just to make it feel some super agent movie._

Evil Voice: we evil doers have a way of doing this, for introducing normal villains we use this setup, for introducing super villains we have something exploding.

BT: sorry for cutting in on your explanation of the Evil doers manual, but could you untie me so I can get to my interview… despite the fact I really don't want to go because of who I'm interviewing

Evil Voice: SILENCE!

_Someone steps into the light, BT stares at in shock to see a muscle builder wearing nothing but a green mask and blue tight pants… Please oh please don't tell me this guy is going to beg for a job position in Interview Hell _

Evil Guy (muscle bound!): shut it, and don't tag me with Evil Guy (muscle bound), I have a name, it's Bulk Bolgan!

BT: err… you know that there's probably someone out there ready to sue you for that name

Bulk Bolgan: I'll worry about that once I'm finished with you… prepare yourself!

* * *

_Yunno heard the voice BT screaming for the torture to stop… what could the guy be doing to make BT scream this much?_

Yunno: let's not even ask what it could be… for all our sake

Vivio: Aunty Hayate, where are the knights?

Older Hayate: they made excuses that they're needed for something, I told them that they have to appear on Interview Hell while wearing their new cosplay outfit

Younger Hayate: they ran off by Shamal is hunting them down even as we speak

Zafira: would it be too much to ask am I included in the list?

_Everyone turns to see Zafira in his puppy form while wearing what appears to be doll clothing… please don't tell me Vivi dressed up Zafira?_

Vivi: Zaffy's pretty!!

_Moments later Vivi jumps onto the scene wearing a sailor moon outfit, she gives our poor guardian Wolf the biggest hug she can muster… the same hug which put BT in the hospital!_

Alicia: as least we know that you have to train them while they're young

Vivio: I'm not like that!

Yunno: mind telling me why you were sketching cosplay costumes for all of us during a meeting?

Vivio: they're doodles, not sketches!

Older Hayate: why are you so embarrassed about your inner skill Vivio?

Young Hayate: wow she'll look great in a Santa outfit Older Nanoha wore for Christmas!

Older Hayate: ah yes, that is very true!

_The two Hayate's begin disgusting about the different clothes that would fit Vivio… we haven't even asked one question yet and already half the show is gone!_

Yunno: anyway for our first question, is Carim really the first person who showed you the way of Cosplaying?

Young Hayate: yes she did, she's really nice and showed me all her drawings of what the normal uniform would be of the TSAB

Older Hayate: ah but did you know she's drawn up new ones already

Young Hayate: oooo, I want to see them!

Older Hayate: we'll go and see Carim after this then, I'm sure you'll be delighted at the changes she made to the older sketches

Alicia: do it feel like those two have gone off to their little world?

Yunno: I'm not too sure is that a good thing or a bad thing…

Vivio: err Aunt, what is your thought of your eternal rival in cosplaying, Auris Gaiz, or as she calls herself, "The Official Cosplay Investigator"

Older Hayate: ah yes, her level of cosplay is mere child's play to my sophisticated form

Young Hayate: she must be a bad person to say she's better than us!

Older Hayate: exactly, which is why I showed her my large collection of cosplay out fit, she admits defeat to my superiority!

Yunno: … somehow I felt like Hayate is promoting her own Cosplay skills to everyone…

Older Hayate: oh yes, your Cameramen came to me to help them find BT

Vivio: you know where he is?!

Older Hayate: ooo, that impatient tone of yours is making me interested in why you want to know…

Yunno: well for one thing Vivio here isn't the only one anxious to know where he is

Young Hayate: why's that?

Yunno: if he disappears for good so do our screen time…

Arf: Fate please let me join you so I can get some screen time!

Zafira: it's not that bad… is it?

Alicia: you had SOME screen time in Strikers… remember?

Older Hayate: anyway they went off to save BT, but before they left I gave them something which I'm sure will help them save him

Yunno: what's that?

Older Hayate: heh, heh, heh, wouldn't you want to know…

* * *

_Somewhere in… good grief can't they be somewhere I can name for crying out loud!_

BT: the insanity of the painful brain melting of that image will haunt me forever as long as I live!!!

Bulk Bolgan: I only showing you a photo album of Zeck, like this picture of Zeck taking a bubble bath in pink tights… what's wrong with that?

Voice: stop your evil ways evil doer!

_A spotlight turns on showing the Marine wearing a red tight fitting body suit thing with a winking Tiger helmet… I have a bad feeling about this!_

Marine: we have come to safe out commander from your evil clutches

_More lights turn on to show the other cameramen also dressing up in different coloured body fitting suits… anyone who value their sanity, please look away!_

Samurai: we are his loyal protectors from all evil minions of the television world!

_The Samurai, in his yellow suit, strikes a pose by turning his back to everyone while looking over his shoulder with his left hand pointing diagonally upwards and his right position like some snake over his right shoulder, he stood to the left of the Marine, whose pointing both his thumbs at himself while doing the usual macho pump!_

Pirate: Arrrk, we sails the high seas, we sail the lands and we sail the space just to bring back our comrade from you filthy dogs hands!

_The Pirate, in his blue suit, stands to the right of the Marine, with his right hook he points skywards and his left hand on his hip, he looks up while wearing the ridiculous fish head helmet_

Ninja: he is our leader who will lead us victorious against the evil organisations of the Interview market

_The Ninja, in a black suit, is crouched in front of the Marine with his left leg on it's knee while the other is on his feet, both of his arms are spread out like some freaking bird, even his helmet is shape of a crying bird of prey._

Marine: we will defend him for we are…

_The cameraman back flips from his position, while wearing a tight body fitting PINK suit, onto the Marine head with one foot, the other is raised high behind him while he balance himself with his arms pointed outwards, he even wore a stupid looking DRUNK elephant helmet that's puffing out unhealthy looking green smoke!_

Cameramen: THE BT BRIGADE!!!

_Fireworks go off in the back ground once they shouted their team name as everyone stare at them… maybe they're wondering what kind of MAD idiots are they for setting fireworks off inside an ENCLOSED ROOM, or they're simply trying to figure out how is the Cameraman managing to spin on his freaking toes while on top of the Marine's head!_

Bulk Bolgan:… errr are they're your people?

_Poor BT stares at them with a blank look… I'm trying to debate here should I be laughing or crying …laughing at the most stupid thing I ever seen, or crying because I work with them!_

BT:…you…guys…

_The cameramen look to see BT stand up and breaks free of his binds and the chair, from the ground a black hole opens and spits out a black chair, BT grabs it while black flames erupt from BT… the black rage has returned!_

Samurai: there it is, BT ultimate form, Black Tornado!

Bulk Bolgan: errr… I wonder how's my life insurance holding up?

_BT charge Bulk Bolgan group and begins to slaughter them all with the black chair, the Cameramen cheer at the carnage… so you guys were simply here just to make BT angry???_

BT: unforgivable!

_The enraged interviewer runs to the cameramen, they all wonder should they run from their enraged boss… hey BT, I already put up the job advertisement for new Cameramen should you kill these idiots!_

_

* * *

_

_The sound of a few more unfortunate souls going off to meet where all unfortunate souls go to… I wonder are the cameramen amongst the unfortunate souls?_

Yunno: Anyway we have some questions from our regular viewers

Vivio: this is from Major Mike Powell III, "And why most people make you be so perverted in StrikerS fics?"

Older Hayate: oh dear, don't they know that I have to measure them to find out which outfit will fit them?

Vivio: that's her only excuse for feeling up all of the female members, it's because she can tell which cosplay outfit they can fit in with their bust size…

Alicia: what about the men?

Older Hayate: well I simply like to slide my hand across them to find out…

Yunno: errr… I kind of feel sorry for Erio right now…

Alicia: what about Vice and Griffin?

Older Hayate: they don't count.

Yunno: so they don't even count as existing candidates for your cosplay?

Older Hayate: oh they do, I simply have them become the scenery

Young Hayate: like that car cosplay you have?

Older Hayate: exactly!

Vivio: we have a question from RetardedFool, "the Knights are afraid of you, literally. People avoid- scratch that...run away from you. Why? Is it because of your obsession in cosplaying? Or is it something else more deadly?"

Young Hayate: well people do avoid us because we just can't help ourselves experiment with new costumes and materials… like that guy who I used for a week without giving him any food or water by pure accident.

Older Hayate: or the time when I manage to corner Fate and undress her in the middle of a park

Young Hayate: or the time I made Nanoha did her class in a maid outfit… I think her class was put in intensive care after that…

Older Hayate: well Signum did try to refuse, so I put some sense back to her with my well trained paper fan… of course she had to go to the hospital for multiple fracture throughout her body

Young Hayate: or the time Vita tries to run away from me while I was in a wheel chair… fufu… Vita should know that I can outrun a bullet while I'm in my wheel chair

_The pair continues to talk of the times they made someone cosplay against their will… I got this really bad feeling that if she was running this show I would be in diapers for life!_

Yunno: you've got my sympathy there… anyway moving on RetardedFool also asked about this, "Who do you like the most? Young Nanoha? Young Fate? Older Nanoha? Older Fate? Or all?"

Older Hayate: well now, that's obvious

Younger Hayate: very obvious.

Both Hayate: all of them!

Reinforce: why is that?

Older Hayate: well you see the older Hayate are sexy so we can dress them in sexy clothing, like this Ninja outfit belonging to the character called Kasumi from some game called Dead Or Alive, I made Nanoha dress up in that!

Younger: the younger are cute as well so I made Fate dress up as a cat girl, she's so adorable to look at while she look at you innocently with her black cat ears and tail!

Alicia: if BT was here he would be reining the cameramen from jumping them right about now.

Vivio: I can picture it too…

Yunno: yeah I can too… BT don't want mass slaughter should those photos get out to the public… can you imagine the amount of work A.C.E. would be doing?

Arf: actually we're currently resolving that issue after we got reports of Vice managing to break into Hayate's high security home and took them…

Alicia: then why are you here?

Arf: well Vice seem to have run into a large black fire of some sort downtown… I had a feeling that it might be in my personal health interest if I didn't follow him into that…

Yunno: anyway RF other part of the question is… errr… where is Nanoha and Fate right now?

Arf: they're currently enjoying the carnage caused by the black fire… why?

Yunno: because of this question, "If it's the last option, may I have the honor of requesting you to have them cosplay for our...erm... (Shall I say it...Let's not!)"

Older Hayate: ooo, what a wonderful idea!

Young Hayate: let's do that right after the show… you said they're downtown; we'll call Shamal to bring the van!

Alicia: I suddenly feel like we're all going to be paying for that question now…

Yunno: I can see what you mean… anyway…

Vivio: is it a bad one?

Yunno: yes, and this time is' from MMP III, "Have you ever thought of askin'em for a threesome?"

_Older Hayate thinks hard about an answer with Young Hayate… err wouldn't it be a six way if you include the younger ones… I think I just doomed us all for saying that…_

Older Hayate: I'am called the master of Nanoha's harem…

Young Hayate: every time someone wants to join in Fate will politely tell them not to

Alicia: with Bardiche in Zamber form no doubt?

Vivio: I can understand why some people think Hayate is a safer bet to join in with my mamas… she's still standing after so many years spent with them might be one reason…

Yunno: anyway the final question is from RF… actually this is a request that all of us would like you to grant us Hayate

Older Hayate: What's that?

Yunno: well this is what it say, "One more thing, I don't mind you cosplaying a fire extinguisher or even a cannon ball, but PLEASE! DON'T EVER, EVER, LET ZECK INTO YOUR COLLECTIONS!"

Older Hayate: oh but I can't do that, you see I've even sent him to a all girl school, all of the pupils really like him and have even made him wore make up, here's a picture!

_A picture of Zeck dancing in a garden of flowers while wearing heavy make up with other girls is all too disturbing for the fragile mind to handle… SOMEONE RIP MY EYES AND POUND THEM INTO DUST!!! THE VERY SIGHT OF THE PICTURE OFFENDS ALL HUMAN SENSE OF NATURE!_

Vivio: that… is by all means the most disturbing picture I've ever seen, won't you agree uncle Yunno… uncle Yunno?

_Yunno is sitting in his seat while staring at the sky, his eyes have turned white while spittle is running down his mouth… congratulations Hayate, you just broke Yunno's mind…and the entire population of this planet as well!_

Alicia: I'll call the paramedic

Vivio: yeah, anyway thanks for coming today aunty

Older Hayate: it's been a pleasure, but I really wish I could have made BT cosplay…

BT: some much as think of it and you'll be joining this lot!

_They all turn to see BT has returned, his clothes are shredded but the thing that disturb everyone is the path of destruction he left right through the city, in one hand he held the black chiar while the other held the left leg of the Marine, piled on to of him is the Cameramen and Vice looking like they just been to Hell and back… speak softly or else you might spook BT back into "Broken Tormenter"_

Alicia: errr… well the show IS ending…

_BT growls at the Alicia while black flames puff out of his nose… I blame it all on the two week stress he's been under during the holiday that made him like this!_

Vivio: come on BT why don't you do the ending?

BT: errr…. OK

_BT unfolds the black chair which hasn't disintegrated on him like the others… two points I like to make, A. what's the chances are that chair really did came from Hell? And B. Vivio has defiantly charmed BT from the way he simply reverted to none angry mode!_

BT: our next guest is the technician of mayhem Shari, she has asked me to test out a machine for her in exchange for something's we need for the new studio.

Alicia: is that even safe?

BT: do I have choice?

Vivio: guess not… anyway our show has change from one every week to once every two week, so tune in then, this is Vivio T. Harlaown signing off.

BT: before I forget if you're part of any Evil organisation could you not use the black room set up?

Reinforce: they used a typical super agent set up with a laser?

BT: they didn't had the laser

Reinforce: how boring


	22. Interview 19

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha!**

**Interview 19: Grim Reapers Apprentice!**

Alicia: hello, welcome to another episode of Interview Hell, I'm your host Alicia T. Harlaown.

Reinforce: and I'm her secondary host, Reinforce, nice to meet you all.

Alicia: if you're all thinking "don't tell me BT has been kidnapped by an evil organisation OR been in an unbelievably horrible accident!" no I'm afraid it's neither of them... it's a little hard to explain

Kid: HELP ME!!!

_A kid is been held by Vivio as she cuddles the cute little boy wearing a black suit and a pair of sunglasses... errr... don't the kid remind you of anyone?_

Alicia: I'm sure a few of you are thinking, "BT IS GOING TO DIE FOR HAVING A KID WITH VIVIO or WE'RE GOING TO STUFF AND ROAST THE GUY THAT LEFT VIVIO WITH A KID!" I'm afraid that's not the case either... isn't that right BT?

Kid: damn straight it is!

Reinforce: as you all have figured out by now the kid is indeed BT.

_The audience who were going wild to kill someone stopped and look to one another then to Chibi BT... I'm as confused as they are!_

Alicia: oh yes if you're wondering where is Yunno and the rest of the Cameramen... well last episode pretty much said it all, Yunno is currently having Fate and Nanoha attending to him (they've forgiven him for his past crimes) while the Cameramen are all in intensive care with Vivi giving them her energy drink to help them heal up... in short we're very understaffed today.

Zafira: who would have thought I would be manning the camera this time round?

Arf: and I had to go and take photos

Alicia: sorry guys, but Vivio is also too preoccupied with Chibi BT to be of any help

Chibi BT: HELP!!!

Reinforce: why are you in such a distress while been cuddled by Vivio, half the fans would trade anything to be in your position

Chibi BT: have you forgotten once I get back to normal that Nanoha and Fate are going to hunt me down to the ends of the earth?

Alicia: why don't you enjoy yourself before that happens?

_

* * *

_

_Somewhere in Mid-chila, our favourite Enforcer is watching the show with a still broken Yunno_

Fate: I wonder will Nanoha do that to BT?

_Fate looks to the board and feels a little worried at the amount of pictures of BT been skewered by knifes, pens, forks and even a Tia plush doll... I'm as worried as you are Fate on this matter!_

Yunno: errr....

Fate: don't worry Yunno we'll make sure you're back to normal in no time with this video I got of us while we were young

_She pops in the video and watch it_

_

* * *

_

_The sound of someone been slaughtered over and over again can be heard even inside the lab where they are... well they are downstairs from where the aces are for goodness sake!_

Reinforce: that do not sound reassuring...

Nanoha: oh Yunno!

Fate: what a naughty boy... should we teach him a good lessen?

Alicia: anyone wants to go upstairs and ask them to turn down the volume?

Yunno: can't we talk about this girls???

Zafira: Arf, could you go upstairs and ask them to turn it down... all of us are getting strange ideas...

Nanoha: oh yes a triple deluxe limited edition of Starlight Breaker and Plasma Zamber Breaker at max power!

Arf: back in a sec!

_The sound of a Starlight Breaker and Plasma Zamber Breaker going off with the obvious wailing of our favourite roast ferret… I don't mind listening to these soothing tape recordings of Yunno been turned into Sunday's roast dinner at all._

Chibi BT: that's because you are a Yunno hater!

Vivio: so cute~~~~~!

Alicia: anyway today's guest is known as the Device Mesiter, she's been feared by all devices and anything which she can tamper with, this include Reinforce, the Devices, Vice's Helicopter, Subaru, the numbers… you get what I mean… and finally she's been experimenting on people, as you can tell BT was one of them, so please give a loud round of applauses to Shari!

_The door opens and in steps a giant robot as it walks in and sits upon the chair opposite Alicia… I'm sure you're all thinking of the same thing, why hasn't the chair collapsed and why is there a big robot here?_

Alicia: is that you Shari?

Robot: yes

Zafira: what's up with the getup?

Reinforce: seems to be that she's afraid of someone coming in and blowing her up

Shari: YES!!!

Chibi BT: I'M GOING TO TEAR YOU APART ONCE I GET OUT OF VIVIO'S ARMS!!!!!

_Chibi BT is currently struggling in Vivio's arms with a chair in his hands... he won't dare do a thing to Vivio unless he wants to become tonight's stew!_

Shari: I didn't know it would turn you younger, my theory was that it would transported you somewhere

Alicia: like where?

Shari: in another dimension of course!

Reinforce: so you knew that BT was in danger of never coming back should your experiment succeed

Shari: well... ummm... yeah I kind of forgot about that after I build the machine... should have really thought of building some kind of return teleporter really...

_Shari laughs nervously while BT is now spurting black flames while he struggles to get out of Vivio's arms... let's hope Vivio keeps him like that or else we're going to end the interview early!_

Alicia: anyway let's begin the interview, have you bee modifying our Space Marine Armour, or even tampered with it?

Shari: no.... why?

Reinforce: when we went to the hospital this morning we found the Marine and half his armour dismantled with notes written all over it

Shari: you can't prove it was me can...

Alicia: on one piece of armour it said "signed by Shari"

_Shari looks loss for words as she scratch her head to give some kind of reply to make it seem she didn't do it... it's kind of disturbing she's scratching her head when she's got a helmet on!_

Shari: I can explain, you see I…

_Before Shari could explain Alicia uses her scythe device and rips the armour from Shari… and doing all that while smiling happily as if she's opening a present... it's been nice knowing you Shari_

Alicia: we'll continue with the punishment once the shows over…

Shari: don't tell me you're into the Marine?!

Alicia: oh no that is defiantly not the case, you see we got some financing issue and thanks to you ripping the Marines armour, which I should mention cost a fortune to repair, and of course turning BT into a kid, which somehow got the government pouncing on us to shut the show down if we start showing a kid been blown up… so I've been forced to sign a lot of paper work… a LOT of papers...

Reinforce: six documents in the last forty eight hours since the interview began.

Shari: that doesn't sound a lot for simply twelve documents

Reinforce: each of the documents contain exactly two hundred and thirty nine pages to be dated and signed and returned with carbon copy of each page to the government official two hours before the interview began.

_Shari slowly turns to see Alicia surrounded by black flames while sitting next to herr… I swear the Grim Reaper is standing behind Alicia with thumbs up to her image!_

Alicia: we'll have a long chat about health and safety once we're finished with this interview… will that be fine Shari?

Shari: th…that's…f…fine…

Alicia: good, the first question, did you by any chance modify Vice's helicopter when he got it repaired?

Shari: I did, I made so many improvements like emergency boosters, counter flares, backup rotary blades, reinforce frame and some others… why?

Alicia: currently Vice is trying not to get shot down by Nanoha after he took a photo of her and Fate having a little fun at the hot spring… she said she's going to skin the person who modify Vice's helicopter with Raising Heart… very, very slowly I heard.

Shari: b…bu…bu….bu….but… I

Alicia: anyway I'm sure Nanoha will be there when we have that chat, anyway moving on to the next question…

_Alicia saw Shari has turned white and her spirit is trying to flee, unfortunately before the Device master can escape Alicia grabs the tail of the spirit and forcing it back down Shari's throat, thus reviving her… I can see the silhouette of the Grim Reaper crying tears of joy… that's never a good sign!_

Shari: I… I was so close…

Reinforce: so much as leave again and I'll be force to take action

_Reinforce is sitting calmly while in her black form with black flames burning round her, Alicia also sports the black flame feature with a serene face as well… mental note, do not get on the bad side of Alicia and Reinforce… scratch that don't get on the bad side of ANY of the MGLN girls!_

Alicia: now then this question is from…

Fan: why was BT doing experiments for Shari?

Reinforce: because we needed Shari to make something for our new studio, as payment BT would gladly volunteer for all of Shari's experiments.

Chibi BT: like hell I did, you guys signed me off to her so she can try some experiments to see am I invincible!

Fan: what kind of experiments?

Chibi BT: the first was trying to inject me with some pain killers, which of course failed miserably after Shari had taken the wrong bottle WITHOUT her glasses! I was left rolling on the ground in agony for hours!

Shari: it's an honest mistake!

Chibi BT: then how about that new cannon you asked me to stand in front of and shot me with!

Shari: I only asked you stand in front of it so I can scan you, I didn't mean to lean back on the positron cannon controls that fired it!

Chibi BT: then what about that experiment of letting loose those cyber enhanced dogs of yours!

Shari: they're my cute little puppies I was programming to hunt down anyone that resembles Vice… I kind of accidentally inputted BT by total mistake…

_The two argue back and forth of the random experiments which range from swimming in a pool filled with man eating tunas, beating up a golden Dragon that got angry when Shari dropped a crane on it's foot, with BT stopping it the usual way and a host of other experiments… accident my foot! Shari will gladly watch BT run away from a volcano just to gather information for the hell of it!!_

Alicia: well Shari could you answer these questions from RT please?

Shari: OK… I think

Alicia: thank you, RT first question is, "How are you able to tune devices so well? Are Raising Heat and Bardiche tuned by you as well?"

Shari: fu fu, of course I'am the one who tune them so finely for the aces and the forwards use!

Reinforce: then please could you answer Ak's question then, "did the insanity of Raging Heart had to do with one of the result of you crazy experiment with all the device since i heard Bardiche still had a nightmare since one of them."

Shari: well you see I... ummm.... errr... yeah....

Alicia: please answer the question or I may have to exercise some of my interviewer rights to make you answer

_Alicia is stroking her large Scythe... who wants to take bets that the Grim Reaper is now crying tears of joy about his apprentice?_

Shari: well you see the experiment wasn't anything major, just simply adding more firepower to Raising Heart and Bardiche...

Zafira: didn't it dawn upon you that you're modifying a blood thirsty device?

Reinforce: Raising Heart is more likely to cause mass destruction

Alicia: while Bardiche will probably be happy to skewer a few hundred people as oppose to Raising Heart wasting a few thousand people!

Arf: they have a point; Raising Heart is more explosive addicted to Nanoha!

Shari: well Nanoha did ask me specifically not to increase Raising Heart capability but Raising Heart did gave me a few reasons to do it...

Reinforce: please explain to us the reasons.

Shari: Raising Heart + Starlight Breaker + me = ....

_Everyone in the room nod in agreement... so is she trying to tell us that the half a billion people that got blasted by the White Devil is in fact due to a blood crazy Device???_

Alicia: why do I feel like you've doomed us all?

* * *

_Somewhere in Mid-Childa, the White Devil is currently asking her students help_

Nanoha: OK people, I've just got Raising Heart back, so I want all of you to help me to see how the tune up went with a little sparring match

Student A: ARRRH MY STOMACH HURTS!!!

Student B: I forgot my mom asked me out for dinner!

Student C: I've got a date with Vivio after this!

_The entire class look to Student C who smiles sheepishly… did someone ordered for extra crispy students?!_

Student A: what possessed you to say that!

Student C: I thought if I said that she might let me off

Nanoha: oh you arranged a date with my precious Vivio, hmmm?

_Everyone slowly turns to see the White Devil is smiling caringly to them, while holding onto Raising Heart in its new mode, Artillery Mode… Aka Giant Excellion mode!_

Student B: MY MOM IS REALLY WAITING FOR ME FOR DINNER!!!!

Nanoha/White Devil: don't worry this will only take a moment

Raising Heart: Full Magical Assault Mode enabled, initiating new spell, Starlight Galaxy Breaker!

* * *

_Alicia felt a little uncomfortable as she heard the screams of an entire class of people followed by the sound of a nuke going off… Shari you idiot what have you done!_

Zafira: did anyone just felt like Armageddon is coming early today?

Arf: I don't know I didn't felt a sudden chill run down my…

_A phone rings; Arf takes out her mobile phone… I can hear people screaming from the other end… that's not a good sign!_

Arf: sorry guys, A.C.E. just called, looks like Nanoha is currently testing out a new spell along with Raising Heart new mode

Alicia: don't worry about us, just go and stop her before she cause our rating to drop again from lack of people watching

Reinforce: Vivio, could you go upstairs and take Fate to Nanoha and stop her from annihilating the city please?

_Vivio is too focused on Chibi BT to listen to the urgent request… I wonder will Vivio go postal if someone was to kidnap BT?_

Chibi BT: ARK!

_Chibi BT manage to get himself out of Vivio's iron vice grip and makes a run out of the room and up to where Fate is followed by a drooling crazy loving Chibi BT worshipper Vivio… I'm still debating do I hate BT for having such an effect on Vivio or pity him when he gets back to normal when he has to explain himself to Vivio's mamas?_

Alicia: anyway moving on to the next question.

Reinforce: the next question from RT is, "How are your work in the Six division?"

Shari: well I pretty much summed it up, fix things, upgrade things, apologise for upgrading things, fixing the damage my upgrade cause and so on

_Everyone look at the technician and wonder has she been influence by the White Devil in some way… well if I remember correctly Shari modified the Asura Arc-en-ceil Cannon at one point… what's the chances are that Lindy is currently abusing the new upgrade?_

Reinforce: we'll probably find out in another interview

Alicia: true, true, anyway here's my very last question from RT, "do you have any feelings for anyone here?"

Shari: well… umm…

Reinforce: by any chance it's someone with a lady killer smile?

Shari: yes

Alicia: wears white?

Shari: yes

Reinforce: has an over zealous wife?

Shari: …yes

Alicia: is currently destroying the city as we speak with a blood thirsty device?

Shari: yes…

Reinforce: has a tendency to cause more accidental damage then she means to

Shari: yes…

Alicia: will shoot you to bits if you so much as eye Fate in a desirable way?

Shari: yes

_The two interviewers sigh as they wonder how on earth did SHE manage to snag another one… it's all because of a certain blonde woman is the reason why SHE hasn't got a harem running yet!_

Alicia: I guess that's all I'm going to ask, thanks for coming and…

Reinforce: …

Shari: errr… you're scaring me girls…

_Shari turns slowly round to see black flames surrounding someone holding a black chair and looking pretty angry judging from the hole he just made that was the door two minutes before… when did BT get back to normal?_

BT: I came by using Shari Time machine from a week from now

Shari: why… are you here???

BT: to show you how much pain I went through in the coming week because of your stupid experiment.

Alicia: what do you me…

_Before Alicia could finish the sound of a thunder storm can be heard above followed by a lot of screaming by someone we all love and know… errr that sounds like our Chibi BT has grown up and is currently been roasted by the great Fate!_

Reinforce: what's happening upstairs?

BT: Fate was taking a bath with Yunno and I simply barged in when she just got out completely nude… you can guessed what happened next when I suddenly returned to normal right at the moment

Reinforce: Fate probably thought that you were going to jump her, hence the embarrassing scream from upstairs

_On cue they heard our favourite enforcers voice screaming while the sound of blasting continues… won't Nanoha pop by and blast the guy for peaking on Fate, accidental or not!_

BT: exactly, Vivio will come over my mangled body in exactly one hour and will nurse me back to health with the help Vivi's new Super Energy Drink for a week….

Shari: but… but it isn't my fault that you're currently been barbecued by Fate!

BT: true, but I have to repay for all those lovely experiments you performed on me

_Shari tries in vain to try and figure a way to get out of her predicament, before she could Alicia drags her outside with BT following close behind… Demonic interviewer AND the Grim Reapers apprentice… I doubt we're going to hear from Shari for a LOOONNGG time._

Reinforce: thank you for watching, next time on Interview Hell is a special event where we take a peak into BT's normal daily life

Zafira: also the cameramen will be making a happy return to the show

Reinforce: the high light of the episode is a rumour that BT is going on a date with Vivio, so tune in for the next episode of Interview Hell, I'm your only host here, Reinforce, take care everyone.

_The sound of growling animals can be heard from somewhere… maybe it's coming from behind the vault door labelled "crazy audience!"_


	23. Valentine Special!

**Discalimer: I do not own any of the characters of Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha!**

**Special Event: Blood Red Day!!**

Alicia: welcome to a special event episode!

Zafira: today we're going to be exploring the daily life of BT… on Valentine day no less!

Arf: more like stalking to see is he trying to nab a date with Vivio!

Cameraman: aren't you curious as to what those two might be up to?

Arf: no, but I'm sure that Fate and Nanoha would be keen to know

Reinforce: don't worry; he's survived hell itself, so he should be fine even if we do broadcast this

Ninja: the greatest mystery of the known dimension is about to be revealed

Marine: I have to agree with him

Pirate: Arrrk, we'll be searching for booty of pictures me hearties!

Samurai: errr guys… if you're this loud he's bound to hear us

_The crew is hiding behind a large tree as they spy upon our favourite interviewer, BT, as he waits for someone while tapping his foot… err BT why are you standing on a pile of still smoking and twitching bodies??_

Arf: popular as ever with the fan haters from wide I see

Zafira: it's been bugging me

Alicia: what?

Zafira: where did he get the black chair??

Ninja: that is a mystery in itself, but he remains as he is, the indestructible interviewer

Zafira: yeah he still the same in that respect but ever since he got that chair he's been partaking in quite a few slaughter fest

Arf: true, before he would have simply run from anything dangerous…

Ninja: an evil chair posing a wicked soul maybe the change in his behaviour?

Arf: why does this sound like some strange excuse from a game storyline?

Samurai: shhh.... Vivio's here

_They all peek round the corner to see Vivio wearing a simple white sunny dress approach BT... if it isn't a date then I'm not a man!_

BT: what's up with the clothes?

Vivio: what do you mean?

BT: it's FREEZING!

Vivio: is it?

_BT is wearing a large jacket from the cold and at least three pair of trousers... maybe Vivio is immune to the cold because she so hot? (I know it's a lame joke!)_

BT: looking at you is making me feel cold... here

Vivio: BT... Stop that... not so hard...

_BT puts his jacket onto Vivio while she protested, from the bushes can be heard the growl of a few dozen angry fans... I'm with them on this!_

Arf: I can't believe my eyes!

Ninja: it would seem that their relationship is closer than we had anticipated...

Samurai: did anyone suddenly felt a chill run down their spine?

Cameraman: that chill you felt is more than likely a White Devil getting ready to get onto the stage and blast BT to atoms!

Marine: quite, I can't hear what the boss is saying to Vivio

BT: ...going out sure is nice for a change

Vivio: I agree, it's been a long time since we went out together.

Arf: WHAT!!

_BT and Vivio look towards the tree wondering who shouted, behind the tree Arf is tied up and gaged by the Ninja and his chain... that looks kind of painful the way he's tied up Arf with her arms and legs tied together behind her..._

Vivio: did you hear something?

BT: probably another fan that's going to ambush me later on today

Vivio: do this happen often?

BT: everyday I go home I have to deal with the fans outside of the studio door... and don't get me started about the fan that hides in my closet with a nunchka giraffe either

Vivio: ... that's not reassuring to know...

BT: anyway let's get going before they jump me again

Vivio: lets!

_Everyone watch Vivio grab hold of BT's arm, funny enough our favourite interviewer didn't seemed bothered by this one bit, nor the glares of a dozen glares from the trees and bushes around him... when the hell did they got this close!_

BT: you've been grabbing my arm of late… what gives?

Vivio: I like grabbing your arm!

BT: if you grab my like that your mamas may think we're going out…

Vivio: but we are… aren't we?

_BT saw stars in Vivio's eyes and wonder is this a good sign or not… well smiling usually follows by insane amount of pain so I don't know what to make of it…_

BT: why are you so bouncy today?

Vivio: because you're going to pay for THAT ice cream remember?

BT: … there goes my pay check

Fan: DIE!!!

_The fan jumped out of the tree with a chair in his hand, BT baseball the guy with his own chair to the waiting taxi that's going to the hospital… that seem a little TOO convenient for my liking! _

Arf: I swear that if BT goes on a rampage and cause more paper work for ACE I'm going to eat him!

Zafira: if he goes on a rampage I'm running for it!

Marine: come on guys I'll use this as our cover!

_The marine rips the large tree they're using for cover into a portable cover… hello!!! BT will spot a moving tree a mile away people!!!_

_

* * *

_

_They all made their way through the town, a lot of people just stared at BT and Vivio, some brandishing weapons with BT name on it while others took a photo and sent it to Hayate to forward to Nanoha… maybe they're staring at the poor excuse of a cover used by the others!_

BT: why in hecks name did you ask me to come along to discuss that on Valentines Day?

Vivio: wouldn't you like to know…

BT: on second thought I don't want to know in the interest of my personal safety

_So the couple (I'm trying to get BT blasted as quickly as possible here!__ moves on not knowing they're been __followed by the others using the tree as their cover… couldn't they have used a car instead of a freaking tree!_

Kids 1: valentine chocolate for sale!

_BT and Vivio stop to see a small stall with two little girls manning it with boxes of valentine chocolate for sale… errr the truck that's next to them don't look reassuring one bit__…especially the black smoke that's coming out of the door cracks__!_

BT: that's nice to see

Vivio: why don't you buy me one?

BT: … are you trying to get my blasted by your mamas?

Vivio: but I'm hungry

BT: don't you have any money yourself?

Vivio: please…

_Vivio gives BT the__ infamous__ puppy eyes causing all male in the street to swoon__ or have massive nose bleeds__… Vivio is SOOOO CUTE!!!!_

BT: errr… if I refuse I'll probably get blasted by your mamas AND by you OR I could buy one for you THEN get blasted by your mamas!

Marine: wow I never thought of that

Samurai: that's a pretty hard situation to get out of…

Alicia: I'm starting to wonder is Vivio doing this on purpose to get BT blasted…

_BT is currently praying for someone to save him… I'll buy the chocolate for Vivio regardless if I get blasted!_

Vivi: uncle BT!!!

_Before our favourite interviewer could __do anything__ the bundle of joy known as Vivi leapt up and grab a hold of BT's neck and gave him one of her biggest hugs…. Are we talking about the same kind of hug that put BT and Zafira in the hospital?_

Vivio: oh Vivi, why are you here?

Vivi: I came out for a walk with Fate-mama but she had to run off to somewhere… said something about fans stalking Nanoha-mama

BT: wh…what..?

Vivio: Vivi let go of uncle BT or he won't get you an ice cream

Vivi: OKKKKKKK!

_Vivi lets go allowing BT to breathe in deeply while making a mental note to keep his guard up against anyone, especially Vivi and her giant strength of a hug… currently the producer has just told me that Vivi has put at least five people in the hospital from just hugging them!_

Kid 1: oh you're BT of Interview Hell!

BT: errr… yes I'am…

Kid 2: then is it true you're going out with Vivio?

Vivio: maybe

_BT looks at Vivio as she gives him a teasing smile while he on the other hand looked like someone just told him he's about to die… I don't even need say anymore about this subject!_

Vivi: I want some chocolate uncle!

BT: not you too…

Vivio: come on what's wrong with a little valentine chocolate for us?

BT: maybe it'll spell out my death warrant?

Kid 1: can you get Zelly out to help?

Kid 2: OK… Zelly can you come out to help!

_The truck door slowly open while horror music is been played … don't tell me they got a girl with a hockey mask helping them!!!!!!_

BT: ….

Vivio: …

Vivi: pretty!

_Standing before them is the thing of the terror of all man kind wearing a tightly fitting cat suit with paw gloves, a black tail and EVEN a pair of cat ears while holding onto a basket filled with chocolate… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

BT: I think I'm going to be sick!

Vivio: (faints into BT's arms)

Vivi: Mr is pretty!

Zelly: behold the magnificent of these muscles in this magnificent black suit that will proclaim the superiority of my divine body to the world has returned!!!

_The others__,__ thankfully__,__ didn't had to see IT as they all simply hid behind the tree, unfortunately for all the bystanders in the street die from the most horrible sight that even the devil couldn't conjure up... on a side note the tree that they're using as covered has lost all of it's leaves!!!_

BT: why is ZECK here!

Zelly: ah the one who understand the magnificent of these muscles and applaud their greatness is here!

_Zelly tip toe like some ballerina to BT and began to jiggle his muscles slowly in front of BT, thankfully Vivio is unconscious so she's spared from the horror that BT is been subjected to... BT USE THE CHAIR!! THE CHAIR!!!!!_

BT: ... BLACK CHAIR!!!

_The black Chair from before pops up from a black hole at BT feet, he grabs hold of it and points it at Zeck with all intention of unleashing the wrath of the heavens upon the cross dresser... THE HEVEANS ARE CRYING AT THE SIGHT TOO HORRIBLE TO BE SEEN BY MORTAL OR IMMORTAL BEINGS!!!_

Zelly: buy these chocolate and I'll leave you three alone

BT: DIIIEEE!!!!

_Zelly drops the basket and ran away as fast as his fishnet covered legs with high heels can carry him__ from the enraged interviewer__... why do I have this feeling that we just sentenced the entire city to the mental ward?_

Kid 2: since you made Zelly run you can have that entire basket of valentine chocolate!

BT: ...

_BT is still pointing his chair at where Zelly was... I think the shock of seeing such an abomination has caused BT to shut down to "KILL ZECK" mode..._

Vivi: yay chocolate!

Marine: did anyone saw what happened while we were playing poker?

Alicia: nope

Vivio: urrrh.... what happened?

BT: Zeck, that's what happened!

_Vivio stood up on her own feet while BT looks at the basket of chocolate and wonder should he simply give it to Vivio and Vivi to save him the hassle of buying any for them... you could always bribe the two aces from blasting you with those chocolate!_

Vivio: are they all for me and Vivi?

BT: ....yeah...

Vivio: thanks!

_Vivio hugs BT who turned red while steam can be seen rising from his eats, Vivio then goes and eat a few of the chocolate with Vivi... at __l__east we know BT is susceptible to overloading when a hot girl grabs hold of him!_

BT: you.... you're welcomed...

Vivio: by the way Vivi why did you wonder over here?

Vivi: those scary men were following me...

_Behind one of the alley ways two men stare__d__ at __V__ivi__ while holding onto cameras and a pad for an autograph__... loli fan alert!_

BT: come on Vivi don't eat so much chocolate or else you're going to get a stomach ache

Vivi: OK~~~~~~!!!

_BT is keeping Vivi busy while Vivio goes and rampage through the stalking fans and the building... there goes another insurance company..._

Alicia: they had it coming to them

Ninja: like these stalkers?

_Alicia turn to see three fans are spying upon them with a telescope, Arf is currently laughing like some evil villain while in her child form at the Samurai and Marine who are currently stripped down to their boxers… err the Marine still has his helmet for betting!_

Cameraman: should we leave them alone?

_Before any of them could give suggestions a helicopter appears overhead and begins to take photo shots of the girls who are pressing down on their rising skirts, the sudden appearance of the girls panties caused the stalkers to die from massive nose bleeds… I'm loosing a pint of blood here!_

Marine: who could that be?

Reinforce: Vice no less

Arf: DIE!

_Arf pulls out a rocket launcher and begins to fire a barrage at the infamous sniper… Vice sure knows how to get on everyone's bad side!_

_

* * *

_

Vivio: how do you think the shows going so far?

_The three of them had finally made it to the café, BT has a coffee, Vivi with her milk shake and Vivio with her hot chocolate, while the others had opted to sit in the café as well wearing disguises to blend in… it WOULD have worked IF the Marine put on normal clothes WITHOUT his armour on!_

Alicia: stalking them sure is hard

Marine: it can't be helped, when Vivio heard about the stalkers she went postal and razed half the city

Arf: I'm dreading to see the paperwork when I get back to the company!

Vivio: do you think the shows doing well?

BT: well the shows progressing nicely... minus the painful experience I've been in for the last four episodes

Vivio: oh come on, you enjoy it when I cuddled you

BT: ...

_BT looks either happy or worried as he try to think of something to say... I would be happy mate; even if she strangled me I would still be happy!_

BT: wonder what's taking them so long?

Vivio: well they did say in about five more minutes

Vivi: ice cream!

_The waiter comes along with a trolley with a three feet large ice cream bowel topped with all kinds of topping... errr BT... You're not planning on using this to your advantage against Vivio are you!_

BT: not another truck size Ice cream!

Vivio: don't worry I'm not going to have it all by myself

Vivi: uncle BT is going to share with us!

BT: I was afraid you're going to say that...

_Vivio takes a large bowel and scoops at least half a metre worth of ice cream into the bowel and gives it to our brave interviewer as he wonders will his brain freeze if he ate it all... more like full body chill than brain freeze!_

BT:...

_He looks to see the girls have dug in and have already eaten more than half of the ice cream... let's hope Vivio don't go on a rampage because of a sugar rush!_

Vivi: MAMA!!!

Fate: sorry for keeping you waiting

Nanoha: has Vivi been a good girl?

Vivi: yes~~~~~~~

_The two aces sit down pleasantly chatting happily to Vivi and Vivio, BT on the other hand is feeling this unimaginable killing urge from the two aces… errr probably they both want to kill you for the hell of it?_

BT: errr…

Vivi: look uncle BT got me some chocolate!

Nanoha: did he?

_Nanoha slowly turns to look at BT with a gentle smile while behind her the visage of the "White Devil" can be seen… looks like the execution is coming early this time._

BT: I didn't mean to!!!!

Fate: what are the chocolate for?

BT: they gave me a basket of valentine chocolate!

_Nanoha stops polishing Raising Heart and looks to the basket of chocolate then to Fate… why am I getting a bad feeling here?_

Nanoha: I'll forgive you IF you give me the rest of the chocolate!

BT: TAKE THEM!

_Poor BT is lying on the floor with Nanoha's foot on his stomach and Raising Heart in Excellion mode Blast mode 5, the face of the White Devil can only be described as "hungry!"… the way those chibi RH bits are pointing at the lower section of BT is not reassuring…_

Vivio: what are you going to do with them Mama?

Nanoha: you'll find out soon enough

Fate: errr… Nanoha why are you staring at me with a bowel and that spreader in your hand?

_Everyone watch the White Devil grab Fate's hand and drag her off with the basket of chocolate tucked underneath her arm... Fate + Chocolate = Chocolate Fate anyone?_

BT: let's hope Nanoha don't get too carried away or else she'll eat Fate completely…

Marine: that sounded so wrong in so many different ways!

Samurai: that's so true… where's the Cameraman?

_They all look to the next table to find Ginga smiling while the muscle bound Cameraman is sitting on her lap as she feeds him a bit of her home made chocolate… isn't it suppose to be the OTHER way round!_

BT: so in short the business meeting didn't go according to plan

Vivio: did you really think you can convince my mamas not to go on a rampage just for your benefit?

BT: I was really doing it for the show, we're currently been charged with ridiculous amount of money for repairs

Vivio: how many?

BT: remember that room that I told you to never to open?

Vivio: yes…

BT: the entire room is filled with nothing but receipt of the damage costs… when I try to get Arf to sort it out she bit me… hard…

_The Ninja whips out a picture of BT taking a stroll through the office with Arf hanging off his butt… the trail of blood BT is leaving behind him isn't healthy._

Samurai: when was this taken?

Ninja: two weeks ago before the New Year's specials

Vivi: I want some ice cream!

BT: you just ate at least five galleon of ice cream on your own!

Vivi: but…. *sniff* I only ate a little…

Vivio: oh don't worry Vivi, uncle BT will get you some more ice cream, isn't that right?

_BT had to back away a little as Vivio smiles ever so warmly while the image of the White Devil appear behind Vivio… it runs in the family I guess…_

BT: OK!!!! I'LL ORDER SOME MORE!!!

_Clicking his a waiter instantly runs out and take their orders and runs back in and returns with a trolley of ice cream, he quickly outs it on the table then returns back to the restaurant… the waiter took the order, serve the order and then return back to the kitchen in five seconds… that's a new record!!!_

BT: I take it you guys are regulars here

Arf: of course!

_Arf stood next to BT while striking a pose to announce she's just arrived… you just blown everyone's cover Arf!_

BT: I was wondering when you were going to blow your cover

Marine: how could you see through our disguises?

BT: let see… the Marine is wearing clothes OVER his armour, the Samraui has his stupid Katana camera thing, the Ninja is currently standing on top of the Umbrella trying to look cool while wearing the usual hood and a Hawaiian shirt and shirts for the hell of it.

Pirate: then I have blended in perfeckly matey!

BT: the parrot and hooks gave it away!

Alicia: it didn't matter, we didn't get much today

BT: beside me trying to get the White Devil from demolishing the city for the… I don't know how many time!

Vivio: well we should end the show now so we can all dig into this ice cream

Marine: WOOOHOOO ICE CREAM!!!

_The Marine grabs so and simply chug it down his throat… he drank it through the grill of his freaking helmet again!_

Alicia: next time we're going to interviewer the Numbers together!

Marine: mind if I take a day off when you do that?

BT: and miss out on the fun as they all chase you just to skin you alive for singing to them? Not a chance in hell!

Samurai: I like to see that as well!

Ninja: everyone has come to agreement

Marine: oh crap!

BT: well thanks for tuning in to this strange episode, I'm your host BT, also happy Valentines day guys!


	24. Interview 20

**Discalimer: I do not own any of the characters in MGLN!**

**Interview 20: The Horror!!!**

BT: welcome to another not late and mad episode of Interview Hell, I'm your BT.

Ginga: looking good BT!

BT: if you're all wondering why Ginga is manning the camera, the Cameraman is currently running late... I'm sure he'll turn up later, but until then Ginga will be manning the camera

Alicia: Does that mean she's going to become one of your staff?

BT: if Arf say yes, she's in charge of the people that join the staff

Arf: No problem and having her around will ensure the cameraman stays put instead of running off to see Ginga!

BT: anyway today we're here in the back garden of the Nakajima family house to meet our guests today!

Subaru: anyone wants something to drink?

Ninja: green tea with the leaves shaped as stars

Samurai: so you have shown up my eternal rival!

Pirate: arrrhlkkk, make mine some pirate rum lassey!

Marine: do you have a box I can hide in before they show up?

BT: you guys can enjoy your drinks AFTER I introduce the guests today

Everyone: OK

_Everyone sits back while BT finally introduces today's guest... BT has just told me that today episode should be extra long... we ARE interviewing a lot of guests for today's episode!_

BT: they've been dubbed "Children of Jail" by none other than the mad scientist himself, they've been forced into watching Zeck show off his muscles in the most horrible way ever for two days straight, AND they are currently praising the TSAB for saving them before Jail did something to them because he's bored... Ladies and gentlemen I like to present to you... THE NUMBERS!!!

_The door opens and in steps some people dressed up in numbers outfit, literally!... errr... BT did you call THE Numbers from some kid show?_

Vivio: no... it seemed that Aunt Hayate got to them

_Everyone look more closely at the number dressed up to find that it is the Numbers... I guess been called the numbers is what you get..._

BT: ... could you girls get rid of those suits before I get sued by the Number organisation?

_The Numbers are more than happy to comply and rips the costumes to show they're all wearing their new TSAB uniform... the numbers have just signed their own death warrant for destroying Hayate's costumes she gave them..._

Hayate: did you call me?

Arf: Waaah!

Marine: where did you appear?

Ninja: she uses the mystical Ninja appearance!

_Everyone eye the Ninja wondering did he not notice that Hayate simply dropped from above them, more than likely she flew here... I spy a paper fan that's going to be dyed red very soon with a certain Ninja we all love and hate!_

Hayate: just when I took the time to make those costumes with my own hand...

Alicia: errr... are you angry?

Hayate: no, not at all I'm just a little annoyed, that's all.

_Hayate looks annoyed while she looks at her paper fan wondering what she's going to do... black flames + evil aura of malice + paper fan of death in your hand = YOU ARE ANGRY!_

Vivio: errr... aunty can't we discuss this?

Hayate:... sure we can discuss... in private...

_The way Hayate smiles with evil intention make everyone wonder is it even save to let Vivio go and talk with Hayate alone... BT would probably jump in to save her... I would but I'm allergic to paper fan of deaths..._

BT: you make it sound like I got death wishes!

Arf: wouldn't you?

BT: ...maybe...

Ginga: can't you carry on with the show and leave Yunno and Alicia to watch over her

Alicia: she'll be fine if we watch her

Yunno: I'm sure I can make Hayate not do anything... drastic... I think

BT: good, if you don't I got my beating stick here with your name on it

_BT holds up a steel chair with Yunno's name on it, the librarian wonders why don't BT have a chair with Alicia name on it... maybe he's afraid of having to deal with a certain blonde woman who will skewer him if he so much as lay a finger on Alicia in anyway?_

BT: anyway while they're off chatting let's get this show on the road!

Numbers: OK

BT: first off general question, have any of you gone off to do anything naughty with one another?

Numbers:...

BT: as in do any of you fancy one of your sisters?

_The Numbers all point all their IS at BT with all intention of obliterating the Interview from existence... you're insensitive to be asking such a question to those girls BT!_

BT: I'll move on then... What is the best moment of your life?

Numbers: GETTING AWAY FROM ZECK!

BT: ... that goes without saying... still there must be SOMETHING that made you all happy?

Cinque: me teaming up with Ginga

Nove: I finally get to kick some injustice guys butt!

Sein: I got a reason to peep on people

Otto: I like acting like a girl now...

BT:... can you guys hold on a moment as I reconsider should I ask anymore of this sort of questions?

Cinque: why's that?

Zafira: probably what Sein and Otto said is disturbing BT.

Sein: I like what I saw when I peeked into the changing room, you and Vivio were been very naughty!

BT: WHAT!!!

Arf: are you trying to get the White Devil to come here and blast BT?

Young Nanoha (YN): did someone called me?

BT: ARRRHHHH!!!

_BT ducks into cover and began to shake with fear that YN is here to blast him for what Otto said... won't YN blast you regardless?_

Zafira: Sein is lying through her mouth!

Sein: are you sure?

Zafira: I'm sure as hell because I was playing with Vivio and Vivi here in the back garden while BT was coming here from the studio this morning!

_Everyone went silent as they all consider is Zafira is telling the truth... the way Zafira worded it is questionable!_

BT: Sein...

_Sein looks to find BT is now in "Black Tornado" mode while holding onto his infamous black chair, the other Numbers shuffle away in fear of BT's wrath... don't worry Sein we'll scoop what remains of you in the bucket at the end of the show!_

Zafira: come on BT, you still have to interview her!

Marine: SNAP OUT OF IT!!!

_The Marine gets a chair and smacks BT with it, the unfortunate chair simply melts upon contact and BT turn his vengeful eyes upon the poor Marine... anyone ordered extra crispy Marine Cameraman?_

Numbers:...

Samurai: may your soul rest in peace my comrade.

Ninja: I will commend your warrior soul to the ancient ones my friend

Marine: stop praying for my eternal rest and SAVE ME!

Sein: ooo, I'm going to enjoy watching this

Nove: make sure you make his head fly a few feet!

BT: what did you say?

_BT looks at the Numbers who all of a sudden wish they were somewhere else... BT is currently operating on "Kill Anyone That Speaks" mode..._

Young Fate (YF): hello...

BT:... ah good to see you

_BT reverts to normal when he sees the shy looking YF peering behind the door while wearing her new TSAB Enforcer Uniform... I'm kind of worried why BT reverted to normal all of a sudden... don't tell me he has a loli complex!_

Zafira: he harms YF and he's going to get eight Starlight Breakers as a gift!

Arf: why eight Starlight Breakers?

Samurai: because YN is getting the Blaster system early!

Marine: that can't be healthy for anyone's life insurance!

BT: anyone let's move on.

Zafira: please do

BT: to the newly adopted sisters to the Nakajima family. What do you think of your new family?

Cinque: well they're really nice to us

Nove: at least they serve better food than that Jail

Dieci: adequate

Wendi: I'm sugar high!

BT:... let's start with Ginga...

Ginga: I didn't know I was to be interviewed as well

BT: I was asking what they think of you....

Cinque: we get along really well the two of us, we're the perfect partners

Wendi: like love birds more like!

_A dagger and fist appears mere inches from Wendi's face, as she looks up to the evil smiling faces of Cinque and Ginga hovering just above her... say one more word Cinque and we'll be explaining to your old man about loosing another one of his "harem" member..._

Nove: as if I got anything to say about her

Alicia: could you be scared of the consequences if you did say something bad?

Ginga: oh I'm not like that.

_Everyone wonder is that true while Ginga is holding onto a chainsaw and looking perfectly normal... normal my butt, the last time she was holding a chainsaw I nearly lost something that made me a man!_

Dieci: she's a great cook, especially her pumpkin pie

Ginga: oh you flattering me

Dieci: I'm serious; the pumpkin pie is the best I've ever tasted

BT: well that's good to know.

Yunno: why's that?

Subaru: because I brought some!

_Subaru walks in pushing a trolley size pie... that is a BIG pumpkin pie!_

BT: dig in guys while I continue the interview

Everyone: OK!!

BT: what about you Wendi... Wendi?

Wendi: PIE!!!

_BT turns in time to see Wedni dive at the pumpkin pie only to get Subaru to smack her with the all too familiar spell Divine Buster... what's the chances are that Subaru is slowly turning into another White Devil?_

Subaru: how many times have I told you Wendi, you're not allowed to eat all of it if we have guests?

Wendi: but I need sugar!

YN: pie!

YF: yummy, pumpkin pie!

_The two young girls grab a bit of the pumpkin pie and began to chat with the other staffs, the Numbers eye young Nanoha in case she might obliterate them... I'm more worried about the way Subaru is drooling at the sight of young Nanoha!_

BT: OK, what are you thoughts of Subaru?

Cinque: she's a bit of a air head, clumsy, Nanoha obsessed, Chocolate fan like Wendi, loves to argue with Nove, is afraid of Fate, wants to eat Nanoha, loves to beat up anyone that try to steal Nanoha unless it's Fate... Did I mention she's Nanoha obsessed?

BT: yes you did... what about you Nove?

Nove: she's annoying that's all I got to say about her

Subaru: you don't really mean that... do you?

_Nove began to sweat as an evil aura of someone we all love and fear seem to be coming from Subaru while she's stuffing herself with a bit of the pumpkin pie... well Subaru is trying to follow her idol Nanoha so it's not strange for her to ALSO to inherit the evil feeling as well!_

Dieci: she loves the strawberry pie I make for her

Subaru: Wendi loves them as well Dieci!

BT: well considering Wendi is too busy eating her portion of the pumpkin pie AND the tub of sugar I can't really expect her to give me an answer today...

Yunno: come on BT why don't you eat some while I ask the next question

BT: thanks Yunno... by the way, where have you girls been?

YN: we've been away because of a few things

BT: like?

YF: someone was stalking Nanoha...

BT: by any chance it's a tall guy with a camera and flying a helicopter?

YN: yes that's him... how did you know?

BT: you don't want to know

_BT whispers something to the Ninja who nods then disappears in a cloud of smoke... I'm still trying to figure out how he does that vanishing trick!_

Yunno: so girls, what are your thoughts of your new adopted father? Genya Nakajima?

Cinque: he's always making us laugh

Nove: I got to admit I like him whenever he made us all laugh

Dieci: he did teach me quite a bit about cooking as well

Wendi: he loves cuddling us!

BT: ... that's not reassuring to hear that old Fart doing that!

Ginga: what could you mean!

Yunno: that he wished to have a Harem and had it granted by having adopted Subaru and Ginga

BT: I feel like taking a chair to him all of a sudden...

Marine: DON'T KILL HIM YET!!!

_The Marine appear out of the box he was hiding after BT went into rage mode and grabs hold of BT, our favourite interview is holding onto a chair with the word "KILL!" written on it... renter the Marine!_

Numbers:...

Marine:...oh crap...

Samurai: what did you do this time?

Cinque: he sang the worst possible song in existence just to stop us thinking of those HORRIBLE images of HIM!!!

Vivio: would you rather listen to him OR watch HIM dancing slowly in questionable clothing's?

Wendi: SWEETS!!!

Nove: I rather have my ears been chewed off by that pink Shorty than having to witness another moment of HIM!

Yunno: did anyone felt like Nove is going to end up in a hospital soon?

_Somewhere in Section Six the ultimate rage has been unleashed in the form of a sweet little girl called Caro... not to mention her oversize bodyguard Volgo!_

Caro: my, my, someone seem to be speaking bad about me

Erio: I'm sure she didn't mean it!

Caro: fu, fu, fu, Volgo

_The guardian Dragon gives a salute while sweating... he's not sweating from the mild temperate I can tell you that for sure!_

Caro: we're off to see BT and ask him politely can I borrow Nove for the day when he finishes

Erio: you're not going to do THAT to her???

_The sound of the most wicked laughter can be heard by everyone, a black lightning bolt narrowly missed Nove... it'll be a blessing if she was struck by that lightning bolt than fall into the clutches of Caro!_

Yunno: anyway moving on we have some questions from RetardedFool, the first is, "How is work under Jail?" wouldn't that be better to say was?

Cinque: it was fine, we all were given the utmost care in maintenance...

Nove: don't remind of the maintenance!

Arf: why?

Nove: he would always say things like, "if only I made you into a little boy," or "you give me goose bumps when I think you are a little boy," or the worst, " when this is over I'm going to turn you into a little boy..." then he drools a freaking pool... I want to kick him to death for even visualizing that!

Sein: I really love watching him make you squirm!

Deed: the training ground was nice and big...

BT: let's stop there before we cause them to all run off to find Jail to either kill him or hug him to death!

Yunno: you got a point, moving on to the next question... "Do you guys really repent on you misdeeds?"

_The Numbers suddenly go into deep depression... the return of the black fog is good... but isn't it a little big with the amount of people?_

Zafira: WHY DID YOU ASK THAT QUESTION TO THEM!!!

BT: they all probably remembering the time they had to hand in their apology to Nanoha, after that they had to do something for Fate to say they're sorry, and finally to say they have completely repent their misdeed they had to spend a WEEK with the madness of cosplay known as Hayate!

Samurai: that sounds more like a death sentence to me!

Alicia: been blasted by Nanoha then having Fate doing something that is best left unsaid AND having Hayate use you for a week... I'm still surprised they're still alive!

Yunno: well whatever the case their depression is spreading!!!

_Everyone has backed away at least a few feet from the black emitting from the Numbers... this is why letting those THREE deal with the punishment is the worst possible thing you can do!_

BT: KNOCK IT OFF ALREADY!!!

Arf: you're not going to charge in there and beat them up?

BT: Hell no! I don't want to imagine what kind of ending this show is going to give of me been blasted by the White Devil!

Samurai: but none of us can go in their unless we're fully armed

Yunno: with light support as well

Alicia: is strong enough to haul them out of that fog so we can knock some senses back into them

Vivio: AND is considered indestructible...

_All eyes turn upon BT whose using a large fan to blow the fog back with little success... err guys, you kind of made me thought you were going to send the Marine in with all those suggestions you made..._

BT: MARINE!!

Marine: why me!

Alicia: if you don't we'll show you a new meaning of pain!

Marine: ALRIGHT!!!

_The Marine dives in and comes back out with all the forwards sitting on a bench... why is the Marine's butt on fire and a demonic clown is chasing him??_

Arf:... by any chance he's some demonic clown from some other show?

Zafira: could be...

YF: I'm scared...

_Everyone turn to see will YN have broken out a Starlight Breaker for the clown for making Young Fate cry in fear of the clown... who needs an exorcists when you got someone like her!_

YN: RUN!!!!

_YN has ran out of the building crying her eyes out, everyone wonder is she that scared of demonic clowns... at least we all know that she's scared of demonic clowns AND dentists!_

Demonic Clown: ah, BT I've got a special terror of you that is ab...

_The clown is stopped in his tracks when BT smacks the clown with his chair, next Vivio and Arf drags the clown away to the next room... I hate to be the clown at his moment!_

Samurai: what could go wrong?

Vivio: that's for scaring my mamas!

Arf: You made my Fate cry!!

Clown: please.... SPARE ME!!!!

Marine: that is the most unbelievable painful thing I've ever seen done to someone in my whole life!

Samurai: it's mind boggling that they manage to make him twist in that way without killing him AND bend him into that ridiculous position with nothing more than an elastic band!

Zafira: this is why I'm afraid of Arf half the time!

_The Ninja reappears and tells BT something, when the Ninja saw what's happening to the clown he turned green then blue then pink then yellow... where have he been to??_

Ninja: even I, who have trained to withstand mental and physical pain, must bow my head in fear of their horrible technique

BT: since you got time to marvel at how their abilities to deal pain why don't you give me a hand to snap these girls back into normal!

Zafira: isn't that dangerous?

Ninja: it takes courage to know when you have to give up

Marine: I rather get blasted by the Asura Arc-en-Ceil Cannon!

BT: ...OK let's try a few things... hey girls Jail just sent a note saying he'll be coming over because he's bored... he's also bringing HIM as well to say hi in his new dress he just got from Hayate...

Numbers: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_BT watch the Numbers wail at the thought of seeing Zeck with his new dress to show off to everyone... please tell me that's a lie BT!!!_

Samurai: I'll cut him up before he comes here then deep fry his remains for the killer Beetleborgs to eat!!

Ninja: Mission: assassinate the creature of horror then deep freeze him for the new Doctor Freeze ice sculpture museum... accepted!

Marine: Where's my RPG containing that super hot chilli sauce made by Shamal that can even melt Godzilla!

BT: do you guys honestly think you can beat up Zeck without turning mad at seeing him in a dress?

Alicia: even Death avoids him when Zeck stared wearing fishnet stockings and high heels only!

YF: I don't like him... he's scarier than the demonic clown...

_YN runs back in with RH in Excellion mode... looks like demonic clown is scarier than Zeck!_

YN: maybe he'll be useful for me to test out the new Blaster System I just got for making my Fate cry!

Zafira: what kind of twisted mind would have Zeck cross dress in the first place!

BT: the producer maybe?

Nove: I'll rip out those THINGS parts if he shows up in that dress!!!

Vivio: I'm going to marinate him in chocolate and chilli sauce then roasts him alive for scaring my Fate-mama!

_Our invincible interviewer watches everyone debate what kind of method should they use upon Zeck should he show up... I've got a chainsword with his name on it!!!_

Producer: fear not the cross dresser will not be appearing today!

Alicia: who's that?

Numbers: ???

BT: ladies and gentlemen I like to introduce you to the one who's thinking up these crazy ideas and financing this show, the Producer... using a freaking robot Squirrel to talk to us of course!

Producer: I could always write in Zeck at this moment if you like...

_Everyone beg the robot Squirrel not to, the robo thing simply laugh evilly... why in donkey's balls on fire is the Producer here???_

Producer: I just wanted to pop in just for the hell of it... anyway I'll be leaving

Yunno: kind of pointless if you ask me

BT: he IS my creator so I can't say that I'm happy about the prospect that I was created from such a crazy gu...ARRRRHHHHH!!!!

_Everyone look to see BT screaming in agony while rabid polar bear bit onto BT's butt. Meanwhile the robo squirrel is writing something into a book while looking typically evil as he leaves with the use of a flying pig... he IS the producer so he can write in these "accidents"_

Yunno: remind me to never insult the Producer ever!

Marine: you said it

Ninja: a higher being within this world has grace us his presence for a briefest of moments

Pirate: arrrk, me wish that I had such a booty of a book to rewrite meee history of piracy!

Samurai: wouldn't mind that as I write of my honourable duel against powerful warriors that uses their fist or paper fan!

Vivio: errr... guys shouldn't we help BT... he don't look so good...

Cinque: I could always put this spoon into the bears teeth and...

Alicia: that'll make it worse!

Arf: you'll blow the polar bear and cause a law suit with animal well fare!

YN: ooo, perfect target practice!

_The polar bear saw YN setting up to fire her triple Starlight Breaker let go of BT, unfortunately to our ever famous interviewer the bear holds him up as a shield against the inevitable Starlight Breaker... maybe the bear thought BT will block the Starlight Breaker like BT's chair??_

Vivio: Nanoha, could you not blast BT?

YN: why?

Vivio: remember what my Nanoha-mama said?

_YN turned white as she recalls what her older self said... it can't be good if you it can make even the younger self turn white with horror!_

Subaru: mr polar bear, if you don't let go of BT I'm going to stew you!

_Subaru said all this while holding onto a blood drenched butcher knife, the polar bear promptly dropped BT and ran for it's life... I'm getting worried the way Subaru is looking at BT!_

Yunno: Subaru... your special meal you're preparing for Nanoha is going bad

Subaru: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_The blue hair girl runs back in, an explosion follows a moment later... what kind of meal is she preparing which goes boom!_

BT: moving on, next question by RT, "How strong is the sisterly feeling binding you together?"

Cinque: very strong... in some cases stronger

Nove: you mean the time we walked into Otto's to find her and Deed nude on the bed with something questionable?

Otto: it was a probe

Numbers: WHAT!

Marine: excuse me for having wild imaginations here and barfing!

Nove: I didn't know they were THAT deep in their relationship

Sein: heh, told you I saw something interesting!

Dieci: ...I'm speechless

Ninja: a revelation of the sister's relationship is shown!

Samurai: I'm not sure should I be having a nose bleed or vomiting?

Marine: nose bleeds?

_The Samurai look at the Marine and Pirate with an arched eye brow as the two gush blood out of their noses like freaking hose pipes... that's really unhealthy to be spurting that much blood out folks!_

Yunno: what do you make of this BT?

Vivio: shouldn't we change this show to an M rating for having that kind of material in here?

BT: maybe... anyway Otto could you explain what this probe is?

Otto: it's to be inserted the rear end of a creature

Ginga: ... that's... interesting

Pirate: go on me matey and tell us the rest!

Deed: the instrument is to read the temperature when you insert it deep enough...

BT: ... were you guys considering of getting a pet or something?

Cinque: WHAT!

Otto: yes, a ferret...

_All eyes turn to Yunno who looks round wondering why everyone is giving such shifty looks... once a perverted beast always a perverted beast!_

Yunno: it's not me!

Alicia: could you show us a photo of this ferret?

Otto: here...

_Everyone crowd round to see the photo of the ferret... Yunno better get his will ready!_

BT: when was this taken?

Deed: just a week ago... why?

Arf: Yunno couldn't have been there because he was helping with us... yet why do that ferret looks exactly like you Yunno in Ferret form?

Cameraman: hey guy's what's up?

_Stepping into the back garden is the Cameraman wearing a tuxedo... errr I wonder what's going on here._

BT: what's the formal dress for?

Cameraman: could you guys give me a moment...

_He kneels in front of Ginga and brings out a ring for her... that's unexpected!_

Cameraman: will you marry me Ginga?

Ginga:...

Samurai: talk about bold!

Ninja: to proclaim his love to the world... literarily!

Pirate: ARRRK!!! Let's toast and sing till we sink into our cup of rum of this happy moment!

Marine: I wonder does the Cameraman know there something called the "Ginga Rebellion" group?

_Not far from where they are a crowd of people all bearing banners that said, "Ginga belongs to us!" or "Free Ginga love!" and so on... looks like the Cameraman got his work cut out in convincing these guys to accept the proposal! _

Leader: OK guys we'll go in gun blazing and seize the Cameraman!

Guy 1: yeah we'll show them the power of our love of Ginga!

Guy 2: Ginga belongs to everyone!

Guy 3: Ginga/Fate forever!

_Everyone stop and look at Guy 3 whose having an unhealthy nose bleed... even I have to admit that's an interesting thought!_

Voice: did someone said my name and someone else other than Nanoha???

_They all look up to see a black thunder cloud and Fate with Bardiche in her Sonic form... damn the weather forecast for been wrong again!_

Leader: he said it has nothing to do wi...

Fate: my, my I really should take care of your guys so you don't disturb the Cameraman proposing to Ginga

Guy 1 : WHAT!

Guy 2 : WHY?

Fate: well the Cameraman did say he'll invite us to the wedding... plus I get to see Nanoha in something pretty... which I can peel off later...

_At this point Fate begins to drool as to WHAT she'll be peeling after the wedding... I wonder when their wedding is and will they invite us?_

_BT felt a sudden chill run down his spine as images of been blasted to bits at the end of someone's wedding ceremony suddenly crossed his mind... why would anyone want to blast him to end a wedding is beyond me!_

Vivi: Ferret!

Otto: that's the ferret...

Yunno:.........

B T: well that was unexpected... won't you say the say thing Young Yunno?

_The ferret held in Vivi arms is the younger version of Yunno... took his sweet time showing up! What was he doing all this time since the show began, peeking on the girls?!_

Young Yunno (YY): HELP!!!

_Yunno talks with his younger self while the Numbers look ready to skewer the ferret... once a perverted beast always a perverted beast!_

BT: well folks I'm afraid I have to call it a day since we detoured so much during this episode

Cinque: it can't be helped if you have such a crazy amount of things happening all at once on this show

BT: tell me about it, anyway thanks girls for coming to the show

Sein: thanks

BT: if you're interested you girls could work for me as well

Nove: like what?

BT: body guard, errand for scripts, safety explanation manger and so on

Otto: sounds interesting

Alicia: well if you're interesting fill in these forums and hand them to Ginga

Vivio: speaking of Ginga... I wonder how did it go?

_Ginga looks at the ring then to the Cameraman, Ginga dad was ready to jump out and protest, no doubt to keep his so called "harem" intact, but found himself facing BT and Vivio... don't kill him yet, he still needs to give his blessings to Ginga to get married!_

Ginga:... OK

Cameraman: WOOOHOOOO!!!!

_The cameraman grabs hold of Ginga and hugs her tightly; Ginga returns the hug... ten times harder..._

BT: well that's the end of the show; I hope to see you guys next time, so without further ado this is BT sign...

Hayate: there you are!

_Before BT could ask why has Hayate reappeared Zafira and the Marine grab hold of BT... why do I get this really bad feeling that it involves a lot of pain and BT?_

BT: WHAT'S GOING ON!!!

_The two tie up BT with thick chains to a chair, they all give apologetic looks, Zafira is praying for BT while Hayate laughs evilly... did someone made a deal with Hayate or something?_

Yunno: sorry BT, but to stop Hayate from going berserk on all of us, for destroying her costumes, we had to accept the deal of giving you to Hayate for the next couple of weeks

Arf: really BT we can't do anything about this

BT: WHO MADE THE DEAL!!!

Vivio: ... I did...

BT: ...please tell me before I break out of these chain and go on a rampage!

_Black flames surround BT while the chains typing him up began to slowly melt... ALERT BLACK TORNADO ON THE LOOSE!_

Alicia: she had to, Hayate specifically said she wants to have you to use as a cosplay model because you escaped from her when you were abducted when we interviewed her

Arf: we'll make it up to you when you get back

BT: don't you mean if you come back ALIVE!!!

Ninja: the way of the interviewer is a harsh one

Marine: I salute your bravery

Pirate: your name shall be sung amongst us me matey!

Samurai: your honour will be preserved, rest in peace oh great one

Arf:... you guys are making it sound like he's not going to come back alive when Hayate's done with him

_Zafira taps Arf on the shoulder and points to Hayate who's drooling at the thoughts of what she could put BT in. Shamal smiles excitedly with a stack of papers, that stood as high as her, with sketches of the costumes BT will be wearing over the next two weeks... I'm starting to doubt will even an invincible Interviewer like BT will come back alive in a couple of weeks!_

Hayate: time's wasting, Vita, Signum please bring BT with us this very instance

_In walking like two corpses is the hammer knight and swordswoman looking pale and drained, Vita is wearing the typical Japanese school swim suit while Signum is wearing a police uniform with mini skirt... what in heck name did Hayate did to reduce them to this!_

BT: NOOOOOOO!!!!!

_BT hops out of the building with the two knights chasing him, Hayate chase after him while drawing up plans of the costumes she'll make BT wear, followed closely behind her is Shamal carrying the pile of designs of the costumes... you do know guys that BT is good as dead at this rate._

Vivio: I wonder does he hate me now...

Arf: don't worry about it; I'm sure he'll be fine and will forgive you when he comes back... I think

Yunno: the producer will NEVER kill off BT when he isn't even finish with interviewing all of the characters of MGLN

Ginga: how do you know?

Alicia: the producer left a note here

_They all look to a black board that has suddenly appeared behind them with the words written in blood red, "BT WILL SURVIVE AND WILL CONTINUE TO INTERVEIW ALL OF THE MGLN CHARACTERS NO MATTER WHAT!" ... didn't I said the producer is evil incarnated when it comes down to BT?_

Fans: BT DESERVED IT!!!

_Alicia goes and kills the fans for saying that about BT... well if you think about it how many times BT has defied death because of guests trying to kill him, it makes senses that he SHOULD deserve some kind of comfort... oh well I'll cheer up Vivio while BT's gone!_

Yunno: anyway thanks for watching, next time we'll be off to see the White Devils old time friends we haven't seen in years AND have developed magical abilities while we weren't watching

Arf: that's right, we're going to see Alisa Bannings and Suzuka Tsukimura, so don't miss out, all questions are welcomed, and with that we'll see you next time on Interview Hell

_The sound of a soul been dragged to hell can be heard... looks like Hayate has finally caught BT... too bad!_


	25. Interview 21

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of MGLN!**

**Interview 21: Pool of Hell!**

Yunno: welcome to another episode of Interview Hell, I'm your host Yunno Scrya

Vivio: and I'm your secondary host Vivio T. Harlaown.

Yunno: today we're interviewing from the mansion of Alisa Bannings.

Alicia: it's nice to relax once in a while

_The camera pans to see the rest of the staff and lounging on the private beach (on her private ISLAND!), the camera returns to our host and zooms out so we can see they're in swim wear as well… all the hot girls in bikinis… *commentator is now unconscious due to having a massive nose and ears bleed!*_

Samurai: the primal man in me say "howl with glory to the swimming pool in front of me!"

_The water from the sea splashes high onto the rocks and shower the Samurai whose wearing nothing but a traditional Fundoshi to show off his Samurai pride… Fundoshi is simply a length of cloth… if you imagine what it is then please feel free to send hate mail for the Samurai!_

Ninja: I will now commence my training of the use of my new nimpo, "Art of Dissolving Clothes!"

_Before the Ninja could implement that, tasty, Ninja magic he found the shadow of the Grim Reapers apprentice looming behind him, despite certain death standing behind him he readies to unleash his new found skill… let him try it! *drools*_

Pirate: hah! I will sail in my new mini ship and sing our praise to our hosts!

_He jumps into his one man pirate ship and began to sing loudly, which is silenced by a cannon shot from Arf… I would rather hear nails on a chalk board for an entire year than to hear that pirate sing!_

Marine: I burn easily in this intense sun

_Everyone look at the Marine with a shifty look as he drank the milkshake with a content look while sitting in the shade with a nice book about how to deal with loli that are trying to kill you… how in freaking name are you going to get sun burn when you're wearing your armour!_

Arf: WHEEEE!!!!

Vivi: YAY!!!!

_Arf took Vivi on the jet ski passing by Zafira as he surfs the waves like a pro… this would be picture perfect if the damn fans weren't chasing Arf in their own jet skis! _

YN: ooo, target practice!

_The unfortunate fans found themselves the object of interest as _

YF: could you help with my tanning?

_YN smiles while blood spurting out of her nose at the thought... *the commentator has been rushed off to the hospital due to loss of blood... and drowning in it!*_

Yunno: anyway enough with side tracking and let's get this show on the road!

Vivio: you stole BT's lines… anyway today's guests have been completely phased out of the series by the time of Strikers, has long been vying for Nanoha-mama's hand in marriage before Fate-mama came in and stole her and lastly but not least they have developed magic in total secret just so they can capture my mama's heart again, kittens, puppies, dogs and Cats, I like to introduce to you my aunties, Arisa Bannings and Suzaka Tsukimura

_Drum rolls and from the back door of the holiday mansion came Arisa Bannings and Suzaka Tsukimura, aged nineteen wearing matching bikinis… I wonder what's they're measurements now they're nineteen years old??_

Yunno: please excuse the commentator for his rude question

Suzaka: oh we don't mind

Arisa: said the one who unleashed her blood thirsty tigers to kill a commentator

_Everyone looks worried as Suzaka laughs modestly at the compliment… that's not a freaking compli…ARRHHHH *the commentator has been dragged out of the room by a pack of big cats*_

Yunno: moving swiftly on…

Vivio: how did you manage to obtain magical powers?

Suzaka: fu, fu, fu you shouldn't underestimate me!

Arisa: she simply went and beat up the producers of the show with a sledge hammer

Vivio:… speaking of producer, today show seems a little late…

Yunno: the producer for Interview Hell just told me that he's got the case of the cold, that's why we're a little late in airing this episode

Suzaka: oh dear, I hope the producer gets well soon

Arisia: it's kind of hard to tell which producers we're referring when we talk about beating up producers of a show…

_Fate's puppy, a Husky, brought a letter which said, "I the producer of Interview Hell will now be known as Mr P!"… At least he's original in his ideas… I think_

Yunno: anyway, just a quick question will we be seeing young versions of yourselves?

Arisia: oh no, I'm afraid we won't…

Suzaka: about three weeks ago BT said that if he went and brought MORE people back from the past Mr P is going to grill him slowly over two weeks over a volcano, and letting the White Devil take pot shots at him while he's resting from the griller…

Vivio: do you guys know how BT does it?

Arisia: I think he mentioned about sneaking into Mr P's home and writing in his book or something

_The two temporary announcers wonder is that even save for BT to walk into his creators home and change the contents of THAT book without Mr P knowing… we'll probably find out later in the show… that is if BT is still alive by the end of the show…_

Yunno: anyway we have some questions from Retarded Fool

Arisa: they're not anything intimate are they?

Yunno:… sort of…

Suzaka: oh is that so…

_Yunno watch nervously as Suzaka brings out, with a lovingly smile, a black staff topped with an interesting triangle design with three rings attach to it, so when she shook it the triangles would ring, plus the familiar revolver looking magazine from Fate's Bardiche is present meaning it could use cartridges as well… why do I have this sudden feeling that we're all doomed!_

Suzaka: I believe Mr P. is working on a story for his own amusement where one of the mages he created had an interesting affinity for ice magic

Vivio: when was this?

Arisa: when he came to visit and gave us our powers, he said it would be took much of a hassle to think of new and original ones so he simply copied them from his other story… still I'm happy with my own magical powers and device!

_Everyone began to worry as Arisa brings out a flaming katana and put's on a black long jacket that hung from her shoulders while Suzaka laughs happily at her friends happiness in now been able to dish out magical judgement… what in hell's name was Mr P thinking of letting these two have magical powers… somehow Arisa's weapon and that black jacket seems familiar…_

Yunno: anyway the first set of questions is for Arisa, "Nanoha, Fate, Hayate, Suzuka, choose one as your life-partner."

Arisa: …

Suzaka: oh my, should be interesting

Cameraman: my money is the one that begins with N!

Arisa:…

_Arisa is engulfed in flames as she holds her fist up in defiance to someone… my guess is that she was afraid of been turned into cinders by Fate because she didn't have any magical powers… but now she has…_

Arisa: NANOHA BELONGS TO ME!!!!

Everyone: …

_Everyone waited for at least two minutes for the inevitable thunder storm to come their way in the form of Fate… let's go to Mid-chla and find out what's Fate doing right now!_

_

* * *

_

_Somewhere in Mid-Childa at section six under the bed sheets of the aces room… let's stop at the bed sheet level… for our safety…_

Fate: mmm… did someone say that Nanoha belongs to them?

Nanoha: errr… Fate-chan… sleeps needed

* * *

_Yunno and Vivio hear a loud yawn then snoring… I can't believe it… Fate didn't come over and slaughtered Arisa for saying that…_

Ninja: the great lightning mage is tired

YF: my older self said that she was so tired with playing with her new puppy, Suzu… then something about twenty four hour of Nanohaness…

Samurai: is that even a word?

Marine: do you want to discuss this with Fate and Bardiche in Zamber form?

Vivio: moving on, "what is your feeling when you discover that Nanoha is a Mage for another world?"

Arisa: well at first I was really worried and angry that she hid it from me

Yunno: we had our reasons

Arisa: when I met Yunno back in A's for the first time I wanted to eat him

Yunno: yes, yes th… WHAT!

Arisa: I thought that Nanoha was been married off to someone without my consent

Samurai: where did you get that idea from?

Arisa: well this IS an anime so I thought that the producer will instantly make some excuse that Nanoha has to marry the one who taught her magic

_Yunno feels a little scared as Arisa begins to mutter about the producer been unfair in not giving them magical powers, then she began to stab a well used human size straw doll… let's not even mention the words "anger Management" to her._

Vivio:… anyway the final question for Arisa, "what is your feeling when you discover that Fate is not from your world?"

Arisa: well at first I thought that she was an alien or something in human form who seduces Nanoha through some alien probing thingy way.

Yunno: that is the most disturbing thought I've ever heard!

Vivio: I doubt Fate-mama did anything of that sort of thing…

Arisa: I know, she's a normal girl who's so shy of people that she slaughters them out of shyness.

Marine: that's not what you call NORMAL!

Arf: I kind of feel sorry for the poor guys that try to confess to her.

YN: is someone confessing to MY fate-chan?

_They all turn round to see YN holding Raising Heart in Excellion mode AND a bloodied spiked mace… Starlight Brekaer on one hand and a mace in the other… which one would you choose?_

Yunno: err… nothing… anyway moving on RF asked these set of questions to Suzaka

Suzaka: before we start how's BT doing?

Zafira: he's currently at Hayate's place.

Arisa: is he mad?

Vivio: there's a reason behind that…

Yunno: why did you ask?

Suzaka: I heard this strange rumour that some evil organisation is sending assassins after BT.

Yunno: no worries he's in the care of Hayate, I'm sure no evil doers will be stupid enough to try and infiltrate Hayate's castle just to kill BT… would they?

* * *

_Somewhere far away from everyone else, two evil doers, one wrestler guy and the other is some news reporter, judging the mike and camera she's holding, stood before the castle of horrors after passing through the gates, the dark foreboding castle greets them… if vampire exists they would defiantly have this as their castle._

Evil doer 1: for crying out loud can't they not name me as Evil doer 1! It's me Bulk Bolgan, I was introduced in Interview 18 when they were interviewing Hayate!

Evil Doer 2: and I'm his partner Laura Bestial!

Bulk: OK we're here to kill BT just like the boss said.

Phana: who would have thought the front door was unlocked?

Bulk: did you read what that sign we walked pass said?

Phana: probably nothing important that our life would depend on… anyway where do you think we'll find BT?

Bulk: let's try those row of doors.

_They approach the large door, Bulk opens it slowly, the two looks through the door to see a great cavern with a huge chasm… did I mention that anyone that go into Hayate's castle tend not to come back out sane?_

Bulk:… what is this suppose to be?

Phana: look, that stone bridge in the distance!

_The two look carefully and saw a stone bridge that span the entire chasm, standing in the middle is a lonely figure dressed in a grey suit with a chair and sword in each hand, from the left side of the bridge came a huge flaming man in a suit, holding bills shaped into a sword in his left hand, and a pen that has whip end… oh dear no they're ripping off one of the most EPIC scene of LOTR!!!!_

BT: you do not belong here foul Taxpayers of Mordor!!

_The two watch BT slams his chair into the bridge he stood and shattered it, the Taxpayer use the whip to take BT down with him and the two began to battle over the legal bill been placed to BT with chair and bills… they ruined it!!!_

Bulk:…

Phana:…

_The two close the door slowly and look to one another… they're probably wondering was that even real…_

Bulk: this couldn't get any worse… could it?

_Phana opens the next door to show a hanger with a bow TIE docked above them, they heard something and crane their heads to the left through the door to see two people duelling with what appears to be glowing chairs… WHY!!! WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS!!!_

Bulk:… epic scene?

Phana:… yes…

_The two look carefully to the two duellers, the one holding the blue whitish chair is wearing a brown cloak and is unmistakably is BT, while the other is holding onto a red whitish glowing chair and is wearing what appears to be a black life support suit thing, with a toilet as the helmet complete with the flushing handle… Obi BT Vs Darth Toilet head… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

Toilet head: you have become weak, once you were the master and I was the apprentice but now I'm the master!

BT: you've only become the master of the chit-chat show Darth Toilet Head, strike me down and I'll become more powerful than you could ever imagine.

_The two slam the door shut then look to one another wondering what kind of mad house is this, they move to the next door wondering will they find another outrageous scene or something just as stupid... this IS Hayate's place so having crazy things happening is pretty much normal here._

Bulk Bolgan: OK this will be the LAST door we open, if we find something stupid we're leaving.

Phana: you said it, this places gives me the creeps.

_Phana opens the door slowly and finds them staring upon the scene with BT bare-chested with blue war paint while riding upon a horse with his Chair held high addressing some rough looking people who also dressed similarly and armed the same... here we go with another epic scene gone wrong… why is BT holding a photo of Vivio in his other hand????!_

BT: FOR FREEEEDOOOOOM!

Men: FREEEDOOOOM!!!

BT: FOR VIVIOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Men: VIVIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_The two evil guys look to see turkey knights charging BT band of men while using stools as weapons, the two villains slam shut the door to save their sanity... it's official, this place is madder than BT's freaking room... and that's pretty random with a robot from the future coming back to save BT only to be clobbered by BT chair for disturbing his sleep...it just occurred to me that BT is shouting Vivio while his men is shouting Vivi… BT is a dead man!_

Phana: I think it'll be more of a blessing if we do kill him.

Bulk: I agree... let's get out of here before the owner turns up and makes us participate in those brain stupid things.

Voice: did you call my art brain dead?

_The two villains turn round to find the mistress of the house standing behind them with a paper fan and a black aura, standing behind her is Shamal who simply smiles... two more bodies won't make much of a difference._

Bulk: errr...we...we were just passing through!

Phana: that's right we got lost on our way and... Well we thought of asking for directions.

Hayate: fu, fu, fu, do you really think I'll let two trespassers to leave without paying?

Bulk: pay?

Shamal: this was on the front door what happens if you come in without permission.

_Shamal holds up a large sign that said "Trespassers will be severely dealt with!"_

Hayate: now then what should I do?

Shamal: BT needs a little more people right now with his current stage.

Hayate: good idea!

_Before the two evil doers could say a word Hayate kicks them through the door where BT is currently cosplaying as a brave heart._

_

* * *

_

_The sound of plenty of screaming and begging can be heard as well as the clucking of turkey breakfast... that has to be the most screwed up scene I've ever seen in my entire life!_

Vivio: I got a craving for turkey burger now…

Yunno: I feel like checking up on my tax bills all of a sudden.

Arf: what are you two on about?

Zafira: by any chance it's the mysterious "interviewer hears painful thing" again?

Cameraman: who would want that kind of ability?

Yunno: anyway, next set of question from RF are directed to Suzaka.

Suzaka: would they by any chance the same as Arisa's?

Yunno: unfortunately yes… anyway the first question, "Nanoha, Fate, Hayate, Arisa, choose as your life-partner."

Suzaka: Fate-chan!

Everyone:…

YF: EH!!!

YN: ARRRHH!!!!

_Before YN could so much give a blood curling cry Suzaka freezes the White Devil in a block of ice with a wave of her staff, she then laughs merrily as if some kitten just tripped over it's legs… I'm not sure should I be more scared of Arisa or Suzaka?!_

Yunno:… why Fate?

Suzaka: well you know how she looks when she's worried she would start to panic in such a cute way

_YF is running round in circles wondering what to do to help YN… somehow I have to agree that YF do look cute when she's panicking…_

Vivio:… moving on "what is your feeling when you discover that Nanoha is a Mage for another world?"

Suzaka: very much the same as Arisa

Marine: and?

Suzaka: nothing else really just that

Everyone:…

Yunno: OK, final question to Suzaka, "what is your feeling when you discover that Fate is not from your world?"

Suzaka: well my first thought was that maybe Fate has a manly side to her

Yunno: am I thinking what you're implying…

Suzaka: of course it was a shame she's just a normal human girl… oh well I'll settle for Arisa until then.

Everyone: WHAT!!!!

Arisa: don't you guys get any funny ideas… this is the first time I heard Suzaka said that even!

Suzaka: that wasn't what you said half an hour ago in the showers

_Everyone stare with disbelief as Arisa shouts at the giggle Suzaka… I bet someone had a nose bleed at this revelation!_

Yunno: OK the next two questions from RF are for both of you to answer.

Vivio: first one, "you two are just friends? Or more than that?"

Suzaka: I could show you how "more" we are if you like

Arisa: STOP IT SUZAKA!!!!!

Marine: somehow I feel like the questions are getting more… naughtier…

Yunno: I know what you mean, the second question "do you consider Nanoha, Fate and Hayate just simply as friends? or more than that?"

Suzaka: well if you were here for the last party we all had Nanoha, Fate and Hayate all drank until they started to st…

Arisa: STOP!!!!

_Arisa stops Suzaka from saying any more by pressing her hand to her friends' mouth… you do understand that at least half the audience is wondering what happened during that party!_

Arisa: remember what they said if you tell anyone?

Suzaka: oh yes, silly me they said they would wipe out all of humanity if I tell anyone of what happened

Marine: why do I get the feeling Suzaka is doing this deliberately?

_YN is finally defrosted with the help of the Ninja and his new "Art of Dissolving Clothes" technique which melted the ice and YN's one piece swimming suit… do you think YN will forgive the Ninja for saving her despite melting her swimming suit?_

YN: I'll forgive him… for now…

Vivio: moving on to our next questioner MMP III, first question… "Arisa, are you actually in love with Nanoha and are using Suzuka as a replacement, or are you REALLY in love with Suzuka?"

Arisa:… where do he live!

Yunno: *sigh* you can slaughter half the population of earth and we still wouldn't be able to answer your question… simply because we don't know where he lives!

Suzaka: oh dear, let Suzaka kiss Arisa all better

Arisa: stop… SUZAK….mmmmfff…

_Everyone watch with slack jaw as Suzaka kiss Arisa on the lips, everyone watch as Arisa turns blue before Suzaka finally stops and let's Arisa breathe… somehow I feel like Suzaka is the man in this relationship…_

Yunno: moving on… this is the last question from MMP III, "Have you girls ever wanted to ask Nanoha for a three? Like in my fic "Hurt and Comfort"? Or maybe, have a totally AW3SOME! Grouping with Nanoha, Fate AND Hayate? ROFL"

Suzaka & Arisa:…

Vivio: the question didn't sound that bad… in some way

Yunno: the producer changed the question a little bit…

_Everyone felt an extreme drop in temperature and rise in temperature at the same time, turning round they saw Suzaka and Arisa now powered up to the maximum with rage mode on… there goes my life insurance_

Suzaka: my, my, what bold words

Arisa: I'm going to slaughter every man on the planet now!

Yunno: can't we talk about this??

Suzaka: my, my Yunno-kun, are you suggesting that we ask you to help us to understand about a perverted persons question?

_Yunno is about to say something but when he found both of their devices pointed at him he quickly shut up and shook his head… wise decision Yunnno, even I have to admit that defying them is the worst possible thing you could do… right next to angering the three aces… and possibly everyone related to them!_

Fans: WE WANT YOUR AUTOGRAPHGHS!!!!

_Suzaka and Arisa rush off and slaughter the large group of fans in two second flat the move onto the next one in land… I wonder how long will it take for them to get back?_

Yunno: well I guess we'll call it a day

Vivio: yeah, this episode seemed to have gone nearly on for forever

_A body covered in cob webs falls to the ground while holding onto a golden statue of Hayate award survivalist award… why in hecks name is the guy dressed up in Indiana Jones clothes!?_

Yunno: did someone forget to kill a fan?

Alicia: that was yesterday when Arf was ambushed by them while she was out buying that beanie for Young Fate

YF:… I wonder who it is?

_Young Fate rolls the body, she jumps back in fright at the face of BT looking like he just seen hell… what could have happened to him?_

BT:..Ha…ya..te… cosp…lay…Hell…

Zafira: quick get the doctor!

Shamal: did someone call me?

_Shamal appears in a nurse uniform with a very low cut shirt and mini skirt, BT jumps to his feet and hid behind Vivio... BT suddenly recovered thanks to our miraculous nurse Shamal!_

Shamal: we're not done with you BT

BT: I RATHER EAT MY OWN SHOES AND SUFFORCATE ON IT WHILE WATCHING ZECK STRIP DOWN INTO NOTHING THAN GO BACK TO HAYATE FOR ANOTHER SECOND!!!

Shamal: oh but you haven't tried out that new suit Hayate-chan got for you...

BT: there is no way in hell, not even if Hayate came here with her fan of death, will you make me go back and make me cosplay freaking Goku from Dragon Ball Z!!!

Arf: what's wrong with that?

BT: Because Jail is playing the role of freaking Cell in a neon green leotard!

_The cameramen all began to scream the humanity of such a thought of seeing Jail in that kind of clothes while laughing at his genius in getting to play Cell… thank goodness my mind had already turned to mush from the last time Zeck showed up in that cat girl outfit..._

Vivio: there, there BT, I'm sure uncle Yunno will think up of something to stop Hayate from taking you back

Yunno: I'am?

_Yunno watch Vivio pat a crying BT on the head like some pet while giving Yunno one of her infamous innocent look he's all too familiar with a certain White Devil... BT the lucky sod!_

Marine: Shamal, it's been three weeks since we gave you BT

Shamal: oh but I recall that we can extend the contract as it said in the small print

_Shamal brings out the contract and brings out a microscope to show the small prints stating they CAN extend the time if they want to… didn't anyone read the contract carefully!_

BT: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Vivio: Shamal-sensei, would it be too hard to ask you nicely to forget about it?

Shamal: oh but Vivio you do understand that I…

_Shamal looks warily as Vivio's left eye brow twitch ever so slightly, also the tell tale sign of a Starlight Breaker been prepared behind Vivio which seems ready to be used… I hate to say it but I suggest you destroy that contract before Vivio lose it._

Ninja: Nimpo, Flames of Darkness!

_The contract is instantly consumed in black flames that, some of it torched Shamal's nurse uniform, within moments Shamal had nothing except her lingerie… the Ninja is going to be cosplaying in a bondage suit next used by the famous ninja from Ninja Gaiden!_

Ninja: to be the legend I will do anything, even if I have to pay my soul!

Shamal: oh is that so… then in that case…

_The Ninja never saw it coming as Shamal ties him up, she quickly puts on an apron… oh god Shamal in lingerie AND apron!!!! WOOHOOOO (the commentator is taken to the hospital for another case of massive nose bleed…)_

Shamal: say "ahhh"

_At that precise moment Arisa and Suzaka returns to find the poor Ninja refusing the food with all his might… just to let everyone know, they slaughtered about at least 10% of Nanoha's slaughter number… which is off the freaking chart!_

Arisia: she might as well be putting on the executioner gear is she's feeding him her own home made food

Suzaka: reminds me of the time we accidently ate some of Shamal's food…

Vivio: I recall when I took a bite out of Shamal's chocolate cake thinking it was Nanoha-mama's

Yunno: or what about that time she accidentally mixed up Nanoha and Fate's home made sandwiches with hers?

Arf: I recall the time when she told me that Yunno made the roast me for me… turns out she made it…

_All of them turn green at the memory of what happened afterwards… I'm surprised that they're still alive after eating Shamal's food ONCE!_

Cameraman: it couldn't be that bad… could it?

Fan: FEED ME SHAMAL SENSEI!

Shamal: of course, here you go

_The fan eats the spoon that's offered to him, the man turns multi coloured before running around while screaming "COSPLAY!" like hell before coming to a complete stop and exploded into mini fans that all began to scream that they all worship the great Shamal… that is one screwed up reaction!_

Arisia: I think I went and did "it" with Fate under the influence of her food…

Suzaka: my butler didn't recognise me because I was turned into a man by Shamal's food…

Vivio: I think I cosplayed my mamas into something which is best left unsaid…

Yunno: I was turned into a woman… Chrono even try to ask me out on a date…

Arf: Nanoha gave me a funny look... she try to force me into bed with a hungry look of a crazy animal...

Cameraman: maybe Shamal's food turned you into Fate???

_They wall watch as the Ninja Cameraman refuse to eat it, Shamal seeing little choice dragged him back to Hayate castle... should I get the advert going for a replacement Cameraman?_

Vivio: anyway thanks for watching, next time we're off to see my grandparents and uncle and aunt! (aka the Takamachi family!)

Yunno: since the producer has been rather busy he said he don't know when he'll be able to air the next episode.

BT: has Shamal left yet?

Yunno: she just left

Cameraman: maybe you should take a rest boss…

Arisa: he could stay at my mansion for a while

Arf: that's pretty nice of you

Suzaka: well BT did ask us would we like to be interviewed and we agreed, he even made a point of getting this broadcasted in all dimensions

Yunno: well considering you completely disappeared in Strikers with no mentioning of you by name or even a picture

Arisa: well BT did asked would we like to join your staff rosters, so we agreed

Suzaka: we'll be managing the broadcasting of the show and will also be in charge of promotion of the new DVD set for this show

Yunno: we haven't done one of those advertisements since the time we interviewed Reinforce

Cameraman: guys what is BT doing?

_They all look to find our indestructible interviewer fighting a horde of fans with a large round shield and spear, with a chair point at the end, while wearing what appears to leather thong and a red cape… looks like staying under Hayate's care has caused BT to cosplay without thinking… yet again another epic scene from the movie 300 has been spoiled by that fact they're all driven into the sea with the blood thirsty Young Nanoha waiting for them…_

Vivio:… I'll handle BT

Yunno: please do…

Cameraman: you do understand that everyone is probably saying "lucky BT!" while stabbing voodoo dolls of BT?


	26. Interview 22

**Discalimer: I do not own any of the characters of MGLN!**

**Interview 22: Café Hell!**

Shirou: are you're sure this is the place?

Momoko: yes it is

_The two look at the cafe that's bustling with people as the waitress scramble to deliver food and take orders... I spy Subaru roller skating with a plate of steak and Young Fate taking an order… while wearing maid outfits... THIS IS HEVEAN!!!_

Momoko: let's go to that statue wearing a suit

_The two walk up to the statue that's wearing a suit that's acting as the bouncer... that's no freaking statue... its the Marine... wearing a freaking suit over his armour again!_

Marine: ah, we've been expecting you Mrs and Mr Takamachi

Shirou: have you?

Marine: yes, just a moment please.

_The Marine rings a small bell, from the crowd of waitress and waiters Yunno appears wearing a suit like the rest of them... what's going on here?_

Yunno: good to see you, I'll show you to your table

Momoko: oh my, you look charming Yunno

Shirou: yes you do... could you explain what's this about?

_Gestures to Alicia taking someone's orders before moving off to the kitchen where we glimpse the Samurai dicing and slicing the ingredients, with his camera sword, while the Ninja is cooking in Ninja style... back flipping while flipping a sunny side up egg is the way to do it!_

Yunno: Arf purchased a restaurant and asked us all to lend her a hand

Shirou: that might explain why everyone is working… but why the maid uniform and suits?

Yunno: we had to ask Hayate help and she provided them for us

Momoko: how nice to know she's helping you

Yunno: yes… anyway I don't see Kyoya and Miyuki today?

Shirou: oh, they said they're skipping today's interview because they're meeting a distance relative of ours

Cameraman: who's that?

Momoko: he's called Death Glasses, he teaches at a place called Mahora Academy

Cameraman: by any chance he's like the White Devil but worst?

Shirou: oh no he's not like our daughter, who she tends to leave splatter marks of her targets

Vivi: Nanoha-mama is strong!

Yunno: could be worst I guess

Momoko: did we mention that Miyuki and Kyoya are training with him?

_Somewhere in the most deadly region of... somewhere… the two Takamachi are now been trained by their distance relative... as if they weren't bad enough!_

Death Glasses: I see you two are better than I expected

Miyuki: we can't lose to our dear little Nanoha when it comes down to slaughtering people just because we haven't been seen or heard in Strikers

Kyoya: it's good that we can go out and brush up on our skills

Death Glasses: you did well in slaughtering all those rabid dragon fans.

_Behind him is at least five large black dragons who are waving flags of devotion to the infamous black lightning Fate… damn, Fate even manage to charm freaking dragons!_

Fan: I'am more devoted than any over grown lizard!

Death Glasses: oh is that so?

Fan: I'll prove it!

Miyuki: OK, go kill the dragon president of the Fate fan club while we go off and take a rest.

Kyoya: I wonder do they have some orange juice.

_The fan wonders what they're on about when he heard the beating wings of something big, slowly he turns round to find a huge black dragon, bigger than the other dragons the defeated ones,, on it's side it has the picture of Fate in Sonic form painted on it… who needs a freaking plane when you got a Dragon with our lovely Fate on it!_

_The scream of the fan as it's slowly roasted over a pit of lava for it's stupid assumption that it could beat it's devotion to Fate… BT would still make mince meat of that dragon!_

Yunno: anyway please have a seat, would you like some refreshment before we start?

Momoko: I would like some tea

Shirou: I would like some as well

Yunno: of course

_Ringing a small bell attach to his belt came Vivi dressed in a little maid outfit while holding a tray of silverware and the tea as well… so cute!!!... hold a sec did Vivi brew that!_

Vivi: here you are uncle!

Yunno: have you forgotten what your older self told you when you finish serving something?

Vivi: ooops, I forgot

Yunno: never mind, but make sure you say it next time

Vivi: OK~~~~!

_Vivi runs off happily back to the mad kitchen when the Samurai is now slicing up a charging bull while the Ninja is now deep frying a giant man eating squid armed with his Ninja frying pans… is it even save to send such a cute and small girl into that!_

Yunno: anyway we have some question from Retarded Fool, the first lot is for Shiro.

Shiro: OK

Yunno: First off this is a statement, "You're one luck prik! Having Momoko's body to yourself"

Shiro: must... not... go... killing...

Yunno: anyway "why do you not teach martial arts to Nanoha?"

Shiro: I did but after she began using magic she said it's much easier to inflict pain without the necessary broken bones been a problem

Yunno: could it also be that she can destroy things which isn't possible with Martial arts... like tanks?

Shiro: actually I could split a Jumbo jet if I wanted to, but I thought best not to teach Nanoha that skill since she can shoot down from a sniper distance

_The other customers went dead silent and wonder is the Takamachi family all nutters for destruction... I wonder is there an insurance group that deals with the Takamachi family as a whole?_

Yunno: second question, "did you have any problems with assassins trying to hack you from the back?"

Shiro: I'm afraid all the assassins are too honourable to strike me from the back

_A man on the street runs and jumps over the fence to attack Shiro from behind but before he could land on his feet a plant pot from out of nowhere lands on the poor assassin head... a big plant pot... divine intervention anyone? _

Yunno: I'll take your word for it

Momoko: I recall one assassin who try to come at us from behind while we were on holiday was hit by a Geyser and sent straight into a fifty feet drop over a water fall

Yunno: ...moving on, "have you ever cheated on Momoko?"

Shiro: would hugging my beloved daughters be considered cheating?

Vivio: grand dad loves all of his children to the point where Momoko calls it cheating

Shiro: well I do love my children and Grand children very much

Yunno: then divulging a little, "what would you do if BT became Vivio's husband?"

Shiro: I don't see any problems with that, he's a fine man

_Yunno nods but gives a shifty look over to the roof where BT is now practicing what appears to be a martial arts with the sun behind him... BT has a bandanna with the rising sun on it... that's a hint!_

Customer: I got a question

Shiro: go on then

Customer: were you really going to kill Yunno when you first saw Vivi?

Shiro: of course I wasn't going to kill him

Momoko: he said he was only going to skin him alive over a ten month period while in his ferret form over a slowly burning coal fire

_Shiro and Momoko laughs at the seemingly funny joke while everyone else looks worried, Yunno on the other hand looks down right scared that he nearly ended up in that kind of situation... it could be worst, replace the fire with Fate rage..._

Yunno: anyway the next set of question is for Momoko.

Momoko: please ask

Yunno: OK... errr... do you mind if they're personal?

Momoko: depends really

Yunno:... OK "may I ask of your three sizes? XD"

Momoko: oh that, I'll tell you

_Momoko: whispers into Yunno ear of her measurements while everyone try to hear what it could be, when they finish Yunno looks at Momoko over at least twice then shook his head... errr,... you know Yunno you've become the object of envy for everyone man in this place!_

Yunno: I won't even dare comment

Momoko: do you think I'm lying?

Yunno: nope, I'm afraid of the people who might come and turn me into steak just to find out!

Arf: would it make you feel better there is an organisation that is geared to turning you into a steak pie should they ever get their hands on you?

Yunno: that's reassuring... anyway next question, "are you worried when Nanoha became a mage and had to do dangerous jobs to save worlds?"

Momoko: not at all, after all she does more dangerous stuff than that before she became a mage

Yunno: like what?

Momoko: like having to live in our house where we get admirers keep coming round our house every single day, they usually climb through Nanoha's window, only to have our precious daughter beat them up with her nail baseball bat she used before she obtained magical powers

Yunno: that's reassuring... hold a sec by any chance the base ball bat Caro is using is...

Momoko: yes it is, I heard she's using it to disciple her husband and anyone she don't like

_Everyone wondered where the base ball bat came from, now they all know it use to be the property of the White Devil... that might explain why Caro likes using it whenever she can!_

Yunno: OK final question from RF... "do you like Lindy-san?"

Momoko: oh yes I do

Everyone: EH!

Momoko: we get on so well, we talk about our daughters and how they grown and how much they looks like us in looks or personality, we even started talking about when will they get married

Yunno: that's nice to know...

Young Nanoha: get your hands off my Fate!

_A customer was helping Fate take the heavy dish from her overloaded tray when he get's blasted at point blank range by a Divine Shoot... the guy was helping Fate!!!_

YF: Arhhhh.... are you OK!!!!

Customer: errrk....

YN: he's still alive!!!!

Zafira: wait!!!!

Vivio: stop!!!

Subaru: turn him to dust!!!!

_Everyone rush in to the save the guy but as YN powers up another attack YF grabs hold of YN who instantly stops and have a massive nose bleed... best way to stop her is to make her spurt blood!_

Shiro: won't this bother the customers?

BT: they're fine, we already told them about this happening before they sat down, even the menu has it written that these things might happen

Momoko: what are you wearing BT?

_BT stood next to Yunno in a boxing outfit, behind him a boxing ring has been set up and Zeck is his opponent… BT isn't allowed to use his chair… which mean's BT is going to truly die!!!!_

BT: just a little entertainment for our customers with me boxing Zeck

Yunno: I'm thankful that Zeck is now back to normal muscle lover guy than when he was a cross dressing muscle lover

BT: I told him that his muscles will lose their manliness if he was to carry on… he immediately challenge me to a boxing match

Shirou: I doubt you'll win though

Momoko: BT is so handy with his chair in crowd clearing, and letting me sit on it when I'm tired stomping the enemies pride and joy

BT: who said I don't have my chair?

_Undoing his left glove BT reach in with his left hand, which disappeared into the glove, then retrieves the ominous black chair from inside with ease… two facts I like to point out, BT is going to get disqualified for having that, and secondly BT just ripped off the magic bag gag… except it's a boxing glove…_

Yunno: isn't that been a little extreme?

BT: you have a point, I'll get rid of the others

Shiro: what others?

_BT tips the glove upside down and shakes it, all manner of weapons began dropping out of it which range from grenades to a tank… why is that stuff in there… and could we really call the picture of Zeck posing with his brand new bikini tan line a weapon… hold a sec *Commentator is now ripping his hair out for just noticing the said picture*_

BT: that's better

Everyone:…

Zeck: come and tastes the fist of the manly muscles that can shatter the heavens and create worlds with!

BT: OK I'm coming, I'll leave the rest to you Yunno…

_BT runs off to the ring to fight Zeck while Yunno wonders should he call the Ambulance in case Zeck might need it… why not call the Grim Reaper instead, I would._

Cameraman: hate to be the boss right now

Yunno: maybe… anyway let's carry on with our ne…

_Before Yunno could continue a large mob of Fans carrying banners with "KILL THE BEAST" and "DEATH TO THE PERVERTED ONE"… Yunno, your fan club just arrived._

Fans: KILL THE BEAST!!!!

Yunno: can't we talk this over?

Fan: NEVER!!!!!

Yunno: in that case

_Yunno rings his bell and in a flash appears the BT brigade all in their glorious suits in front of Yunno, everyone of them is ready to beat anyone that threatens their master, also standing on each side of Yunno is Fate and Nanoha… Yunno that lucky sod to have Fate and Nanoha standing beside him in maid uniforms!_

Fan: the beast must die!!!

Marine: will it be OK if we break everyone bone in their body

_Marine clicks his fist with gleeful happiness as his fist began to burn with passion of how many fans he's going to clobber... that chalk board behind the Marine isn't helping me feel relieved... why in donkeys name do the Cameraman got the most kills???_

Samurai: I'll use my Kendo stick to minimize the damage

_The Samurai brings out a well used and bloodied Kendo stick, some of the charging fans turn round and ran away in fear of the bloody stick... as if that's going to minimize damage when I seen you cut down steel girders with that thing!_

Ninja: my soup will need attention soon

_Brings out a hot Frying pan and Mini Butcher Knives while reading a book on making the best dish while slaughtering fans, the author is none other than the great chef Fate!!! ... who wants Fan soup?_

Pirate: me customers will be wailing for me rum soon!

_Whips out his pen that turns itself into a Rapier, the parrot holding the pad tucks it into the Pirates jacket before whipping out a pistol as big as itself with one claw from under it's wing... I've heard the phrase "the Pen is mightier than the sword," but this is plain ridiculous... and don't even get my started with the parrot and his pistol!_

Cameraman: let the glorious of these muscles burn into your visage!

_Everyone stare at the Cameraman with an urge to take an axe to him and other kind of death dealing and painful things as the fans simply fall to the ground while crying that the horror apprentice has returned to haunt them... MUSCLE LOVERS WILL DIE!!!!_

Fans: DEATH TO THE FOUL FOLLOWERS OF THE PERVERTED BEAST!!!!!!!!

Yunno: can someone please switch over to advertisement, please?

_The screen goes blank then lights up to show Yunno basking in the warm sun in some beach while sunbathing close by is Vivio, Fate and Nanoha all in skimpy bikinis... nose bleed galore!_

Yunno: This is the best...

_A pod drops down and lands next to Yunno, the metal door of the pod pops open and from inside steps a man in a space suit with a DVD box in his hand... talks about farfetched!_

Yunno: BT?

BT: yep, today I'm here to advertise the second box volume of Interview Hell

Yunno: well folks if you brought the first volume of Interview Hell, then don't miss out on the new second volume, which is full of those great moments when a guest appears

_Screen shot of Subaru roller skating upside down just to get a picture of Nanoha that someone stuck on the ceiling of the newly built Interview Hell Studio... it was to test would it handle physical damage should someone punch it with gorilla like strength._

BT: why not listen to us of our thoughts after the interview?

_The next clip shows BT discussing Vivio about Hayate and her cosplay madness after interviewing her, "what kind of sane person would submit to her for twenty four hours let alone two weeks?" Vivio shrugs, Vivi runs in and glomps BT… HARD!_

Yunno: inside each of these boxes comes a music sound track composed by our star player and singer Arf, also featuring special sound tracks sung by our lovely Young Fate!

_The Arf jumps in and begins to play her Guitar while BT brings out YF onto the stage, she sang a really nice song called "Innocent Starter" while blushing like a tomato, the Fans burst out of the sand like Ninjas and began cheering… two seconds later they're taken away while still on fire from the Plasma Lancer fired by the surprised YF._

BT: And finally a limited photo of all of us are inside, some even got random photos of us and our guests!

_BT holds a picture of himself standing with Vivio and a heavily bandaged Subaru who is trying not to jump Vivio because of BT and his black chair_

Yunno: so come down while stocks lasts

BT: please be informed that if Subaru appears then you should run away as fast as possible, especially if you have a photo of Young Nanoha in your possession

_We return to find the café is running smoothly, a pile of smoking fans has been thrown out into the trash labelled "slaughtered fans" pile… I wonder how much will I make if I was to sell the video of that slaughter vest?_

Shiro: I wonder could I borrow your workers?

Yunno: for what reason?

Momoko: we just received an evil mail saying that they'll be sending their best assassin to eliminate my husband in revenge of destroying one of their secret cafes

Shiro: I told their boss, while standing on top of his best bodyguards, that it was an accident, I was searching for our new pet cat that simply wondered into their dangerous café

_Everyone stop what they are doing and look to one another wondering is he telling the truth… I don't recall the Takamachi family having a pet cat… unless you count Fate in a cat suit as their pet… errr… that's a pretty bad thought…_

Yunno: anyway we have some questions from Major Mike Powell III

Momoko: would you mind telling us where he lives so I can deliver my special "cake" I've been meaning to give him?

Yunno:… sorry I can't for two reasons, the first been that if I did give you his address, you're going to give it to Nanoha… which wouldn't help our show rating at all, and secondly, we don't even know where he lives… he could be living in anther part of the galaxy for all we know

Cameraman: I would if I was sending regular questions that will get me atomized!

Yunno: anyway the first question, "Momoko-chan, what do you think of Lindy-sama?"

Momoko: well I only said so little about her the first time so I'll simply clarify that we do get along very well in other things beside just talking about our daughter

Yunno: like what?

Momoko: she tells me how she would teach Chrono from trying anything with his Fate, I gave her plenty of suggestions that I used on Kyoya

Yunno: Yes I s…WHAT!

Shiro: you see the fans have deduce that Kyoya and Miyuki are a couple, my wife had devised plenty of ways to keep that from happening… she even used a few of them on Kyoya when we found him in Miyuki's room

Cameraman: what could he want in his little sisters room?

_Vivio stops by while Vivi delivers a drink to the customer, the patron stare down at the green sludge with the skeleton of what appears to be a miniature T-Rex… the new an improved Vivi Engery Drink X!!!!_

Vivio: I recall uncle Kyoya said that he was asking for a rubber

Shiro: is that so?

_Shiro has brought out his Katana and is now in rage mode, Momoko quickly fix that by slapping Shiro with her shoe which reverted him back to normal… if Momoko can control Shiro then who will control Momoko???_

Yunno: moving on, "Had you ever met her before the 1º season of MSLN?"

Momoko: no, it's the first I've seen her and I have to admit she is very beautiful, just like little Fate

_YF serves the coffee to Yunno who pats her on the head, she enjoys it and smiles causing a few of the customers to sigh in joy at the heavenly sight, even YN is too captivated by YF face to blast the customers… line up to get blasted by Starlight Breaker, it only costs your life!_

Vivio: that's true Grandma, the next question, "She's HAWT!, isn't she? LOL"

Yunno: she already answered the question so let's move on to… not another one…

Vivio: what?

Yunno: "And what's your bra size? "

Vivio: geez, is that all they think about when a girl comes on the show, what's her three measurements? I'm glad he never asked for my measurements

Yunno: don't say that or he will

Vivio: I'm sure BT will simply hunt him down if he does

BT: what?

_BT is wearing a long black trench coat with a sword on his back and two pistols at his side while wearing a pair of sunglasses… if you look closely behind him under the trench coat is a chair ready to be used!_

Yunno: … "They're D's, aren't they? LMAO"

Vivio: the last question is… "Shiro, you're one lucky S.O.B."

_At that precise moment an assassin leaps out from his hiding place to strike, only to find himself the object of "relief" of Shiro's rage… that's another assassin down… another twenty billion more to go_

Pirate: arrrk, did someone let their ship illegally parked on myspace?

Customer: I believe so… what are you going to do about it?

Pirate: Fire the cannons me mateys!

_The Pirate ship burst out of the ground with a giant drill, it destroys the enemies illegally parked ship and half the building as well… at least it wasn't the café that was damage…_

Assassin: I shall avenge you all with my ultimate weapon that will eliminate anyone with a mere touch…

_The assassin march up to the Marine who bare his way, the assassin looks up at the Marine then to his knife, he stabs at the Marine but found his knife snap against the Marines armour… do you know how much that suit costs us!!!_

Marine: do you have a booking?

Assassin: no…

Marine: are you an assassin here to kill Shiro Takamachi?

Assassin: yes

Marine: in that case…

_The Marine drags the poor assassin and three of his hiding friends to the back alley, the screams of immortal pain can be heard followed by the wailing of souls returning to oblivion… we're used to hearing those kinds of things after Zeck started cross dressing_

Shiro: I'm very tempted in hiring them off you guys

Yunno: sorry I can't do that without Mr P permission

Vivio: Mr P do own them and BT so we can't really lend them to you even if we want to

Cameraman: then why did you loan BT to Hayate?

Yunno: it was an emgecy!

Cameraman: at least BT is back with us... if somewhat damaged

_BT is fighitng the forde of crazy fanatical killers out for his life with his trusty chair, the immortal interveiwer is currnetly dressed in what appears to be something out of Final Fantasy... I wonder how much BT will fetch now that he's damaged by Hayate cosplay?_

Yunno: I guess that take's care of that… anyway thank you for your time

Shiro: I rethought my opinion of you Yunno, you're a nice guy

Momoko: will you be willing to make him your son-in-law?

Shiro: why's that?

Yunno: well…umm….

Vivio: Nanoha-mama and Fate-mama said it's fine if Yunno was to marry both of them

Everyone: WHAT!!!!

Arisa: that damn ferret is going to do what with MY Nanoha???

Alicia: all hell just broke loose

Suzaka: oh my, thankfully I have Arisa

Subaru: NEVER WILL I HAND NANOHA OVER TO TH…grrrk

_Subaru found herself tied up by at least a few dozen binds, before she could scream Tia grabs Subaru and runs off to the empty loft above the café… what are the chances are that Yunno cut a deal with Tia to do that… on second thought is it even safe to leave Subaru alone with Tia judgining from the evil laughter from Tia????_

Vivio: next week we'll be interviewing Erio again, the reason behind it was that he's been sending mail upon mails for us to interview him separately from Caro… could this mean he wants a divorce from her?

Cameraman: are you trying to kill Erio with that suggestion with a chance his overzealous wife is watching?

Yunno: either way we'll be interveiwing Erio, so if you got any question for him please ask

Cameraman: the next thing I know BT is going to get married to Vivio and we'll dedicate one episode in interviewing him!

Yunno: that's an interesting thought... maybe we could finally ask him what's his feelings for Vivio are...

Vivio: oh stop it uncle!

Momoko: come to think about it I haven't see BT since the commercial.

Vivio: BT is currently gone to get Erio, he said that he'll be fine as long as Caro isn't around

Vivi: uncle BT took a box with him as well!

Reinforce: what could he possibly want with a box?

_In the deepest and darkest place in Caro's domain, BT has cunningly slipped into the base and is locating Erio using the most famous covert tactic ever created… did I just saw BT wall run and back flip from wall to wall like a real Ninja???_

BT: now take a left corner here than a right after wards… someone's coming!

_BT dressed in what appears to be combat gear, from some character of a game, pulls a box out of thin air and hides inside it, two bunny rabbits carrying giant bloodied basket walk pass the box… ULTIMATE TECHNIQUE: HIDING IN BOX!!_

BT: that was close… now I'll just creep a little this way…

_The box BT in moves slowly round the corner and stops when the door in front of it opens, the one who just exit the door is the dark wife of horror of Erio, Caro… what's the chances are BT is having a heart attack now?_

Caro: what is a box doing here… especially with the words "Erio's Stuff" is written on the side…

_Caro looks at the box suspiciously, while the words "BOSS" floats above her head with a HP bar and MP bar which is labelled "????/????"... Boss characters can see through the box technique!_

Caro: I'll just open it and find out what it is… if there's someone hiding in it I'll simply give them divine punishment for sneaking into my castle.

_Slowly Caro reach down to lift the box up while holding her beloved used bloodied Baseball Bat… Tune in next week to find out did Caro dish out extreme pain to BT on the next episode of Solid BT Gaiden!... name the games and movies we ripped off during this episode!_


	27. Interview 23

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of MGLN**

**Interview 23: New and Improved!!**

_The lights come on to show the audience to the half completed studio of Interview Hell, a few gadgets float by with refreshments for the audience staffs, some of them are playing cards with some of the gadgets off set with some coffees and beer... Welcome folks to the mad world of Interview Hell's studio, it's mad because we got bad mouthing, beer drinking, card playing gadgets!_

BT: welcome to another crazy episode of Interview Hell, I'm your host BT

Cameraman: are you're sure you're well enough to do this?

BT: Of course I' am, what makes you say that??

_BT is not in his usual suit, instead he's wearing the clothes of what appears to be some fantasy game of the Ranger class… let's all pray that BT will overcome this Cosplay illness… come to think about it, where is he getting the clothes from??_

Vivio: they fit him perfectly!

Alicia: … didn't you say you don't like cosplaying?

Vivio: oh, but its BT so I just can't help myself to making him wear something interesting once a day… right?

_Everyone look at the chirpy Vivio worryingly as she begins to think up new ideas before slapping herself for even thinking of them, she jolts them down either way for a reference for a later date… I think BT problem will simply get worst with Vivio watching him._

Vivi: Uncle BT is going to be Superman!

Yunno: Vivio... is there something wrong?

Vivio: why do you say that?

_Vivio is now browsing through racks of clothes of cosplay from her own personal collection that numbers over three digits!... that's never a good sign!!!_

Reinforce: it's probably due to biological problem

Zafira:???

Arf: in short she's trying to say "it's that time of month" for Vivio

Arisa: maybe she's trying to cope with it by doing this to BT

Suzaka: oh my, I remember Nanoha been at that time and was laying waste to her poor students one at a time for the next week.

BT: if you know how bad her mothers are, you know I can't refuse on pain of death!

Vivio: oh did you say something BT?

_BT turns white with horror as Vivio seemingly happy, except the large vein that threaten to explode, pulls what appears to be a costume that is only leather bands that wrap up his most private parts... note, do not get on Vivio's bad side or else you'll never survive her Cosplay!_

BT: moving swiftly ON!

Cameraman: BT is too terrified to fight Vivio unless he wants to end up in a coffin... or worse!

BT: he's been on the show once but was side tracked and trampled by his beloved wife, he's been paired up with the infamous black thunder Fate T Haloawn either as love interest or as her little toy... and finally he's begging for a job on this show, so without further ado please give a great applause to the boy returning to this show, Erio!

_Erio peers round the corner then to BT who smiles pleasantly while holding onto a lasso, Erio runs off to escape but BT lasso Erio and yanks him out to show the boy in a maid outfit...Vivio's doing? _

Erio: why do I have to be in a maid outfit!!!

BT: if you have a problem please send the complaints to the organiser of this

_Erio looks to see Vivio holding a white ball, aka Vivio's own version of Starlight Breaker Stardust Breaker... as much as I WANT to get Vivio's attention, this might be a good time to stay hidden in my new, Starlight Breaker prove, commentator room!_

BT: welcome back to the show Erio, I'm sure you have a lot to say since you were here last time

Erio: not really...

BT: well let's get back into gear then, first off...

Cameraman: BT, can you correct a few things before we begin

BT: ah yes, I believe the amount of hate mail has just gone up since last time

Arf: we had to call in the Asura to clean out the last batch that came in after last week...

BT: fine I'll correct them, first off Vivio is mistaken in believing Yunno will marry her moms, they were on a drinking spree when that happened so don't worry people Yunno ISN'T going to marry Fate or Nanoha

Zafira: have you forgotten to mention that Hayate has visiting Yunno of late?

BT: WHAT!

Yunno: it's nothing like that she's been asking me about the fabrics I could acquire for her and then we had a nice chat about some old stuff and....

_The Fans jump Yunno only to have the security Gadget come in and save Yunno's unworthy hide from the blood thirsty mob, Yunno quickly stands next to the Cameraman whose still can't find clothes that fit his beautifully carved muscular body of perfection... SECURITY, GET ZECK OUT OF THE SUBBING DEPARTMENT NOW!_

BT: well that solves one problem; the second is that I'm not interested in Vivio

Cameraman: it's the other way round!

Vivio: oooo, BT you should wear this one!

_Vivio walks onto the set with a wizard costume completed with the hat, wig, staff, sword and the beard... no matter how you look at it the relationship seems one sided with BT been used here!_

BT:...

Vivio: come on it'll be fun

BT:... after the show...

Vivio: OK, I'll be waiting for you in my room!

_Chirpily Vivio skips out of the set and off to her room to prepare the costumes for BT, everyone else didn't know whether to feel envy or piety for our poor interviewer...I'm caught between going down there with a chainsaw for him or giving him some flowers..._

BT: well let's carry on, first up what is married life like for you Erio?

Erio: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BT: I'll take your word for it

Cameraman: you didn't understood what he just said!

BT: didn't you hear his agonising words?

Cameraman: never mind...

BT: moving on, I've been hearing rumours that you've been paired up for Fate, some even mention you been her little toy... what's your view on this?

Erio: PLEASE DON'T BLAST ME NANOHA-SAN!!!

* * *

_Somewhere in Mid-Chila, the White Devil is currently exercising extreme will power in not going over to where Erio is and blasting him to bits..._

Fate: don't worry dear, I'm all yours

Nanoha: is it true? Is it TRUE?!

Fate: I do, I do, I doooooooo....

_The two girls quickly kick the Ninja Cameraman out of the room so they can get back to their OWN business… name those line from which show!_

_

* * *

_

_The Ninja Cameraman returns to BT in a poof of smoke and reports of the destruction of all cameras and microphones that were inside their room... the mystery of how they all can hear painful screaming and other stuff has been revealed!!_

BT: is it me or can I hear something wet and lots of growling like caged animals having a fight?

Cameraman: what do you mean? You don't have that kind of power... do you??

Zafira: Mr P probable gave that to BT just for the hell sake of making BT more miserable

Mr P: that's right!

_Mr P sent a cat to say that before leaving in a puff of diamond hard snowflakes that impale a few of the unfortunate audience that didn't took cover... Was Mr P ripping off an anime show? _

Yunno: that is so messed up I'm not even sure should I be laughing or not

BT: regardless, next question, Erio I've been hearing that you been grooming Caro's Dragons, last I recall there's only two of them

Erio: the producers didn't had time to show Caro's full army of dragons saying that it would ruin the plot

BT: what did Caro said?

Erio: when she protested Nanoha-san had a little word with her and her army of dragons...

BT: I can guess what happened afterwards...

Alicia: I'm not sure who should I be sorry for, either Caro's dragons or Erio

BT: well next question, what's your favourite drink and food?

Erio:.... why are you asking me that question?

BT: do you want to answer or not?

Erio:... my favourite drink is banana milk shake that Fate-san made for me and the steak and onion pie she also makes

_Erio gives a dreamy look as he remembers that heavenly pie made by Fate, the others also can visualize the steak... except we're all visualizing the steak pieces been the unfortunate fans that got on Fate's nerve...._

Arisa: why did you ask such a basic and straight forward question?

BT: it's the FIRST normal question I've ever asked since this show began, which isn't related to blowing things up or slaughtering people

Cameraman: he has a point, he hasn't ask such a sensible question before

BT: plus Nanoha was interested

Suzaka: when did she ask you that?

BT: she sent me a note before today's episode started

_BT stands up and folds his chair to show the words have been carved, or burnt, onto the underside of the seat itself, "ask Erio what is his favourite food and drink, if he refuses I'll be there to blast him for not mentioning them, Love N.T.H" ... who thought the letter was cute for a moment?_

Arisa: how long have you known about those?

BT: since this morning when she came in saying she wants me to ask those question to Erio, if I don't she'll obliterate me and the studio

Erio: sounds like you have it worse than me BT-san

BT: there's a price to be paid for been the star of a fanfic

Yunno: fanfic?

BT: don't worry the audience knows what I'm talking about

Alicia: whatever you say BT

BT: anyway onto the next question, what is your thought of our new studio?

Erio: it's really nice and high tech, I thought the gadget was going to attack me but it show me in and even offered me some coffee

BT: don't worry you only need to thank the mad man himself…

Erio: mad man...

_BT snap his fingers, part of the wall behind the audience open to show Zeck and Jail now dancing while stripped down to nothing but lion cloths as they display their muscles to everyone to see while cheesy music is been played in the background... ARRRHHHH JAIL AND ZECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

Zafira: WHAT!!!

Arisa: KILLL

Alicia: oh dear

Arf: GRAAAAAAHHHHH

_BT clicks his fingers again and the wall closes while a few of the gadgets quickly went to inspect the audience who were the closest to see the monstrosity, a few of them are frothing from the mouth from the raw terror they were subject to.... WHAT IN HELLS NAME ARE THEY HERE!!!_

BT: as a special favour for helping us out, Jail requested that.... don't even ask me why, I simply answered yes when they showed up wearing pink leotards and dancing ballet into my room!

Cameraman: Does that mean they work for us???

BT: unofficially, yes they do….

Reinforce: I'll go and review their job status and cut them out of the cast listing... I'll also cut their life span as well

Arf: why not fire them… LITERALLY!

Alicia: I have to agree with Arf there

Arisa: I'm going to chop them into small little bits then roast then and feed them to the most hated person in the world!!!

Suzaka: ho ho ho, I think they need to cool off their heads, I'll be glad to lend a hand with that nifty magical bombardment spell I made which rivals Hayate's Ragnarok Breaker

Zafira: I was wondering about testing my new high powered flaming chainsword on someone

BT:… you can't do any of those things to them

Everyone: why???

Voice: because Mr P said so!!!

_Everyone looks worryingly at the reappearance of Mr P mouth piece, in this case it's a freaking Rambo dressed Hamster with a miniature gattling gun complete with grenade belt, the girls look at the cute Hamster with thoughts of making it the Interview Hell's pet, while the men all wonder will they be safe should the Hamster go on a rampage… if the girls say they want it we can't really argue back… unless we want to find ourselves at the end of the wrong stick… or in this case a bombardment spell or two!_

Hamster: hello viewers my name is Ramster, I'll be popping in once in a while for the rest of the series, so let's all get along

Zafira: so what was the message from Mr P?

Ramster: oh yes, he said he did it because he hasn't found a suitable punishment for BT when he messed up Mr P Book by bringing the past Aces and even the future version of Vivio

Alicia: so does that mean those two will be featured for the rest of the show from now on???

Jail: that is correct my dear

Zeck: the pureness of these masterful muscles will shine beyond human understanding and become the principle of human inspiration!!!!

_BT goes on a rampage and chairs the two of them, the others watch, with snacks, as BT entertains them while going absolutely all out… what's the chances are they survive?_

Yunno: should we… errr… give BT a hand?

Arf: nah, if we did we'll probably end up in the cross fire, either way its more fun watching him turning them into food paste

Alicia: in that case I'll take over asking question to Erio, next question, there has been rumours that during your training with Signum you have an intimate time with her, could you enlighten us upon?

Erio: it's the same when everyone say me and Fate-san, but it's not true

Arf: what will you do if you met Fate younger self?

Erio:… I don't know…

YF: Arf did you need me for something?

_Erio is struck dumb by the appearance of YF wearing her normal school uniform, YF smiles pleasantly as the others greeted her, even BT greeted her while shoving his black chair down a place that no sane person needs to know about... well YF is by all means a nice girl, unlike her older counter part._

Erio:…

YF: nice to meet you… is there something wrong?

Erio: nothing…

_They watch Erio giving a heavenly look at YF, the others are wondering is Erio looking for an early grave… if YN catches wind of this Erio is a goner… then again judging from the look he's giving YF he's already a goner either way!_

Alicia: well let's move on then, why are you asking a job for Interview Hell? You understand that we tend to be facing mortal danger practically every episode

Erio: I know that, but there wasn't any other job I could take, every one of them said they won't employ me beucase of various reasons about my background…

Arisa: it's understandable why no one wants to hire you

Suzaka: that's why you ask BT to see if he'll hire you, right?

BT: since I'm kind hearted I'll take you onboard and I'll think up a position for you

Yunno: do you think Mr P will allow that?

Ramster: Mr P said it's fine to hire Erio, BT will have to write out the legal documents to have Erio working for us

BT: it's only three pieces of document

Ramster: considering the nature of this program you're going have to fill out at least twenty nine five hundred documents to satisfy everyone, then you're going have to appear before the government to get their approval as well and…

BT: Reinforce could you take care of the paper work and the officials

Reinforce: affirmative

Ramster: oh dear, BT seem to have found a loop hole in cutting down the amount of documents he has to sign… Mr P isn't going to be happy about this…

_Ramster quickly made a call on his miniature walky talky while BT return to carving his name on the unfortunate pair that manage to incur his undying wrath... looks like BT got his hands full... oh well._

Alicia: next question, what do you think of Jail?

Erio: he's a evil man who should have burned in hell ten times over and have his most private valuable item as a man removed painfully from his body with a scorching hot hammer that will slowly burn it off and...

Alicia: you could have said that you didn't like him than going into detail of what you might do to him

Erio: sorry...

Arf: I don't recall seeing Erio been so angry at anyone before

Ninja: the boy has been sent letters of love

Arisa: wow, who's the lucky girl that sent them to you?

Suzaka: my, my, Caro-chan isn't going to be happy when she hears this... should I prepare your funeral for you Erio-kun?

Marine: you girls are very mistaken in thinking the sender is a girl...

Samurai: you're telling me, I cringed when I first read the letter

Alicia: so who was the sender?

Erio:...

_The boy simply took out the letter and showed it to everyone, the girls look at the letter than to Erio before having a quick secret council of girls meeting and debating what action should they take... that could never be a good thing... could it?_

Arisa: it's decided then

Arf: yep

Suzaka: you have my vote

Alicia: let's do it then

Samurai: they're scaring me

Ninja: the woman mind is a terrifying thing to know

Cameraman: what could the girls be scheming?

Alicia: BT, could you read this?

_Our favourite interviewer stops for a brief moment and reads the letter, he then resume beating the living daylights out of the two with two chairs in each of his hand, the visage the demon appearing behind him as he beat the hell out of the two unfortunate 'dancers'... I wonder could it be possible to get Unlimited Chair Works going here?_

Alicia: well that's taken care of, now then RF has a question for you

Arf: why did I felt a sudden chill run down my spine?

Alicia: then you can already guess the nature of the question, RF asked this "Lutecia or Caro, choose one, as your life long partner?"

_Everyone stopped what they're doing and look to Erio, the boy's hair has turn pure white with horror at the question... is the questioner really trying to kill Erio here???_

Ramster: that's a tough one, get it wrong and you'll be on the receiving end of a Dragon or insect cannon!

_

* * *

_

_Somewhere in Mid-chila... to be more precise outside the building of the new Interview Hell Headquarters, two girls stood at the front door as they await Erio's answer before they act... I think Erio is going to need more than a life insurance at this rate... if worse comes to worse we'll all kick BT out to slay any big monsters that might try to demolish the building!_

Caro: now Erio, remember I'm your wife

_Caro pats her well used bloodied baseball bat, handed to her by the White Devil, while behind her stands a legion of her most trusted and deadly dragons... should I call Nanoha?_

Lutecia: Erio belongs to me...

_Behind Lue awaiting her orders is two legions of giant insects; they seem too terrified of the Lue to disobey her orders... if even giant bugs are afraid of her what chances do we have???_

_

* * *

_

_Alicia: stare worryingly at the monitor that showed the army standing outside then looks to Erio whose currently hiding behind Arf... should we send BT out now?_

Arf: that's a great idea!

Alicia: Suzaka, could you freeze BT and those two "things" please?

Suzaka: with pleasure

Alicia: Zafira, open that window and when I give the word the Marine will chuck BT and those two "things" out with him

Zafira: won't BT die if he's thrown from the fifteenth floor?

Alicia: we are talking BT here... remember?

Zafira: you have a point, even if we were to drop him from the atmosphere he'll probably survive the drop with nothing more than a minor headache

_With military precision Suzaka freezes BT, who's wearing a barbarian outfit from some reason, then Zafira opens the window while the Marine grabs BT and the two "things" and chuck them out of the window... I hope you guys know what you're doing, or else we'll all be out of the job!_

Arf: No worries, if BT could survive Hayate's cosplay hell for three weeks then this is nothing

Alicia: so have you decided which one you would choose as your life long partner?

Erio: ...................................... I'm not sure......................................

Alicia: well thankfully we've just run out of time, tune in next week to the sound of church bells, you've guessed it, two lucky couple are going to marry next week!

Arf: is it BT and Vivio????

Zafira: BT hasn't even asked Vivio on a freaking date yet!

Arisa: the Cameraman is the only one who proposed here!

Alicia: correct, next week we're all going to be celebrating the Cameraman's and Ginga's marriage, so tune in next week!

_Everyone walks off to have some lunch, Erio follow Alicia as she explains what he might be doing, Ramster sat on the empty seat while watching the monitor, BT is seen chasing the two "things" while laying waste to the combine army of bugs and dragons... if you need giant pest control please contact us at Interview Hell!_

Ramster: don't forget to send in your questions!


	28. Interview 24

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of MGLN!!!**

**Interview 23: Marriage Crash!**

_The entire staffs of Interview Hell, minus one, and all the characters of MGLN are dressed in their best clothes as they all attend the greatest event that has happened in the entire series so far, the marriage of Ginga and the Cameraman at the church!!!!... Good news folks I'm no longer angry about the Cameraman marrying Ginga!!! _

Priest: …if anyone objects to these two marrying please speak now or…

_The front door of the church is kicked open allowing an angry mob, all waving their banner of devotion to Ginga, rush in with all manner of weapons ranging from a battle axe to a crazy man eating bunny rabbit… I spy the security guards who were guarding the front door amongst them… TRATIORS!!!!_

Fans: WE OBJECT!!!

Priest: may I ask why?

Fans: Ginga belongs to no one, she belongs to everyone!!!

Marine: would you guys be saying the same thing about the girls on MGLN?

_The fans back off a little from the evil looks all the girls give them… answer one wrong question and you're all going to be obliterated!_

Fans: Ginga only because she's not paired up with anyone from the MGLN universe!!!

Alicia: what about the Ginga/Fate coupling?

Fans: the Nanoha/Fate coupling over rules the Ginga/Fate couple by a light year!!!

Suzaka: should we teach them not to barge into someone's marriage, especially when all of us agree to this marriage?

Arisa: that might not be a bad idea

Fans: if the Cameraman wants Ginga he must fight us himself to prove himself!!!

Cameraman:… if that's how you want it, then fine I'll come out and fight you all on

Ginga: don't dear, you'll never come back alive

Cameraman: I'm be fine, I learnt the art of the muscles way!

Samurai: if it's Zeck I'm going to skewer you!

Marine: did someone said they want become a woman right now?

Pirate: me savvy sea shark lovers will make you land lubber wish you were sleeping in Davie Jones Loo!

Ninja: mission accepted; destroy the muscle lover with the ultimate technique, man's 9 unholy fears!

Cameraman: I WASN'T REFERING TO FREAKING ZECK!!!

Vivio: he's referring to the other muscle guy from the show Fist of The North Star!

Fans: heh, you'll never beat our newest member!

_Strolling through the fans is a beefy looking man with two swords strap to his back, his red war paint say "Ginga Forever"… errr… looks like this guy is a rip off from someone from another game!!!_

Zafira: I wonder whose he?

Beefy Guy: I'm called Cracktous, from the evil organisation that's trying to take down Interview Hell!

Arf: I was wondering when they'll show up again

Yunno: it's been about... two episodes since we last saw them

Alicia: I thought they'll be more active if they're trying to bring this show down

Cracktous: now look here, I'm here to break up this marriage and ruin Interview He…

_The evil doer never got his chance to finish his sentence, two spears tied to a rope embedded themselves into the doors… why do this look SO familiar?_

Voice: GET OVER HERE!!!

_The doors of the church slams shut, the sound of a thunder storm approaching didn't reassure anyone… who could cause a freaking thunder storm when Fate is in here with us???_

Alicia: don't you guys feel like we missing someone here?

Arisa: now you mention it, yeah we do seem to be missing someone

Yunno: I wonder who could it be?

Vivio: hmmm, that's strange it feels like that person is pretty significant to this show…

_The sound of unholy terror been visited upon the fans outside can be heard as something began slaughtering them… can you guys guess who the missing person is that's not here?_

Cracktous: ha! You're nothing compare to me! You'll bow down to my…

_The sound of something hitting the evil doer followed by him screaming like a little girl as someone begins beating him to a pulp… please note that the evil doers may RESEMBLE someone incredibly strong from some game or show, but they're really weak, so please don't think that whoever is beating him is incredibly strong_

YF: I'm scared

YN: I'm going to obliterate the guy who scared my Fate!

_The door of the church is kicked open revealing the slaughter of a hundred raving fans wearing a bloodied suit with a pile of his favourite weapon, dented beyond recognition, behind him as he march into the church… that's who we forgot, BT!... errr… guys why is BT so angry??? _

Yunno: didn't anyone give the invitation to BT?

Alicia: nope

Arf: ooops

Vivio: forgot

_BT points with his black chair at the Cameraman with all intentions of beating the man for not inviting him to the marriage… why didn't BT use the black chair in the first place than using regular chairs??_

BT: I'm against this marriage!

Cameraman: why???

BT: it's obvious why!

Alicia: because you'll lose a valuable staff member?

Arf: because you'll be sad if he's gone

Yunno: because you'll have no one to vent your anger out occasionally to?

BT: none o f the above, I'm against this marriage because I HAVEN'T interviewed Ginga yet!!!

_Everyone stare at BT with looks of "is that it?" BT turns round and smack one of the fans so hard he went flying and became another star in the sky… I think it's best if we cooperate with BT unless we want to end up in space… permanently!_

Ginga: I guess that is true… but do you have to stop us from marrying just because of that?

Cameraman: yeah, it IS our happy moment so can't you give us some slack?

BT: did I hear someone saying they want to become a woman in the most painful and slow way possible???

Cameraman: I'll cooperate!!!

Ginga: you don't seem scared of the hundred of fans, yet you're scared of BT

Alicia: BT just wasted the hundred fans on his own, so I think there is a reason for the Cameraman to be scared… not to mention that BT IS his boss!

BT: you are not marrying until I finish interviewing Ginga, once that's done you can happily get married!

Cameraman: if you put it that way, mind if we interview you Honey muffin??

Ginga: sure… but we don't have the equipment here

_BT clicks his fingers and the other cameramen instantly runs out of the church and quickly drives an eighteen wheeler truck with trailer to the front door, squashing a few of the fans in the process, within five minutes all the equipment are set up and ready to roll, even a stand for any audience to sit on is also set up by the four cameramen… I'm kind of worried at how fast they set up everything! Why the hell was there a truck with all the equipment parked so near!_

BT: I know the camera's been rolling for sometime but let's get started formally, OK today's guest is soon to be married to my worker, she's able to get lost with ease no matter where it is and she's been the object of interest by her father who is interested in starting a harem… please give a large round of applause to Ginga Nakajima!

Ginga: I guess it's nice to be on the show as the guest for once… wish it was back at the studio

BT: well let's get started, first off the question I'm sure everyone wants to know, why are you in love with the Cameraman?

Ginga: that's kind of hard to say…

BT: well judging from your reaction from Interview 15, you seemed to be interested in his muscles

Ginga: that's not it!

BT: could it be that you like guys that wear tight fitting clothes???

Ginga: no! That's not it either!!!

BT: then please tell me before I make another stupid assumption like you find Cameramen hot

Ginga: it's because he's really sweet after that interview, he offered to take me home with his juggernaut bike

BT: so he got you with his…. WHAT???

Cameraman: Juggernaut bike, it's basically a normal bike but with reinforced frame and wheels to take my large body and weight as well

BT: errr… right now I'm picturing one of those futuristic alien bike things

Marine: an Ork Warbike maybe?

_At that moment an Ork riding on the biggest and badass looking bike rolls through while waving a banner of love for Ginga, the Marine ripped one of the large pillars and base ball bat the Ork… you know we're not going to pay for that damage!!!_

BT: let's pretend that no one is now about to file a law suit against us for doing that shall we… and Marine you do understand that pillar you ripped out was the central one that kept the church up

_On cue the entire building looks ready to collapse, only the quick thinking of Yunno by binding the Marine to where the pillar was a moment ago with BT black chair saved the church… couldn't Yunno put the pillar back instead of the Marine???_

Yunno: he deserved it for trying to destroy this place!

Alicia: I was hoping to take his soul from his body and toy with it a little…

Suzaka: my my, I believe my little kitties were wanting a new scratching post for their steel claws

Arisa: I'm going to roast him alive where he's standing right now!!!

Arf: I'm going to bite his most priced item as man for nearly ruining the wedding for good!!

BT: let's ignore their idle threats to the currently immobilise Marine

Cameraman: errr… BT Arisa is putting some wood beneath the Marine and Suzaka has brought in what appears to be a Weretiger with steel claws, while Alicia is… playing poker with the Grim Reaper for the right to torture the Marines soul….

BT: as I said they're simply idle threats, anyway let's move on to your sister Subaru, has she always been Nanoha crazy since the day she was saved?

Ginga: yes she has been, whenever she hears of anything related to Nanoha in the news of magazine she instantly goes off to find it and take it home with her, at one point I heard she took the chair Nanoha sat on in one of the interviews she was in

BT: I wonder did that interviewer survive afterwards.

Ginga: the worst case was when she brought back a half melted slab of concrete, that was used as a target to see what effects do Divine Buster pose when you're inside it for a minute… it even came with the imprint of the poor researcher who was recording the readings….

BT: OKKKKKK… the next question is about her partner Tia, has Tia been stalking Subaru of late?

Ginga: not really, the last time she was stalking Subaru was when Subaru was going out with Nanoha on a shopping trip about a month ago, Tia tried to follow but was quickly blown up by a Starlight Breaker, the remaining four weeks she was hospitalized.

Cameraman: I'm surprised she survived that all!

BT: she's been through hell twice already, so it's understandable, next question, how's your family of late?

Ginga: they're fine, we all came back from a mission just recently.

BT: may I enquire the nature of the mission?

Ginga: it wasn't anything major, it was simply a hunting mission commissioned by the aces, that's all

BT: by any chance the one been hunted wouldn't be a man with a sniper camera, whose been hospitalize so many times that the nurses at that hospital had to be for male nurse, and is also on my personal hit list for trying to take a picture of Vivio while she was the shower at my place?

Ginga: yes… mind me asking why Vivio was taking a shower at your place?

_A new tidal wave of fans instantly run in brandishing more lethal weapons, like a submachine gun or the infamous rocket punch… as much as I like to join them, I think it'll be in my best interest for my health if I didn't._

BT: didn't anyone know that Vivio been living at my place since she joined our show?

Fate/Nanoha: WHAT!!!!

Vivio: BT owns a mansion

Arf: all of us staffs live in his mansion as well

Cameraman: didn't anyone tell the viewers that we all live in the same place?

Samurai: I think it slipped our mind

_The fans didn't know whether to kill BT or not for finally revealing that all of his staffs live at his mansion… I got my own room there as well if anyone is interested._

Fans: considering that the others also live with you, we'll leave you alone for today… but if you so much as do anything to Vivio we'll be back!

BT: why don't you guys sit down, we're currently have no audience

_The Fans did so and sat on the audience stand… don't these guys know that the audience stand has earned the nickname "execution stand"?_

BT: anyway back to the question, did you find him and exact unholy justice upon him?

Ginga: no, he escaped into some mansion located in the middle of now where

BT: by any chance this mansion as a nice fountain with a statue of somebody cosplaying?

Ginga: that's it… why did you ask?

BT: Marine, Ninja, Pirate, Samurai, please can you deal with our new pest please?

_the floor below the four of them instantly opens up and the four disappear from sight, a moment later four robot animal things run by the church… did we ripped off another show again?_

BT: trust me, you don't want to know

Cameraman: I have to agree with the boss about that Honey bun

BT: next question, when in hecks name did you two started giving pet names to each other?

Ginga: what do you mean?

BT: the cameraman just called you Honey bun and Honey muffin, while you called him dear!

Ginga: we've been calling each other's pet name off screen

Cameraman: it's not like the camera follows our personal life as well!

BT: then why in hecks name is it focused unhealthy upon me most of the time?

Yunno: maybe you're the source of amusement?

Arf: he has a point, all those painful things which is happening to you tends to be relayed to everyone

Alicia: like that time you were force into cosplaying for Hayate

Suzaka: or that time you were kidnapped by the evil organisation.

BT: Mr P!!!!!!

Ramster: you called?

BT: …nothing…

_Ramster has parked a full size take in front of the church, the barrel of the cannon nose is only an inch away from our favourite interviews head… I like to know how in hecks name Ramster is controlling that tank!_

BT: right moving on… how did you manage to make the commentator accept you two marrying?

Cameraman: easy, I threaten to shatter his sanity by doing something to him

_BT looks extremely worried as to what could shatter the commentator's sanity when he hasn't got any… PLEASE DON'T REMIND ME OF THAT HORROR UPON HORRORS!!!!_

Cameraman: see, I'm very good at persuading people

BT: I won't say anymore on that matter, moving on, has your dad, Genya, been acting strange of late?

Ginga: well he has been screaming "Harem" of late whenever I come home, but when I told him I was marrying he was against it, only after the Cameraman chatted to him did he agreed

Cameraman: he wanted me to take random pictures of Ginga whenever I can

BT: that old fart is going to get a piece of my mind!

Ginga: why are you so angry?

BT: because he' was the one who freaking paid Vice for pictures of Vivio and Vivi!

Genya: that's a complete lie; I'm not interested in the photos I just purchased of all the MGLN girls in their panties!!!

_Everything went quite for a brief moment, one moment later Genya is begging them not to kill him as all the MGLN girls power up the maximum and get ready to turn Genya into tonight's banquet meal… let's pretend that soon to be barbecued steak isn't related to Ginga in anyway._

BT: well I'm out of questions, so I'll leave it at that and let the two of your finally tie the knot

Cameraman: thanks boss

Ginga: thanks BT

BT: don't mention it, also I nearly forgot, a message from RF for the Cameraman

Cameraman: what is it?

BT: it goes like this "DAMN YOU! PRICK! *grab titanium clipboard and walk to cameraman slowly...dangerously* I'LL SKIN YOU ALIVE IF I GET MY HANDS OR MY CLIPBOARD ON YOU!!" was what he said

_The Cameraman has turned white with fear… if you think about it all our reviewers are anonymous so RF could shove a clipboard up the cameraman's back side without him knowing!_

Yunno: but didn't CrystalBoya ask a question to BT that went along likes of "didn't BT already went out with Vivio or had a was sorta in love with her?"

BT: it was a business trip where I beg Nanoha from appearing on the show and blasting people

Yunno: it looked more like a date to me

BT:… you didn't follow me did you???

Arf: of course not, we never notice you giving Vivi and Vivio that bastket full of chocolate after you scared a neko dressed Zeck that cause half the town to be admitted to the mental ward

_Arf notice BT spurting black flames and holding onto his black chair… oh hell!_

Yunno: errr… right thanks for watching guys, we'll be back next week and be interviewing Vice in the hostpital, so until then later!

Arf: RUN!!!!

_BT has now gone into rampage mode and runs after Yunno, who past by the stand where the fans are, BT stopped for a moment to slaughter them before chasing Yunno, while Ginga and the Cameraman finally kiss… there goes another insurance company._

_

* * *

  
_

_Somewhere on earth outside Mr P place, three evil doers are holding the Book as they all plan their next course of action_

Evil Doer 1: for crying out loud! It's me Bulk and my other two evil friends, Phana and Cracktous!

Phana: damn Mr P for naming me Phana when I wanted to be called Laura!!!!

Cracktous: you can change that now we got the Book!!

Bulk: yes, we can have Interview Hell going bankrupt and then have our organisation taking it's place!

Justice guy 1: I don't think so

_The three evil doers find themselves up against three new characters that showed up, each of them using a different type of blade each._

Justice Guy 2: can someone change the name from Justice Guy Number to simply Guy?

Guy 3: since we're only guest appearance it's understandable

Bulk: I'll simply erase you from the Book!

Phana: quick find the paragraph that has them in it!

Guy 1: sorry but we're from another book.

Bulk: then why are you here?

Guy 2: since Mr P has left us for his own enjoyment for writing he's assigned us as the security guard, now then return the Book or else you're my friend here is going to roast you likea duck!

Bulk: Over my dead body!!!

_Guy 3 freezes Bulk, Phana tries to run but Guy 1 simply shocks her leaving Cracktous against Guy 2 and his huge sword… what's going to win, two small little swords or a freaking massive great sword???_

Guy 2: would you be so kind as returning it to me?

Cracktous: NEVER!!!

_Guy 2 simply wind back his sword and baseball bat Cracktous, the book went flying as well_

Guy 1: how is Mr P going to write up the next chapter when the Book is gone?

Guy 3: that's why he keeps a electronically copy at all time

_The three Guys didn't know that the Book has landed in the worst possible person to get it, one who would probably ruin the show for all time_

Vivi: oooo story book!

_At that moment Interview Hell changed for the worst… who in hecks name is writing this then???_


	29. Interview 25

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of MGLN!!!**

**Interview 25: Perverted Eyes**

BT: welcome to another perfectly mad episode of Interview Hell, I'm your regular host BT

Yunno: BT can you explain why are we all dressed as nurses and doctors?

_True to Yunno's words everyone in Interview Hell, minus the absent Ginga and Cameraman, are all dressed up in nurses and doctor uniforms… why is it I'm also dressed as a doctor?_

BT: beats me, when the episode started I found myself wearing a doctor uniform, and before you even ask it wasn't Vivio's idea

Vivio: wish these skirts were a little longer…

Alicia: you could say that twice!

Arisa: darn it, whose idea was it to have such low cut skirts?

Suzaka: my, my, these skirts would cause a few problems with the patients.

_On cue at two elderly patients goes flat line with heavenly looks, blood is spurting out of their noses… at least they had a nice view before they departed to the great perverted cloud in the sky…_

Alicia: I'm afraid you can't leave just yet

_Much to everyone's horror Alicia grab the floating away souls, next she shoves them back into their bodies via their throat, then tells them nicely not to do that again or else she might have to make a written note for them to remember…_

BT: …OK let's go and interview today's guest

Zafira: when is the Cameraman going to return with Ginga from their honeymoon?

BT: Erio will explain for us

Erio: I've been hired as BT pager for this kind of news; I'm looking forward to working with all of you

Yunno: like wise

Zafira: so when are those two love birds returning?

Erio: they'll be returning next episode when we Interview Carim, so until then Zafira will man the Camera, like he did back in Interview 19 when we Interviewed Shari

Alicia: oh well, I'm sure I'll get some juicy information from Ginga when I next see her! BWHAHAHAHAH!!!

_Everyone feels a little worried from the way Alicia is laughing, they all had wild thoughts of what might happen to Ginga should Alicia get her hands on her… Someone who can lose their way a light year from where they were and the Grim Reapers Apprentice… what a mix!_

BT: enough of the small details, we're finally here!

_The door they stood in front off is reinforced steel door with the state of the art turrets manning it, it even came with a small battalion of Gadgets that will defend the door… makes you wonder are they trying to keep people out OR keeping them in???_

BT: this could be problematic…

Arf: didn't you arrange a meeting?

Reinforce: it was denied straight away on the grounds that BT will skewer Vice with his chair

BT: I'm not that kind of person, I'll probably break every single bone in his body, then rupture every single one of his internal organs and then maybe removes certain 'manly' parts from him with a tooth pick, nothing major than that.

Yunno:… I think that's what they're afraid of...

Marine: heh, my invincibility will get me through no matter what!!!! CHARGE!!!

_The others stood back as unholy hell is unleashed upon the Marine who screams pain and pleas of mercy while the turrets blaze away for exactly ten seconds, when the camera finally focus on the door we find the Marine facing them, unscratched, and the defences + door are no where in sight... then what was all that screaming for?_

Arf: wow, I didn't know he was that tough

BT: let's go in then, the Marine will man the door

_Everyone walks in and the Marine cross his arms in show of manliness to his feat of surviving the defences, unfortunately he fell face flat into the floor, his entire back armour is totally trashed and the tell tale marks of something whipping him isn't reassuring... BT wanted to preserve the Marine's dignity... _

Marine: pain...ouch...need...medic...

Vivi: ENGERY DRINK!!!!

_Vivi pops out of nowhere with pixe wings and bearing the sacred jug of her personal energy drink, the Marine runs through the far wall, despite it been the fifth floor, and plummet into the awaiting truck filled with BT hater mob... the life of a cameraman is a harsh one... especially if you're working for BT!_

Yunno: did anyone hear that awful scream of pain and anguish?

Zafira: nope, unless you're counting the audiences whose following us

_Behind them the nurses and doctors are wheeling last weeks guest to where Vice is... _

BT: today's guest has been shot down more times than this shows been running, he's got a long list of "admirers" that want to pin him to a table and extract his manly part very, very slowly and painfully and not to mention that I want to beat the guy to a pulp for spying on the girls working for me at my place, ladies and gentlemen, nurses and doctors please give a loud applause to the sniper cameraman of the century, Vice!

_Arf pulls back the curtain to show Vice staring at some "adult" magazine looking perfectly fine, Vice quickly cleared up his bed when he notice the remaining cameramen grabbing anything they use to whack Vice... the guy had it coming!_

Vice: what... I thought the interview was cancelled?

BT: who said that?

Vice: Reinforce did when I try to ask her out for dinner then maybe a walk in the park followed with a quick stay at a h...

_Reinforce grabs Vice by the feet and slams him into the wall leaving a DEEP imprint, then tosses him back to the bed... should I mention that there is at least four inches of lead walls between this room and the outside wall!_

Arf: refrain from trying to use any pick up line or else...

Vice: or else what loli Arf?

Ninja: the hounds of hell are now baying at the door to this room waiting to devour your flesh and soul will be unleashed

_Vice look to the door to see the Pirate and Samurai trying to calm down a severely angry mod of girls... how in hecks name are those two are not blasted when Nanoha, Fate, Subaru, Caro, Lue and Tia are there screaming for Vice's blood!_

Vice: I always thought his words were not literal...

BT: that don't matter anymore, right now you're going to be interviewed one way or another!

Vice: and if I refuse?

Alicia: did someone want to die early today while I slowly extract your soul from your throat?

Arisa: I'm hungry for some steak,... maybe I'll cook my steak over a nice hot fire very, very slowly.

Suzaka: I'll freeze the steak for you to use later Suzaka-chan... bit by bit

Arf: hmmm I wonder how good his that "bone" of his to bite if I was to take a bite out of over three weeks?

Pirate: aye, me muskets need some cleaning, I'll require the use of a man's "tool" for this when I discharge the gunpowder

Yunno: I wonder are what those things written in the book of pain true... only one way to find out

Vivio: I've been meaning to test out my new bombardment spell called Solar Crusher; it's as powerful as aunty Hayate's Ragnarok.

Reinforce: I've yet to unleash my full wrath upon someone as of late

Zafira: I require someone to tell me how good is my punches after I use them as a punching bag for twenty days straight

Ninja: my skills in the art of pain needs exercising

Samurai: my blade has become dull with no use, I shall amend that with my new target doll... human target doll

Erio: I heard from Fate-san about a new nifty speed spell I've been meaning to ask, it involves someone and Strada at maximum speed

BT: but since you don't agree I'll simply leave you to them while I go and...

Vice: I'LL DO IT!!!

Yunno: excellent, BT begin the interview

BT: righty Mr Scrya!

_The others look at the two and wonder why all of a sudden their skin colour has turn yellow and their shape changed into cartoon style, a moment later they revert back to normal... did we just did a cartoon family show rip off moment???_

BT: right, now then let's begin with the first question, how many of the MGLN girls have you manage to anger?

Vice: hmmm let see.... I've took a picture of Nanoha-san while she's taking her bikini off, Fate-san during her barrier jacket setup, Caro when she jumped Erio in the bath rooms, Tia when she was spying on Subaru in the hot spring, Shamal-san while she was changing into a shrine maiden outfit with nothing beneath, Vita when she was changing into a cute bunny rabbit suit by Hayate, Signum-san was going to take a bath and Hayate grabbed her loose shirt behind and pulled it down and.... pretty much all of them

BT: that's nice to know

_Behind BT the girls that work for him are been restrained by Yunno and his unlimited binds, the others males try to hold the girls back but the promise of been turned into a woman, painfully, meant that they had to step back and leave Yunno to hold them back... Vice really wants to become a cream pie doesn't he???_

Zafira: BT, do something!!!

BT: fine, girls if you're good I'll buy you something nice

_This got an instance reaction with all the girls returning back to their place, the other guys wonder how BT could control them so well... BT pay cheque is probably one and probably the fact no one wants BT to go into "rage" mode is another..._

Vice: I'll treat you to some nice picture of Vi…

BT: complete that sentence and I'll simply have to remind you what will happen to perverts…

_Behind BT is the very image of the four horsemen of the apocalypse all wielding their deadly chairs… wouldn't it better to call them the four interviews of the apocalypse instead??_

Arf: if you try bribing him with any more pictures I'm going to eat you bit by bit!

Vice: then would it be a bad time to say I got pictures of Zafira taking a shower?

Zafira: WHAT!!!!

Yunno: please Zafira if you don't calm down I'll…

Vice: I do have a picture of Yunno wearing some G-strings and then I have…

BT: why in hecks name do you even have men photos?

Vice: because some of the women asked me to, in exchange for sparing my life

_Some of the girls look a little guilty, BT felt a little suspicious about this and wonder should he even ask whose photo they got… I wonder do any of them have a picture of me._

BT: moving on, is it true that you take photos of Tia whenever she's unaware?

Vice: it's to train her to use her sixth sense in detecting snipers!

Zafira: Tia isn't going to buy that poor excuse for even a second

BT: OK guys let's not go off topic too much, did you know you have an outstanding bounty on your head?

Vice: do I?

BT: yes, according to the wanted poster, the one who brings your head receives a staggering twenty billion, not to mention the gratitude of Hayate and her Knights in whatever way you like…

Samurai: prepare yourself!!!

Marine: you take the head I'll take the legs!

Ninja: if I was joking, "I require a hand or two"

_The three Cameramen were ready to tear apart Vice, they notice BT shaking his head, the three of them instantly backed down, for fear BT might go on a rampage again… we're still paying for the hospital bill from last time they got wasted by BT!_

BT: anyway, moving on, from that shameless plug of advertising….

Zafira: which you did on purpose, ensuring Vice gets ambushed, by thousands of raving fans of Hayate and her knights!

BT: anyway RF has a few questions for you Vice

Vice: they couldn't, by any chance, be threats of tearing me limb from limb?

BT: quite the reverse actually, the first one, "how dangerous was your job in trying to take pictures of the MGLN girls?"

Vice: if I was to rate it on a scale to ten, it would be probably twenty

Yunno: care to explain?

Vice: I have to lay in wait at a position which is dead uncomfortable, as well as been worst place you could hide in, just so I can take a picture of them unaware, I recall trying to take Nanoha-san picture. I had to hide in the sea for six hours straight for three weeks just off from the training island. Then I watch her train the forwards and finally manage to get the prized panty shot. It was probably the hardest shot I've ever had to take, even while sniping, but it's well worth it!

BT: thank you Vice for telling me that, Nanoha is currently listening behind the wall on your side.

Zafira: won't we need to take cover if that happens?

Yunno: no worries, Nanoha and BT have come to agreement on this matter.

Arf: it's amazing how cooperative Nanoha is when you offer her pictures of Young Fate in a Nurse uniform.

Alicia: how did BT manage to take the pictures without been fried by YF?

Yunno: simple, BT simply asked YF nicely while Arf took the photos.

Vice: LET ME SEE!!!

_Vice has turned rabid mad at the news, he jumps at BT begging to see those pictures of YF in a nurse uniform… BT has my full permission to give the pervert hell!_

BT: Vice-kun…

Vice: ye…

_The interviewer is smiling nicely while holding onto his black chair with one hand, the image of the interviews of the apocalypse has returned with their chairs drawn out, Vice quickly returns to his seat before BT finally lose it and kills Vice… damn it, only a second longer and Vice would be mince meat by now!_

Zafira: damn, looks like I lost the bet!

Yunno: I told you so, BT isn't going to simply lose his "cool" that quickly

BT: could you two shut it or I might shut them for you!

Zafira & Yunno: YES SIR!!!!!

BT: good, now onto the next question from RF, "I'll pay you any amount of money just to buy those pictures from you, and save the best for me."

Vice: if you want a picture of a particular MGLN girl or guy, then watch the advertisement

BT: when in hecks name did you get an advertisement slot in this program?

Vice: I manage to bribe Suzaka and Arisa

_BT glance to the two girls, who are whistling away quietly in the corner trying to look innocent, BT marches towards them to have a little word with them… Mr P will probably make Vice pay for screwing up his story now…_

_

* * *

_

_Vice standing in the middle of a white screen wearing a Hawaiian shirt and shorts with a camera in his hand waves to the audience… how cheesy can this get?_

Vice: do you have someone you want to get close to but can't

_Screen switches to a helpless fan been blasted by Nanoha, they all try to declare their undying love for Fate._

Vice: or maybe you want a photo of someone who inspires you?

_Shows Subaru trying to worship Nanoha, but finds herself facing fifty Plasma Lancers _

Vice: then I can answer your prays for you, for I Vice Granscenic, will take those pictures of those you admire/desire!

_Photos of Vice taking snap shots of the MGLN girls in daring moves, which range from diving through a barrage of magical bullets, using a Sniper Rifle Camera and finally taking a strike by Signum just to take the cleavage shot at close range_

Vice: call me at the number that will be posted at the end of the interview, I'll quote you base on who it is and how difficult of a shot it might be, all in affordable prices, remember I'm your friendly neighbourhood Sniper photographer!

_The wall behind Vice caves in allowing the White Devil through, Vice gives a wave to the audience before making a quick dash to the left, Nanoha shoots a Diving Buster which is followed by Vice screaming in agonising pain off screen…_

_

* * *

_

_Returning to the Interview we find five more dents in the wall, as well as three more chairs that's been destroyed, Arisa is crying on Suzaka's shoulder for some unknown reason… should I ask what happened or should I simply not say a word for my own personal health?_

BT: since we concluded that question let's move to the final question by RF, "if you can't sell me the pictures, then just let me join you in taking those exclusive pictures. XD"

Vice: I would love to, I can show you how the take difficult angle pictures and how to time it, also I can tell you where to get the latest camera equipment, as well as basic survival training and…

_Vice looks to the left to find BT and Yunno are trying to stop the girls, working for Interview Hell, are been retrained from strangling Vice, the other guys are staying well away from them, in case the girls might change the men's into women's… then why in hecks name is BT fine???_

Alicia: slaughter the pervert!!!

Arf: I'm going to chew his damn arm off!

Suzaka: I'm going to deep freeze his fingers and break them one by one

Arisa: I'm going to roast his sorry butt on a platter!!

Vivio: BT been teaching me the finer arts of using a chair to peels someone skin off

Reinforce: I will pass women judgement with bloody daggers

Zafira: how many

Reinforce: over nine thousand!

Yunno: CALM DOWN!!!!

BT: EASY SAID THAN FREAKING DONE!!!

Vice: if you girls calm down I'll give you a picture of whoever you want…

_Instantly Vice is forgiven, Vice quickly hands out pictures to all the girls who begins to drool… damn, he knows how to calm the girls down alright!_

Yunno: should I release RF information?

BT: HELL NO! if you do that then I'll be sued so much that not even ten shots from the Asura's Arc-en-ceil cannon could solve it!

Vice: that bad?

BT: you don't even know the meaning of signing until you seen the mountain of documents I had to write… like trying to get in here for instance, it took me five freaking days of signing and counter signing to get it right!!!

Zafira: even with the help of Reinforce "convincing" the officials we still had that much of paper work to go through!

BT: don't remind me! Anyway the final question for today is from a new comer CrystalBoya, "Vice is his camera actually Stormraider or how it was called again?"

Vice: yes it is, Stormraider has been my irreplaceable partner when it comes down to sniping people's head and their panties!

Vivio: is that so???

_Vivio has prepared a Solar Crusher, everyone else has taken cover except BT and Vice… BT can't do anything to stop Vivio bringing the undying wrath of Vivio's fans and her mamas!_

BT: calm down!

Vivio: but I'am calm

BT: I'll do anything for you, so please don't shoot that in here!!!

Vivio: OK!!!

_Before anyone could say another word Vivio grabs BT by the collar of his neck and drags him away back to his mansion, everyone wonder what's going to happen, but the scary laughter Vivio is making made them wonder will BT return alive… one word, Cosplay._

Yunno: well since that the end of the episode we'll call it a day, so tune in next week as we head out and interview the one who introduce cosplay to Hayate, yes you guess it we'll be interviewing Carim Gracia.

Arf: until then folks

Vice: are you guys leaving now?

Alicia: yes we are

Zafira: we got to fill out all those documents for repairs and insurance fees

Reinforce: BT asked me to talk with Hayate about borrowing a few of her cosplay stuff for important matters in the near future

Vice: too bad, here I thought I might have a nice "chat" with you girls and my camera, oh well

Alicia: don't worry, you won't be left alone

_Standing at the door is Fate, Nanoha, Subaru, Tia, the Numbers and a host of others, the staff of interview Hell leave and the other girls in before putting the door back and welding it shut… chances are we'll see Vice back in action in about three interviews later…_

_

* * *

_

_Somewhere inside the mad bedroom of Mr P, we find the author doing something strange, electric cables are been fed to his bed which is covering something and he's even dressed up in the mad scientist outfit even…_

Mr P: rise my creation, rise for me, RISE!!!

Ramster: Mr P, why are you doing all that "rise" stuff for a cup of noodles??

Mr P: because I wanted my cup of noodle to grow bigger that's why!

Ramster: then are you going to neglect your other new creation?

Woman: are you referring to me?

_Standing at the door is a woman, her long black hair is tied back into a nice pony tail, she gave a jaw dropping amused smile with two sapphire eyes that could melt concrete, and of course she's sporting a nice bust size as well_

Mr P: ah yes, I see you're up already TB, now then why not change into those clothes I got for you

TB: OK

_TB was wearing a large green night shirt rushes off and returns wearing a black suit top complete with a tie, a short black mini skirt and a pair of smart looking work shoes for offices_

Mr P: now then excuse me a cup noodle is calling me…

Ramster: for those wondering TB will introduce herself next episode as the interviewer

TB: I'll do my best, and ensure that no one dares screw up my first interview

_TB held up a coffee table in one hand and a fridge door, Ramster didn't know which is worse, BT chair weapon or TB Fridge door and Coffee table… I think Interview Hell is never going to be the same ever again!_


	30. Interview 26

**Discalimer: I do not own any of the characters of MGLN!**

**Interview 26: One Word to Ruin Them All!**

Yunno: welcome to another mad episode of Interview Hell

_The staff of Interview Hell are currently located outside of Section six back garden area, chairs and refreshment are been served to everyone, including the fans, even the three aces are there, including their younger counter part, also everyone is wearing the proud uniform of Section six, all except the two familiars who are trapped in their puppy forms… it's been bugging me to no end, why in hecks name are we all dressed up in section six clothes?_

Arf: beats me Mr Commentator.

Alicia: the damn skirt is too short still!!

Zafira: blame the designer wanting some sex appeal!

Yunno: before we do that we'll introduce our new interviewer

Arisa: what about BT?

Arf: unfortunately BT isn't exactly able to move...

_BT is lying face flat on the ground, his entire body seemed to be drained of all colours, including his clothes, everyone wondered what happened last week, then look to the vibrant Vivio who's simply bustling with energy… if we know it'll probably cost us a life insurance or three!_

Alicia: You seem to be in full spirit Vivio

Vivio: yep, I was able to eat BT yesterday~~~~!

Alicia: ah, that's nice

Arf: Wait…

Zafira: Eat…!

_Vivio walks back into the building while everyone look back to BT whose still not able to move, the fans are wielding their weapons with caution in case BT might get up and slaughter them… errr… guys I think that's just a corpse…_

Yunno: errr….

Zafira: should we…

Arisa: help?

Suzuka: oh dear, I'm extremely shocked

Arisa: what?

Suzuka: well it seems that someone has been spelling my name wrong

Yunno: when?

Suzuka: Mr Commentator told me before the show started, seems Mr P was been lazy in spelling my name right

_Everyone wonder is this true, Yunno produce the Subbing script to back up Suzuka's words, a bill board pops out of the ocean with a message from Mr P saying he's sorry for spelling Suzuka's name wrong… thanks to Mio-tan for pointing this out!_

Yunno: anyway, back to the subject at hand, our new Interviewer will take over when BT is not around

Arf: will that mean that we can't interview the guest in the future?

Zafira: don't tell me you're still sore about your screen time?

Alicia: didn't appearing practically in all the episode of Interview Hell make up for your screen time loss during the last two series?

Marine: Arf probably wants to do it because it's fun... but don't worry Mr P said that the new interviewer will interview the guest every so often, so you can still play as the interviewer!

Yunno: anyway, introducing out interviewer that will be joining our show is the newly created character by Mr P, she's a walking heart attack, she hasn't found her preferred weapon yet, which might be a furniture, also she'll be making an important announcement at the end of the show, please give a loud round of applause to the next indestructible interview, TB!

_From the building steps out the walking babe described back at the end of Interview 25, she gives a smile to the fans who all swoon at her and beg for her autograph, unfortunately she rips the door off the entrance of section six and beats the fans to a pulp… I'm not too sure should I be scared or happy that she can defend herself already… it took BT at least five or so episode before he could fight back against the tidal wave of fans!!!_

TB: thank you Yunno, for introducing me

Arisa: so what's this important announcement you wanted to make?

TB: oh yes, first off I like to tell everyone that BT is my husband!

Everyone: WHAT!!!!

_Everyone look to BT whose still lying on the floor drained of all colours, everyone is beginning to worry is BT even alive… the ground he's lying on is slowly draining of colours as well!_

Arisa: WHAT!

TB: I'll be happy to discuss that matter another time, but first let's introduces today's guest!

Marine: did anyone just feel a sudden chill run down their spine?

Pirate: woah me heartie, aren't you the man that claims ye to be invincible to the world?

Samurai: been invincible don't mean you're impervious to pain or fear!

TB: please be quite for a moment

_The new Interviewer holds BT black chair in her left hand, while in the right she held an on fire note pad, everyone quieten down in case TB might go on a rampage... I was hoping it was another furniture… oh well._

TB: today's guest was the one who taught Hayate what is cosplay, she's also the former holder of title cosplay queen until she passed it onto Hayate, and she's the proud owner of demon banisher weapon, the deadly red paper fan, so please give a loud round of applause to the woman feared by all perverts, Carim Gracia!

_A Helicopter descends from the sky while advertising the best way to cosplay, it lands a few yards away from everyone, disembarking from the helicopter is Carim Graia and her trusted cosplay mod... bodyguard Schach Nouera… if Schach is here I better get back into my bunker!_

TB: welcome to the show Mrs Graia

Carim: it's a pleasure to be on this show, and please call me Carim

TB: I will Carim, now let's begin with the first question that comes to mind, when did you discover cosplay?

Carim: it was by pure accident when I first learned about cosplay

TB: could you enlighten us?

Carim: before I took charge of the church I paid a visit to Earth, this was before Yunno lost the jewel seed, I was wearing my normal uniform and was drawing a large amount of people round me

Zafira: if someone was wearing a strange military uniform it would draw people's eyes.

Carim: oh my, I didn't know you kept such an adorable pet puppy!

_Everyone prepared for the worst as Carim look at Zafira with large interest, to their relief Carim simply held Zafira in her arms… we were half expecting her to dress up Zafira!_

Carim: I don't want to spoil Vivi's fun in practicing her cosplay skills

Yunno: I wonder should I be scared of Carim or Vivi in ten years time?

Arf: we already saw the results from Vivio when she experimented on BT!

TB: could you please continue Carim?

Carim: oh sorry, I was slightly side tracked there, now then let see where was I… oh yes, they all crowded round me and I thought I might had to fight them, one of them asked was I cosplaying. I said I was and instantly got dragged to a cosplay convention; there I dressed up in so many costumes.

_Carim is crying tears of joy as she remembers how nice they were all in allowing her to dress up in so many different cosplay costumes… I'm sure they all were more than thrilled to have a beauty as Carim cosplay for them!_

Carim: it left such a deep impression upon me that I took it up as a hobby, I was surprised to find how many people cosplay back in Mid-Childa as well, it makes my heart pitter patter at the very thought of those fine designs they showed me…. Ah those were wonderful days…

Schach: mam, you're drooling…

Carim: oh sorry, I just can't help myself become enthralled whenever we talk about cosplay… TB would look wonderful in that bathing suit that I was going to give to Hayate.

TB: that is very kind of you, I might change into it at the end of the show

Zafira: what's the chances are Vice is ready with his camera when that happens?

_

* * *

_

_A few dozen miles away from them is Vice looking through a powerful telescopic camera, he smiles at his genius in able to take pictures are such a safe distance away from them, also the location is unknown…._

Vice: now then TB, just turn a little more to the left and I'll nab that panty shot before anyone does!

Voice: the darkness will not forgive you for your perverted ways

_Vice turns slowly round to find the Ninja hanging upside down inside the loft of Vice's house, behind the Ninja holding onto a black chair in rage mode is someone we all love and fear… hold a sec BT is lying face flat on the floor back at section six!_

Vice:… errr… the Commentator is right, BT is still lying on the ground over there… so why is there another BT here?

FBT: I'm the Future BT that appeared back in interview 19

Vice: I thought you would have gone back to your time line… hold a sec if you're here than why is there a BT over there?

FBT: actually Shari hasn't manage to created a time machine to send me back to my time period, so I'll be staying here for the moment… but for now I'm going to dish out some royal justice on you for trying to get a panty short on TB

Vice: what is TB to you?

FBT: how should I know, I'm suppose to meet her in a few months time in my time line… but let's skip all that sci-fi stuff and get to the real entertainment shall we?

_Vice seeing little choice jumps out of the window and lands on his motorbike, quickly he drove like a bat out of hell thinking he's safe, unfortunately behind him is the Ninja driving a cloud with BT on the back on fire… that fire is the fire of hell!_

_

* * *

_

_The sound of Vice screaming for mercy followed by a crash and FBT laughing like some demon as he gruesomely exact Vice's punishment upon him... Vice life insurance company just gone bust… again!_

TB: hmmm… weird noises…

Marine: you'll get used to it…sooner or later…

Arf: I thought Mr P will be more lenient for a female Interviewer…

Ramster: Mr P said "where's the fun in that?"

_Ramster is instantly swamped by the MGLN girls who want to take him home as pet, a few of the males are glaring daggers at the Hasmter, Ramster pulls out two mini guns then smiles ever so innocently… how in hecks name can a normal size Hamster hide two human size mini guns!!!_

Ramter: inside my mouth of course!

TB: we have some question from Lucia-Rozen, we'll shorten it to Lucia so it'll be easier for the script writer

Marine: wow, we got a new questioner!

TB: Lucia first question, "Carim-san who is your favourite victim… I mean person that you like to dress up?"

Carim: hmmm… that's pretty tough, I've manage to get everyone to cosplay…. All eccept one...

TB: who could that be?

Carim: that corpse over there.

_Everyone look worryingly at BT, they all can see the Grim Reaper playing poker with Alicia for rights of keeping BT's soul… if those two are gambling for BT soul, do this mean that BT died while doing something with Vivio?_

Samurai: should I roll him over to see if he's smiling or not?

Marine: better not, if he's got a smile he's going to get it, and if he's giving us a terrified face then I rather not want to know.

Carim: that's too bad, I was hoping to make BT cosplay as Spider man…

TB: getting back to the original question, who do you usually use to cosplay your costumes?

Carim: Hayate's knights of course, they can't refuse, if they don't want me to reformat them the hard way

TB: which is?

Carim: my red paper fan!

_Carim brings out the bloody red paper fan, Schach leapt behind cover as everyone felt the malicious killing instinct in the fan to maim and pulverize, Carim whacks the fan on the ground to bring the evil spirit residing in it under control… no wonder the White Demon is scared of her!_

Zafira: now I know why Nanoha avoid Carim like the plague…

TB: I wonder will someone use this information to black mail her?

Carim: ah, but Nanoha did made me stop from Cosplaying her when she threaten to unleash a Starlight Galaxy Breaker on me… I doubt I'll survive that attack to make her cosplay…. What a shame…

Arisa: looks like that upgrade Shari gave Raising Heart paid off

TB: the next question from Lucia, "Do you even try to make Chrono cosplay/cross dress?"

Carim: I do, Amy is very helpful in making her husband stand still while I dress him up.

Zafira: why would Amy be so willing to subject her husband to that kind of hell?

Arf: probably to punish him for his wanton sister complex!

Alicia: he even tried to hit on me when I was visiting….

Arisa: if Amy wasn't holding me back I would have knocked that guys teeth out!

Suzuka: it wouldn't help if you broke his teethes, then I couldn't hear his chattering teeth as his bone slowly turn into ice *giggles*

_Everyone begins to worry at how evil Suzuka's laugh is, a few of the fans held up their cards demanding Chrono's head on a platter… why don't we leave Carim to deal with Chrono?_

TB: I find it a little disturbing, how relax you guys are about leaving them to their punishment which is worse than hell itself...

Marine: you'll get use to it

Pirate: arrrk, we dirty sea dogs have seem the bloodiest warfare as the great guest slaughter thee fans!

Samurai: you should have seen the hate mail coaches that come by every so often to the office

Ninja: there are those who seek justice upon us for showing the truth to everyone

TB: thanks for telling me guys, anyway moving on to the next question by Lucia, "Does Hayate share her cosplay ideas or do you show her yours?"

Carim: yes we do, at 10PM we always call each other and start discussing about any new design or material we could use in a cosplay design, Hayate always gets the latest news on cosplay while I find some interesting old information that I could tell her

TB: so you mutually help one another then…

Carim: yes we do, I even give advice in how to make someone cosplay for you, for instance Fate was against cosplaying until I mention that Nanoha might be interested, you should have seen how eager she was when I pulled out a nurse outfit

Fate: I was young and naive, and you took advantage of me!!!

Carim: oh but you were so excited in letting nanoha see you in the custom bikini

Nanoha: is that so?

Fate: yes…

_Nanoha grabs Fate and runs back in while leaving the rest wondering will Fate survive the night, the sound of Fate wailing followed by Nanoha laughing like some manic made them all shiver… I wonder will Fate end up the same way as BT?_

Carim: I wonder does anyone have footage of what happened to BT?

Ninja: I've observed the final moment when our lord was taken by Vivio.

_The ninja sets up the camera with a complex hand signs that causes a large TV screen, with bamboo instead of plastic casing, appears in a poof of some… what's next Ninja dog?_

_

* * *

_

_The screen turns black for a moment, a moment later the screen shows BT sitting on a couch while playing chess against Vivio, everything seems normal except the racks upon racks of costumes, also the large bed in the corner… this must be Vivio's room… BT IS GOING TO SUFFER THE MOST PAINFUL DEATH EVER!!!!_

BT: give up already, you've lost thirteen games straight already

Vivio: never!!!!

BT: I really gotta go, my pet cat is getting lonely...

Vivio: you couldn't be referring to Young Fate?

BT: WHERE DID YOU GET THAT IDEA FROM!!!

Vivio: but that what Young Nanoha said to me…

BT: if that were to ever happen I would be burned on top of the millions of hate mail that would be sent to me!

Vivio: oh well, let's do something more… interesting…

BT: what?

Vivio: I'll be on top since I'm the more dominating kind

_BT runs to the door and finds it locked, he uses a sledge hammer which simply bounces off the door, next he tries using a rocket launcher which didn't even left a scorch mark, BT even resorted to taking five different chairs to the door… why do this look like a messed up horror movie?_

Vivio: where do you think you're going?

BT: can't….can't we talk this over??

Vivio: I'm afraid not

_BT began to sweat as Vivio walk towards him with a hungry look in her eyes, BT try to claw at the door one last time, finally he sat down and pray for any miracle that might come and save him… BT final moments?_

Voice: Vivio, do you have someone in there with you?

Vivio: it's only BT Arf-san

Arf: oh is that so… can I come in and talk with him?

Vivio: he's asleep at the moment

BT: HEL…

_Vivio ties BT up and gags him before throwing him onto the bed, our unfortunate Interviewer wonders will she eat him alive… I think after seeing this video I'll probably get some flowers for BT…_

Arf: OK then, I'll come back tomorrow then, good night

Vivio: OK Arf-san, good night!

_Vivio turns round and smiles innocently while a black shadow of the White Devil is behind her… we finally get to see Vivio's true side…_

Vivio: now then let's get back to what we were about to do... would you like the body glove I got for you or the rainbow colour spandex?

BT: ARRKKKK

Vivio: Bon appétit!

_The lights go out followed by BT screaming long and loud long into the night….

* * *

_

_The video ends, everyone finally understood, more or less, what happened to BT while he was in Vivio's room yesterday night, some of the fans are praying to BT to have a peaceful rest, while the others are demanding BT body for them to rip apart... BT sure knows how to divide the fans up in either "KILL BT" OR "may you rest in peace BT"_

TB: oh dear, I cannot condone such actions when I'm his wife!

Marine: errr... TB can you calm down for a bit?

TB: ... fine I will, but once this Interveiw is over I'm going to have a nice long chat with BT, dead or alive!

Zafira: currently it'll be the former... unless Alicia manages to win back BT soul...

TB: I'll refrain from further action, anyway Lucia final question is more of a request, "I would like to see you make the whole Riot Force 6 cosplay can you do that?"

Carim: if that's all I can do that for the next episode

Marine: errr... what if they're against it?

Hayate: that won't be a problem

_The staff of Interview Hell felt sorry for the personnel of section six, some of them are writing out their wills from the inevitable mental scar they'll receive from too many cosplaying... I'm glad that we don't have to take part_

TB: anyway moving on, CrystalBoya has a few question, most of them is about "And Who the HECK is Carim Gracia?" or "And What does Carim do in MGLN?"

Carim: I'll introduce myself if that will help you

Schach: should I bring the video out?

Carim: no need for me to introduce myself using that video to my adored fans

Samurai: she has fans???

Marine: ssshh, you want to become the next object of her modelling for her cosplay???

Carim: I am Carim Gracia, the head of the church, also I'm the head of the cosplay organisation, I can make accurate prediction with my rare belka skill, if you want more information please watch strikers, I'm sure you'll become my loyal fan after you see me

Schach: are you sure will that be wise, some of them may try to avoid you once they know who you are

Carim: don't worry, Hayate has already got that covered

Yunno: how?

Carim: she'll use her division of cosplayers to recruit a few to become my fans

Arisa: the so called cosplay division wouldn't comprise of her knights... would it?

Carim: yes, also the forwards are also included

Yunno: but since Erio joined the show he has no more connection with that division or section six

Erio: FREEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!

TB: at least Erio-kun is happy, anyway our next set of question is from RF, the first is "when was the first time you introduce cosplay to Hayate, and how do you introduce it to her?"

Carim: it was probably about the time of the great fire when I first met her, Signum was walking round in a cat suit, when I asked why she was wearing that she told me her master, Hayate, made her

Yunno: the start of a beautiful friendship no doubt

Carim: yes, I quickly went and found her and we instantly started chatting about the many things about cosplay and who would make a cosplay model, using my rank I manage to make all of the aces cosplay, Hayate then made me cosplay in one of her costumes

TB: I feel like we'll be here forever if we let you carry on, anyway the next question from RF is, "are you happy that Hayate is currently passing the trend of cosplaying down to Vivio?"

Carim: yes I'am, I've seen the rough sketches Vivi made, then the sketches Vivio made and have to admire how much she will grow, I have to give it a hand to Hayate to be able to find such a great future cosplay designer

Marine: is that a compliment or something?

Arf: we are talking about two mad cosplayers, so it's bound to be a praise.... well maybe

Carim: last week when I came to visit Vivi was been taught the finer arts of convincing someone to cosplay for you, first using her cute tearful face which would make her mothers bend backwards for her, then using her mothers to force the poor unsuspecting vi... model into cosplaying for her

Samurai: BT said it once but I'll say it again, "KEEP VIVI AND VIVO FROM HAYATE AND CARIM!!!"

TB: I can see why BT is always worried whenever he's alone with either Vivi or Vivio... anyway the final question for today by RF is, "how frequent do you cosplay?"

Carim: wouldn't you like to know

Schach: she's cosplaying right now.

Carim: but this is the official uniform

Schach: that is a lie, I know for a fact that you force the higher ups to accept your designs for your position, if they refused you would have made them cosplayed as animals for an entire year

Carim: that was simply an agreement on my end should I not be able to use my design for myself

_Everyone felt extremely scared, so scared that the Fans try to run only to find the three remaining knights waiting for them, they're all dragged back into section six building screaming and kicking, Hayate observed from her office window while laughing like some evil villain... welcome to cosplay six people!_

TB: thanks for coming onto the show Carim

Carim: it's been my pleasure, now then shall we get you into that swimsuit?

TB: ... can we do this another time, Mr P said he wanted me back for something important

Marine: I don't recall Mr P sa...

_A Table held by TB fly swats the Marine, the rest look at TB who laughs at how silly of her to think the Marine was a fly... great, we got another evil person on the staff roster... what's next?_

Yunno: oh well, next week we'll be interviewing Shamal with another special interviewer!

TB: who is it?

Yunno: wouldn't you like to know, so tune in folks as we interview the cosplay queen helper!

_Everyone began discussing should they all call in sick on that day, Alicia on the other hand has finally won against her teacher, the Grim Reaper, and returns BT soul back to his body._

BT: someone just kill me...

Alicia: I just gambled for the last twelve hours to get your soul back, and this is how you thank me?

BT: I don't want to remember what happened yesterday night!

Yunno: you did it with Vivio while wearing one of her costumes, weren't you?

BT: as IF, the moment she turned off the light she instantly made me dress up in at least one hundred costumes for the entire night, then she went on about saying that she hadn't done this in a long time, not since her mamas told her that she's forbidden to cosplay in their house...

Alicia: that's... disturbing...

Samurai: what could the worst Vivio make you do?

BT: cosplay as macho zeck?

_Everyone began to wail at the thought of BT cosplaying as Zeck, this results in the camera short circuiting and blowing up, thus saving everyone from hearing what else Vivio did to BT... oh well, see you guys next time on interview Hell!_


	31. Interview 27

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of MGLN!!!**

**Interview 27: **

Ramter: welcome to another chaotic episode of Interveiw Hell!

_This time they're all sitting inside section six, extremely spacious, medical room, everyone is present and account for dressed in various cosplay costumes, minus BT, TB and Vivio, most of them simply wore the one Hayate gave them from Interview 18… I'm still wondering is BT been slowly roasted by Vivio and TB for the right of having BT as their own… I'm not sure should I be happy for his demise OR sad for the pains he's going through…_

Ramster: as can be seen TB, BT and Vivio are not here, so we'll have a guest Interviewer for today's show!s

Yunno: why not us?

Ramster: you guys been getting the spot lot way too much of late, plus Mr P said it would be good to have our regular interviewer back for at least two episodes

Arf: But I thought we're having a guest Interviewer?

Ramster: well he's a regular AND a special one, am I right BT?

_In steps the past/future self of BT, dressed up as the black knight baring a shield and his trusty black chair… a black knight seems a little… normal to me!_

Ramster: before we start…. CrystalBoya asked an interesting question which TB has not answered, "When did you married?"

Alicia: is it alright to say that with FBT here?

Yunno: yeah he WAS the future self of BT by a week, but wouldn't it mean he has advance knowledge of what happened since then to prepare for them?

Ramster: no worries, FBT has been kept out of the spot light, he was only unleashed to beat up Vice, but other than that he knows little to nothing that happened since then

Zafira: wouldn't discussing TB right prepare him for that?

Ramster: that's been covered as well, the suit of armour is actually not his cosplay costume, Mr P ordered TB to wear it so that it can't hear anything, and once I'm done he can take it off

Arisa: sounds so complicated

Ramster: it can't be helped, after all Mr P LOVES to play with ideas of parallel universe/Timelines and all that sci fi stuff…. Anyway to answer CrystalBoya's question, TB is NOT BT's wife, she's actually his little sister

Marine: WHAT!!!

Samurai: another invincible Interviewer???

Ninja: the title of Invincible Interviewer will require a show down

Pirate: ay me hearties, there will be bloody cries for that title later!

Ramster: we'll discuss about that at another time, but for those whose wondering how could TB be BT sibling? Well Mr P used a little bit of BT, starting with been near indestructible been the basis, also she'll have some kind of killer weapon to use against the fans, but currently she's still deciding… either way she's BT little sweet sister

Arisa: so what is BT doing at this moment?

Ramster: having Vivio and TB arguing who has dibs on BT by signing their name on his body… the more permanent the better…

_Everyone in the room imagine the most disturbing things happen to BT, they all wonder will BT come back in one piece, or will he come back missing a few things, chief among them been his manly "assets"… if BT comes back he's not going to get any more argument from me regarding his relationship with those girls…_

FBT: errr… guys can I take this off because the silence is really scaring me here!

Ramter: oh yes… Yunno could please do the honours?

Yunno: why me????

Arf: because you've become indestructible of late maybe?

Zafira: remember that time you manage to stop Vita from turning you into mince meat?

Alicia: or that time the mob of fans wanted to barbecue you?

Yunno:… fine I'll do it…

_Yunno slowly edge towards FBT, afraid the interviewer might decapitate Yunno with his chair, Yunno took the helmet slowly off to reveal FBT head… I was half expecting them to dress up FBT as Darth Vader!_

FBT: that's better, now then I'll just remove the armour next on my own, cheers Yunno

Yunno: no worries… so what cosplay did Hayate have you to wear?

FBT: …

_Before FBT could say any further Signum and vita turns up, both wearing bunny suits, and tore apart FBT suit of armour to reveal that FBT is wearing a… large black jacket that reach down to his knees, underneath with a pair of black trousers… errr FBT is bordering on the line in looking like a certain Shinigami anime character AND some military police cyborg riot squad…._

Arf: cool!

FBT: I had the luxury of browsing the costume instead of having Hayate choosing for me

Yunno: why do you get a choice but we don't?

FBT: she said I deserved it after setting a new record for her cosplay hell… whatever that was…

Zafira: now that I think about it why it is I'm still manning the camera???

Marine: ah yes, the cameraman asked for another two more weeks off

Yunno: I've given him permission, either way it would be a bit of a shock for FBT to handle at this current moment

FBT: what are you guys mumbling about?

Arf: just wondering when are you going to get this show going?

FBT: ah yes, OK let's begin today show, my guest tonight has become the assistant to the being known as the cosplay queen, some say that if she treats you alone in the infirmary you'll be inducted into her cosplay experiments, finally it has been confirmed that she is the mistress of Signum, Ladies and gentlemen, doctor and nurses, please give a loud round of applause to the Knight of the Lake, Shamal!!!

_Shamal enters the infirmary in her barrier jacket, in her hand she bare a pot of stew to be shared with everyone, Zafira saw the half dead fans from behind the door Shamal entered from… errr guys… the stew is giving off a purple smoke which is causing the wall paint to peel off!_

Shamal: thank you for introducing me FBT, as thanks I brought my ultimate special beef stew!

_Everyone scream in horror at the news and look ready to bolt out of the door, FBT black chair smash the door control before returning to his hand, the others look to FBT wondering why did he do that… Shamal slide some of her stew on a plate to my room before the show began… at this moment I'm use an oxygen tank because the air in here has become poisonous!_

FBT: I'm sure we'll enjoy it… along with Vivi's ultimate drink, right?

Vivi: I've made the super duper ultra rare mega deluxe power overlord drink!

_The little girl brought out a thermostat and opened the cap, white smoke rose, when the smoke touched the ceiling it caused fungus to grow and die in matter of seconds… I wonder could that be used to help my strawberries to grow. _

Yunno: we're not all invincible like you!!

Marine: as much as I like to prove I'm invincible, I believe there is such thing as overkill!!

FBT: I'm sure as hell not going to suffer alone at the end of the show when you guys bolt out of the room when Shamal offers her food!

Arf: you do know what happens when someone eats her food, right??

Arisa: I wouldn't mind if I can have Nanoha all over me again...

Suzuka: oh dear, that would be a disaster if that happened, I doubt Nanoha will be able to restrain herself if that happened...

Yunno: I'm more worried will we survive let alone transform into something!

FBT: moving on, our first question for Shamal is from CrystalBoya "why are you called the Knight of the Lake?(or something like that)"

Shamal: well I'm the calmest of the knights, plus I can heal people and they say it feels like they're taking a dip into a lake.

Zafira: that is partly true, but when someone angers her not even Signum can stop her...

Shamal: did I hear a dog needing a shave?

FBT: errr... moving on swiftly!!! RF first question is, "Why do you help Hayate in cosplaying?"

Shamal: I want to make her happy, and seeing her smiling face as she dress up the poor vic... Volunteers brings a tear to my eyes

Alicia: is it me or do she enjoy watching people suffer? Despite been a doctor?

Arf: you should have seen how she treated Chrono, Amy was horrified at how far Shamal went to reform him... even I had to feel sorry for him!

Yunno: what about that time she manage to make Nanoha to cosplay after she missed her physical check up, after that Nanoha never missed one in fear of Shamal dragging her to cosplay for her...

FBT: why did I felt this sudden chill run down my spine all of a sudden?

Marine: maybe the White Devil is trying to relief herself of remembering that incident with Shamal?

* * *

_On a blackened rock somewhere in space, which has been labelled for the White Devil use, is Nanoha blasting the rock …_

Nanoha: MUST… FORGET… THAT!!!

_Nearby is Fate watching Nanoha with a happy drooling face… errr… do this mean Fate like seeing Nanoha working up a sweat?_

Fate: oooo… when she's all tired and sweaty I'll take her home to be cleaned…

* * *

_FBT felt a shiver run down his spine when he heard a loud explosion, he looks to his left to find Subaru currently watching a live feed of Nanoha blasting the rock while drooling… Vita is probably doing the same…_

FBT: I'm not even going to ask what she is's drooling over

Yunno: picturing Nanoha in a Bikini while she's dominating Subaru?

_Yunno finds FBT chair only mere inches away from his face, FBT is been held back by half the staff of Interview Hell, he spurting black flames while screaming Yunno is going to get them all blasted… why isn't Yunno using his binds on FBT?_

Yunno: I did… but when he's in rage mode it's impossible to stop him

Arf: calm down FBT, Yunno will get his punishment later

Marine: he'll probably find Nanoha waiting for him in his room

FBT: I guess you're right, anyway carrying on with RF questions, "And how long ago was it you started helping her in cosplaying?"

Shamal: oh my, I can't really remember, I simply woke up and couldn't help but wanting to help

Zafira: she started helping Hayate when they first went off to buy everyone's clothes back in A's…. the woman wear Shamal brought made Signum run for the hills

Samurai: it couldn't be that scary… could it?

Arf: what could make Signum run like that?

Zafira: I don't know, Signum nearly turned me into a blood stain on the carpet when I asked her… so I refrained from asking in the interest of my personal health

FBT: could it get worst?

Shamal: I help with Hayate sketches and sending them off to be approved at the board meeting for the new TSAB uniform

_Everyone started screaming in pure horror at the thought of the uniform Hayate is going to make them all dress up in… the board would never allow it, then again if they refuse they'll become unwilling models for Hayate's cosplay… sacrifice for the few or sacrifice for the many… hard choice…_

Alicia: I heard that the board is meeting today to discuss about that

Yunno: QUICK REINFORCE!!!

Reinforce: moving out…

_The beds in the Infirmary slides back and raises themselves up, red lights pop out from underneath them while holographic screens began the prep of launching Reinforce. Next the floor in front of Reinforce opens up and a launch pad comes up, Reinforce steps on the two securing clamps on her feet. Afterwards the screen above Reinforce read "Launch Catapult, Reinforce, Launch!" the wall of the infirmary opens up and Reinforce is launched out of the room. Once she left the infirmary returns to normal… we ripped off another anime AGAIN!!!_

Alicia: when did Shamal office had the ability to launch people like that?

Shamal: I didn't know either…

Yunno: it was a precaution; I ordered the BT Brigade to it in case of such an event occurred.

_Marine, Ninja, Samurai and the Pirate all took their BT pose and firework goes off, the door opens and the cheer of the BT Brigade fans is heard at seeing the four Cameramen do the impossible once again… IS THERE NOTHING THEY CAN'T DO!!!!_

Samurai: been willing target practice for the aces, been used by Hayate for unspeakable things, been roasted by Fate undying hot love love for Nanoha and a bunch of other things!

FBT: when the hell did you guys became Chefs???

Ninja: nimpo: Forgetful Darkness!

_The light goes out for a brief moment followed by all manner of screaming and begging, when the lights come back on everyone is normal, FBT seems a little out of it until we notice the large bump on his head… all the Ninja did was turn out the light and knocked BT on the head!!_

FBT: where did my banana go?

Samurai: you knocked his memory back to lunch time!!!

Marine: fix it!!!

Ninja: Nimpo: Memory Restore!!!

_The light goes out followed by screaming and weapons going off… do I even want to know what's happening… let's go to commercials!_

_

* * *

_

_The screen shifts to a café, standing at the front of the café is the Marine in a tuxedo, standing next to him is Arf wearing a formal dress in her adult form, while behind her rush about some of the staff of Interview Hell_

Arf: need a place to relax from the carnage?

_One customer was looking relaxed when YF hands his cup of coffee, the poor guy instantly ran out of the café screaming for forgiveness, YF cried thinking she did something wrong which resulted in YN to nuke the runaway customer… he didn't paid, so that's what you get!_

Arf: or want some place to meet up with your friends?

_Miyuki and Kyoya are having a nice cup of tea with scones served to them by Vivi, outside the BT Brigade is on dispose job as they got rid of the tenth assassins that's after the Takamachi siblings… security is top notched here!_

Arf: or you simply want to savour our world class cuisine?

_We enter the kitchen to find the Samurai is dicing up a killer Octopus with the Ninja boiling it at the same time, a cage labelled "Vice" is placed next to the barbecue room… would anyone like steak Vice medium or rare?_

Arf: then come down to Interview Café!

Marine: I have to agree the food is the best here, like that steak I just ate!

Arf: by any chance the steak was on a doggy like pattern dish?

_Arf brandishes a butchers knife and a pitch fork while drooling, the Marine wonder should he tell her that he did ate her steak., Arf turn her hungry eyes to the Marine then produce a tin opener from nowhere and began to stalk towards the Marine, who runs off screen. Arf chases the Marine and the sound of a tin been opened followed by biting sound and screaming…_

_

* * *

_

_We finally return to the set to find the Ninja is now on a stretcher, covered in bandages, FBT gave a twitching smile while behind him is another pile of smoking chairs he used during the advertisement break… should I add this number to BT number or FBT?_

FBT: anyway let's carry on, RF next question is "What is your favourite costume?"

Shamal: it's hard to choose from the many costumes that Hayate has given me…

Yunno: it couldn't be higher than a three digit… could it?

Samurai: the only ones who would have seen her collection is…

Marine: … the one who use to live with her

_All eyes turn to Zafira who's cowering underneath one of the beds… what in hecks name could Zafira is scared about?_

Arf: it can't be that bad… can it?

Zafira: the racks… the racks after coming after me!!!!

Alicia: did he just snapped?

Zafira: NO, NOT THAT COSTUME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WAN'T WANT TO HAVE MAKE UP!!!!!

_Zafira runs out from underneath the bed and tries to bite Yunno, unfortunate for the blue Wolf FBT clobbered Zafira in hopes of returning him back to his senses… FBT… you're killing him not curing him!!!_

Alicia: maybe mentioning about Shamal's room brought back a very scary memory for Zafira?

Arisa: well we ARE talking about the right hand of the Cosplay Queen, so I'm guessing Zafira was probably dragged kicking and screaming into her room and used as a doll…

Suzaka: be glad that Vita wasn't here.

FBT: I'll leave you guys with Zafira while I continue the show

_The others look back to see Zafira still twitching from recalling the terror of visiting Shamal's room, they wonder would it be a blessing to simply put Zafira out of his misery or not… knowing Zafira's luck, his spirit will be captured by Hayate and force into cosplaying for the rest of his after life!_

FBT: well I'm simply move on then if that's OK with you Shamal

Shamal: sure, I really can't say which one I love the most since they all brought by Hayate.

FBT: that's understandable… anyway the last one by RF is more of a request, "Lastly, do what Lucia-Rozen requested you to do. You have my full support. Add acid just to be sure that the perverted ferret dies on the spot."

Yunno: why is it everyone wants my head on a platter?

Alicia: maybe it was the time you spy when us girls was taking a bath?

Yunno: it was an accident?

Alicia: then what about yesterday night, I recall you spying on us…

Yunno: I told you I was in the library talking with BT regarding A.C.E insurance contract renewal, Arf could was there as well!

Arisa: there isn't many guys whose stupid enough to spy on us and be forgiven, Yunno is the only one we'll forgive for that one time he spied on us

Suzaka: I recall Arisa throttling him while forcing him to drink Shamal's toxic soup at the same time as punishment when she found out.

Arf: Yunno got it pretty bad with the fans, I still hear they want to put some barbecue sauce on him before eating him

Alicia: if it wasn't Yunno then who could it have been?

FBT: does it matter?

_FBT found himself under the stare of everyone women in the room, some of them popping their knuckles with all intention of turning the unfortunate interviewer into mince meat, the men on the other hand have pulled out some popcorn as they sit back and wait for the ensuring carnage… all us men were out working leaving FBT the only one left…_

Ramster: sorry girls but the one who was spying on you was none other than Verossa Acous, if you want to know where he is then I'll be happy to tell you after the end of the show.

FBT: … is it alright if I carry on with the show girls?

Arf: by all means, continue with the show.

FBT: OK… anyway my next set of questions is from Lucia, "shamal-san you're good at almost everything you do except cooking why is that?"

Shamal: what do you mean, I'm very good at cooking from what I told by Vita and Signum-chan.

Arf: they had to say it was god or else you would have made them cosplay for an entire year!!!

Alicia: I heard one time when her patient refused taking medicine she forced them to eat her food… strangely enough they were cured of a serious illness… then the following week the patient was hospitalized with extreme case of food poisoning for the next three years…

Marine: once I stepped on this green slime and found it burning a hole through my boots, I thought it was some kind of strong acid after I found out that it burned through ten floors… made me thought was their an alien but I found out that it was Shamal's tea that was the cause of it…

Shamal: why don't you guys try out my food, that'll prove that I'm wonderful in cooking as well.

_FBT look at Shamal with pure terror wondering what will happen if he ate her stew, he looks to the others to find a sign that said, "Gone for a Coffee Break" then to the door which is barricaded, finally FBT turns back to face a grinning Shamal… you COULD use the stew to melt the barricade down, then run like hell!_

FBT: errr… moving on with the next question by Lucia … "how did our favourite cosplay maniac get you into it?"

Shamal: didn't I already answered that question already?

FBT: yes you have… Shamal what are you doing with that spoon?

Shamal: well since you're done with the questions I thought I might feed you something, now say arrrhhh!

FBT: can't we find some unfor… lucky person to sample your food?

Shamal: don't be silly, everyone else has sampled it and made excuses when I try to feed them again… probably because my food was so wonderful, that's why they didn't need another bite to remind them

FBT: why me then???

Shamal: because you haven't tried my food, now be a good boy and open your mouth

FBT: I rather swallow Uranium rods!

Shamal: did I hear someone refusing their medication?

_FBT stare upon the face of the doctor of hell, poor FBT is left hiding behind his chair in hopes that the scary doctor will leave. Unfortunately that's never going to happen as Shamal came slowly towards FBT with the pot of her finest stew… I'm sorry to say this FBT, but the BT Brigade has just got in touch with me to say that they can't make it in time to save you… rest in peace FBT!!!_

Ramster: no worries FBT, Mr P will save you

FBT: the last time he tried to save me he sent a freaking tank to stop Vita… which was promptly turned into her new hammer as she chased me through the Asura!!!

Ramster: Mr P apologise for that slight cock up with the tank inside the Asura

FBT: then what about that time he thought it would help if he sent photos of older Fate while Young Nanoha was hunting me???? That little Devil went completely ape and blasted the secret base I was using to hide form her!!!

Ramster: well it can't be helped, anyway thanks for been on the show Shamal

Shamal: it's been my pleasure; I hope you'll be allowing me to give everyone a check up after the show

Ramster: of course, Mr P will be delighted… I hope you remember our little arrangement

Shamal: of course, I'll be sure to take a picture of the girls working for Interview Hell in some "interesting" clothes for him

FBT: does the guy want to die???

Ramster: on the contrary he's doing this for the third volume of Interview Hell box set

FBT: when will that be announced?

Ramster: I'm not sure… anyway thanks for watching guys, Yunno will fill you in what's happening next week, and also before I forget this will be the last time you see FBT as he returns back to his time period

FBT: then get me out of here before I die!

Shamal: why don't you take this little bento I made for you?

_FBT back is against the wall as Shamal came towards him with a smile on her face, Ramster is playing the death march song with a smug look on his face… FBT MUST have survived or else BT wouldn't even be alive to do the interviews!_

_

* * *

_

_Inside the cafeteria we find the staff of interview taking a break as the chatted about the insane things that's been happening of late, this is stopped then they heard a scream of help, they all wonder should they go and save the poor man or not… no worries folks that was FBT been sent back to his time period… with a box of Shamal's food…_

Yunno: well folks, next week is an extra special interview

Arf: special in what way?

Yunno: we're not interviewing a MGLN character!!!

Alicia: I thought this entire show was about interviewing MGLN characters???

Yunno: I know but this is an exception

Arisa: who is it then?

Yunno: we'll be interviewing BT himself!!!

Arf: what?

Samurai: by chance TB and Vivio are going to question him?

Ramster: Exactly!!!!!

Yunno: that's right folks we're interviewing BT next week, so if you got some questions, cursing, threats, request or anything else please feel free to send them to the normal address.

Arf: thanks for tuning in today guy's, make sure you watch next week episode!

Reinforce: should I order the funeral service for BT now?

_The Grim Reaper appears behind Alicia and gives hands out a leaflet for a special funeral service conducted by the Grim himself, he even produce a few barouche for them to browse through with the different funeral services, one has a painful one with the Grim Reaper dragging the poor sorry soul to hell or a peaceful resting, everyone began to discuss which kind of service would be best for BT… why in hecks name are you guys even discussing about a funeral service for BT when he hasn't finished interviewing everyone yet!!!_


	32. Special Interveiw

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of MGLN… BUT I do own BT and TB so hands off people!!!**

**Special Event: BT Interview!!!**

Vivio: welcome to a extra special episode folks

TB: today I, TB, and Vivio will be hosting today's show

Yunno: I wonder should we start the funeral service now.

Arf: maybe we should have started it last week…

Marine: the world will mourn the loss of such a great and invincible interviewer!!! His name will live on in the names of invincibility for all time!!!

Alicia: I'm sure his spirit is looking down upon us with a smile at the peace he has finally obtained

Arisa: I brought an island for him to be buried as mark of thanks for giving me and Suzuka our precious screen time

Suzuka: I've made an ice sculpture for him in recognition of his importance to all of us

BT: I'M NOT FREAKING DEAD YET!!!!!!!!!!

_The infamous interviewer is currently tied up to his beloved black chair, the rest of the staff are currently setting up the cameras, lights and sound… I'm still waiting for my commentator bunker to get here!!!_

TB: today we're interviewing BT outside his mansion, which is also our home

Vivio: we should redecorate the dining hall, it so bland at the moment

TB: why not make it look like one of that English nobleman dining hall with the spooky painting and living suit of armour?

Arf: that sounds great!

Alicia: I agree, the dining hall only contains a long oak table, were we attend meetings on occasion

BT: and how are you guys going to make that dining hall into that, when we got NO money???

Suzuka: have you forgotten you got two very rich employees?

Arisa: let's kit the kitchen with the best equipment from Mid chila!

Zafira: I want a hedge maze in the back of the courtyard we got just for the hell of it!

_BT listen to his employees happy chatter of what they're going to do to his home, he wonder will Mr P agree, considering the show's been running on peanuts of late… if all of you guys are wondering BT mansion is pretty bare on everything… maybe he had to sell half the stuff to keep the show running…_

TB: anyway we're side tracking too much, so let's get on with the show

Vivio: I agree!

Vivi: uncle Yunno, I want to play with Zafira!

Yunno: sorry Vivi, Zafira is holding up the camera, why don't you play with Alicia?

_Alicia is instantly glomped by Vivi… there goes the apprentice…_

TB: firstly, how do it feel to be interviewed Onii-chan?

TB: why in hecks name are you calling me that???

Vivio: would you rather she called you BT then proceed to marry you?

TB: oh my Vivio, you know I wouldn't do that…

_Hiding round the corner is the priest and the wedding dress fitters and cake, Vivio look at them with a bulging vein ready to pop… Vivio better keep an eye on TB!_

Yunno: errr… would it be OK if I too…

Vivio & TB: NO!!!

Yunno: …I'll be in the back garden watering the man eating the plants.

Arf: I'll go with you!

Marine: why do we have man eating plants?

Samurai: they're the guard dogs against the million of fans that want to skin BT.

Zafira: they're cheaper to raise than dogs, plus we don't have to feed them

Marine: I'm sorry I asked

Vivio: OK BT, what's your favourite drink and food?

BT: I love eating Pecan Danish and my favourite drink is plain good old water.

TB: what is your favourite song?

BT: Garnet Moon by Shimatani Hitomi

Vivio: do you drive?

BT: unfortunately not anymore… the White Devil had destroyed my previous twenty cars since the show started…

Zafira: why are you girls asking such… normal questions?

TB: patient, we're building up to the moment when we ask outrageous questions

Vivio: here's one of them, what episode of Interview Hell was your favourite?

BT:…I can't recall an episode where I'm not been threatened, beaten, trampled, chased, roasted, given a cold or the multiple other stuff relating to killing me…

Ninja: the path of the interviewer is a long and hard road filled with main perils, only the strongest interviewer survive while lesser ones simply perish

Samurai: you need to be an invincible interviewer for interview Hell, take for instance the time Vita nearly clobbered BT, or the most famous one when he survived, not one, shot from the Arc-En-Ceil cannon, but TWO!

Pirate: me heart bleeds for our boss, his life is a cursed one indeed, not even the curse of pirate treasure can compare to his life.

Zafira: I'm surprised he's still on one piece even!

Alicia: or mentally stable after he was taken in by Hayate for three hellish weeks!

BT: DON'T REMIND ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vivio: next question, what was your first thought when you took the job for interviewing the characters of MGLN?

BT: I thought it would be a great job as I talk with them and find out some interesting facts that I can tell my viewers… how naïve I was back then…

TB: well moving on, what do you think about the online bet of how you will die at the end?

BT: I THOUGHT I OBLITERATED THEM!!!

Zafira: that might explain why I heard of a demon destroying corporal business that deal with betting…

Vivio: anyway I like to welcome back AquaKaede!

BT: I wonder what AquaKaede been doing since the last time she asked a question?

TB: unfortunately we can't ask because that'll be plain rude, anyway Aqua has a few questions for you BT

BT: why do I feel like they're going to remind things I don't want to even think about?

Vivio: don't worry about it, anyway the first question by Aqua is, "do you wonder why Mr.P create you in the first place? (I've a feeling it more involving him create a harem than interviewing people) "

BT: WHAT FREAKING HAREM!!!!

TB: well if you think about it BT you got quite a few girls working for you

Vivio: you got me, TB, Vivi, Arisa, Suzuka, Reinforce, Alicia, Arf and the younger versions of my mamas

BT: I LIKE TO LIVE THAN DIE BY THE BILLION OF FANS!!!

Marine: well if you think about it BT really don't have a harem running at all.

Samurai: that's right, first off Suzuka and Arisa are a couple

Arisa: WHAT!!!

Suzuka: isn't that true dear?

Marine: next up Alicia is more of a friend to BT… in bringing him back to life…

Zafira: Reinforce is barely around, plus he only hired her only to save her to been cosplayed to death by Hayate…

Samurai: while Arf has Yunno looking after her

Marine: which leaves TB, Vivi and Vivio?

Zafira: BT views Vivi as adorable little sister like TB

Samurai: which means that Vivio has sole claim on BT?

BT: everything is correct except one bit… I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH VIVIO!!!!!!!!!!

Vivio: BT… how could you *sob*

_Immediately billion of fans driving whatever they could find, which range from military tanks and combat choppers to monster trucks, even the odd ice cream truck sporting the banner of hate for BT is even there… if Bt survive this then he's truly invincible!!!_

Fans: DIE BT!!!!!

BT: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* * *

_The screen goes blank as we go to commercial time, a spotlight illuminates the centre and in steps into the light Vita with Vivio… this can't be good… can it?_

Vita: hi you wimps, I'm here to introduce something from Interview Hell

Vivio: that's right, as thanks for all the kind viewers and fans we've released a line of products

Vita: first up is the replica of BT's infamous black chair, please remember that if someone is annoying you give them the chair!!!

Vivio: also on sale is a limited edition BT suit, this will attract misfortune like the plague!!!

Vita: next we also have this action figure of each of the staff of Interview Hell for sale, weapons included in model size and full size!

Vivio: and an extra special limited album sang by all of us!

Vita: please be warned that all of the tracks with the men singing do contain plenty of screaming and painful sound of something been squished…

Vivio: and finally we're doing limited supply of plush dolls of the staff of Interview Hell!!

Vita: when you squeeze their hands they even speak one of our famous lines!!

Vivio: so order now while stocks last!!!

Vita: please note, we are not held responsible should the bloody thirsty plush dolls or the evilly possessed actions figures mutilate you!

_Vivio hugs a BT plush dolls whose sweating bullets… what's the chances are that plush doll BT is going to be dressed up?_

_

* * *

_

_We return to find the entire mansion of BT and most of the yard is littered with fans who minutes ago wanted BT's head on a stick… there goes the insurance for the mansion…*sigh*_

BT: my mansion… gone…

Marine: it could be worst BT, you could be dead

_BT moves himself into the corner and cries over his loss of his mansion, the others all wonder why BT is grieving so much over his mansion… probably because that was HIS home!_

Arf: good thing we place a large insurance on the place

Yunno: tell me about it, if we didn't then we'll be broke… again!

Marine: it'll take weeks for the insurance to pay up and then months for them to rebuild the mansion

_Arf clicks her fingers and from the sky drops a replica of BT's mansion, this new mansion crushes the old one, BT is thrill to have his mansion back. Then he runs in and screams joy at all the stuff inside… at least no one needs to refurnish the place._

TB: BT seems a little… too happy, don't you agree?

Vivio: its fine to let him be hyper happy… then to crush it is so refreshing to see

_Everyone wonder what in hells name is wrong with the two of them, they all understand that BT is their objective of affection, but they find it very disturbing, that they enjoy the agonising looking BT gives when something goes wrong… maybe it's their way of showing how much they love BT… then again maybe not…_

Yunno: still I can't believe it took only the BT brigade AND Mr P other created characters to wipe them all out

Marine: well the other four DID have magical powers on par with the aces…

Samurai: I kind of feel scared that Mr P has four bodyguards with the same destructive power as the aces…

_BT is dragged back by Alicia to finish off the interview, BT is clapping wildly with joy and laughing like some maniac… I think BT is broken again… maybe Shamal can fix him!_

Arisa: should I call Shamal?

BT: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vivio: ooo, that sends Goosebumps down my spine

TB: I feel a sudden urge to bring Shamal here and tape the encounter as one of the best moments in my life!

Yunno: maybe all three of them are broken… Vivio was such a nice and caring girl back in Interview three… so what happened since then?

Arf: ever considered that she's simply teasing BT?

Arisa: is it really calling teasing when she calls Shamal for real?

TB: anyway the next question by Aqua is, "if BT stands for Black tornado what your sister TB stands for? I really hope it's not Mr.P poor sense of humour by saying he pick it by the name of a disease."

BT: actually Mr P has been rather vague on that, he said it could stand for anything when he's in the mood, for instance right now he calls me Ballistic Torpedo!

Marine: didn't someone have a list of the stupid things of what BT could stand for?

Ninja: Broken Totem, Bloody Toot, Beam Munchies, Burning Meat, Blue Midget and a host of other unworthy names.

Vivio: do you know what TB stands for TB?

TB: well I been told that Mr P refers to me as Tornado Beauty or at another time Tooting Beautiful

Arf: Mr P is way too nice to TB than he is to BT

Reinforce: reminds me of my relations with Hayate and her cosplay…

BT: when I get my hand on Mr P I'm going to make him stop calling me weird names, do you hear me Mr P I'm coming for yo…

_Before BT could finish his sentence a thunderbolt strike him, not once, not twice, but three times in quick succession, everyone looks up to find the it's a clear blue sky and the suns out, no one knows how exactly did BT get struck by lightning in this weather condition… maybe Mr P has a auto smite machine operating somewhere…_

Ramster: foolish BT, if you so much as curse your creator again you're going to be smitten with more than thunderbolts next if you not careful.

BT: well I can't help the fact that Mr Pansy is so…

_A dragon foot stamps BT followed by a giant insect foot, everyone watch Caro's dragons playing tag with Lue's insects, BT is trampled ten more times by them before he could finally get up… how in hecks name is that smiting someone!_

Ramster: oh yes the reason why Mr P chose TB as the name is because of two reason, firstly TB is suppose to be the reverse version of BT and the second reason… he was too lazy to think up a good name for TB… and not Mr P wasn't thinking up some kind of disease as a name, how rude of you to even THINK of that!

TB: that don't matter Mr P has been nice in giving me all sort of wonderful names, like Tia Beater!

Subaru: I won't let you beat up Tia if it's the las…

_Subaru courageous entry is cut short with TB using a fountain on Subaru like a baseball bat… Hell has no fury like a woman's scorn… in this case it's very true!!!_

BT: I'm going need to reconsider about my health insurance if I got a little sister like that

TB: did you say something Onii-chan?

Vivio: please restrain yourself TB, anyway Aqua's final question for BT, "And last, do it ever cross your mind to kill the 'wonderful' BT brigade of yours who seems more troublesome than helpful where we always found out they ditching you to meet the death itself than do what they been pay for?"

BT: I've thought of "firing" them permanently but…

Ninja: we are the unrelenting force of Interview Hell

Samurai: fearing nothing short of a Buster enhanced Starlight Breaker

Pirate: we meet the foe with hearty resolve to shake the seas!

Marine: nothing will sway us, be it money or threats for we are…

_The four get together by doing somersaults and other stuff then get into a pose, the same pose they did back in Interview 18 minus the Cameraman, over dramatic music is played while the back ground is switched with the sun rising over the earth in space, this is followed by fireworks going off as they all shout._

Cameramen: THE BT BRIGADE!!!

BT: LET ME RIP THEIR HEADS OFF RIGHT NOW!!!!

Yunno: NO BT!!! DOWN BOY!!!

Arf: QUICK VIVIO!!!! TELL BT TO CALM DOWN!!!!!!!!!!

_Yunno has covered__ BT in binds with Zafira, Arf and even Alicia helping him to stop the interviewer decapitating the frighten cameramen, even with this much restraint BT is slowly inching towards them… come on let BT kill them for crying out loud!!! They hardly protect him when he needs them most too!!!_

Vivio: BT, could you calm down for little old me?

TB: yeah, we'll have dinner with you

BT: CAMERAMEN!!! DIE!!!!

_Vivio and TB look to one another and wonder should they knock some sense back into BT… good job BT you just angered two women you NEVER want to anger!!!_

Yunno: quick call Shamal!!!

Arf: can't, Shamal is with Hayate and Carim in a meeting discussing Cosplay designs!!

Arisa: why don't you call Zeck along, he is part of our staff?

Alicia: do you want to break everyone's mind again?

Yunno: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_One of the fans step out with long blonde hair and nice looking body who bows to everyone shyly… why do I have this really bad feeling?_

Woman: if it's OK I'll stop BT now

Yunno: PLEASE DO!!!!

Woman: OK, I'll begin…

_The woman breathes in deeply then strains her body, to everyone's horror the clothes of the woman explodes, standing in front of them is Zeck with make up with a blonde wig. Wearing nothing more than a bikini top and G string for the bottom part… THE HORROR HAS RETURNED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

Zeck: behold, the muscles of the heavens have return to show the wonders of the muscles that the universe revolve round, the perfect curves and firmness of a perfected muscles! Please touch them and be astonished by these perfect muscles!

BT: ZECK DIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yunno: OK everyone, on three we'll let go and run like Hell!!!

Alicia: what about Zeck and the Cameramen?

Arf: Zeck can become the next washing up detergent for all I care!

Suzuka: I believe the Cameramen have broken down again from seeing Zeck

Arisa: I'm surprised they even recovered from the last time they saw Zeck!

Yunno: …three!

_They all let go of their binds and run like hell back into the mansion while dragging the broken Cameramen, once inside they find Erio with a telephone and a tray of drinks for everyone… err what's with the phone?_

Erio: Mr P wanted to say something while BT is "cleaning" the front door to everyone

_Erio picks up the receiver then puts it next to the microphone he held to the mouth piece… is that even necessary when you have Ramster?_

Mr P: OK people, I like to make a few announcements, for one the end of the series is close so I'm wondering should we do a few more special episodes or not?

Alicia: I wouldn't mind, but what could we do for the specials?

Yunno: why not give it to the viewers to decide?

Mr P: secondly, should we add one more person to the staff, minus any of the aces, just for the hell of it?

Arisa: haven't we got enough?

Arf: speaking of staff, Ginga and the Cameraman isn't back yet… wouldn't Ginga be the new staff when she returns?

Mr P: ooops, I forgot about that, oh well never mind, please carry on with the show

_Erio ends the call and serves everyone their drinks before returning to the kitchen and coming back with a shovel… is he going to be shovelling the remains of Zeck into a grave or into a bag???_

Erio: please excuse me for a moment while I clean the front

Yunno: you've become very polite Erio

Erio: Mr P has charged with me of keeping the place nice and tidy, this is very nice and I get to learn cooking from Ramster and the other staff of Interview Hell

Yunno: well let's go out then

_They all walk out to find the place has turned to Hell, the fans that were beaten to a pulp at the beginning of the show have all been piled on top of each other, there's marks of what appears to have been bomb blasts of beam blasts. BT is sitting on his black chair perfectly normal… looks like BT ran out of steam… good thing or else we'll be contenting to BT going berserk again._

Vivio: well moving on we have some questions from CrystalBoya

TB: the first question is, "BT who do you like more! Vivio or TB?"

BT: … can I pass the question?

TB: no you may not

Vivio: come on BT it must be easy for you to answer the question, right?

_BT is sweating bullets as he look to Vivio clenching her fist to TB holding onto a tanks turret… BT is going to end up in the hospital no matter which one he choose!!_

Yunno: a seemingly simple question turns out to be the hardest one of all…

Arf: what are the chances are BT will require the service of the Grim Reaper?

Alicia: quite soon at this rate

Erio: I would be happy to scoop his remains into a coffin for burial

Suzuka: oh dear, if BT dies then who will take over his position?

Arisa: maybe Vivio or Yunno.

BT: errr… I like both Vivio and TB like family! That's it!

_Both girls hug BT and said they like him as well, the poor interviewer is still sweating buckets in fear they might simply turn round next and reduce him into worm bait… well seeing as BT DO like's Vivio a bit, and has brotherly view for TB it's not a simple matter!_

Vivio: finally… ooo this question is defiantly interesting!!!

TB: I have to agree

BT: I'm getting scared!!!

Vivio: don't worry it's quite a simple question, CrystalBoya last question is, "What kind of relationship do you have with Vivio are the words Love in it?"

BT: maybe… oh crap!

_BT blurted out the words before he could shut himself up, TB simply giggles with Vivio at the revelation. The billion strong fans standing behind BT aren't laughing… here we go again!_

BT: ARRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Arf: there he goes again, Berserk Tyrant!

Yunno: won't A.C.E. be doing some health insurance after this?

Arf: don't remind me!

Alicia: wish they took it further away from the mansion… I don't want it demolished again

Erio: I could help in "cleaning" them out if you desire.

_TB and Vivio are still talking about BT blunt reply, Vivio blushing red while TB seemingly enjoying seeing Vivio blushing… TB seemed to have settled nicely into the role of little sister… that can't be a good thing!!!_

TB: I'm quite surprised at hoe bold Onii-chan answer was!

Vivio: I'm sure my mamas won't mind if he became my boyfriend, then my lover, afterwards my husband with four kids…

_Vivio dreams of what could happen while BT is running away from the fans who want him dead… BT ran out of energy so he can't beat this next batch… wouldn't that mean BT is good as dead then?_

Yunno: time will tell, anyway thanks for tuning in to Interview Hell, next time we'll be interviewing the twin familiar of Gil Graham, Aria Liese and Lotte Liese!

Arf: why won't we interview Gil Graham with them?

Alicia: apparently he's trying to pay off the large debt Hayate mounted while using his credit card…

Reinforce: I heard he's been force into showing off his muscles after it was found out he was a muscle builder

Yunno: if he showed up on the show BT will wipe the floor with him!


	33. Interview 28

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of MGLN!!!**

**Interview 28: Cat Got Your Tongue?**

_The staff of Interview Hell is now all setting up their cameras, they don't seem to mind the storm that rocked the pirate ship they're on, nor do they seem worried of the huge whale that's heading for them… by any chance it's the same whale they faced back in Interview 9?_

Yunno: welcome to another episode of the hair raising mad Interview Hell, I'm your host Yunno Scrya

BT: don't forget me, BT, I'm the main host for this show!

Yunno: are you're sure you can interview people in that state BT?

_BT is currently lying in a bed next to Yunno, the bed is fasten down with ropes, chains, welding and the odd keychain as well. The unfortunate Interviewer is covered in head to toe with bandages and casting as well… I'm freaking surprised BT survived the beating he took last week at all!!!_

BT: it wasn't last week which did this to me!!!

Cameraman: damn, I didn't expect the boss to turn out like this when I got back!

Ginga: well he IS your boss!

BT: and what is that suppose to mean?

_BT pulls a lever which causes a retractable arm from underneath the bed to appear bearing the black chair with flames round it… who in freaking name gave BT that bed… who do we know would make a crazy bed that would beat people up in place of the sick person…SHARI!!!!_

Yunno: BT… are you going to put the cameraman into the hostiptial after he just came back?

BT: I sure as hell will!!! He's been gone when I needed someone to scream at and pay cut as well!!!

Ginga: that's not very nice BT, my husband do not deserve to be threaten and…

BT: he's the only person getting paid on this show!!!

Pirate: ay, we're poor souls hav to repay our debts for the destruction of the mansion and other places as well

Ninja: the cameraman will suffer divine retribution is he is not careful with his words and action

Cameraman: can't we talk about these guys?

Samurai: my camera sword needs sharpening… maybe I'll use the cameraman for practice!

Arf: don't do that or else Ginga is going to wipe the floor with you guys

Ginga: that's right….

_Ginga raises her right arm which is now spinning like a drill, everyone became worried as Ginga began to laugh evilly until the Cameraman slap her with a shoe which seem to put her back to normal… I feel like this relationship is one sided somehow…_

Yunno:… let's introduce today's guest…

BT: lets… today we're not interviewing one but two guests, they're trained Chrono in the art of magic and combat as well as introducing him how to handle a woman, they've been begging for screen time and even come to me, I turned them down when they try to savage Vivio… hence why I'm in this current state!

Vivio: you shouldn't have been hiding them from me!

BT: THEY FREAKING HID BEHIND ME AND YOU SIMPLY UNLEASH A FREAKING STARDUST BREAKER AT ME FIVE UNHOLY TIMES!!!

Yunno: errr… anyway move on, these two guest are too mischief for their own good, as you seen what happened to BT, and finally they took to sailing the seas to find the best fish, hence why we're in the high seas on the pirate ship once more… can you guys hold a sec until we find our guests??

Pirate: ship ahoy!!!

_Everyone went straight to the prowl of the ship, BT bed brought out a pair of binoculars for him, sailing towards them is a ship made of bones, some of the sailors screamed that it's a ghost ship. _

Arf: help Zafira!!!

Zafira: Arf… ARF! Can't you tell what that ship is made of???

Alicia: I have to agree, it's quite obvious what that ship is made from

_Zafira pointed out that the ship isn't made of human bones, it's made of fish bones, standing on the deck is the pirate fish familiars of the sea… one of them are dressed in a pirate outfit while the other is dressed in a ninja outfit… don't tell me Hayate got her hands onto them as well!!!_

Pirate: OK me mateys, let's board her!!!

Crew: YEAH!!!!

BT: not if I can help it!!!

_Yunno quickly jumps onto the bed, BT slams his injured arm into a button next to his neck. The bed is propelled by super hydraulics which sends it straight to the bone ship… BT sure wants to get this interview going, doesn't he? _

Arf: does he know how much that bed cost us?

Vivio: I recall it cost us nothing more than giving Zeck and Jail to Shari for her "experiment"

Zafira: that's the bad thing, whatever includes one lolicon psychopath and a muscle lover cannot be good for the world!!!

Pirate: forget the minor details me mateys!

_The pirates on the bone ship watch as the bed lands right in front of them, Yunno gets off the bed and retrieves three chairs underneath the bed for himself and the two familiars… awwww, I was hoping to see some epic pirate fighting!!!_

Yunno: ladies and gentlemen, navy, pirates, fishes, octopus, sharks, whales, man eating fishes and all other life that live on the sea, I'm proud to present to the show Aria Liese and Lotte Liese!

Pirate: CHARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_The Pirate and his crew swing onto the ship with cutlass and muskets all primed to fight, Aria snap her fingers and from the cabins march the Man Eating Assault Tuna Bridgade… who thought of the "Man Eating Assault Tuna Brigade" name? Which can be shortening to M.E.A.T Brigade????_

Arf: maybe Mr P was having one of those days

* * *

_Somewhere in Mid-Chila, Vivi, now ten years old, is at home with her Nanoha-mama_

Nanoha: what are you writing precious?

Vivi: I'm writing about Tuna's which eat men

Nanoha: my, what's their name?

Vivi: I called them Man Eating Tuna Brigade

Nanoha: but that shorten to M.E.T.B, why don't you add an A between the E and T and leave the Brigade as it is?

* * *

_BT felt a shiver run down his spine, a lightning bolt struck BT multiple times, Yunno stood well clear of BT, everyone watch the interviewer get smite a few more times before it finally stopped… errr… why did BT got struck by lightning??_

Ramster: the book of chaos has been unleashed!!!

BT: it can't be Mr P book, which you write something and it happens?

Arf: that sounds like this anime I recall of when you write someone's name in it they die…

Yunno: same principle with Mr P book, except you can describe the most violent and painful thing to happen to someone and it happens… unfortunately they usally live even after the painful thing happen to them.

BT: we're drifting off the subject of today here people!!!

Lotte: come on, I'm getting hungry!

Aria: you just ate that whale while we were coming here!

Yunno: right, first off what are your thoughts of your master?

Lotte: he's really nice and always pets me

Aria: he knows just were to pet you to make your tail to wag don't he?

BT: is there anything bad about him?

Aria: nope, he's really a English gentleman.

Yunno: we'll have to ask him that when we interview him.

Arisa: how many girls did he try to bed?

Lotte: hmmm… wasn't it about twenty?

Aria: twenty eight actually

Everyone: WHAT!!!

Aria: well he is highly sorted for his charm, despite been old he manage to pull quite a few girls

Vivio: did he try to pull my mamas?

Lotte: hell no, the last time he even SUGGESTED to Hayate he was shown to Hayate studio of Cosplay for a whole month!!!

Arf: hmmm I recall that… why did you ask Vivio?

Vivio: when I walk past him he pat me on the bottom before running for the hills

BT: WHAT!!!

_Everyone near BT made a runner as the indestructible Interviewer rose from his bed like a vampire. BT grabs the bed and jumps overboard and even ran on water with his black flames trailing behind him… Gil better find a good hiding place before BT get his hands on him…_

Cameraman: I see BT still likes Vivio

Alicia: but he denied he liked Vivio several times

Ginga: the more you strongly deny it the more you love them

Zafira: where did that logic came from?

Samurai: Vivio causes BT so much pain is her way of showing how much she loves him

Vivio: oh my, I wonder will he next propose to me?

Yunno: let's move on before we shift to Nanoha chasing BT

Arf: good point, those commercial cuts and chasing scenes are getting old

Alicia: what are you guys on about?

Yunno: breaking the forth wall, that's all

Ramster: ah hell, the one using the Book is causing so much trouble here… I wonder did Mr P planned to have BT liking Vivio from the beginning?? Anyway RESET!!!

Yunno: I… what was I talking about?

Lotte: interviewing us maybe?

Zafira: where's BT?

Cameraman: don't you recall, a mob of fans came by and took him away

Arf: then why didn't the BT Brigade help him??

Samurai: we've run out of funds for our firework entrance thing…

Marine: we can't do our BT Brigade without the fireworks…

Yunno: Moving SWIFTLY on… we have a few questions from MMP III, the first one is, "Did Gil ever asked you for a threesome?"

Lotte: he kind of suggested it at one point

Aria: yes, he did but we pointed out that he's like a dad to us… that seem to have put him off to the point that he locked himself in his own room ripping all those photos he had of us

Alicia: why do I have a sudden urge to find Gil and roast him!

Arf: no matter BT is probably out there finding him… why did I say that???

Yunno: right, I'm sure Gil is probably hiding from the million of fans of the cat girls

Suzuka: I'm sure we'll hear about it very soon if that was the case

Yunno: ah well, next question, "Do you girls have incestuous feelings for one another?"

Aria: nah

Lotte: nope

Zafira: are you guys sure?

Cat Girls: yes!

Ginga: what about that time I saw you girls kissing?

Aria: Lotte was licking some cream off my lips

Lotte: it was extra yummy!

Arf: they just made every single one of our viewers have a massive nose bleed… if that phone rings…

_A phone rings, Yunno pulls out his mobile and hands it to Arf who groans as she listens to the news. Afterwards she returns back to the Pirate ship and crawls into a barrel and wails at her misfortune… currently the figure of death from nose bleed is round about two hundred million… a quarter are repeated offenders unfortunately._

Yunno: anyway the last question… statement from MMP III is, "Cuz seriously, you 2 are HAWT! LOL"

Lotte: my, I wouldn't like to get my paws on him… purrrr

Aria: I would advice against it, especially if I was to find him first

Arf: I'm not sure are they're playing or been serious…

Marine: let's pray it's not the latter… if it is I doubt MMP III is going to sit idly at home… did I mention that Nanoha is on stand by should she hear wind of where MMP III lives…

Alicia: should I inform all our viewers not to be fooled by their charms?

Yunno: OK moving on before we get sued AND bombarded with request for MMP III address, what do you think of your former student Chrono?

Lotte: oh my, I can remember the many things we did with that boy…

Aria: yes… the many things that was quite pleasant

Lotte: so many fond memories… like that time he begged for us to let him to shoot it

Aria: yes, or that time you held him down while we try to see how strong was his will against us while we "torture" him

Lotte: what about that time we took photos of him while he was in the bath… he was so bold when he jumped me

Aria: What about that time during training you played with his "thing" and he was very happy and

Voice: THAT'S ENOUGH LIES!!!

_Overhead is a TSAB ship… I wonder who could that be?_

Yunno: that's Chrono, if I'm not mistaken… why is he here?

Chrono: I'm going to shut you two scheming liars one and for all!!!

_The ship in the sky powers up it's main cannon, Pirate Cameraman orders everyone back to the ship, Lotte and Aria are brought on board as well… how are you going to escape an Arc-En-Ceil MKII cannon???_

Pirate: sing the song me mateys!

Crew: We're going to rob a ship, rob a ship, rob a ship, we're going to rob a ship now matter where they are!

Marine: can someone tell me what in cracks name are they singing for?

Pirate: Haul anchor and unfurl ALL the sails!!!

Crew member: yes sir!!! Raise anchor!! Unfurl ALL the sails!!!

_The Pirate ship raises it's anchors and unfurl all the sails, at the rear of the ship came out five rocket boosters, the crew is still singing that HORRIBLE song as the rocket ignites and the Pirate ship flies up on an intercept course for Chrono's ship… oh blue monkey with their balls on fire with a horse kicking it… this is plain nuts!!!_

Yunno: by any chance Shari the mad technician is the one who upgraded the ship?

Pirate: ay, it's boring to simply board ship bound ships, so I ask the little miss to fix me ship to fly into space as well, arrrkkkk!!! Prepare to board her me lads!!!! First one to give Chrono an Ultra Mega Wedgie gets me copy of the female staff photos!

Crew: YEAH!!!

Alicia: should I decapitate him now or later?

Arf: can I sell his body parts to deal with our debt?

Vivio: can I use him as a target practice?

Arisa: I feel like barbecuing today, I can use him as an ingredient?

Suzuka: do you think he'll mind if I freeze his legs?

Ginga: I feel like making some Swiss cheese.

Yunno:… do you think BT could have stopped them?

Marine: nope, he ran out of pictures and bribes to deal with them

Samurai: I'm sure some act of Mr P will stop them… well maybe

Zafira: let's continue the interview

_The Interview Hell girls all jump onto Chrono ship to chase the Pirate as his crew fight Chrono's crew with swords, axes, bunny rabbits and other stuff, Chrono and the Pirate are duelling with lightsabers… why do this feel a little off from the usual craziness?_

Yunno: don't even ask why, anyway our next set of question is by RF, the first is, "Do you treat Gil as just father? or something more than that?"

Aria: he IS our father in one sense

Lotte: yeah, even if he does give us dirty looks on occasions

Aria: like that time we were bathing he simply came in and scrubbed out backs… puurrrr

Lotte: what about that time he helped with our clothes? That lingerie you ask him to buy made him very happy.

Aria: not as much as the time you wanted a new swim suit

Zafira: I pray to whatever higher power there is that BT do find Gil and kills him!!!

Yunno: he can do that AFTER we interviewed him

Lotte: we can't have that

Aria: we'll protect our master with our life!!!

Zafira: even if it means facing a guy that can stop an Arc-en-ceil cannon with a chair? And did I mention he slaughtered half billion fans with military hardware?

Lotte: maybe we should go out when that happens

Aria: maybe a movie?

Cameraman: if they're that scared of BT I wonder how scared are they of the aces?

Yunno: let's not dwell on that, next question, "Have you ever thought of using your power to deal Zeck tha-UWAH! *Starts banging head on the keyboard.*"…

Zafira: it seems that the mere mentioning of Zeck sends people crazy

Cameraman: speaking of the muscle lover, what do you think Shari is doing?

Samurai: don't even MENTION that or else we'll get a cut scene of what's happening!

Marine: you do understand, we're still paying for half a freaking planet worth of people who went crazy!!!

Lotte: wasn't Zeck that guy who was helping our master get muscles?

Aria: yes he did, he even formed an all men muscle building club… I think they attracted about twenty.

Cameraman: I hate to ask… but what happened to all of them?

Lotte: well as you know Zeck and Gil are two of the twenty

Aria: don't forget that Regius Gaiz was also part of it

Zafira: how are we going to interview a dead man?

Marine: true, I don't fancy having a zombie on the set…

Yunno: no worries, BT had that covered.

Cameraman: somehow that didn't reassure me one bit at all!

Samurai: how in hecks name did they even allow Zeck to form that kind of club???

Lotte: well it was obvious

Aria: firstly Zeck did had a large fan base

Lotte: secondly he enforce his own will by appearing out of nowhere and showing off his muscles

Aria: like that time he jumped through a solid wall into the woman bath rooms and showed off his muscles

Lotte: what about that time during a covert operation Zeck suddenly appeared on the enemy ship… after he beat them all up?

Aria: what about that time the admirals were all having a serious debate when Zeck burst from underneath the table and showed off his bouncing boobs?

Lotte: what ab…

Cameraman: STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Samurai: PLEASE STOP MY EARS BLEEDD!!!

Marine: THE HORROR!!! SOMEONE, ANYONE PLEASE PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY!!!

Ninja: Hell cannot comprehend the madness that is Zeck!!!

Yunno: can you guys stop before you break our Cameramen and the viewers?

Zafira: too late, I just got a call that three quarter of our viewers have been rushed off to the mad house again…

Yunno: *sigh*… the final question… statement for today "And how I wish I can actually feel the shape of your bodies."

Lotte: if he kindly waits a little longer I'll be there in my birthday suit

Aria: that wouldn't be so bad… I might join you… with some whipped cream.

Zafira: what are the chances are RF is jumping with joy at the girls words?

Cameraman: let's not go there shall we?

Marine: the Aces might show up with their whipped cream too… if you get my meaning…

Yunno: you mean THAT… trouble is they all probably standing outside their house right now, after they heard what the two cat girls said, without knowing they're all going to die…

Marine: could be worst?

Cameraman: the Aces skewer all our viewers just to find the ones asking the questions?

Samurai: where are the usual fans that get slaughtered?

Zafira: oh them, when we left port we saw Young Nanoha and Older Nanoha going postal on them… something about panty shots and panty stealing…

Yunno: don't go any further or else we might find ourselves trying to calm Nanoha… anyway thanks for coming to the show Lotte and Aria.

Aria: thank you very much Mr Scrya

Lotte: mmm… can I eat him he smells nice?

Yunno: errr… anyway next week we're interviewing Gil Graham, if BT didn't kill him already, so stay tune for the next episode of interview Hell, until then, I'm your host Yunno, good night!

_Before we leave the Pirate Cameraman has finally given Chrono a wedgie by holding on Chron's stretched pant's while he's hanging over the side of the ship. The Girls on the other hand are coming towards the Pirate with all intent of kill him… business as usual here folks._


	34. Interview 29

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of MGLN!!!**

**Interview 29: Universal Gentleman**

BT: welcome to another episode of Interview Hell, I'm your host BT

Yunno: and I'm his secondary host Yunno Scrya

BT: today we're here at this lovely countryside villa owned by our guest

Yunno: he was very kind in letting us come here, and interview him in England even

Cameraman: either that or he was going to end up in a body bag when the boss is through with him

BT: did someone say they want to lose their legs?

Cameraman: NO!!

Ginga: BT, stop bullying my husband

BT: did someone say they want to be cut out of the show?

Yunno: don't worry, BT won't EVER do anything to the Cameraman, right BT?

_Vivio is trying to stop BT from getting his chainsaw for the Cameraman… maybe we should send BT to do some anger management._

Ninja: the lord of Interview has been under immense pressure from the lord of the story

Marine: at least we all got that week long rest

Samurai: some of us got some rest, the rest of us were busy with ACE work!!

Alicia: couldn't believe I was called out to deal with Vita totalling a loli fan's car…

Arisa: then I had to come and stop Vita and YOU from killing the guy

Suzuka: I was sent to stop Fate, from tattooing her kill brand on the poor guy's most precious parts, after he proposed to Nanoha… that was messy…

Zafira: I was sent out to deal with Hayate wanting to use Vivio and Vivi for her cosplay… the horror!!!

Ginga: I didn't know you guys did ACE work as well

Yunno: Arf asked us and we can't say no… especially when she come's crying and begging for our help

Arf: guys…

_Arf walks in crying her little eyes out in her small girl form, everyone on the set went and got their suitcase… I'm worried what's inside those suitcases… last time I saw Zafira stuffing in his DVD set of his great adventure he was filming!_

BT: can't this wait?

Arf: but…but… *sniff*

Alicia: don't worry Arf, tell us what's wrong while BT continue the interview

BT: she has a point, anyway today's guest has a legion of secret fans that want his winked butt, he's pretty much hospitalize permanently since Hayate been on her spending spree, and finally he's been trying to pull Vivio… ladies and gentlemen, screaming fan girls and fan boy haters please give a loud round of applause to Gil Graham!!

_Gil is brought out of the Villa in a wheel chair by Lotte and Aria, the old man smiles and waves at the camera, which cause all his fan girls to squeal as they all beg for him to date them… I'm really scared at how good this guy can pull girls!!!_

Gil: thank you for inviting me to the show

BT: I'm surprised you're not angry about what happened last week

Gil: it was a simply misunderstanding

Yunno: Mr P has ordered for BT weapons to be locked away during this interview

Arisa: isn't that nice, BT is overly jealous of anyone wanting Vivio

_BT is holding a pair of Chainsaw in each of his hand… RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!_

Samurai: we need someone to disarm BT.. Yunno!

Yunno: sorry can't do, the fans have been sending me hate mails for giving some of our guest bondage…

Alicia: then why don't we use the next indestructible man?

_All eyes turn to the Marine who tries to back away, unfortunately he's kicked into BT direction. The sound of the poor cameraman screaming in agony as he tries to take the two chainsaws from BT… there goes the hospital fee… *sigh* _

Yunno: anyway Gil, why are you so popular with the girls?

Gil: because I'm such a handsome gentleman I believe

Aria: or maybe they heard those stories of how you wooed the poor unfortunate trainees when you were younger

Lotte: I believe that was your doing Aria, especially when you disguised as him to play with the girls…

Yunno: errr… is it even safe to be saying that?

Gil: no worries, I devised a punishment system for them to go by to atone what they did back then

Lotte: yeah wearing nothing but aprons when we're at home

Aria: what about the swimsuits?

Lotte: or the whipped cream

Aria: what about been the chair and dinner plate at one time?

Lotte: what about that time when he gave us to Hayate for a week… she made me dress up in a maid outfit

Aria: that's not as embarrassing as the time she made us dress up as Mikos!

Arisa: errr… I think what Gil made you do is ten times more embarrassing than anything Hayate can do!

Lotte: what are you talking about, showing an abnormal amount of skin is normal for us

Aria: he trained us when we were young and naïve

_The fan boys all jump at Gil, only to find themselves been swatted away by the Samurai and his trusty baseball bat camera!!! Why in hecks name does he have a baseball bat with a camera… come to think about it whatever happened to his katana camera thing??_

Alicia: it's currently been repaired

Zafira: we still haven't paid for the last killing spree bill.

Yunno: right… moving swiftly on, what were your first thought when you met Hayate for the first time?

Gil: a charming young girl and one with a promising future, if she was the host of the book of darkness

Lotte: not to mention someone he would have dated if he was a few years younger and she a few years older

Aria: what about that bunch of roses he sends to her every single year since she turned 15?

Arisa: why do I feel like wanting to axe this old man's head all of a sudden?

Suzuka: will power Arisa, after all it can't be helped that he's an old pervert who can't change his ways…

Reinforce: should we re-educate him in how to behave to his niece?

BT: I call second dibs on his sorry butt!

_Yunno watch the girls argue how should they educate Gil, Arisa came up with the idea of roasting the guy, Suzuka suggested dangling him over a pit of spikes while a candle is burning at his rope, Reinforce on the other hand simply suggest obliterating him with the Asura's Arc-en-ceil Cannon… mental note, never ever try and chat the girls of Interview Hell unless I want to lose my man hood… permanently!_

Yunno: moving on… what do you think of Nanoha now?

Gil: she's shaped into a very attractive young woman with a bright future, if I was ten years younger I wouldn't have mind befriending her

Zafira: yeah… you do understand Nanoha's concept of befriending someone is to blast them with high yield magical bombardment spells, right?

Yunno: didn't she kind of befriended Gil without shooting him?

Ginga: wasn't it more of a greeting thing to then saying goodbye and never seeing them again kind relationship?

Reinforce: men are nothing but furniture in the show

Vivio: that's right, did you know when someone mentioned that uncle Yunno and Nanoha-mama might be getting together they were thrown into jail?

BT: at least they're not used as target practice

Zafira: BT… hasn't it dawned on you that since Interview Hell has begun we men have become nothing more than punching bags?

Vivio: have you?

Yunno: have you forgotten that I was nearly roasted by Fate and her plasma lancers not so long ago?

Zafira: what about me and my poor ship that was blown up?

Erio: I got married…

BT: OK guys, let's not go down memory lane of those painful things that's happened to us…

Yunno: so true… anyway RF has a few questions for you Gil, "has anyone ever though of mistaking your name as fish gills?"

Gil: no, but they did assumed my name was Gilamech at one point… then they started saying that I'm going to use the Gate of Babylon on them…

Ginga: wasn't that from an anime?

Cameraman: yes, it was playing while we were on our honey moon I believe

Yunno: it could be worst I guess, anyway the next question is "Aria and Lotte are your familiars right? So what can you make them do?"

Gil: they do all sort of things for me, from cleaning the house to buying the grocery

Arisa: while wearing pretty much nothing?

Gil: will you deprive an old man such little joys?

_BT is been restrained by half the staff of Interview Hell as the interviewer wails bloody murder… I have to agree with BT on this, Gil must die!!!_

Yunno: moving on… MMP III has a question for you, "So...m...yeah, I agree with RF: What, exactly, did you have your familiars do for you when you were younger?"

Lotte: he treated us as pets

Aria: that's before he knew that we could assume human like form

Lotte: when he did find out he was so embarrassed in getting clothes for us, like the bra and panties for us

Aria: I remember that time all too well, he was having a massive nose bleed at that time when he came home with that bra and pantie's for us, of course he forgot to ask for our measurements

Lotte: yeah that was great, he had to go back and change the panties he brought for new ones

Zafira: girls, isn't Gil suppose to be answering that question?

_All eyes turn to find Gil blood has drained from his body, he sits there mortified at what his precious familiars has said about what he did when he was young… I'm surprised you don't get heart attack's with those two wearing those kind of things… come to think about it, was Gil the one who made them wear those things or was it their own free will…_

Yunno: errr… anyway it's break time, we'll be back after this quick advert.

* * *

_The screen turns black then we see Gil sitting on a chair in the middle of the screen while drinking some tea._

Gil: tired of seeing cyborg macho men?

_Photo shows Jail designing the new male body part for his numbers… who are running away as fast as humanly possible!!!_

Gil: or those fakes using illusions?

_Photo showing Vice walking in G-strings with perfectly carved muscle body with eight packs as he try to impress the girls… Vice are you asking to be shot while posing in front of Nanoha and co?_

Gil: then fear not, for the muscle club is issuing this limited run book

_Gil strain his arms and the sleeves simply explode revealing Gil with his fully fleshed out muscles… why do I feel like I seen those muscles before…_

Gil: order this book and you'll also receive a starter pack, which contains a DVD instruction, CD music to work with and a box full of nutrient bars, which have all been tested and approved by our instructor

_Zeck walks onto the screen wearing his TSAB uniform, he bows to the camera then rips the uniform to bits in one move, he then began to pose to the camera which zooms on his well developed body_

Gil: if you want we can send our instructor to you and instruct you in the way of the muscle

_Eighteen more guys walk onto the stage, every single one of them have perfectly form muscles and wearing nothing by phones or G-strings, Gil ripped up his remaining clothes to reveal he's wearing a string only…_

Gil: if you want to contact us by phone, email or post, they are

_The twenty muscle men all turn round to show that nine of them have numbers painted on their back side, five of them have the address to be sent painted on their backside as well and finally th email is revealed to be the front side of the last five men…THE HORROR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_

* * *

_

_We return to find half the staffs of interview Hell are manning the telephones that have been ringing none stop… don't tell me that they're all complaints from people suffering from brain damage at seeing that advert?_

Arf: actually the calls are all related to buying that book that was been advertised

Vivio: seems like if Gil is advertising then it's OK, even if Zeck do show up in the show

BT: that is so disturbing… at least this will help with paying off half of the debts with own fro the last incident on this show

Yunno: and on that bomb shell we'll be concluding today's episode, thank you for your time Gil

_Gil is still colourless while Lotte and Aria started discussing what they're going to wear for tonight, something about bed sheet and peanut butter was all everyone could hear… something tells me I don't want to be near their home for the next month or so!_

BT: well next week on interview Hell we're going to be interviewing Amy Limietta

Alicia: shouldn't she be called Amy Harlaown?

BT: hmmmm, you're right, anyway we'll be interviewing her next week.

Yunno: I thought you were going to interview Ixpellia from the sound stage?

Ramster: sorry but until Mr P sums up the energy to listen to the sound stage Ix will not be appearing in Interview Hell…

Vivio: but if Ix is awake, what are we going to do with that army that's after her?

Yunno: isn't it obvious?

Zafira: plain as day light

Arf: it might be cruel but it's the only way

Vivio: what's that?

BT: dropping me into the middle of that hoard and leaving me to deal with it… am I right?

_The rest of the staff try to feint ignorance but failed miserably as BT runs off to fetch his black chair… what better way to subdue them than sending the indestructible interview as their opponent?_

Ramster: it's kind of scary how invincible BT is to all forms of danger…

Arf: wait until he has to interview Nanoha, she's making a new spell which has her shooting twenty Starlight Breakers all at once just for him.

Cameraman: somehow I feel like that's a little overkill, isn't it?


	35. Interview 30

**Authors note: sorry for the late update, hopefully I'll be able to update once every week or two. BT**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of MGLN!**

**Interview 30: Wife's Fury**

BT: welcome folks to a never ending crazy episode of Interview Hell, I'm your host BT

Cameraman: errr... why is it only you and me boss?

BT: ah yes, today we've been invited by our guest to her house to do the interview, she asked specifically not to have the others... you can guess what might happen

Cameraman: but Ginga wouldn't do anything... well maybe

BT: do you want to argue with our guest?

Cameraman: on second thought I'll pass... I want to attend that going out thing we all arranged for tonight on my feet, not in a wheel chair… scratch that I don't want to go there in a coffin!!!

BT: let's pray we'll come out of this episode lives intact... and alive

_Two kids ran by, one carrying a replica of Bardice while the other held Raising Heart... should I get the coffins ready for you guys?_

Cameraman: ... can I give a call to Ginga?

BT: ...yes you may... anyway today's guest has seen the rise of the NanoFate relationship from an early age, has been receiving training in the arts of pain to be used on a certain straying husband, also she's the proud wife of the beating bag known as Chrono Harlaown, please give a loud applause to Amy Harlaown!

_From the kitchen Amy comes out bearing a tray of tea and biscuits, as well as a well used blood drenched baseball bat... by any chance that's Chrono exclusive beating bat???_

Amy: sorry for the wait, here's your coffee with ten lumps of sugar BT, and the milk tea with no sugar for the Cameraman

BT: thank you

Cameraman: boss do you have a sweet tooth or something?

BT: you don't want to know... anyway first off before I start, are the kids been good boys?

Amy: oh yes they have been, they been very good since the last time Arf and Fate came by

Cameraman: oh, that's right Fate's really good with kids

Amy: yes, she's also been looking after her younger self and Nanoha younger self as well. I feel so nostalgia whenever I see their younger selves, it brings back memories of the random carnage from a few Starlight Breakers, as well as a few carnage fest whenever the boys try hitting on Fate. Ah, good times

_BT look to the Cameraman who simply shrugs… with great powers comes with great casualties…_

BT: anyway moving on, what's your relationship like with the aces?

Amy: very friendly, i remember the times Fate would bring Hayate and Nanoha over, the things they did would make any fan squeal at them as they try out new clothes and talked about relationship and so on, then the time came when Nanoha introduce Fate to adult life, I still got a video of it if you want a copy of it.

BT: I feel doom is approaching somehow...

Cameraman: I haven't even written my goodbye to Ginga!!!

Amy: is there something wrong?

_From outside they could hear fans, of the said aces, begging for a copy of the video… I want one too!!!_

BT: were you serious in giving us a copy of it?

Amy: of course, I know you won't do anything naughty with them

Cameraman: as much as I like to have it I'm married

BT: I have to decline as well, in the interest of my personal health and all of my staffs.

Amy: is that so, what a shame, still I'm sure that your commentator will like one

_BT and the cameraman look to one another wondering could the Commentator be trusted... don't worry; I'm not an insane fanboy that will post the pictures on the net for everyone to drool over..._

BT: like hell I'm going to trust you!

CameramanL hear, hear, he'll be the first one to get us blasted to kingdom come!!!

BT: let's not dwell on that and move on, how well do you get along with Lindy?

Amy: very well, she wished I was daughter, I love helping her cook, clean, sow, keeping Chrono sister complex in check, mauling anyone that makes my kids cry, berating Nanoha whenever she blasts Chrono when I wanted to beat him up for something, helping Lindy deal with the troublesome council that's trying to ban her from using the Arc-en-ceil cannon and...

BT: I think that's MORE than enough...

Cameraman: the last half was all about causing pain against Chrono... is that bad or good?

BT: frankly I don't even want to know which one it is! Next question, was your weeding a happy event?

Amy: of course it is I was thrilled when we got married!

BT: I'm just wondering did Chrono try to feel Fate up...

Amy he tried but I reminded him with a smile and my chainsaw to cut the cake, Nanoha was very helpful in using RH in Exellion mode to scoop the cakes onto each of the plates.

Cameraman: I'm hoping Nanoha isn't going to do the same thing at my wedding day

BT: let's pray not, anyway before you were married how close were you with Chrono?

Amy: we were very much in love, we dated a few times, shared a few special nights, spanking him a few times when he try to jump Fate, "re-educating" Chrono about sneaking into Fate's room and…

Voice: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_Something zoomed by and is whacked by Amy's baseball bat out of the window before BT and the cameraman could see who it was… let's play that in slow motion shall we? OK, we have Chrono running in with his arms flailing in painc, we have Amy readying the baseball bat, now she swings it and hits Chrono. It's going… going… going and gone! HOME RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!_

Cameraman: I don't even want to know what that was about

BT: at least we agree on that, next question how good friends are you with Yunno?

Amy: very good, he's been very helpful with looking after the kids whenever I want to go out for a bit, whenever I come back the kids are always happy

Cameraman: Yunno is such a nice guy

BT: too nice if you ask me

Amy: he do lament about his lost screen time, he's even sent a few hundred letters of request for some screen time

BT: which got rejected, right?

Cameraman: well Yunno do have a large hate base fan

Amy: that's true, he's such a nice guy

BT: let's move on or else he's going to run onto the show and scream how unfortunate he is

* * *

_Outside Amy's house, Yunno tries desperately to run into the house while been restrained by the Cameramen_

Yunno: my screen time!!!!!

Arf: you had plenty of screen time already!!!

Marine: should I break his legs?

Samurai: and become his personal bondage dummy???

Fans: HAND HIM OVER!!!!!!!

_Everyone looks back to find a lot of fans standing with weapons in their hands, someone held up the banner that said, "Perverted Beast Destroyers!" with a picture of a ferret been gutted in the most agonising way… WOOOO, Yunno haters unite!_

Marine: like hell we are, BT would have our hides if we simply gave him to you guys!

Samurai: like that time we left and Yunno got jumped by a mob of fan haters, only to be saved by Reinforce a moment later?

Fan: we don't care we want him to exact revenge for his perverted ways!!!

_At this point a pirate ship crash through the battalion of fans, a few are crushed by the ship sudden appearance, then a few more got crushed when the anchor is dropped, the pirate cameraman jumps down with his crew members and began to fight the fans… I would like to mention that we're fifty miles in land… so how in yellow donkey butts name did they get that ship here!!_

_

* * *

_

_Inside the house they could hear the faint sound of a battle been take place outside, BT looks a little troubled at how Amy told her kids to go upstairs and play their little game called "shoot the noisy ones"… how many RH and Bardiche are there!_

BT: I dread to think about that

Cameraman: why in screw balls name would anyone want to build more of them?

BT: I wouldn't like to know, in the interest of my personal health. Anyway we have a few questions from RF.

Cameraman: it seems we're getting fewer questioners of late

BT: can't blame them can we? Anyway the first question is, "have you ever thought of catching Chrono in a bed with another woman?"

Amy: plenty of times

Cameraman: like who?

Amy: the first would be Lotte and Aria, those two have been leaving these naughty messages to Chrono of how good he was when they use to train with them. I believed my husband when he said that it's a complete lie about what they said, but to be on the safe side I taught him what will happen if he did slept with either of them

BT: why do I feel like been a man is a bad thing right now?

Cameraman: who else then?

Amy: well the next person would be Nanoha, I teased Chrono that Nanoha would probably make a good wife for him, now that I think about it Chrono would probably never made it past fifteen if he had Nanoha as his girlfriend

Cameraman: errr… somehow I got this feeling that Fate probably changed her personality when Nanoha got her hands on her…

BT: more than likely, then what about Fate?

Amy: my dear husband has been trying very hard not jump her knowing that if he did he'll probably be blown apart by Nanoha, then I'll have to Neuter him.

_Both BT and the Cameraman felt like running away from Amy as fast as possible… at least we know whose the man of the house._

BT:… moving on… "any reason as to why you chose Chrono as your husband?"

Amy: I'm not too sure, maybe I liked him when we first met

Cameraman: how did you guys met?

Amy: it was years ago, when we first met he was a timid boy. He was really cute as I played tricks on him, like making him watch two men going at him for twenty four hours, or that time I made him my dog for a week and that other time I…

BT: please stop!!

Cameraman: maybe that's why he's so messed up, he spend time with Amy then was shifted off to the cats… no wonder he tries finding something to keep him sane!

BT: so you liked him because you liked how you tor… teased him when you were young?

Amy: not just that, there was this time when he defended me from this stray dog, I was so scared that I simply cried, Chrono leapt at the dog and bit it's tail. That's probably why I fell in love with him when he showed how manly he was.

Cameraman:… that don't sound like a manly thing…

BT: I think we owe Chrono some apology… anyway last question, "answer this honestly...thinking of something kinky right now?"

Amy: hmmmm…. I have a hankering for whipped cream… freshly made by whipping Chrono of course

_Both BT and the Cameraman quickly ran to the toilet and emptied whatever they had for the last two days before returning looking a little thin… I would be in a similar position if I was to imagine Chrono been used as a cream mach… MY MIND!!! MY PURE MIND THAT THINGS OF GIRLS HAS THOUGHT OF CHRONO IN THE MOST DISGUSTING WAY EVER!!!!!!!!_

BT:… urk… we've come to the end of the show

Amy: over already, I was hoping of telling you the time I made Chrono walk into work wearing nothing but diapers as practice for my kids.

Cameraman: is it me or is Amy a little Sadistic when it comes to Chrono?

BT: let's not even ask, anyway next week we're going to finally interview Reinforce II!

Cameraman: finally, we've been putting her off of late because of your phobia of Hayate and her cosplay

BT: don't worry I'm cured… I think…

_The front door opens allowing Yunno to finally appear in the spot light, he's followed by the Cameramen who look like they been in a battle, the girls on the other hand came in perfectly clean… if those fans so much as lay a finger on them I'm going to personally neuter them… with a Rugby ball!_

Alicia: you're finished?

Cameraman: just

Arisa: good, so can we get dinner ready?

Amy: sure

Ginga: I'm going to show off my cyborg mode: Apron Chef!

_The cameraman has a massive nose bleed at the thought… ME TOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!_

BT: anyway thanks for watching, this is BT signing off.

Vivi: uncle BT can you drink my new super improved energy drink?

_BT is handed a steel cup with some black boiling liquid, he wonder is it even safe when he notice the cup is dissolving, he looks back to Vivi who simply gives a radiating smile… either drink it and die a painful death OR make Vivi cry and bring down the Aces onto your head, your choice BT._


	36. Interview 31

**Authors note: sorry for the late update…. Been lazy and stuff, anyway on with the chapter!!!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of MGLN, I do own BT and his brigade! **

**Interview 31: Cosplay~Desu!**

BT: welcome folks to another maddening episode of Interview Hell, I'm your host BT.

Cameraman: man, it's good to be back on duty from that long holiday

BT: yes, we've been taking a bit of a break on Mid-chila for a bit, Yunno has been extremely helpful in letting us stay in the Infinite Library, who would have guessed there was enough room for all of us.

Cameraman: yes, that room me and Ginga was in had books on… stuff…

BT: enough talk of our holidays because I have an important announcement to make!

Cameraman: it's epic importance too!

BT: from today onwards we're not going to be interviewing our guest in random locations, we're proud to say that the studio is complete, and we're going to interviewing them all here!

_The audience cheer at the news, Zafira with Erio is partrolling the audience in case they might try to mob the guest or BT, Yunno is helping Arf with sound, Ginga is helping the Cameraman, Reinforce is by the telephone with Alicia and finally Suzuka is overseeing the advertisement with Arisa… I'm sitting higher up with a birds eye view of everything!_

BT: without further ado let's present todays guest, she's got such a large fan based despite her small stature, she's been the centre of Hayate's hobby addiction and finally she's become good friends with Agito, let's give a loud round of applause to Reinfroce II!

_The door opens and in walks Rein in her child size mode instead of mini form, she sits down in the chair next to BT while waving to the raving fans, some try to get over the barrier but found Erio and Zafira baring their way with Chainsaws… at least the security is much more reliable than before!_

Rein: thank you for having me here ~desu

BT: right first off, why do you say Desu at the end of your sentence?

Rein: is it a problem~desu?

BT: not really… never mind…

Ginga: ever thought Hayate made her say it to add to the cuteness factor

BT: speaking of Hayate, has she EVER made you cosplay as a baby or something?

Rein: yes-desu! I did it without thinking~desu, then she posted it on the web~desu!

BT: something tells me I should move on or else I might find myself frozen…

Ginga: don't worry Arisa is more than happy to defrost you BT

_Arisa appears at the side with her flaming sword should BT become frozen… errr… I doubt BT will be bale to survive a defrosting if Arisa is doing it…_

BT: right… next question, what is your relationship with the other knights?

Rein: Vita is always saying I'm always so childish~desu! She would say I should be wearing a diaper~desu… when I told my mistress she instantly force Vita into a diaper~desu!

_Everyone in the studio laughs at the thought of Vita in diapers, only BT isn't as he can now picture Vita running towards the studio with Graf Eisen in Giant drill mode… at least that helps with testing to see can the outside of the building withstand a Giant Rocket mode… now where is that lawyer when you need them?_

BT: … what about Shamal?

Rein: she's really nice and always helps with my bath~desu, also she helps with carrying the paper work for me~desu, and she always helping me wear my Mistress's latest design~ desu!

BT: right… she IS Hayate's disciple so no surprise there, what about Signum?

Rein: she's strong~desu, once she lay waste to a battle ship after they made fun of her because she was wearing a bunny rabbit~desu, also she's very strict about ~desu!

BT: I'm going to regret this later… in what way is Signum strict?

Rein: if you curse in front of a child she'll drag you to the black room~desu!

_Everyone wonder should they even go further and ask what is the black room or not… some things are meant to never be discovered…_

BT: right… anyway moving on, what is your thought of Nanoha and Fate?

Rein: Nanoha is very frank~desu! When we first met the gadgets she said I was a useless thing while smiling~desu!

BT: well you ARE when you're on your own with no magic.

Reinforce: I could blast them or beat them to bits even with full AMF on.

Rein: WAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

_Rein cries when she saw Reinforce and glomps her, Reinforce on the other hand stood there while Rein continues to glomp her with no apparent effect… was Rein crying over how useless she is or is she crying at seeing Reinforce…_

BT: errr…. Cut to commercials please while I prise Rein off Reinforce in the mean time… anyone got a crowbar?

* * *

_Yunno and Vivio are present in the new advertisement of some new thing… don't even ask me why they got a tied up fan with them!_

Yunno: today we're going to introduce a new guide book for all fans

Vivio: these guides tell you what to do should you meet one of us when we're having a bad day.

Fan: LET ME GO I DON'T WANT TO BE BLASTED!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yunno: please don't worry about the terrified tar… I mean fan.

_Arf pulls a cart filled with books for different guides on the MGLN characters… I got the first prints already!!!_

Vivio: if Fate-mama is walking towards you with Bardiche looking to turn you into a puddle of doodoo, what do you do?

Yunno: A. try and comfort her, B. run away, C. pray to whatever higher being, whose not going to help you not matter how much you pray, D. find Nanoha to make Fate happy?

Fan: D. of course!!!

Vivio: wrong answer, Nanoha-mama will more than likely blast you with Fate-mama

Fan: then what am I suppose to do then?

Yunno: play dead, they'll simply walk by you without even looking back

Vivio: but they might simply take out their frustration on a corpse on occasions, if they do simply play dead for a moment longer and they'll leave you.

Fan: how am I suppose to play dead if they're doing THAT to me?

Yunno: that's why we're supplying this nifty drug that will dull all pain for five minutes, we even supply a one time use ambulance call.

Fan: wooohoo for crud sake man, what about if she kills us?

Yunno: that's why we're supplying a one time use to call the Grim Reaper to do one of the two, A. take you to the after life with the rest of the unfortunate Fans, or B. bring you back to life just to get blasted again for the hell of it.

Fan: is it me or do you seem to be ENJOYING this a little too much?

_The fan is strung upside down with multiple yellow binds while Yunno drags the sledge hammer… Yunno has been keeping the pain to himself for too long…_

Vivio: call now at the number at the end of the show and we'll send you a copy of the book.

* * *

_Rein is back at her seat with a crowbar down the back of her shirt, BT on the other hand is nursing a frozen arm… that's what you get for treating ladies roughly BT._

BT: if you want to be fired Mr Commentator keep at it!

Cameraman: the boss sure has been bolder in firing people of late.

Ginga: well he isn't picking on you so that's a good thing

BT: Ginga could you take over while the cameraman go off and slap some senses into Mr Commentator.

Cameraman: why me?

BT: if I send anyone else he'll probably end up as a corpse

_Cameraman looks back to the others and could see BT is right… the other Cameramen would jump to beat me up!!!_

BT: anyway, what are your thoughts of when people pair you up with Agito?

Rein: Agito-chan is a good friend of mine~desu!

BT: errr… that's not exactly answering the question Rein.

Rein: what do you mean~desu?

BT: never mind, I feel like if I ask any further I'm going to wind up in some painful position…

Ginga: you always have this premonition of when painful things are going to happen to you BT.

BT: I could call it my Interviewer Senses from the many dangers I've faced since this show started.

Arf: he's ripped off a comic book character ability!!!

Yunno: can you blame him, he's force to develop crazy new abilities just to keep himself alive!

BT: anyway, we have some questions from RF for you, the first is, "is being small-sized an inconvenience to you?" I think he's referring to when you're a dress up doll size

Rein: not at all~desu. I can fly about and watch people without them noticing~desu. I even have someone to take my paper reports for me when I'm finished~desu. Also my small size is great for my Mistress to use me to dress up in her prototype costumes she'll make~desu!

BT: I not too sure the last point was a good one…

Ginga: didn't you like how Hayate was dressing you up BT?

BT: dressing up is one thing… RE-ENACTING SCENES FROM AN EPIC MOVIE IS ANOTHER THING ENTIRELY!!!

Ginga: she wasn't that rough with me last time

BT: are you SURE you were conscious at that time?

_Ginga thinks about it but couldn't really remember was she awake at the time when Hayate dragged her to the cosplay room… I think Ginga is blocking THAT particular memory… let's not even ask what she was dressed up in!_

BT: anyway onto the next question, "are you as addicted as Hayate in cosplaying?"

Rein: I'm not~desu

BT: then please, please explain WHY you're wearing a Biker suit?

_We finally notice that Rein is indeed in a tight body hugging biker suit coloured in white with black at the end of the cuffs on the hand and the feet… at least she didn't bring a sword with her!_

Rein: I was doing some motorbike lessen~desu

BT: why are you learning to use the motorbike, scratch that isn't motorbike far more dangerous than driving a car?

Rein: have you seen the current state of the road~desu?

_Everyone looks out of the window to find the roads are half molten slag, in the middle is the white devil screaming bloody murder at the fleeing fans who took a panty shot of a horribly embarrassed Young Fate… I could have sold them my picture if theywere that desperate._

BT:…you got a point… but wouldn't flying be easier?

Rein: Fate-san is training Young Nanoha in shooting the fleeing Fans, be it they're flying or running~desu.

BT:… I think ACE is going to be busy this afternoon.

Arf: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_Arf runs by while been chased by at least twenty officials asking for her to sort out the mess out front… maybe Yunno could sort them out with his "binding"!_

BT: maybe we should advertise for someone to help Arf with the work load for ACE.

Ginga: isn't Yunno, Alicia, Arisa and Suzuka are helping her?

BT: are they?

Yunno: didn't you know we've been helping Arf since we came onto the show.

Alicia: we've been handling the paper work and also the meetings.

Arisa: I've even been managing our agents who sell our services

Suzuka: while I check the quality.

BT: well that's news to me, oh well it don't matter, anyway last…. Well last statement from RF, which is pretty much similar to the one made by MMP III when were going to interview you back in interview 11

Ginga: what's the message?

BT: "he cuteness! I can't hold myself anymore..." is what is said….

Rein: I'm so touched~desu!

BT: yeah… anyway let's ask a few more questions and call it a day

Ginga: you want to sleep in your new comfy bed here in the building?

BT: damn straight, all of our rooms been build to our exact specifications, like your double king size bed you share with the Cameraman.

Rein: what's your room like BT~desu?

BT: I'm the one asking the questions here.

Rein: but….

_Rein seems ready to cry, the audience try to jump onto the stage but found themselves blocked by Erio and Zafira, the two guards gave the fans the "dare yar," look… I bet my life savings that all the fans jump in and get slaughtered!_

BT: please don't cry! Or else Hayate will jump in and make us all cosplay!!!

Rein: BT is a meanie~desu!!!

Ginga: BT room is kind of ordinary, it don't have anything odd except your computer which houses all the photos the cameramen took

Yunno: like all those pics of Vivio?

BT: THAT'S A LIE!!!

Marine: admit it boss, you got so many pics of Vivio I wonder are you stalking her

Vivio: BT has what???!!

_Vivio grabs BT by the collar and drags him out with all intentions of obliterating our favourite interviewer… err are we to call it a day at this pint?_

Yunno: I'll take over for the last part then, Rein I've been meaning to ask, why is it whenever I come see Hayate you're always floating about half dead?

Rein: do I~desu?

Ginga: do you have prove?

_Yunno brings out a pic of Rein floating in the air with a half dead look, even miniature flies are flying round her… errr… Hayate broke Rein more times we can count?_

Yunno: I've heard that Hayate do format Rein once in a while…

Ginga: that's not reassuring you know.

Rein: I don't know what you're talking about~desu

Yunno: ah well let's leave it at that, I do value my and the rest of the studios personnel's sanity

Ginga: that's good to hear.

Yunno: still it's been a pleasure ot have you on the show Rein.

Rein: that's OK~desu! Oh yes my mistress said that if you pop over after the show she's got something special for you. Something about apron and dinner.

Yunno:… I'll be there… I think…

Ginga: well I guess the next person we're interviewing will be Agito, right?

Yunno: nope, someone has requested that we re-interview Signum.

Ginga: hmm I guess it's OK to interview her again.

Yunno: well folks you heard it Signum is coming back to the show for a second round, if you have questions for her please send them in the usual address, this is Yunno Scrya bidding everyone a good night.

BT: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vivio: I HAVEN'T FINISHED WITH YOU YET!!!!

Ginga: should we help BT?

Yunno: I'm sure BT will be fine… I think


	37. Interview 32

**Authors note: maybe I'm getting old with keeping a chapter up in a week or two... anyway thanks to Major Mike Powell III for been my Beta reader.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of MGLN.**

**Interview 32: Unfortunate Men**

TB: welcome to another painful episode of Interview Hell. I'm your host, TB.

Cameraman: the boss hasn't been in his office for the last week…that can't be a good thing

Ginga: last I saw of BT, he was begging Vivio for forgiveness.

TB: I'm sure Onii-chan is fine.

_BT is seen running in the background, screaming for forgiveness at some flaming thing…if you look closely, you can see Vivio engulfed in flames..._

Yunno: I'm glad we made this entire studio fireproof…

TB: well today at our new studio, we're re-interviewing one of the MGLN characters at the request of one of the reviewers…well, secret reviewers.

Ginga: ummm… should I tell BT to keep it down? Because we can't hear you very well, TB.

Cameraman: we could always ask the other brave Cameramen to protect the boss from Vivio's wrath…of course, their hospital bill will sky-rocket again…

TB: ...Alicia

Alicia: yes?

TB: can you get Death on the phone please? Onii-chan might require his service soon

_On cue, the good ol' Grim Reaper steps through the guests' door and sits down next to TB. Our fearless interviewer stares at Alicia's mentor and wonders: should she even dare say anything about him sitting on the guest's chair? Well, considering you're impervious to most things I say you're OK with challenging the Grim Reaper._

Alicia: master, I think TB needs the chair for the guest

_The Grim Reaper stares at his apprentice and wonders who would make him move…all we need now is for the Grim Reaper to start saying stuff about the dark side and stuff._

TB: well, let's welcome our guest for today; she's been through Hell, since the last time she was here, by the hands of her precious mistress AND Nanoha for some unknown reason, she's been trying very hard to cope with her day-to-day life, but still ends up massacring her superiors and finally, she's been looking for Erio after someone said he and her have been developing a more intimate relationship. Please give a loud round of applause to the master swordsman of the MGLN universe: Signum!!!

_Marching through the guest door is Signum in her barrier jacket. She waves to the crowd who cheer wildly at her appearance; a few of the fans fainted...all female, strangely enough. The Grim Reaper quickly disappears leaving a brochure of what he's offering BT…maybe Signum scared GR or he's simply here to advertise his services to BT?_

TB: thanks for coming on such short notice, Signum

Signum: thanks, you're BT's sister, right? Hmmm...I didn't think he would have such a cute little sister.

TB: oh, you know how to make a girl blush!

Ginga: maybe Signum is wondering if she should slaughter TB?

Cameraman: I think she's sizing up whether she'll be able to walk away from a fight with TB…somehow, I think we'll all end up in a body bag if that ever happened…

TB: anyway, let's start with the first question that comes to mind: how has your mistress been since BT left her place?

Signum: she's been…busy…

TB: in what way?

Signum: she has been "recruiting" people into helping with her cosplay costumes…they didn't last more than an hour before going mad.

TB: oh my, that is quite bad.

Cameraman: considering the boss survived three weeks of it!

Ginga: well he did come out pretty scarred from it. I heard he has cosplay nightmares on occasions, when he wakes up in some cosplay outfit…

Yunno: are you sure it's not because of Vivio?

TB: I'm sure she's not the problem…well, maybe…anyway! The next question: what do you think of all those people who keep trying to pair you up with Fate?

Signum: is that so? Maybe I should correct their way of thinking...

_Signum has a bulging vein while holding Laevatein. TB and the rest look a little worried…don't stand there looking like idiots! She's going to go on a killing spree inside our new studio!!!_

Yunno: now, now Signum! I-I'm sure there are plenty of people already correcting their thoughts…right?!

_The unfortunate ferret finds himself the only person in the studio. The audience and even the staff have all fled…its lunch break, so we'll be back with you in fifteen minutes! But first, some advertisements..._

_

* * *

_

_Nanoha is standing with Fate and Vivio in a white room. Walking onto the set is none other than BT, sweating bullets as per usual, while holding onto a magazine…err…that can't be good, with BT being there with Nanoha…_

BT: hello viewers! We at Interview Hell would like to thank you all for you patience, be it time or money…or your life…we would like to give away this rare magazine that has been put together by our expert staff.

_The camera moves left to show Yunno, Alicia and Arf holding onto the draft copy of the magazines._

BT: in this magazine you'll find plenty of interesting things, like: how come the Cameraman manages to fit into a normal-size shirt during the first ten or so episodes or how I managed to survive being blown up by Young Nanoha for the first time!

Vivio: inside, we have a page dedicated to answering any of the questions you sent to us, like how could we afford a new studio!

BT: that's right. So, feel free to call us at the number at the end of the show for your free copy

Fate: was there a point in having us in the advert?

BT: nothing really… come to think of it...who told you we needed you for the advert?

Vivio: I did. I thought it would be nice to ask my mamas and aunty to come onto one of the advert to boost our show's rating!

BT: that sounds nice…but have you considered the fact that the viewers might shut their TV off and then chuck it out the window from pure terror of seeing all three aces together??

Vivio: errr…I never thought of it that way…

* * *

_The cameramen are running around with fire extinguishers, despite half the set being on fire, none of them are damaged by the fire. Signum on the other hand is tied up with an untold amount of binds with Yunno stripped down to his jeans after he managed to avoid and bind the swordswoman…damn it, he survived!!!_

TB: sorry about that Yunno, we went out for a lunch break and forgot about you

Yunno: don't you mean you fled???!!!

Ginga: no, she's right. We all went out for lunch break. We tried to tell you but you...

Cameraman: at least you're still alive Yunno, so be glad.

TB: well, let me untie Signum before we continue our interview.

_TB pulls out two chainsaws out from underneath her jacket with ease. Next, she slices up the binds and then sits down with a happy look while the others are all looking at one another wondering what the hell just happened…one thing I can say about TB: anger her and you're as good as dead!!_

Signum: thanks…I think.

TB: no problem. Now, we some questions from Hignum.

Cameraman: who?

Ginga: don't you remember, the guy who pinned a life size replica of Laevatein into BT's door.

TB: first question by Hignum, "would u prefer to date men or women?"

Signum: I'm not too sure…

Cameraman: Signum can't say or else she'll have either Hayate or Shamal running after her.

Ginga: I can understand Shamal because if she said man, she'll have the good doctor prescribing Signum her "special" medicine. But why Hayate?

Cameraman: she's been trying to get Signum with a man for her cosplay thing…don't ask, it's a long story that the boss told me while he was imprisoned in Hayate's castle of cosplay

TB: he has a point. The second question Hignum asks relates to the first, so I'll skip it to the third question, "r u ok with the fact tat ppl pair u wif Shamal or do u prefer to be paired wif a male character instead?"

Signum:…there aren't many male characters in MGLN I like…come to think of it...there aren't many men in the show either.

TB: that's very true. Mostly the men in the show are considered furniture by the female cast and the fans.

Cameraman: is that true, Ginga?

Ginga: you don't want me to get started when I first met the investigator…

Yunno: I heard Hayate is disciplining him with the other aces…

TB: sounds like we're going to have one less person to interviewer…not that I want to complain…

Signum: if it's THAT investigator...then I'm more than happy to go over there and help with their "disciplining".

TB: …moving on, "Does Shamal actually luv u or she's just attracted to ur looks?"

Signum: I've known Shamal for a long time, so I do know her reason for liking me…

Cameraman: is it me or did I just see Signum looking very, very scared?

TB: moving swiftly on!!! "If u ever get married, wud u like to have kids? I think u wud make a great mom."

Signum: ...I wouldn't mind to have kids…but I'd have to teach them the way of the knight if that's the case.

Alicia: my mentor has told me that the last person who became your student didn't last more than five minutes…

Ginga: he must have been a normal fan who wanted Signum's attention.

Alicia: the guy was a hero that beat a dragon with his fists!!!

_Everyone look at Signum, who shrugs…has anyone considered that Shamal might scar them for life with her "hobby?"_

TB: I'm sure they'll be fine…well, maybe…anyway moving on, "do u like wearing dresses? (I'm not talking about Hayate's cosplay)"

Signum: I only wore a dress on a few occasions.

TB: when?

Signum: the first time was when I was attending a party. I wore a red dress that Shamal picked for me. It was quite loose so I could move if I was to fight someone, not to mention light.

Ginga: but?

Signum: for some strange reasons half the men at the party fainted with nose bleeds when they saw me…

TB: I can guess why. What about the other time?

Signum: when I and Shamal went out on a date, I had to wear a red Chinese dress. Shamal wore a matching green Chinese dress. We had a great time while we were in Japan, but for some strange reason we kept getting stopped by men who tried to ask us if we would like to go out with them.

TB: what happened?

Signum: I told them that they had to win against me in a duel, so they all agreed, so I beat them up to an inch of their lives and left.

Ginga: I heard you were using Laevatein during those fights.

Signum: I was using the flat side of Laevatein, so they'll be alright.

Cameraman: as if! They're alright when they were smashed into the side of a building!

TB: well I guess Signum loves to play hard to get…why that sounds so wrong…did "What wud u do if u found out that someone wrote a story about you becoming a small kid? (The difference between big n small fanfic by me)"

Signum: what would I do…?

_Signum begins to laugh like a maniac. Next, she brings out a life-size stabbing dummy of someone and begins to stab it happily while laughing…errr…am I missing something here, or did Signum just broke on us?_

Yunno: I think she's implying that she would either hug the guy to death or stab him…who's willing to ask which one it is?

Ginga: I kind of got my hands full.

Cameraman: I just got married!!!

TB: let's move on before Signum deicide she needs a new stabbing dummy. "Would u like a sister?"

Signum: hmmm, that would be interesting. I could teach her the finer points of being a knight…as well as avoiding being caught…

Yunno: already she's become a considerate Onee-chan, should she become an older sister.

Ginga: she probably doesn't want her little sister to suffer under her mistress' hobby…

Cameraman: I would sacrifice my life if Hayate was to take my Ginga away

Ginga: Oh darling!

_The couple quickly run to the back room to make out, leaving Alicia and Yunno to man their stations…the Cameraman is asking for it!!!_

TB: what a touching feeling this is…next question: "from my previous question on motherhood: would u actually consider going thru natural childbirth?"

Signum: probably not.

TB: why do you say that?

Signum: well Mr P was very kind to let me see what COULD have happened if Nanoha was pregnant with Fate's child.

TB: let's not even ask how that's possible and move onto what you saw

Signum: …the only thing I can say is that if I was to have a mood swing like they do when women have a child, all of Mid-Chila would probably be wiped out from all of existence.

Yunno: aren't you already doing that?

Signum: …I forgot about that…

Ginga: I think she meant that she'll probably wipe out all other parallel universes of Mid-Chila…

TB: I think BT wouldn't like that to happen.

Yunno: because he cares what happens to the ordinary person?

TB: wrong. Our viewing rating would drop like an anvil!

Alicia: but I thought BT would be more caring…

Zafira: have you ever consider the fact that half those ordinary people want BT barbecued?

Signum: oh Zafira, when did you get here?

Zafira: I was here the whole time in puppy form

TB: let's move on before the viewers start filing complaint forms of how long we're taking, "r u afraid of gokiburi (cokroach)?"

Signum: you mean this?

_Signum holds up a cooked cockroach for all to see. TB screams at the sight and pulls out her double chainsaws. Signum quickly throws the burnt bug away before TB goes on a rampage…not even Signum dares to take on someone with double chainsaws…_

Yunno: good to know that Signum is pretty much fearless against all insects…unlike a certain woman I know…

TB: if you didn't notice its innards were slowly falling out! Anyway final question from Hignum, "have u ever daydreamed b4?"

Signum: have I?

_Signum thinks for a moment then begins to scream in terror at something. Acting quickly, Alicia throws cold water at Signum to snap her out of her daydream…more like day nightmare to me!_

TB: let's pretend that never happened…now then, we have some questions from MMPIII, so I'll try to go through this as fast as possible, "Signum-sama, first of all...I LOEV YOU! You're my FAVORITE MSLN Girl EVAR! "

Signum: that's very nice to know. If he leaves his address, I'll be sure to repay him…in person.

Yunno: why did I suddenly get aroused when she said it in such a seductive voice…?

TB: she won't be thanking him when she hears this, "...Your boobies are LOEVly. LOL"

Signum: maybe I should slowly slide Laevatein over his bare chest down to his prize then tw…

TB: MOVING ON!!! "Are you in love with Fate?"

Signum: maybe I should go and burn half of the world...why not all of it if that's the case? I might get him and half the idiots that have been hiding from me...

TB: OK… moving on, "Have ya ever thought of asking Nanoha for a threesome with Fate?"

Signum: you understand that Nanoha is probably burning half of Mid-Childa as we speak just to find him?

TB: maybe I should have cut those questions out…moving on, "Are you in love with Hayate?"

_Signum has turned white, literally white… the shock/horror was too much for our valiant knight… then again it would be too much for anyone!_

Yunno: there goes our guest for today…didn't we have two more questions for her?

Alicia: what could we do to snap her back to normal?

TB: throw a fan at her?

_On cue Zafira and Erio grab one of the fans that made it past the barrier and throw him to Signum, his arms out stretch with his lips screwed up for kissing. Despite her current state, she manages to dispatch the poor fan in the most extremely painful way…all men should look away unless they want to lose their man hood for good…_

TB: well...THAT didn't help, plus it made such a mess!

Fan: h...e…lp…

Zafira: I'll cart him off to Shamal.

Erio: too bad he'll be paying it in hours of cosplaying for Hayate-san...

_The poor fan is thrown down a garbage chute labelled "Shamal Delivery", the fan wails in agony as he's transported to Shamal through the underground tunnel… you should see the automatic fan collection gadget that sends them off to jail to remodel in Zecks body..._

TB: I know!

_TB gropes Signum which strangely put her back to normal… I'm scared now… TB manages to get near Signum without getting injured…_

Signum: what are you doing TB?

TB: nothing, just checking your measurements against mine… just a tad bigger by my guess…

Signum: could you please remove your hand or I'll be forced to remove your hands permanently…

_TB jumps back into her chair quickly and resumes the interview…we had such a great set of orbs right underneath my nose…damn it!_

TB: now then, on with the next question, "Does Hayate grope you often? How much do you enjoy it?"

Signum: she gropes me ten times a day…

TB: wow! I was expecting more.

Signum: like how many?

TB: about fifty.

Signum: wouldn't that mean she would be grafted to my chest?

TB: I'm sure all the fans here wouldn't mind that just to get near your glorious chest…am I right guys?

_The fans all cheer loudly at the question…great work guys. Signum is going to rip you guys apart after the show!_

Alicia: does she do the same to Shamal?

Signum: unfortunately, yes…

Yunno: let me guess: Shamal gropes you as well

Signum: yes…

TB: ah well, let's move onto the final question, "And finally...did you steal Isabella "Ivy" Valentine's Snake Sword concept? LMAO Y'know, Ivy-sama from the "Soul Calibre" saga."

Signum: ah yes, that game. I recall that woman and her sword all too well.

TB: what do you think? Did you steal the idea from her?

Signum: just because I have a sword that turns into a whip doesn't prove anything; I'm sure there are plenty of people with sword whips.

Yunno: actually, she's right, there are a few.

Alicia: I wonder who would win in a fight between them…

Zafira: have you guys forgotten that Signum can turn her sword into a bow as well?

TB: I completely forgot about that…still, I guess it's handy.

Signum: it is. I like to tie them down and then shoot them at my leisure. That reminds me I have to get back soon. The target might be squirming out of his bind soon. I don't want that to happen until I hit the bulls-eye

Yunno:…what's the bulls-eye?

Signum: nothing really, simply his rear.

TB: …I feel sorry for the poor guy…well, maybe…anyway! Thank you for your time Signum. I'm sure you're eager to return so I won't even delay you anymore.

Signum: thank you TB. It's been a pleasure to be here again. Oh yes, tell BT that Hayate is out looking for him.

Zafira: Vivio's got him…

Signum: …I'll lit an incense for his spirit to rest in peace then.

Alicia: one more thing Signum. Hignum said he doesn't mind if you use him as a beating pole. Here's his address as well.

Signum: I don't need his address.

Alicia: why?

Signum: why do I need his address if I'm going to burn half the planet to relief myself?

_With that, Signum walks out leaving the fans and staff wondering if they should all take cover in the emergency bunker below the studio…I got my own little bunker already set up!_

TB: thanks for watching, next time we're interviewing Agito, so make sure you tune in for that episode.

BT: exactly, if you don't Agito is going to help Signum with burning the other half of the planet.

_TB looks at BT worryingly as he stood there in a maid's outfit…looks like Vivio is going to make sure BT doesn't recover from his disease..._


	38. Interview 33

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of MGLN! But I do own the some of the staff of Interview Hell!**

**Interview 33: What Fire??**

Yunno: welcome to another episode of Interview Hell. I'm your secondary host, Yunno.

Arf: hey Yunno, did you remember where you put those suits?

Yunno: they should be in the wardrobe that's coloured with a red door.

Cameraman: do you remember where the fireproof camera is?

Yunno: it's in the bunker's camera room where we keep all the special cameras.

Alicia: how are you supposed to operate the fireproof screen for the audience section?

Yunno: there should be an instruction manual underneath the console.

Reinforce: who should I call to clean out the chutes?

Yunno: there should be some Gadgets around in the maintenance bay. Tell them to get to work on it.

Arisa: wow, Yunno sure is organized!

Suzuka: of course. He's the one that's always reminding everyone where their stuff is.

BT: I see you're all getting the fireproof wear out.

_BT is in his standard interviewing uniform…isn't BT scared he'll catch on fire?_

Yunno: that's BT's fireproof suit.

BT: yep, so let the audience in once you get that fireproof screen up while I invite today's guest.

Alicia: OK.

Yunno: where's Vivio?

BT: said something about having dinner with her mamas.

Ginga: do you want me to get you a hot drink, BT?

BT: no thanks. Anyway, today's guest has been burning to get on the show after Rein came on before her. She's been itching to turn me into cinders for unknown reasons, and finally, she promised that after the show is over, she's going to burn half the town down with Signum. So please give a loud round of applause to the fire cracker familiar, Agito!

_Agito enters through the guest door and sits down on the chair. She's currently in child size while wearing her TSAB uniform…why does she look extremely pissed?_

Agito: to think you would interview that little jelly baby before me!

BT: well, we DID call you few times, but you turned us down saying this show is lame.

_BT is torched. Suzuka quickly dumps a bucket on BT and freezes it. BT's left arm is frozen while his right arm is on fire still…it could have been your manhood that is on fire and frozen!_

Yunno: are you OK, BT?

BT:…

_BT stands up and walks out the guest door. We hear him scream in extreme pain and the sound of what appears to be wild animals. He returns and sits down while patting the flames out with his frozen arm...I don't even want to know what happened there!_

BT: OK, first question: how many times did you "overdo it" with your sporadic fireworks?

Agito: never, not once!

BT: that's not what Lue…

Agito: that was an accident!

BT: oh really, was it by pure accident that you made your entrance at one time, before StrikerS started, to some people right next to a tanker full of explosive chemicals?

Agito: I told you it was an accident, damn it!

BT: would you like me to call Lue to find out if she thought it was an accident?

Agito: PLEASE NO!!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!

BT: oh dear, I forgot something. Since we're on the air, Lue probably heard what we said.

Agito: OH SHI….

* * *

_Somewhere down town, a poor thief is being beaten up by a little purple haired girl with a lamp post. The police isn't too sure it's safe, let alone arrest the thief…I would go on my coffee break about now!_

Lue: she messed up my hair!

Thief: I'LL NEVER STEAL AGAIN!!!

Lue: singed and covered in soot…!

Police 1: should we arrest the thief or rescue him?

Police 2: nah, let's go on our coffee break before she snaps.

Police 1: snaps???

Lue: Hakutenou

Police: 2: that's what I meant…GET IN THE DAMN CAR NOW!!!

Lue: spank.

_The oversized insect grabs the thief and proceeds to give him a mighty spanking…_

_

* * *

_

_The sounds of the thief screaming in agony can be heard inside the studio, somehow…maybe because they're right outside the studio???!!!_

BT: aren't you all glad that thief got what he deserved?

Ginga: I'm not too sure if we should all feel relieved that Lue isn't going to come in here and obliterate us or if we should feel sorry for the poor thief that's been used as our sacrifice…

Cameraman: better him than us!

Alicia: it's a good idea to broadcast what kind of punishment someone will get should they steal something.

Arisa: would that also mean that BT should be reciving the same treatment for stealing Vivio from the fans?

_The audience rage their agreement against the bullet/fireproof screen…we've been over this a billion times: Vivio is on loan to BT until he gets executed by Nanoha._

BT: I didn't steal her AND do you really think I'm going to walk in and interview the White Devil and let her execute me without a fight?

Ramster: you better believe it, BT!

Agito: maybe I should start selling tickets for when BT gets turned into ashes…

Zafira: Alicia, have you got the funeral details done yet?

Alicia: not yet. We're still trying to discuss how are we going to collect BT's ashes, or remains, without being blasted by Nanoha should she get a sudden urge to blast BT's remains again…

_BT has turned white with horror and wonders should he commit seppuku to save himself from being blasted into a billion pieces…I hate to say this BT, but how in Hell's name are you going to commit seppuku with a chair???_

BT:…I'll deal with you guys in a moment…we have some questions from RF. The first one is: "comparing both you and Reinforce II, who do you think is better?"

Agito: me, of course!

BT: could you tell us how so?

Agito: that little goody-two-shoes is always moaning about regulation this and regulation that when we're on missions! It's SO much easier to blow them up than reciting regulations to them!

Samurai: wasn't the offender only guilty of walking across the road without looking?

Marine: I heard from Signum that she got a desk-load of complaints from that…

_The two are instantly toasted by Agito. Everyone wonders: should they mention about that time she nearly toasted Nanoha by pure accident…? Don't you guys dare mention that!!!_

BT: like Hell I am!!

Agito: did you say something BT??

_BT sees that Agito has a large fireball hovering over her head. At this point, BT wonders: should he take cover in the bunker behind him…? Let's start praying that Agito isn't going to use a spirit bomb on us!_

BT: actually, I was asking about the next question by RF: "how was your life with the muscle-bound Zeck?"

Agito: DON'T CALL HIM THAT!!!!!!!!!!!

Yunno: why?

Agito: JUST DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BT: maybe she's trying not to remember those times when Zeck gave her and Lue a private show of his muscles…

Agito: ARRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE HORROR WON'T STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BT: let's move on before she breaks down and we have to send her to the mental hospital. "Who do you think is a better master? Zeck or Signum?"

Agito: SIGNUM, OF COURSE!!!!

BT: right…maybe the fact Signum isn't into the "muscle brain dead" part is the reason.

Yunno: can't be helped. Anyway I'll ask the next question: "Anyone you like in the base?"

Agito: what is that supposed to mean, ferret burger??

_Agito seems ready to lob her spir…I mean fireball at poor Yunno…I'll get the ketchup for the barbecue!_

BT: I doubt she has anyone she likes. After all, she probably burns anyone that so much as looks at her.

Agito: are you trying to become the side dish, BT?

Alicia: why is BT trying to get himself barbecued?

Arisa: maybe he wants to kill himself before he interviews Nanoha?

Suzuka: if you think about it, there's only one person left for him to interview before Nanoha…

Zafira: I guess the stress of being executed by Nanoha is getting to him.

Arf: I think he's more terrified than stressed…

Young Nanoha: wow! I didn't know he was THAT scared of my older self.

Young Fate: maybe we should talk with your older self about sparing him.

Agito: take this!!!!

_Agito holds up her right hand which bursts into flames, a crest of some sort appears on it…we're ripping an epic scene from an anime again…*sigh* I'll call our lawyers..._

Agito: this hand of mine is burning red! Its loud roar tells me to grasp victory! Erupting Burning Finger!!!

BT: like Hell I'm taking it without a fight!! Take this!!! Interviewer's Rage!!!

_BT brings out his infamous black chair, covered in pure black flames, and swings it at Agito…RUN FOR YOU LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!_

Ninja: the legendary attacks!!!

Marine: FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!

Samurai: I'll cut down the shockwave to save the audience!!!

Pirate: arrrhhhkkk, all hands brace for impact!

_Everyone takes cover as the two attacks collide, casuing a massive shockwave. After a few moments everyone returns to find the studio is a total mess, while BT and Agito are partly buried by furniture on opposite ends of the room…who wants to take bets BT is cursing his luck for still being alive?_

BT: can we try that again?

Yunno: NO!

Zafira: sorry BT, but you've got to finish the interview.

Alicia: Ramster told us that the Mr. P is getting impatient with finishing "Interview Hell" off as quickly as possible.

Cameraman: well, it's been about a year and a bit since this series began.

Ginga: maybe we should have made an anniversary episode to celebrate it being a year.

BT: that sounds like a good idea. Anyway, back to the interview!

_The audience shuffles back into their little cag…I mean, box while the staff returns to their posts…I'm surprised that no fans were butchered!_

BT: it's only a matter of time, anyway we have a new questioner going by the name of Ferrilsblood!

Cameraman: wow, new blood!

Ginga: I'm hoping that wasn't supposed to be a pun, dear.

BT: whichever the case, our Ferrilsblood has a few questions for Agito.

Agito: for your sake, I hope they're not stupid ones!

BT: for my sake, I hope they are!! First question: "What were you feeling when you got rescued by Zeck and Lutecia ?"

Agito: when the boss and Lue rescued me, I was so greatful that I said I wanted to go with them no matter where they went…Zeck took me to a muscle club…

BT: please skip that part. I'm sure ALL of our audience, and staff, want to stay sane for the rest of today.

Agito: Lue rescued me from that Hell. She taught me that being polite to her is a MUST!!!

Yunno: didn't anyone feel a shiver go down their backs all of a sudden?

BT: I'm sure it's only you…anyway, moving on: "Do you like Reinforce II and would you like to date her ?"

Agito: WHAT???!!!

BT: go ahead and burn me into ashes!!!

Young Nanoha: I can't let that happen. My older self said that if anyone was to harm BT, I'm allowed to dish out the eight Starlight Breakers on them!!

Young Fate: I was told to Plasma Zamber them to bits as well by my older self as well…

Agito:…I'll stay quiet…

Zafira: I'm guessing Agito doesn't want to be served an eight course meal of Starlight Breakers…not that I can blame her.

BT: blasts!!! Anyway the next question is: "Do you like Signum or is there something more there ?"

Agito: NO! THERE IS NOTHING BETWEEN ME AND SIGNUM-SAMA!!!

Arf: of course there wouldn't be anything between you two, you got Rein all for yourself.

Agito: DO YOU WANT TO BU…?!

_Agito stops when she sees Reinforce I standing next to Arf with a look that said: "try it and die the most horribly death possible"…Rein is cute and non-dangerous, Reinforce I is a cold and dangerous beauty!_

BT: well, moving swiftly on…"Does Rein 'sell' you to Hayate's cosplay mania?"

Agito: cosplay…cosplay…cosplay…cosplay…cosplay…cosplay…cosplay…

BT: errr…is Agitio broken or is just me?

Marine: Agito was subjected to the worst cosplay ever…which lasted for half a year…

Samurai: she tried to burn her way out but Hayate can be quite…persuasive with her…paper fan…

Yunno: maybe we should move onto the next question and see if that will fix her.

BT: good idea. Next question: "Your element is fire, right ? Have you ever thought of  
challenging Reinforce to a fire-ice duel?"

Agito:…cosplay…cosplay…cosplay…cosplay…cosplay…cosplay…cosplay...

BT: oh look! Muscle Zeck is here to…

Agito: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_Agito fires random fireballs everywhere. Everyone takes cover from the barrage. The audience also takes cover but a stray fireball smashes the controls for their protective screen and opens it up allowing two fireballs to enter…need I say more?_

Suzuka: I think someone needs to cool their heads.

_A large iceberg drops onto Agito, her flames simply melting it but the water drenches her and puts her back to normal…there goes the health insurances again…_

Agito: what…what was I doing?

BT: you were going to answer the question that I just asked!

Agito: question…oh yes. That little sugar puff won't stand a chance against my fire!

Yunno: should you…?

Reinforce: and turn her into an icicle doll and break her limbs one by one?

Arf: Reinforce… don't you have some work to do?

_Arf pushes Reinforce off the set to save Agito…let's be thankful that Agito didn't heard what Reinforce said._

BT: thankfully, the last question: "if you could be granted 1 wish ... what would it be?"

Agito: one wish…

_Everyone watches worriedly as Agito gives out a sinister look…I'm betting my money it has to do with Rein!!_

Yunno: should we end the episode? I'm getting a creepy a feeling here…

BT: you're right. Thanks for coming today, Agito.

Agito: stab…prune…massage…lick…mashes…pumped…bitten…grated…yum!

Zafira: I think it's safe to say Agito has left the building…

BT: you're right. Well, thanks for watching folks. Next episode we're interviewing…errr…who are we interviewing?

Yunno: Nanoha of course.

Zafira: have you forgotten, BT?

Alicia: I think he's trying very hard not to remember it's Nanoha next…who could blame him, though?

BT: are you guys trying to kill me???!!! We haven't even interviewed Genya Nakajima yet!

Arisa: he has a point.

Erio: I've already informed Genya that we'll be interviewing him next week.

BT: thanks Erio…at least I postpone THAT episode for a week…maybe I should take a vacation at a beach or something…

Yunno: I think BT doesn't want "Interview Hell" to finish…

Marine: his invulnerability will wear off when he interviews Nanoha…so, of course he wants to put it off!

Samurai: I'll prepare the final set for his greatest interview!

Arf: are you referring to his execution stage?

BT: I HEARD THAT!!!

_While everyone is talking about how BT will be executed Erio steps closer to the camera… have we got an important announcement?_

Erio: Mr P has told me that he likes to thank Major Mike Powell III for beta reading the script.


	39. Interview 34

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of MGLN, but I do own the Cameramen and BT and his sibling!**

**Interview 34: Revenge of the Interviewer!**

TB: welcome to another late episode of Interview Hell, I'm your beautiful host for today, TB.

Ginga: and I'm standing in as secondary host…is this alright?

TB: it's fine.

Arf: she's right. There's nothing wrong for you to stand in for today as the secondary host.

Alicia: well, it is a special occasion today.

Suzuka: yes, indeed.

Arisa: well, it can't be helped, can it?

Erio: hmmm...is it me or is it only you girls and me today?

Arf: yep!

Erio: not even the cameramen are around…is something big going to happen?

TB: nothing really...just the White Devil coming onto our last interview of this entire series!

Ginga: oh my! Won't BT try to hide?

Arf: he did. Right now, all the men are off trying to find him…even Zeck and Jail…

Erio: I see…what chances are that they'll find him?

Arisa: if they don't find him at the end of this episode, the White Devil, old and young, will personally blast them into atoms…bit by bit…

_The audience, mostly made up of girls, wonder: will it be BT being executed or the male crew of Interview Hell…Mr Commentator is also out searching, I'm his wife, so let's get along for this one episode!_

TB: anyway! Today's guest has been dreaming of a personal harem and has it finally fulfilled, he's been on various forums that are talking about murdering him in the most brutal fashion possible, some of which, I should mention, would make a man turn into a woman…and finally, he's been protected by his precious adopted daughters while coming here, please give a loud round of applause, or hisses, to Genya Nakajima!!

_The guest door opens, allowing a dignified Genya to walk in with his head held high, following him in are his cyborg adopted daughters, who all seem to have been in a slaughter house…oh my, I'm going have to get them cleaned up before we can allow them to sit down!_

Arf: Mrs Commentator is right. Hey girls, you're going to take a bath right now!

Sein: and whose going to make us?

Reinforce: hello Arf, did you call me?

Arf: ah Reinforce, thank you for coming. I hope you remember what I told you yesterday…

Reinforce: yes I do: you told me during the meeting that I might be required to "take care" of some trash or something.

_The Numbers couldn't but help notice the evil intentions Arf has for them, while smiling innocently to Reinforce, of what will happen to trashes…I always ensure my husband returns nice and clean…if not, he has to live with the dog for a week!_

Zafira: I do not want to be referred to as "the dog", thank you very much!

Arisa: for those who don't know, Mr Commentator's wife refers to Zafira as the house dog of our workforce…he considers Arf to be a delightful little daughter…

Arf: I thought you'll be out looking for BT, Zafira.

Zafira: I was told to remain here at the studio just in case BT showed up.

Alicia: BT isn't going to be stupid to walk into the studio knowing we'll tie him up ready for next episode's execution!

Zafira: he's an interviewer, have you forgotten?

TB: oh well, moving on then.

_The Numbers are ushered by Reinforce to the custom bath house of the studio, Reinforce went with them to show them the way…the bath house in the studio is so good, to think that BT would be so generous in splashing so much money for us girls to clean ourselves._

TB: that's Onii-chan for you. He's very considerate!

Arf: that and he made sure it's peep proof.

Arisa: like?

TB: did you know that if someone peeped there is a punishing machine nearby for us to use, like having a broom handle shoved into your foots pressure point, or auto ticklers with feathers or…

Suzuka: now I see what's that for. I thought it was for us to…enjoy yourselves with…

Erio: that didn't sound too good…

Zafira: well, Arisa looks a little too red for my liking…oh dear.

TB: anyway Genya, I've been meaning to ask you this: what are your thoughts of having your Ginga been married to the Cameraman?

Genya: well, I can't really comment on that.

TB: may I ask why?

Genya: well, I can't really comment on the men she likes can I? Not after seeing how happy they are...

Erio: Genya-san is very thoughtful to think of his daughter's happiness.

Ginga: thank you dad!

Alicia: hold a sec Ginga! Did you know that the Cameraman is being forced into taking pictures of you whenever he can, just to satisfy your perverted old man's fantasy?!

Ginga: yes I do know.

Everyone: WHAT?!

Ginga: my husband always takes pictures of me whenever we're on picnics. He never takes pictures while we're inside our room.

Zafira: that's a relief!

TB: ah well, moving on! When you married your wife, did you hope to have many kids with her from the start?

Genya: of course I did, who wouldn't like a large happy family?!

TB: I see. Then, would you be as happy as you are if you had all sons instead of daughters?

Genya: errr……

_Genya thinks hard on the matter, but everyone can tell that he wouldn't have been too happy if they were all boys…I wouldn't mind a mix of both, that way I can enjoy the best of both worlds!_

TB: no matter. What are your thoughts on Hayate?

Genya: she's grown into a fine and capable officer, not to mention a fabulous woman…but like everyone else, she has flaws…

Zafira: so much as mention them and I'm sure you'll be cosplay material till new year's!

Alicia: he might not survive the first three days, let alone weeks!

TB: I'm sure anyone can survive that kind of treatment if they've got enough willpower.

Suzuka: BT is an exception to the rule, you know?

TB: don't worry, guys. Anyway, what do you think of the other Aces?

Genya: hmmm...Fate will make a fine mother, when she has time off to take care of Vivio, while Nanoha fills the dedicated role of a mother to Vivio very much. I recall Vivio being scolded by Nanoha for bringing BT back to their home one time.

Arf: is BT trying to court death or something?

Genya: I heard that her mothers were fine with that and left BT alone, Vivio then proceeded to drag him to her room, tied up of course, for her grand experiment, screaming and kicking of course.

_Everyone goes silent while Genya simply laughs as if it's a normal thing…well, my husband has pointed out that this show IS mad, but I can't help but think of BT in that kind of distress…makes me wish there was a tape recording of it…_

Zafira: I knew it! All the women in the Interview Hell staff are evil maniacs that love seeing men suffer in the most horrible way possible!

Erio: please refrain from saying that out loud Zafira, they might think of changing tonight's menu to dog hot pot.

Suzuka: did someone order some dog meat for tonight's meal?

Arisa: no, I'll go and get some right now…while it's fresh and screaming…

Alicia: I'll commend the dog's soul to the grim reaper for safe keeping…until we need some entertainment.

TB: oooo, I wonder if the meat will be blue?

Zafira: I think I'll take a walk now…

TB: anyway Genya: what do you think of the recent flood of mail for your girls' hand in marriages?

Genya: nothing really. I simply write back to them saying that I cannot allow it.

Arf: maybe he wants to keep his harem intact?

Genya: that thought has never ever entered my mind. My girls are pure-hearted and I will not defile them in that sort of way!

Ginga: then why is it, dad?

Genya: because the reason they have all given is lacking conviction for me to allow them to marry my daughters, plus all of my daughters have turned them down…hard.

Erio: that sounds…painful…

Zafira: why do I feel it's a bad time to be a man…

Alicia: I'll be sure to prepare the funerals for all of them, by cremating them slowly, even if they're still alive, then scattering their ashes into the sun.

_Both Erio and Zafira wonder: will it be a good time to change their gender? After all, being a man is practically the worst thing in the world at this point in time…well, I'm afraid that's not possible. Mr P has been sued by some many people for doing some crazy things as of late!_

TB: ah well, anyway let's take a break for now from questioning Genya, and go over to Yunno whose now reporting live from the site where he's searching for my Onii-chan.

* * *

_At some forbidden place that looks like a Labyrinth is Yunno, all the Cameramen, and no sign of Jail or Zeck in sight…man am I glad those two aren't here...oh yes it's me, Mr Commentator, who will be commenting during this little break!_

Yunno: hello people, I'm sure you're all thinking: "is BT really in a Labyrinth?" place, and I'm afraid he is.

Ninja: the scent of pure undiluted terror is coming somewhere within the stone maze.

Marine: I'll go ahead and see what kind of traps he has prepared for us.

Samurai: I'll back you up if you get into trouble.

Pirate: arrrk, I'll be spying from this point for that scurvy dog, har!

Yunno: it seems BT has dug himself a fifty mile Labyrinth in hopes of avoiding us, unfortunately, we've got a secret weapon that will track him down no matter where…

Cameraman: I can't believe that THEY'RE the secret weapon!

Zeck: let the radiance of my muscles shine through the darkness!!

Jail: BWAHAHAHA, I'll show my genius by flooding this with images of the glorious muscles on all the walls!

_Appearing from behind them is Jail wearing, what appears to be, a lab coat fitted with numouers experimental du hickies, while Zeck flexing his muscles while wearing a white bikini bottom… (Mr Commentator has passed out from blood loss that is gushing out of his ears…)_

Yunno: I think we should all take a big step back…

Cameraman: like the mobile Zeck proof APC we brought with us?

Marine: yes… NOW GET IN!!!!

_Everyone, except the two whackos, got into the APC and wait. Jail fires up his machine while laughing at how much of a genius he is, Zeck simply flexes his muscles in a way that will make even a God of Calamity run away! …I'm inside the APC as well, so I'm safe from whatever those two are doing…I think._

Jail: firing up the muscle enhancing projector!

Zeck: let all those who have lost their ways be guided by my holy muscles to freedom!

Yunno: do you think this will work?

Samurai: let's hope not.

Marine: why?

Ninja: have thou not heard of the Greek legend of the Labyrinth?

Pirate: arrk, tis a dark legend of a monster of a man, called a Minotaur, his body of a man while his head of a bull

Yunno: right now, if their plans succeed we might see the "Minotaur" of this maze come out…

Marine: you don't mean what I think you mean…

_Jail flips the switch and every single wall inside the maze is covered with images of Zeck's muscles, magnified and in different angles. They hear nothing for a moment… probably, he died from seeing such gruesome things!_

Voice: !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yunno: OK everyone! Start praying he doesn't go for the APC!

Zeck: look at the beast who is drawn to my divine…*crunch*

Jail: my inventions are a work of…*squash*

Cameraman: I didn't like that sound…

Marine: be a man and show your courage!

_Something with two red eyes stare at them through on of the port holes, they all screamed long and loud… IT'S HERE, THE MONSTER OF THE MAZE, CRAZY BT!!!_

* * *

_The camera cuts at that point and we return to the safety of the studio...oh my, it seems my husband and his friends have gotten themselves into a very bad situation._

TB: I'm sure they're fine at this moment, probably having tea with Onii-chan.

Arf: TB is confident in her knowledge of BT's actions…despite that fact she's known him for only a week or two…

Zafira: should I roll out with the coffins or with Shamal?

Alicia: it might be best if I go, BT will not harm a woman.

Arisa: that's true, he wouldn't lay one finger on Alicia…not if he wants Fate and Nanoha grinding his bones into dust…

TB: I'm sure he'll be fine…now then, RF has some questions for Genya.

Genya: oh? What kind of questions?

TB: the first question is: "are you contented in your life? with two beauties as your daughters?"

Genya: well now, I would have said that originally but now that I have my newly adopted daughters, it's become quite lively! Ah yes, it's so much fun with so many girls in the house.

Ginga: you should have seen the time dad set up a strip twister game! The others were all screaming "pervert!", when he tried to use strip poker, they hanged him outside a fifty foot building to consider the error of his ways!

Zafira: I'm surprised that they didn't simply turn him into a woman instead...

Erio: that would have been an insult to every woman if we did that.

Alicia: he has a point, Genya might want a male harem afterwards…something which I do not want to think about.

TB: well he could have made it worst...

Arf: how?

TB: wanting both…

_Everyone freezes at TB's words. Some of the audience simply die from shock of what their minds conjure up, while the other half simply faint with a smile…well now, this has been a most…disturbing discovery…_

Arisa: please move on before I puke up today's lunch over you, TB!

TB: OK~! Now then the second question from RF: "mind sending me pictures of Subaru and Ginga, naked, if possible?"

Genya: I cannot do such a thing!

Ginga: yes you can't.

_Ginga has reverted to her Number uniform with the massive drill in her hand. Genya is trying not to shiver in fear at the sight of his daughter…isn't it wonderful? To see how the daughter is keeping her dad in line with pain as the punishment?_

Arf: that kind of sounded a little…twisted…

Zafira: I'm not going to even dare comment…for my personal health will be on the line...

TB: now now, Ginga, you don't want to display violence in front of the camera, do you?

Zafira: WHAT?!

TB: after all some small kid may be watching. Save it when we're off the air.

Ginga: you have a point TB.

_Ginga reverts to normal and the two happily chat of what kind of punishment game they will give some men they know…we girls need to keep ourselves occupied after all._

Erio: should I get the insurance company for Genya Nakajima to get ready to go bankrupt?

Zafira: no, don't. If we give them a heads-up, they'll instantly declare they're bankrupt and we have no way of paying for Genya's health bill!

Yunno: we're back…

_Everyone turns to see Yunno and the others drag themselves into the studio. Half of their clothes have been torn apart by what looks like animal marks, Zeck and Jail are being carried in a wheel barrel by the Marine…oh my! When did you all get back?_

Cameraman:…Gin…ga…

Ginga: oh deary!

_The Cameraman is caught by Ginga as she checks to see if he's hurt. The others wonder when will someone check if THEY are hurt as well...(Mr Commentator is back so he's taking over the commenting section for the last part) Well, you guys don't have any girls waiting for you!_

Samurai: he'll be fine. He's simply in deep shock from seeing BT rip the APC in half.

Zafira: you mean the APC which wasn't insured…right?

Ninja: yes, but its sacrifice did not go in vain, for we have captured the invincible one.

Pirate: arrrk…me heart is broken to see him caged like a beastie.

Marine: it was either the cage for him or the Coffin for us…invulnerable or not!

Yunno: ah well...at least we managed to capture him before the end of the episode…

Numbers: wow! What happened to you guys?

_At this point the Numbers all return, wearing Yukatas, while the other cameramen simply stare at them with their jaws dropping…if they so much as nab a girl for themselves I'm never going to fo…(Mrs Commentator has put Mr Commentator into a lock and will like to speak for a moment) Please pay no attention to my husband and go for it!_

TB: hmmm I want to see Onii-chan, so we'll end the show here.

Genya: hmmm, BT is popular as ever by the look of things.

Vivio: yes he is~!

Yunno: where have you been the whole time, Vivio?

Vivio: My moms asked me to help them with something. They said something about how they wanted to test something before she could use it on BT.

_Everyone wonders: should they let BT escape, or let Nanoha blast him with her new toy? I'm sure that Nanoha has no intention of turning BT into ashes, after all, everyone loves him. Right?_

Yunno: I'm not too sure, his hate club is pretty big…

TB: anyway! Thanks for coming Genya, and have a safe trip home.

Genya: thank you TB. Now, come on girls! We have dinner to prepare!

Marine: we'll take them home afterwards, you can leave first.

Genya: but…

Sein: come on dad, there isn't going to be a legion of fan haters waiting for you outside the door!

Cinque: yes that's true! We slaughtered them before we came!

Genya: hmmm, I guess you're right. Don't be late home girls, I want you to wash my back tonight.

Numbers: OK!

_Genya waves to them and walks out of the guest door; the sound of ten thousand voices can be heard, which is followed by Genya trying to beg for mercy and then him screaming in pain…what begins well, ends well I always say!_

Yunno: oh well, next week we're finally interviewing the infamous White Devil, Nanoha T. Harlaown! Make sure you don't miss the final episode of this series! Hmm...I wonder: will Mr P post it on Christmas?

TB: oh yes, thank you to MMP III for helping read the script again!


	40. Interview 35

Authors Note: this chapter was written by a request by Mio-tan, so please enjoy the chaos of this extra chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the chapters of MGLN, but I do own BT and some of his staff.

**Interview 35: Shipping War Inevitable!**

TB: welcome to another death-defying episode of Interview Hell. I'm your host, TB.

Yunno: and I'm your secondary host, Yunno Scrya!

TB: I know all of you have been waiting for this day for a long time.

Yunno: yep. Finally, Nanoha will be on the show!

TB: before that, one of our viewers, Mio-tan has asked that we interview someone and Mr P has agreed to interview that person.

Yunno: not only that! He has also decided that he'll also interview one more person alongside the one Mio-tan asked for.

TB: And as an extra bonus, just for this time only, Mr P has scheduled two episodes of Interview Hell back-to-back, so once we've finished with interviewing them, we'll move straight onto the White Devil!

Arf: Mr P sure wants to wrap it up, doesn't he?

Zafira: it's been a year now and he feels that this series should finally be drawn to a close…I'll miss being on screen so much…

Arf: please, don't remind me…

TB: well, let's move onto interviewing our two guests. They both have some connection to the ancient Belkan Ruler. Both of them have befriended Vivio, White Devil style…well, one of them. And finally, they're super moe! Please give a loud round of applause to Einhart Stratos and Ixpellia!

_Vivi walks through while holding onto the hands of her two friends. Einhart looks a little stiff as she walks in, no doubt embarrassed to be on national television, while Ixy (shorten for Ixpellia) yawns tiredly while rubbing her eyes...SUPER MOE!!!!!!!!!!!!_

Vivi: come on guys, relax!

Einhart: I'll try

Ixy: *yawn* Is it morning yet?

TB: welcome to the show, girls. I'm sure your journey here wasn't bad...was it?

Vivi: no, but we were ambushed by some people with cameras.

Ixy: my loyal "fans" took care of them…

Einhart: I tore one of their arms as gently as possible when he grabbed me.

Zafira: how can you tear someone's arm off gently?!!!

Arf: do you want to ask her how she did it?

Zafira:…I like my arm the way it is…

Cameraman: where's the boss? And...where are the other cameramen?

Yunno: we'll explain where they are later in the show…now then, let's start with the first question.

TB: what do you think of Vivio's parents?

Einhart: they're super nice…

Ixy: Fate-san was so warm and cuddly!

Vivi: she is, isn't she?!

Zafira: why did I feel a chill run down my spine?

Alicia: maybe it's winter?

TB: maybe it is. Anyway, next question: did you think Vivi was pretty when you first saw her?

Einhart: ummm...

Ixy: yep!

Zafira: Why does Ixy look like she's on sugar high all of a sudden?

Arf: I don't know...do you know Alicia?

Alicia: I gave her BT's drink by accident.

Arisa: why would you have BT's drink ready?

Alicia: in case he turns up for today's interview...

Suzuka: doesn't BT have like ten lumps of sugar in his coffee?

Cameraman: twenty as of late.

Ginga: that doesn't sound reassuring...

Zafira: I'll say ten lumps of sugar make it taste like chocolate...but twenty? You might as well pour syrup down your throat!

TB: have either of you tried Vivi's energy drink? It's super delicious!

Einhart: ummm...yes it is...

Ixy: I recall drinking something green...

Zafira: both of them are too afraid of hurting Vivi's feelings if they said that they nearly died from drinking it...

Alicia: tell me about it! Drinking that is nearly as bad as eating Shamal's sandwiches...we're talking about Shamal making the bread as well for the sandwich...

Arisa: did my ears hear wrong or did TB said that Vivi's energy drink is delicious?

Arf: we ARE talking about BT's sister here!

Cameraman: I completely forgot she's inherited the boss's invincibility...and his temper...

TB: did my favourite beating bag say something?

Ginga: no, he didn't TB; he only said that he wonders what he will get me for Christmas.

TB: oh is that so, well then, I won't say anymore to you two love birds.

_The cameraman gives a thumbs up to Ginga who returns it happily. The others wonder what would have happened if Ginga wasn't there to save the Cameraman's butt...I'm predicting a puddle of stuff which is best left unsaid as to what it was before._

TB: next question: this one is for Einhart; how many matches have you had with Vivi since the start of Vivid? And have you won those matches?

Einhart:...little under fifty matches...with Vivi just winning by one.

TB: ah, I see. Fifty...

Reinforce: it seems a little excessive to have fifty matches in only one month.

Arf: urk, now I know why there were so many random places being blown up...it was their fault...

Zafira: I nearly got clobbered to death when I found myself in the middle of their fight last week!

Yunno: I'm surprised you came out of it without a scratch.

Zafira: Vivi managed to recognize me at the last second before she punched me...she's becoming more and more like her mother everyday...I'm referring to both of her mothers!

TB: at least you're still in one piece, that's what counts.

Yunno: yeah...anyway, the next question is for Ixy: do you like Subaru?

Ixy: I LOVE HER!

_Everyone looks in stunned silence at the hyperactive Ixy who is now chewing through a man-sized marshmallow... can someone stop giving her sugar?!!!_

Reinforce: I apologise, but it's a little hard when she gives such an innocent look while I'm holding onto my lunch.

Alicia: I didn't know that Reinforce likes sweets so much.

Zafira: you should have checked her room, it's full of sweet wrappers...but she's still in shape even after eating that much sugar.

Arisa: she probably gets all the exercise from slaughtering the government officials that come to close our show down...did the last one send an entire army to try and shut us down?

Suzuka: yes they did. I was sitting on top of the studio roof with some popcorn while Reinforce annihilated them.

_Everyone look at Suzuka wondering: did she really sit on top of the studio watching the massacre...? If you think that's creepy you should have seen the look she gave when Arisa went to her room...I was terrified..._

TB: anyway, on with the next question: aren't you glad you're friends instead of enemies?

Einhart: yes, I'm relieved that we're friends.

Ixy: I agree as well!

Zafira: are they're just saying that because they don't want the White Devil as their enemy as well?

Arf: sshh, do you want Nanoha to come on stage and turn you to ashes?

Yunno: or Fate could come in and skewer you on her Plasma Lancers...

Alicia: come to think of it: why aren't there any questions from the viewers?

Arisa: this is a special episode, so there won't be any viewer questions for this episode of course.

Zafira: I'm relieved! Could you imagine the crazy questions some of the viewers might ask? Like "who do you like more, Vivi? Einhart or Ixy?"

Vivi: Einhart of course!

_Zafira looks at the others who all seem ready to jump him and shave him bald...I second that action!_

Ixy: what about me?

Vivi: I like you just as much!

Einhart:...but...you said you like me more...

Vivi: I like both of you!

Yunno: let's take a break and find out where BT is...

Zafira: good call. That gives us time to calm them down before they do anything...oh Hell!

_Einhart is now in adult mode, while Ixy's loyal "fans" have turned up from the guest door...CHANGE THE SCENE! CHANGE THE SCENE!!!_

_

* * *

_

_At the bowels of Interview Hell's studio, we find our favourite Cameramen with some of the Numbers playing...Uno??_

Marine: hah! UNO!

Samurai: that's the fifth time already!!!

Sein: I swear you're cheating!

Pirate: arrrk, you'll be walking the plank matey!

Ninja: the shadows demand punishment for your cheating ways!

Nove: can someone take over for me already!

Marine: you're all jealous because I'm really good at card games!

_They're all sitting at a large stone table in what appears to be some kind of large cavern. Nove is sitting in front of a large hole with a fishing rod in her hand, a bento box dangle at the end of the fishing line that hangs over the hole...what the hell could she be fishing for?_

Voice: FOOOD!!!!

Nove: you do know I'm going to suffer nightmares for the rest of my life if I keep looking down this damn hole!

Marine: OK I'll switch with you

Ninja: do you think you'll escape my terrible retribution?

Samurai: let's push him down the hole, that'll do for punishment.

Pirate: aye, I'll get me walking plank out for thee cheater!

Marine: then who's going to take over the fishing rod after I fall in?

_All of them go silent; the Ninja looks extremely pale while he hides behind Deed, who has her blades out…why does that look so wrong!_

Marine: well?

Everyone: FINE!!!

Marine: OK Nove, let's switch.

Nove: FINALLY! Do you know how disturbing it is to watch the things being done down there for the past hour?

Marine: you think that's bad? You should have been here during the time the BT hater army came round…anyway, come on, boss. Your food is right here.

_Down the hole is a very, VERY deep arena area. Currently, it's half-full with the bodies of thousands of BT haters…damn it BT! You're just as worst as the Aces in massacring people!_

BT: FOOD!!!

Wendi: what's up with BT anyway?

Samurai: the bento box is BT's lunch.

Cinque: we can see that.

Pirate: arrk, but did you know that Vivio made thee lunch for him?

Dieci: isn't that…dangerous? As in having billion of fans of Vivio wanting BT's head on a platter?

Ninja: correct. For that reason, we've cast them into the underground arena to…settle the argument.

Nove: why would you guys do that to him? He's your boss for crying out loud!

Marine: we…had our reasons…

_The Numbers notice how pale all the cameramen look, even the damn Marine's black armour is now white with fear…I'll give you a few hints as to why they're sacred: the person that asked them to do that wears white, their magical power colour is pink…and they tend to leave craters of their victims…_

BT: BEING FIRED IS THE LEAST OF YOUR WORRIES WHEN I GET MY DAMN HANDS ON YOU ALL!!!

Deed: BT does not sound happy…if he survives the execution the four of you might want to find some place to hide from him…

Marine: mind if we move in with you guys?

Nove: WHAT?

Samurai: you guys are the only one we can turn to.

Cinque: why not ask Arf for help?

Ninja: she would not want to house us if she knew BT was going to kill us…slowly…

_Before they could discuss anymore a dead fan is thrown out of the hole. They all look down to see BT now using the fans' corpses as a ladder…errr, guys, I think BT's coming to get you…_

Ninja: Nimpo: cutting rope!

Marine: I've got my chainsaw out!

Samurai: my Camera-sword is ready!

Pirate: me camera musket will deal with him!

Nove: don't you guys feel like they're a little…

Cinque: crazy?

BT: GET OVER HERE!!!

_A poor fan is thrown out of the pit with a rope attached to him. The rope wraps itself round the cameramen, who all start screaming for mercy just before they're pulled into the hole with the meat grinder…let's change the scene or else we'll turn half the men in our viewers to women!_

_

* * *

_

_We go back to the studio…and just in time. I thought I saw BT taking their girly parts to the grinder…don't ask. Just trust me on this one!_

TB: welcome back. I hope my Onii-chan wasn't doing anything disturbing.

Yunno: like turning the cameramen into women? Not a chance!

Zafira: BT wouldn't be able to get a hold of them if they're a hundred a feet above him.

Arf: unless he managed to baseball-bat one of the dead fans through the hole with a rope attach to it that's made from all the shirts of the defeated fans to wrap it around the cameramen and then pull them down.

Alicia: my master has just told me that I should be expecting four more screaming souls soon…I wonder who they could be.

Yunno: anyway! Before you left, we were about to see a fight between Einhart and Ixy, which has thankfully been resolved, isn't that right, Vivi?

Vivi: yep!

_Vivi smiles happily while around her is a massacre: Einhart is sitting in her seat while blushing away while Ixy, on the other hand is laughing randomly while her two "fans" are lying on the floor like burnt marshmallows…you don't want to know how it ended!_

TB: anyway, let's continue where we left off. Yunno will you please do the next question while I take a drink.

Yunno: su…that's not Vivi's energy drink…is it?

TB: yes it is. Also, quite good at keeping me in shape!

Yunno: right…oh yes, before we go I got a message from Mr P: "Sorry Hignum, for calling you a guy. It might have slipped my mind. Can you forgive me?" He even sent a life-size plush doll of Signum…

TB: Mr P does make mistakes from time to time I guess.

Yunno: let's pray the mistake doesn't earn him a broken door…anyway, on with the question: Ixy, how long have you been awake?

Ixy: a day or so.

Arf: I thought you were going to sleep for another one year to a century…so why are you up all of a sudden? And...what about the "fans"?

Ixy: Mr P was very kind to come by and write in his book of "things" for me to wake up full of energy, so here I am. Also my "loyal" fans that you see here today are two of the army of servants I have at my disposal.

TB: will it be a bad time to tell you that all of them tried to kill BT?

Ixy: why?

Vivi: I told you that uncle BT would like you!

Zafira: in short, BT has managed to get more haters because of a misunderstanding…

Alicia: are you sure it's not intentional on Mr P's part?

Cameraman: I wouldn't be surprised.

TB: final question before we take a five minute break: is Vivi growing up like her Nanoha-mama OR is she growing up like her Fate-mama?

Ixy:…

Einhart:…

Zafira: they're probably scared out of their minds!

Yunno: of what?

Arf: if they say that Vivi is growing up as ONE of the mothers it can't be good for all of us…you get my drift?

Alicia: if it's Nanoha, that means Vivi enjoys wanton destruction…while Fate would mean that if you so much as look at someone she has interest in…it's too horrible to imagine what will happen if that was the case…why couldn't Vivi grow up like her grandmother?

Arisa: I recall Nanoha's mama been very good with a kitchen knife and a frying pan…

Ginga: why do I feel like this episode wasn't as good as it should be?

Cameraman: maybe with no-one asking questions for them, Mr P is running out of stupid questions.

Vivi: aunt Hayate has told me that she'll be coming in to watch Nanoha-mama's interview.

Einhart: I believe that she told you that everyone else will also be there...

Ixy: Subaru is coming too! Yay!

_The staff of Interview Hell wonder how in Hell's name are they're going to manage to stop the MGLN characters from slaughtering the fans...? Why don't we worry about ourselves first before we start worrying about the cannon fodders?_

TB: in light of that information, we have to bid you all farewell...for the next five minutes...

Yunno: you don't look so good, TB...

TB: nothing...it's just the thought of Hayate...and cosplay...

Ginga: I'll get the cushion for her.

Cameraman: I'll get her bed.

Yunno: I'll carry her there...

Arf: oooh! You're trying to score with TB, hmmm?

Yunno: you do understand that I would be more scared of her older brother than of TB, right?

Zafira: are you referring to BT's black temper OR his god-awful bad luck?

Alicia: I think Yunno is referring to both...come on! How many interviewers have the misfortune to be singled out by Nanoha to be blasted into ashes?

Einhart: I'd like to sit next to Vivi...if that's OK.

Ixy: I want to sit next to my Subaru!

Vivi: Fate-mama is bringing some of her home made sandwiches!

Cameraman: errr...looks like these three have already called first dibs on where they're sitting...anyway, since it's been a very strange episode I'll sign us off. Thank you girls for coming. Zafira will take you to your seats

Vivi: Yay Zaffy!

_Zafira walks forward in his big wolf form. All three little girls sit on top of him as he carries them to the special MGLN seats...DAMN IT ZAFIRA! I WOULD DO ANYTHING JUST TO TRADE PLACES WITH YOU!!!_


	41. Interview 36

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of MGLN, I do own some of the staff of Interview Hell, namely BT! **

**Interview 36 – Interview Hell Last Interview: The White Devil Appears!!!!!!!!!!!!**

TB: well, we're back! If you missed the first half of today's special then you can re-watch it after this episode. I'm your host, TB.

Yunno: and I'm your secondary host, Yunno Scrya.

TB: as you all know, today is the LAST interview of this incredible series, so I would like to thank all to those who have been watching.

Yunno: and to those that passed away due to...uncontrollable circumstances, like the MGLN characters going wild, and those who recently joined us.

Ginga: you two are looking fabulous!

Cameraman: of course they would, today is the last interview!

Arf: heh, I got five new tracks I just recorded ready to play during the commercials!

Alicia: the Cameramen are all fine...just don't expect them to move much.

Marine: THE CHAIR IS COMING!!!!

Samurai: A DEMON IS COMING!!!

Ninja: ARRRRHHHHHH!!!

Pirate: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRKKKKKK!!!!

Arisa: they look fine but they sound so broken...

Suzuka: I could fix that if you like...

Reinforce: that would not be necessary.

Zafira: I've got a bad feeling about this...

_Reinforce, with the help of the recently-adopted Nakajimas sisters, wheels the broken Cameramen through a door. Once inside, they leavet the room and lock it. A few moments later, the four start screaming for mercy. Also, the sound of someone saying "muscle" can be heard...are you girls trying to break them even more?_

Hayate: I wonder what kind of cosplay I should make them wear.

Subaru: errr Ixy...can you let go? Tia is giving me a black look...

Vita: my bet still stands that BT will be nothing more than a teaspoon of ashes at the end of the episode.

Fate: now Vivi, make sure you watch carefully how Nanoha-mama turns men into ashes, OK?

Vivio: Fate-mama, why are you in Sonic form...and why do you look a little sweaty?

_All of the MGLN characters that have been interviewed are all here. Some of them taking bets as to how much of BT will be left, or discussing about some other random stuff, like: why does Hayate have Shamal on standby with a truck full of her personal Cosplay for everyone...? I'm surprised they're not on the stage, trying to tear BT apart...for various reasons: like him and Vivio, or the rumour of him trying to get in the sack with Fate or...ooops I said too much...BWHAHAHA!_

Yunno: is it me or is Mr Commentator trying to make Nanoha even angrier when she finally shoots BT?

_Someone kicks down the Interviewer door. He marches in with a determined look...I can't believe my eyes: it's BT coming into the studio... is he insane?!_

BT: DON'T TALK LIKE I'M NOT HERE!!!

Zafira: oh BT, I thought you would have ran away by now.

BT: I CAN'T do that, especially not today of all times!

Alicia: do you have a death wish?

BT: as much as I HATE being here, I have to...after all, this entire series is about ME interviewing the MGLN characters, so I would like TB and Yunno to step down.

TB: are you sure Onii-chan? You look nervous.

BT: nonsense! What makes you say that?

_BT is shaking so badly that the floor is shaking. In his hands, he has his infamous black chair. He even went as far as putting as many AMF generators on his back...like that's going to help to keep you alive, BT!_

Cameraman: good to see you're here, boss.

BT: yeah. Funny to think that on the first episode there was only me and you, but now, look how much staff we've got.

Cameraman: yes...

BT: well, let's make this last interviewe one to be remembered...and let's pray I live to tell the tale.

Cameraman: yeah...if it makes you feel better, I and Ginga are going to name our first boy after you.

BT: that's...nice...

Zafira: is the cameraman crazy? Naming their kid after the most unfortunate person on the planet?!

Arf: sssshhh! If BT hears you, you'll know what will happen!

Alicia: don't worry, I've got Zafira's coffin ready.

Arisa: don't worry about the cremation. I've got that covered.

Yunno: hey guys, can you hear something?

_The door where the Cameramen were wheeled into breaks down. The four cameramen walk through...is that a good thing or a bad thing?_

Marine: behold!

Samurai: the mighty!

Ninja: the brave!

Pirate: the unshakeable!

_The Cameramen quickly do a back flip and get into position. Then, fireworks go off. Everyone watches and claps at the five...well it IS the last time they'll be able to do this, so we'll let it slide this time._

Cameramen: THE BT BRIDGADE!!!

BT: remind me to recommend them for Power Rangers/Super Sentai shows...anyway, let's welcome today's guest!

_Drum rolls as BT introduces the final and greatest guest on the ever last interview of Interview Hell...1'm going to miss all this._

BT: she's been blowing things up, be it people, monsters, demi-gods or her producers at the tender age of ten. She's befriended everyone in the same way: overwhelming power! And finally, she is the proud mother of Vivi, who is following in her footsteps in turning people into ashes...

Zafira: to think that BT is interested in their daughter is scary!

Arf: well, Mr P does like Vivio's character. Hell, he even created another guy to hook up with Vivio!

Yunno: what was his name? Two, second, Due....?

BT: Please welcome the TSAB Ace of Aces, the Instructor from Hell, Fate's Wife, the One Who Redefined Befriending, the Pink Light of Death, the White Devil, Nanoha Takamachi Harlaown!!!!!

_Part of the roof opens up and from that hole comes down Nanoha. All the fans scream their undying love to her as she lands in the chair in front of BT, giving him a pleasant smile... BT is scared stiff by that smile already!!!_

Nanoha: thank you for inviting me to the show, BT.

BT: …

TB: is Onii-chan OK?

Fate: maybe I should wake him up with a Plasma Lancer or fifty.

Ginga: maybe he needs Vivio to kiss him awake?

_Nanoha simply points Raising Heart at BT, eight other Blaster bits appears round BT, all of them began to power up...BT better says something or else he's going to be ashes before this interview even begins!_

BT: ARRRRHHHHH!!!

Nanoha: I was checking whether or not you just died when you saw me.

Erio: I always felt like that while she instructed me during the JS incident...must forget, must forget, must forget, must forget!!!!

Arf: that's OK Erio, Nanoha won't do anything to you while I'm here.

Nanoha: Arf, when this interview is over I'd like to spar with you for a bit.

_Everyone looks at Arf, who is no longer there. There's only a sign that says "I've gone to check with the commercial tapes, I'll be back at the end of the Interview. Arf"...I don't blame her!_

BT: right, anyway. Nanoha, I've been meaning to ask you this...

Nanoha: yes?

BT: why were you OK with me being with Vivio? Then again, I was more like her cosplay doll...*shudder*

Nanoha: that's why. If you're with Vivio, then she'll try all of her cosplay ideas on you.

BT: I see, I was the sacrific...WHAT?!

Nanoha: I can't say no to my little Vivio whenever she asked me to cosplay for her...that's why Fate makes sure she's away for years.

Fate: that's not true! I'm only doing it so we can host our wedding!

Yunno: would it be a bad time for me to say that Mr P has taken care of that? He said he'll hold a wedding ceremony for you two at the end of the episode.

Zafira: wow! When did Mr P say that?

_A hole in the back ground opens. A man sits in a large, comfortable chair while shrouded in shadows...why am I thinking that some super spy villain has turned up?_

Mr P: it is I, Mr P in the flesh...relatively speaking, that is.

Alicia: is it true then?

Mr P: yes...

_Mr P didn't want to mention that it wasn't his intention, it seemed that someone wrote that part without his knowledge...I wonder: where is the master book that could change the very existence of Interview Hell?_

Vivi: yay! Mamas going to get married together!

BT: OK, I got a few questions that I like to ask before we move to the questions by our viewers.

Nanoha: OK

BT: first off, whose more blood thirsty, you or Raising Heart?

_Raising Heart is in Excellion mode in Nanoha's hand, five of the Raising Heart bits fired a barrage at BT, who quickly dive into the fan stand to hide. Half the fans are torn apart by the barrage… don't worry people, we got plenty more fans coming in every second!_

Nanoha: sorry, it seems that Raising Heart didn't like your tone of voice

Alicia: BT should know better than to say bad things about someone, or something, when they're within ear shot

BT: right I'll remember that from now on… if I live that long… I've been hearing rumours that Subaru has been stalking you, is this true?

Nanoha: oh yes they are true

BT: isn't Fate jealous? Come to think about it how in donkeys name is Subaru still alive? After living in the same building with Fate for the better part of a year???

Nanoha: I do recall Fate-chan been very helpful during training, when I came back most of the forwards were dirty but OK, Subaru was on a stretcher with her legs and arms bandaged, but she said she was fine still to train for tomorrow

BT: so Fate simply went all out against Subaru to keep herself from killing her…

Yunno: ouch

Arf: that's what happened when you fall for Nanoha…

Arisa:… wish I was Subaru

Suzuka: oh dear, looks like Arisa needs some "punishment", ku ku ku.

BT: I feel like I asked a forbidden question…

Cameraman: don't you always do?

BT: Nanoha could you blast the Cameraman for me? Just this once?

Cameraman: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Nanoha: I can't

BT: THE WHITE DEVIL REFUSE TO BLOW SOMEONE UP!!!

Nanoha: he is Ginga's husband; I can't simply blast him just after they've been married for the last few months

Cameraman: I'M SAVED!!!

Nanoha: I'll wait until the party before I blow him up, that way Ginga can nurse him back to healt!

_The cameraman went white with horror, Ginga pats him on the back lovingly… that looks so wrong on so many levels!!!_

BT: I don't know should I feel relieved or scared… anyway onto the next question, your parents haven't been seen or mentioned since Strikers, do you call them?

Nanoha: of course I do!

Shirou: our daughter calls us once every month

Momoko: I recall her telling me how she delightfully wasted her sixth class in a day

Kyoya: she's becoming a great warrior

Miyuki: Fate always butt in while slaughtering random guys that try to hit on Nanoha

BT: talk about a dysfunctional family…

Yunno: I think you can say the same for everyone on the show BT

TB: you should have seen Onii-chan running from a robot the size of a bus, he ran through cars that try to ram him and even drop kick a tank into the robot to get rid of it!

Alicia: I think TB is a sadist

BT: you JUST notice!!!

Yunno: we're still too afraid to say anything about that in front of TB!

BT: errr...right...anyway, we have a few questions from our viewers. The first is RF. The first questions is: "who are you to Fate? And who is Fate to you?"

Nanoha: I believe BT has answered that when you were using those colourful names.

BT: they ARE true...right guys?

_BT finds all of them have their arms crossed into a big X sign. He feels cold sweat running down his back while Nanoha simply smiles innocently, pink flames of rage burning around her...sorry BT, but we do value our lives._

BT: moving swiftly on...next question: "is Hayate a sister to you? Or more?"

Nanoha: hmmm...should I try that new Bombardment spell out now or later?

BT: can you please answer the question?

Zafira: BT is being very brave...so brave that I'm going to find the biggest rock and hide under it!

Ginga: I think I'll join you!

Alicia: don't worry! Nanoha won't do that while her family is here, right?

_Alicia finds that the MGLN stand is being shielded, courtesy of Mr P, so that they can enjoy the show without feeling endangered...wish he did the same for us, poor staff!_

Nanoha: well, since it's your last day, I'll answer your question: nope. Hayate is a good friend, nothing more, really.

BT: that'll do. Next question: "how long is the longest list of cosplaying you have ever tried, in a day?" Well, that can't be hard to…oh HELL!

_BT finds himself staring down the barrel of Raising Heart Excellion mode. Nanoha has now switched to White Devil Overdrive mode. She even has nine Starlight Breakers all pointed at BT._

Yunno: should we try and save him?

Arf: why???

Cameraman: you do understand that BT is probably only a quarter through the questions, and if he gets turned to ashes now, who's going to replace him?

Young Fate: ummm…Nanoha…

Nanoha: one moment, little Fate-chan. I'm just going to clean this dirt.

Young Fate: couldn't you wait a little longer…?

Vivio: yeah Nanoha-mama! BT was ONLY asking the question someone else asked for you to answer! It's not like he made up the question on purpose, right BT?

BT: YES!!!!

_Nanoha considers: should she simply blast BT now or later? Meanwhile, BT is staring at the nine pink orbs of death that surround him…don't worry BT, if you get turned into ashes I'll be sure to get your urn out for you!_

Nanoha: fine then, and as for that question…I don't want to answer it.

BT: errr…is it more than twenty?

Nanoha: ask anymore and I'll blast you right here right now.

BT: I'll take that as a yes! OK that's all from RF. Now, let's move onto MMP III's questions…

TB: something wrong?

BT: can I switch with you on these ones…?

Yunno: that bad?

Zafira: he should be protecting TB, not sacrificing her to safe his own hide!

Vivio: I have to agree

BT: don't worry. Mr P will ensure nothing will happen to my little sister, right?

Mr P: whatever do you mean?

TB: well let's see what kind of question MMP III has for Nanoha. Let's see now: "Nanoha, why the Hell haven't you asked Hayate for a threesome yet?  
I mean, c'mon, Nanoha-chan! Can't you see Hayate's been sufferin' in silence EVARsince you hooked up with Fate? She hides her pain behind a smile! Her cosplay is OBVIOUS evidence of this!  
Oh yeah, and...do you like Vocaloid? Who's your favourite of them all?"

Nanoha: BT…

BT: I don't know the questioners address, for the hundredth time!

Alicia: may your soul rest in peace, BT.

Nanoha: you must know. Why else would you accept hazardous questions such as that?

BT: how the Hell am I supposed to know?! Mr P simply receives the questions, without addresses, and agrees to having me ask those questions!!! I'M THE VICTIM HERE!!!

Nanoha: in that case, if you're not going to tell me I'll simply blast you until I feel better!

_BT doesn't get the time to scream as Nanoha shoots all Nine Starlight Breakers at BT…commercial time people!_

_

* * *

_

_The screen reappears to show the Cameramen all standing around a stand with a DVD box set…yep! You got it: another advertisement for the Interview Hell DVD collection!_

Cameraman: to celebrate the end of Interview Hell, we're selling a complete box set of all the episodes of Interview Hell.

Marine: this box set includes an extra DVD of the things that happen behind the stages, like: did you know that Arf begs for food from Yunno like a real dog?

Ninja: or the secret of Reinforce's white hair?

Pirate: oh me matey, Zafira, being dressed up in a blue gown?

Cameraman: what about the moments when Vivio drags BT to the locker room?

Marine: for a limited time only, we're also including a full set plush dolls of all the staff of Interview Hell with each of the box sets!

Ninja: also included is a personal Bio of all of us.

Samurai: did you know that BT's favourite drink is hot syrup?

Pirate: ay, what be the beastie called Zeck, he's most embarrassing secret laid bare to all!

Cameraman: also inside each one is a raffle ticket. If you pull the winning raffle, you'll be invited to the Interview Hell party!

Marine: more information of what will be explained later in the show.

Pirate: ay, lets set sails me heartys!

Ginga: honey, dinners ready!

Cameraman: coming!

_The cameraman runs off the set. The others all begin to mutter about something…they're simply jealous…then again, I am as well!_

Marine: also included in the prizes is the personal phone number of the Interview Hell staff. Why not call up Yunno and have a chat with him at how hopeless he is in trying to get a girl?

Samurai: what about the rumours about him and TB hooking up?

Ninja: they are false.

Pirate: aye, the two of them have been discussing about what will happen to us!

TB: are you guys finished? Your dinner is getting cold!

Cameramen: ???

TB: didn't you know? Me and Ginga have been cooking!

_They all rush past TB who simply smiles innocently. She completely forgot to mention that Vivi's Ultimate Energy Drink has is been served and they'll be drinking it…anyone knows where we put that stomach pump?_

_

* * *

_

_We find BT in one piece, still; ten smouldering chairs lying behind him, half the staff of Interview Hell cursing him for some strange reason…you have to have seen it to know what happened._

BT: be glad you guys aren't replacing me for the last part!

Ginga: yeah, but did you had to do that?!

Cameraman: I swear I saw my life flash in front of my face!

Arf: My tail was nearly singed off!

Zafira: when did you get back, Arf?

Alicia: a stray shot nearly got her.

Yunno: the building IS Starlight Breaker-proof, so naturally, it would simply bounce all over the place instead of blowing up.

BT: anyway! Our FINAL question for today is a new arrival by the name of Dragon Seraphim. Let's shorten it to Dragon or DS.

Arisa: you know, BT? You're going to get sued for using the that last short name.

BT: like they're going to get money out of me! Anyway the first question is: "Also, do you have a grudge against the world?"

Nanoha: whatever do you mean?

BT: probably referring to the millions of slaughtered fans, or the few hundered of officers that you wiped out for looking at Fate the wrong way, or how about the half a dozen of extinct alien species that you didn't like the look of or how about…

Nanoha: hmmm, I thought I wiped out a few dozen.

TB: I think BT is asking: do you have a grudge against the world…?

Nanoha: of course I don't. What gives you that idea?

Raising Heart: Master, target at ten O'clock, twenty eight gunships with twenty Fans in each of them are approaching. They are all armed with AMF shielded cameras.

Nanoha: oh dear, looks like my fan club is here, I better deal with them.

BT: no need to. BT BRIGADE!!!

Ninja: mission accepted.

Marine: by my honour!

Samurai: one strike, one kill.

Pirate: PREPARE TO BAORD THEM ME MATEYS!!!

Cameraman: CHARGE!!!!

_The BT Brigade all run-charge up the new flight of stairs that goes up to the roof. Yunno looks up, wondering: will those five be able to take on 560 fans on their own…? Hello Yunno, we're talking about the BT Brigade!_

Arf: tell me about it, those wackos could stop the horseman of the apocalypse if BT ordered them to!

BT: anyway, while they're busy burying your troubles, Nanoha, let's move onto the next question: "how, in the name of the universe, did you become so powerful? I mean, you're a good girl but...you know what? I'm just going to go finish my battle armour..."

Nanoha: that's easy, I practice my magic a lot.

BT: how many times a day? Mind you, Shamal told me that it's not good for your health to be using your magic so much…

Nanoha: no worries! Mr P has cured that problem. Now, I'm able to shoot as little as fifty Starlight Breakers x 9 in one day.

Yunno: as long as you don't say anything about Nanoha or her family, then you're fine.

Alicia: which isn't possible. Not with the amount of people that keeps stalking them?

Vivio: I recall one time Nanoha-mama returned home with a stalker hanging from Raising Heart like some fish…she then took it to her personal firing range underneath our house…I do recall hearing a lot of screaming and begging for the next month…

Zafira: I'm sure that just sacred all of our audience out of their wits!!!

BT: I guess that answers that question. Finally, the LAST question…hmmm, OK: "Nanoha, you don't really plan to kill BT? He's awesome."

Nanoha: don't worry, I won't kill you.

BT: really?

Nanoha: I'll just blast you to the point you're only an inch away from dying…should I mention that would also include being horribly mutilated and probably being neutered as well?

_BT turns white. He tries to run but Nanoha quickly binds him to the black chair. The staff of interview Hell all wave to BT before leaving. The entire room opens up as the Audience stand is pushed back at least twenty feet further, the MGLN stand simply takes off into the sky…I'm commenting from the remote bunker on the moon!_

BT: can't we talk this over?

Nanoha: sorry BT. But I'm going to blast you.

BT: Why?!

Nanoha: at first, Mr P asked me to. But seeing you show your invincibility made me want to shoot you.

BT: WHY ME???!!!

Nanoha: isn't it obvious? All of my targets only last for an hour or less! You should be able to last a week or two.

BT: WHAT ABOUT VIVIO???!!!

Nanoha: she told me that she'll be fine if BT was to go. It was fun while it lasted, when she dressed you up.

BT: BT BRIGADE!!!

_A phone rings, Ramster climbs onto BT and puts the phone next to BT's ear so he can listen to who's calling him…maybe it's Mr P saying he'll spare you?_

Cameraman: sorry boss, we're inside one of the gunships leaving the area.

BT: WHAT?!

Ginga: sorry BT! But Mr P told us to leave the area if we want to live.

Arf: yeah, he also told us that he'll be hosting a party on New Years Eve for us, so if you do live, you can join us.

Alicia: it's been nice working with you, BT!

Zafira: I'll be sure to honour your name by selling pictures of you and Vivio.

Yunno: oh yes, Jail and Zeck are tied up right underneath you, maybe you could hear them.

Zeck: the injustice of not being able to show my muscles to the world!!!

Jail: ku, ku, ku, I'll simply invent something that will broadcast your muscles to the world!

Zeck: then let all bask in the glory of my supreme mu…

_BT screams in horror at hearing the two weirdoes underneath him. Nanoha simply flies off…maybe she's going to spare BT?_

Ramster: I'm afraid not

BT: don't tell me Mr P prepared something special?

Ramster: yep! Mr P was watching an anime and then thought of giving Nanoha a mobile suit that's stored inside a satellite in space.

BT: HE WHAT???!!!

_Far off in the distance Nanoha calls forth her Mech. It comes down from the sky and demolishes a building. She gets in and powers up the mech size Raising Heart…HOLY CRAY THE END OF THE WORLD IS HERE!_

Nanoha: right! any last words, BT?

BT: yeah…!

Nanoha: Starlight…

Zeck: the majestic form of my biceps will captivate the masses, my pex will hypnotises the men!

Nanoha: …Galaxy…

Jail: hmmm, I'll simply make a pill that will turn everyone into you!

Nanoha: …Nova…

BT: !

Nanoha: …!

_Nanoha fires the shot. It hits BT...nothing happens for a moment. Space begins to warp itself. BT sees his life flash before him as the studio and everything else in a fifty mile radius is reduced to ashes…well folks, tune in to the very last episode of Interview Hell!_

Nanoha: oh yes! Mr P asks that you all tell us how you feel the series went. Was it stupid? Crap? Funny? Brain dead? And so on. Well, see you guys at the party!

* * *

Mr P: you heard what Nanoha said, next week is the FINAL episode of Interview Hell, so start writing your death threats to me while there is still time... I wonder should I make BT Interview another series... maybe Kamfper?

Ramster: Mr P aren't you forgetting something??

Mr P: oh yes, I nearly forgot, thanks to MMP III for helping me check the script, you don't know how hard it is to be sure the script is perfect... then again they pretty much throw the script out the window when the show begins...

Ramster: calm Mr P you don't want to do anything that you might regret!

Mr P: don't worry Ramster, I won't do anything stuipd like plaster hundereds of rumours of BT and his so called harem around the net....

Ramster: that's what I was hoping the hear!


	42. Interview Hell Last Episode

**Discliamer: I do not own any of the characters of MGLN, but I do own BT and his some of his staff!**

**Interview Hell Last Episode: Goodnight Everyone!**

BT: HELP!!!!

_BT is running through a war-torn city, moving over rubble and even wall, up to a car and taking a leap, he grabs a pole to vault onto a low roof…when the Hell did BT learn to parkour?_

Nanoha: come out, come out, wherever you are!

BT: SO YOU CAN BLOW ME UP ANOTHER HUNDERED TIMES???!!!

_The brave interviewer runs up a wall and grabs the edge, pulling himself up, he runs off the edge of the roof and lands on another roof. He rolls so he doesn't hurt himself and continues to run, either wall-running or vaulting from roofs or ledges…having the ability to parkour is a must if you're trying to escape the White Devil._

Nanoha: come on BT! I'm only going to shoot you another two times to make it an even hundred for today!

BT: and those two happen to be with you in that damn bloody mech!!!

_Flying overhead is the White Devil Mk. I. BT quickly hides as the mech passes over. He turns to run in the other direction, only to find the White Devil in front of him with seven RH bits…I think this chase should be in the Guinness world record: for the best time in avoiding the White Devil!_

Nanoha: now then BT, I'll only shoot you once with all my bits and RH!

BT: LIKE HELL I'M LETTING YOU SHOOT ME WITH YOUR SUPER CHARGED BITS AND RH!!!

Nanoha: don't worry BT! This will only hurt a bit, and maybe it will fix your sense of dress as well!

BT: ???

Nanoha: you're in diapers…

_BT looks down to see that she is telling the truth: BT is in diapers…errr…that ruined the epic chase now!_

Nanoha: oh well…STARLIGHT…BREAKERRRRRR!!!

_BT didn't have the chance to run; he only has enough time to look up to see the eight pink orbs of death hit him in the face._

_Then...everything goes dark…why do I keep thinking of Shamal appearing all of a sudden with racks upon racks of cosplay for BT?_

_

* * *

_

BT bolts up right, his entire body drenched in cold sweat, his own heart beating wildly inside his chest.

"What a messed up dream!" he tells himself. He lies down again and considers going back to sleep a little bit more.

That's when he notices he isn't alone. Slowly he pulls the cover back to find a woman with blond hair tied into a side pony tail.

"EH?!" The woman wakes up when she hears BT's startled cry. She smiles when she sees his startled look. She licks her lips slowly like a cat might do after it just ate the canary.

"Mmm...morning BT. Yesterday was pretty wild!" The woman says with a saucy voice that would cause men to simply faint at hearing her voice. BT is pretty sure that all his blood has rushed to his head.

BT wonders: is it a dream? He pinches himself to be sure. Nothing happens. He even smacks his head into the wall behind him to be sure. Once he's sure it's not a dream, he turns back to the half naked woman.

"W…wh…ta…go…no…" BT is unable to think straight, let alone speak straight, for that matter. But there is no denying that BT feels like he's the luckiest man alive. He could probably die happy as well.

"Mmmm, do you want me to give you a massage at your special place BT?" He nods like an idiot. The interviewer wonders: did Mr P finally give him a break? He doesn't know...and simply doesn't care.

"Isn't it New Year's Eve today?" He asks, recalling the date. His thoughts go back to last year's New Year's day. He still remembers that he still hasn't paid for the damage done when the Asura fired it's "fireworks" at them.

"I know. That's why I'm going to make it extra special for you today," she huskily whispers causing BT to feel even more hot headed, in a different place of course.

"What about your moms? Aren't they going to bust down the door and skewer me?" Vivio gave an absolutely hawt smile that would have melted him into a puddle of…stuff.

"I'll go and give them a ring now, so you stay right here," BT nods. He's sure as Hell not going to leave if she's going to return afterwards.

"Then I'll be sure to give you a special thank you for being so kind to me this year," BT's eyes don't leave Vivio as she drags the duvet along with her. She gives him a wink before disappearing through the door.

The happy man lays back and wonders just HOW he even got Vivio into bed. He can't remember how he did it, but he doesn't really care at that moment.

"BT!" Wailed the voice of what could be the devil himself. The walls collapse to reveal legions of BT-haters with all manner of weapons.

The roof falls apart and floating in the air with her panties showing to BT is Nanoha looking royally pissed.

"Die…" she hisses. BT doesn't have the chance to scream as the pink orbs blow him to bits.

_

* * *

_

_BT wakes up. He tries to move but finds that he's been bandaged up from head to toe…looks like BT is back with us!_

Cameraman: hey boss, how was your trip to the land of the dead?

Marine: I told you BT's invincibility would kick in sooner or later!

Samurai: it's been a damn week for that to kick in!

Pirate: well shiver me timbers!

Ninja: the merciful gods haVE smiled upon him.

BT: first off: WHY am I even alive? Let alone WHY do I even have a body left?!

Alicia: my master told me that he's too busy with the millions of other souls that have been sent in from Nanoha, so he let me keep your soul.

Ginga: your body was blasted till it turned black, but after a wash and cleaning it's good as new…well sort of…

Arf: plus Mr P wanted you to start interviewing other series!

Yunno: he also told me that your life insurance company practically cried when you were blown up. Something about you being the ONLY customer that managed to live after a Starlight Breaker!

Arisa: well since you're alive, I'll go and melt the ice statue that Suzuka made in your honour.

Suzuka: why don't we leave it? I hear that Nanoha plans to use it as target practice.

Reinforce: I heard there's a celebration for BT passing away...something about him being the root of all the destruction around the multi-verse.

Zafira: well, if you think about it...since the show started, Mild-Chila has had to be rebuilt at least three times!

Zeck: my supreme muscles can even revive the dead!

Jail: I'll modify their bodies to have your pristine muscles and…

_Jail and Zeck never get a chance to say any more; BT bursts through his bandages and slaughters the two in front of everyone, who all watch with happiness to see BT nice and healthy…at least he did us all a favour!_

BT: so! Since I'm alive, does that mean I won't be turned to ashes by anyone?

Ramster: yep BT, the death warrant has been lifted off your head.

Ginga: isn't that great BT?

TB: ONII-CHAN!!!

BT: errr...TB, slow-ARRRRRRRHHHHHHHH!

_TB comes running in with a pot of something. She trips and the stuff goes into BT's eyes…BT is screaming really loudly...what IS that stuff?!_

Vivi: TB, you shouldn't run around when I'm making my new energy drink!

BT: IT BURNS!!!!!

Yunno: that stuff is like acid…

Arf: if it was us, we would be a puddle of slime, but since it's BT, he'll probably get a scald.

Reinforce: I'll go and fetch some watch for him.

Vivio: ah, BT I need you to get into your party suit!

BT: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_BT runs straight through a wall when he hears Vivio, not seeing that she's holding a tuxedo for him this time…let's pray it's not a secret agent tuxedo or else BT is really going to get it!_

Vivio: doesn't he like the clothes I chose for him?

Arf: it's not that…he simply had a really bad dream…

Reinforce: I recall him screaming "No more cosplay!" quite a few times in the last week.

Cameraman: I heard "NOT THE MUSCLE FREAK!" even more.

Yunno: he also seemed to be having a nice dream…and then it turned into a nightmare…

Arf: I heard him screaming, "RUN AWAY FROM THE PINK ORB OF DEATH!" as well.

Alicia: maybe Mr P made BT have those nightmares because he was bored?

Arisa: Mr P can't do that…can he?

Suzuka: well, if he can give us magical powers, who's to say he can't give BT nightmares for a week?

Cameraman: Hey boss! Vivio got you a Tuxedo!

_BT peers through the hole he made at the tuxedo Vivio held. He looks at her, wondering: is she using it to lure him out and grab him to her Cosplay studio…? When did Vivio replace Hayate as the cosplay queen?_

Arisa: she was granted the title, unofficially, after she used Nanoha as her cosplay model while BT was in the hospital…I heard Fate has been tending to Nanoha after that…

Ginga: didn't BT warn Nanoha that this would happen?

Cameraman: she probably thoguth she could take her own daughter's cosplay thing head on…look on the bright side: Vivio managed to beat Nanoha at something, at least…

Arisa: causing terror to any would-be boyfriends?

Alicia: those that try to hit on her are bound to end up in the mental ward…like the poor eight guys that tried to get Vivio's attention.

Arf: would this mean that BT is the ONLY one who can go near Vivio without going mad from the constant cosplay?

BT: I HOPE NOT!

Vivio: I made it especially for you BT…

_Vivio says as she begins to cry. BT grabs the tuxedo and disappears back into the hole. He then reappears wearing the tuxedo…damn BT, you're looking extremely sharp there!_

Alicia: somehow wearing that tuxedo made him more…interesting.

Arisa: hmmm...I wonder how does he taste in the back?

Suzuka: oooohhhhhh! I just got goose bumps by just looking at BT!

Reinforce: maybe I'll have a chat with him when this is over…in private.

Arf: I wonder how good BT is at making sandwhiches?

Ginga: hmmm, maybe I should ask BT for some personal tips about being part of the staff?

Erio: why am I thinking of that time when BT was asked if he had a harem or not?

Yunno: he denied since it was the truth…but why the hell are all the girls acting like that?

Cameraman: it's the tuxedo!

Vivio: looks like all the girls agree with me!

BT: … can we have a little chat, Vivio? In private!

_Vivio drags BT to her Cosplay studio. The girls all claw at the door, all wanting a piece of BT, literally…YOU'RE SO DEAD, BT!!!_

Zafira: I thought BT would be thrilled to have the girls after him.

TB: Onii-chan does have a conscious, you know?

Cameraman: I'm simply too scared of the boss to do anything against him!

Marine: but if we combined…

Samurai:…we'll be invincible…

Ninja:…nothing will stand before us…

Pirate:…everything shall fall before us arrrk!

Cameraman: do you guys really believe that?

Cameramen: nope!

Yunno: then what was the point of saying those epic words?

Marine: we were hoping Mr P would back us up here.

Erio: by allowing you guys to fuse?

Zafira: why do I have the sudden urge to break out a deck and say "Duel!"

_The girls all finally calm down as BT walks out in a white tuxedo, while Vivio is still smiling whie wearing a black dress…VIVIO IS SO DAMN GORGEOUS!!! _

BT: you're sure that nothing strange is going to happen?

Vivio: it'll be fine, I swear!

_The lights go out, then three spotlights illuminate three people standing on what appears to be a makeshift stage, all three of them are laughing evilly…didn't Mr P tell those evil doers that they're fired?_

Evil Doer 1: so you have appeared, Mr BT!

Evil Doer 2: today is your last day!

Evil doer 3: prepare to be sent to oblivion!

BT:… don't tell me this tuxedo draws out the evil doers?

Jail: BWAHAHA! Marvel at my brilliance in making this muscle enhancing perfume!

Zeck: the sight of well-polished muscles will drown you in their magnificence!

BT: correction: this suit draws out the nut jobs!

Evil Doer 2: can the script stop calling us "Evil doers"?!

Yunno: oh boy...Ok, BT Brigade! This is your last chance to kick some butt!

Ramster: Fusion is a go!

Marine: Aright!

Samurai: let's do it!

Pirate: we'll dance till they wish we fed them to my pet sharks!

Ninja: let them hear the wind of destruction!

_The five idi… cameramen all dance together and then all head-butt each other at the same time. This causes a small explosion and a lot of blinding lights to go off somehow. BT holds his Black Chair to beat the Evil Doers if the BT Brigade screws up… well, we ARE trying to be extra epic today!_

Arf: did it work?

Evil Doer 1: what kind of idiot thinks that head-butting each other will cause a fusion? This isn't Dragon Ball Z for crying out loud!

Zafira: can someone explain where the special effect came from?

Reinforce: I'm unsure. We're at the mansion that has no special effects equipment.

Yunno: maybe the Cameramen set up the special effects?

Voice: we are one!

_The smoke disappear to reveal a hulking man, his clothes are a mixture of the five Camerame:, the power backpack of the marine, the fake wooden peg of leg on the right, a samurai Katana camera weapon on it's hip, and three Kunais strapped to it's right leg… at least we know the fusion worked… well sort of…_

BT: so...WHAT do we call you? Ninurnepiman?

U.C: no! You can call me Ultimate Cameraman! Or U.C. for short.

BT: riiiiiiiiiiiiight…well then, U.C...Go get those three evil doers so we can get the party started!

Evil Doer 1: like that mismatch of a Fusion is able to beat us!

Evil Doer 2: take the attack filled with hatred of being rejected from this series!

Evil Doer 3: Our combined attacks will obliterate you!!!

_The three Evil doers jump at U.C. who simply crosses his arms over his muscular chest…so is U.C. trying to act like the ninja with that pose?_

U.C.: Ultimate Technique – wrath of the Cameramen!

_The light goes out and all manner of things begin to scream, then the sound of what appears to be an arcade game be played as well, then some random cry of victory from a football game, and even more weirdly enough, some song contest being carried out in the darkness. When the light returns, the three Evil Doers are nothing but hole marks on the wall...what in damn's name?!_

BT: well, if you all think about it a Cameraman would be recording everything we see on TV, so my guess is that U.C. subjected the three Evil doers to the horrors of losing on TV…hence the football game and even the song contest…

U.C.: that's our master for you, he manages to see through our technique!

Yunno: we all kind of guessed that.

Arf: so, since you've taken care of them, turn back to your normal idiot five.

U.C.: OK then, FUSION CANCEL!

_U.C. makes an epic pose while shouting the last two words, everyone waits for something to happen, like lights going off or even an explosion. They wait patiently for five minutes. Nothing happens…are you sure you said the right words, maybe it's "THE BT BRIDGADE EMERGES!" or something stupid like that?_

U.C.: to tell the truth…we don't know how to unfuse…heh.

BT: TB, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

TB: yes, Onii-chan.

Yunno: what could the two of you be thinking?

Alicia: it's obvious what they're thinking.

Arisa: BT has his Black Chair while TB has a…White Chair???

Ginga: probably to match BT's black chair, but white instead.

_U.C. tries to run, Erio trips him before he can run away. BT pats Erio on the head while TB gives him a peck on the cheek. They then drag U.C. to the back room. Once they're in, they shut the door and all hell breaks loose…rest in peace, the idiot five…hold a sec: wouldn't Caro be going crazy if she saw what TB did?_

BT: Hold still, this is going to hurt a lot for a second!

TB: I've gotten hold of their manly parts, I'm going to shove it down, Ok?

BT: Wow, who would have thought they had such big parts…now then, I'm reattaching this arm to that bit, get me the blow torch!

TB: I've sewn their fingers back together. Now, where's the tar?

Yunno: just listening to them is making me want to throw up!

Zafira: be glad you don't have a front row seat!

Alicia: I can feel the souls of five unfortunate cameramen screaming for release…

* * *

_Two hours later, the siblings walk out with the five cameramen who look like they went to Hell and wished they were still there…the party started ages ago!_

Signum: I see you've finally arrived at the party, BT.

Hayate: ah BT, I see you're wearing the new tuxedo that me and Vivio made.

Subaru: wow BT! The food's great! Who's the cook?

Cinque: hmmm, the music is quite catchy, who's the artist?

BT: man, I thought Yunno would have answered all of your questions by now?

Vivi: uncle Yunno is having a talk with Nanoha-mama.

BT: that can't be good.

_Sure enough Yunno is trying to calm Nanoha down, who has RH pointed out of the window…I thought she would be pointing it at Yuuno…_

BT:…dare I ask what the hell is she shooting at?

Yunno: why don't you take a look outside to find out?

_BT looks out the window to find a legion of Nanoha-Fans, all armed with cameras and pictures of Nanoha flashing her panties…they are so dead!!!_

BT:…need a hand?

Nanoha: no thank you. I just asked for help already.

Yunno: oh no, not that!

TB: not what?

Lindy: I just got the call Nanoha-chan!

Nanoha: thank you, Lindy-san.

BT: don't tell me…

Yunno: that's what I was telling you!

_Before TB can ask what happened, the outside is filled with light. Then...a mushroom cloud appears above the mansion. All of the fans' souls float up to the sky with happy looks…do you know how much preparing the damn front garden cost us???_

BT:…

Nanoha: so BT, were you going to say something?

BT: nope, nothing at all. Except for: enjoy the party.

Nanoha: I will!

Fate: ah Nanoha, they've got a really nice chocolate fountain here!

Nanoha: oooooohhhhhh…Lead me there, dear!

_Nanoha giggles like a little girl in a candy store, Fate on the other hand simply licks her lips with hunger. A primal hunger…I'd like to keep my eyes, so I won't spy on them…_

Yunno: I hand it to you BT. You managed to think of everything to please the guest…

BT: I was hoping to use the chocolate fountain for Chrono's kids…

Amy: ah BT! My little kids would like to thank you for inviting us here.

BT: no problem. So, where's your husband?

_One of Amy's kids pushes a pram with Chrono in it. The unfortunate husband has been stripped down to what appears to be a bondage gear, he's even fitted with a ball gag while crying for forgiveness…that's one more mental scar to my already ruined mind…_

Amy: he was trying to drop in on Fate when she was having some…quality time with Nanoha, so I brought him here like this as punishment!

BT:…I'm sure he deserved it…enjoy the party.

Yunno: remind me to never get on Amy's bad side!

BT: wouldn't that apply to every single one of the MGLN characters?

Yunno: you've got a point!

Zafira: hey BT, where are the ribbed steaks?

BT: what, they're not here? Yunno, can you go and check on our chef?

Yunno: how did you manage to get Mr P to agree to allow us to use Ramster to cook the food for us?

Mr P: because I felt generous.

_MR P appears from a hole in the wall, sitting in a comfortable chair while the shadows conceal his face from all of them…Mr P sure loves doing the evil villain appearance, doesn't he?_

BT: there you have it. Now, let's get back to the party!

Vivi: uncle BT, I want some ice cream!

BT: sure! Ask auntie Suzuka to get you some.

Arf: hey BT, have you been told what series you might be interviewing?

BT: yep, Kampfer.

Alicia: that should be less threatening than this series.

Ginga: but didn't Mr P said that none of us can appear on that interview?

Cameraman: he said something about not wanting characters to cross over to other anime shows…or something.

Marine: HEADS UP BT!!!

BT: ???

_BT turns in time to see a truck, driven by a BT hater, slam him into the wall. The BT hater whoops with joy…*sigh* Can't these guys take a hint? What could a truck do when BT survived a Megaton Starlight Breaker??_

BT Hater: YES I KILLED THE DEVIL!!!

Arf: BT!!!

Cameraman: I wouldn't go near that, Arf!

Zafira: but BT?

Ginga: are you forgetting something here?

Cameraman: let's all go over there and wait for the inevitable.

BT Hater: think you can get near our precious Vivio without us saying a word?! We've seen you ogling her! We KNOW you keep stashes of photos of her underneath your bed! We even know you video tape her, you sick useless…!

_The poor guy couldn't continue because the truck is cleaved in half and explodes. From the burning wreckage, emerges BT looking like the devil…turn away kids, you'll have nightmares for the rest of your lives!_

Zafira: I've been wondering...

Arf: what's that?

Zafira: couldn't Mr P make Nanoha do anything? Like strip naked in front of us?

Ginga: now that you mention it, that IS true.

Yunno: it's because Nanoha is the main character of an entire series, and since this is a fanfic of that series she gets to say if that happens or not, and disagreement will result in a Starlight Breaker in the face…times a thousand.

Alicia: what are you on about Yunno? This is no fanfic, this is a real live show!

Yunno: I'm reading the script that Mr P asked me to read just now!

BT: well, I can understand Mr P's reasoning.

Arisa: what happened to the poor S.O.B that assaulted you?

Suzuka: errr…Arisa…he's over here…what's left of him.

TB: is that supposed to be a person or a…something…?

BT: why don't we move on before our viewers throw up at the sight of that thing?

Cameraman: good call.

Vita: hey, BT!

Shamal: oh dear BT, it seems Vita is displeased with something!

Vita: why did you post this picture in the memory board?

_The picture is Vita in a cute bunny outfit. She held Graf Eisen, which has has a bunny attachment to where the hammer is…it may be cute, but I'm sure as Hell NOT going near it!_

BT: I didn't't post the pictures up there!

Vita: then who?

BT: the Ninja does!

Ninja: that is untrue. The pictures are a collection from all of us cameramen who…

Vita: RAAAAAAAAAAAWRRRRR

_Vita simply smacks the Ninja into the wall, only to find it's a decoy. She then begins to demolish the wall in front of her, not noticing the large cake that's slowly slinking away through the door… give a hand to our master in disguises!_

Yunno: should we…

BT: don't worry about him.

Arf: are you sure?

Cameraman: hey boss, the Samurai is having a duel with Subaru!

BT: is that so? TB, can you deal with those two?

TB: but Onii-chan, they're entertaining the guests!

Zafira: she's right. Subaru's sisters are rooting for her, while Signum is telling the Samurai that if he loses, he'll be facing her.

Alicia: that'll encourage ANYONE to fight harder!

Arisa: be glad it wasn't Hayate who's Dishing out the punishments!

Hayate: did someone call me?

Everyone: NO!

Hayate: you guys gotta lighten up.

Jail: allow me to soothe their nerves by playing this holographic video!

Vivio: what is the video about?

Zeck: it is all about my journey to muscle enlightenment, filled with harrowing moments where I had to defeat those who dare to defy the great muscle gods!

Ginga: errrm…that must have taken a long time to…film…

Zeck: the hardships of filming my journey is not the least of it! I had try to enlighten those I came across in way of the muscle, but they were all too steeped in the false words of Botex!

BT: why is it all the nut jobs are coming to the party as well?

Yunno: this is the last time we'll ever see them again.

Ginga: you're not crying are you Yunno?

Yunno: why would I be crying?

Arf: *sniff* Because we had so much time while working for BT!

Alicia: it's kind of sad to see the series end…

Arisa: it was fun while it lasted.

Suzuka: it'll be a bit boring…

Reinforce: it was the most interesting part of my long life.

Erio: can't I go with you BT? Please…?

_Everyone look to see Erio is on his knees with a begging look. BT gives everyone a troubled look…what do you expect? He doesn't want to go back to his "wife" just yet! Not until he's mentally prepared!_

BT: I'm sorry, Erio…but you know that for copyright reasons and such, we can't take you with us to the next show…

Mr P: he may…but he must pass the trials if he wants to join BT in the next interview series.

Cameraman: Mr P has spoken…hold on a sec! What kind of trials are we talking about?

Mr P: don't worry, they're not life-threatening.

Ramster: except them to hurt like hell!

_Erio has turned white at what kind of trial Mr P might put him through…we ARE talking about a author here! He could ask Erio to stay in a room with Zeck for a week to see when will he crack up!_

Erio:…I'll do it!

BT: wow! He must REALLY want to avoid Caro at all costs!

Caro: did someone call my name?

Ginga: ah, Caro-chan, we were just talking about you, how have you been?

Caro: I've been fine…Erio, I haven't seen you for the last half year…you're not cheating on me, are you?

Erio: NO!

TB: Erio hasn't done anything bad, isn't that right?

_Caro's eyebrow twitches ever so slightly at the sight of TB standing too close to Erio…errr…guys, TB is in danger of being targeted by Caro!!!_

Cameraman : errr…Caro-chan?

Caro: yes?

_The little girl looks at the Cameraman with a calm expression. He tries to resists the urge to bolt through the door from the murderous feeling Caro is emitting…everyone better take cover when she snaps!_

Cameraman: why don't you go and see Fate?

Ginga: I heard Nanoha wants to talk to you…something about retraining you…

_The flames of fury die instantly. Caro looks at Nanoha, thinking that the older woman will turn round and shoot her a Starlight Breaker…I wouldn't be surprised if she DID shoot you with a Starlight Breaker for the Hell of it!_

Ginga: if what Mr P said is true, then wouldn't that mean me and honey will have to divorce?

Cameraman: you're right…WHAT?!

Arf: Mr P can't be that cruel?

BT: are you forgetting something Arf?

Yunno: of course he would be meaner to you BT, but he might be more lenient with the Cameraman.

Mr P: I have to agree with you, Yunno.

_Mr P pops out from underneath them with curtain drawn round him, only the silhouette of his outline can be see…at least Mr P is taking the proper precaution of trying not to insert himself into the story…well sort of…_

Cameraman: weren't you over there???

Ginga: I thought he was over there, where the other guest was.

Arf: I thought he was in the kitchen.

BT: well since he is my creator he can be anywhere he likes…

Mr P: correct.

Cameraman: so…does this mean me and Ginga will have to divorce?

Ginga: come on, Mr P! Can't you find any kindness in your heart not to separate us?

Mr P: sorry. Rules are rules.

_The couple looks heart-broken at the news. BT runs off and returns with a violin and plays a sad tune. The others look at BT, oddly wondering: is he enjoying this? Well BT DID threaten to either cut the Cameraman's salary or beat him into a bloody pulp!_

Cameraman: I really hate you, boss.

BT: I'm sorry, did someone say they'd like me to knock them out until the middle of next week?

Mr P: it's the rules. But I didn't said that you have to divorce.

Ramster: that's right, you can still stay married…Ginga just can't appear on the new show.

Cameraman: really?!

BT: damn!

Arf: you know, BT? You're a really horrible person to your Cameraman!

Alicia: what about your relationship with Vivio, BT?

_The Fearless Interviewer gulps at the question. Vivio gives him a sadistic look that makes BT wish he was actually turned to cinders…Mr P likes to torture you for the Hell of it!_

Hayate: BT…

BT: yes…

Hayate: me and Vivio have been thinking…

Cameraman: that can't be good!

Vivio: why don't me and BT do it?

_They hear a blood curling scream from outside. BT looks out to the sky: it's filled with all manner of things…looks like the second wave of BT haters has arrived…is that a BT Star in the sky as well?_

Yunno: rip off!

Alicia: hmmm...I do believe that we will be hearing from Lucas Arts very soon!

Marine: how about we worry about them first?

Ninja: the sky is blackened with enemies.

Pirate: man thee cannons you unworthy sea dogs!

Samurai: Does anyone own a flying monster of some sort I can ride on?

_Before they could do plan what to do with the fleet of enemies, Mr P's three bodyguards come in. Mr P directs them off to destroy the fleet. They bow their heads and take off…how long has it been since we last saw them?_

BT: are they going to be fine on their own?

Mr P: they're triple S rank mages, so they'll be fine.

Cameraman: that's kind of scary…to know Mr P has three such powerful bodyguards close to him

Ramster: hey! Are you forgetting me?! I'm a triple S rank as well!

Ginga: are you?

Alicia: it's hard to imagine a small hamster being a triple S rank...

_Ramster takes a deep breath and begins to concentrate. They all think he's going to go pop. Ramster suddenly begins to turn big. He becomes muscular until he's taller than even Signum…oh no! Don't tell me his true form is a muscle-bound idiot like Zeck!_

BT: I've got my black chair if that happens!

Alicia: I have my novice Death Scythe here as well!

Arisa: I'll barbecue him!

Suzuka: hmmm, he might want to cool off a bit.

_Ramster finally finishes transforming; just below his neck he has a human body, which is SO muscular that it would make Zeck lick Ramster, while his head is still a hamster…let's pray no one knows where did Ramster steal the idea from!_

Ramster: there! Now then, do you STILL don't believe I'm a triple S rank?

BT:…

Alicia:…

Arisa:…

Suzuka:…

Cameraman:…

Ginga:…

Ramster: what?

_Ramster turns around to see an oversized Zeck jump at him. The others simply turn their back as Ramster is assaulted by Zeck who screams stuff like "muscle" and "divine". They also hear a lot of licking sounds as well…I don't even want to know what the Hell Zeck is doing to Ramster!_

BT: let's leave them alone…

Ramster: save me!

Cameraman: I agree boss…let the Triple S ranker deal with it.

Ramster: get away from me!

Alicia: hmmm, I wonder if I should tell my master to expect a new soul?

Erio: BT, are we going to do that soon?

BT: ah yes, I forgot.

Vivio: what's that?

BT: the count down to new year, 2010!

Signum: didn't we do it last year as well?

TB: we did, but I wasn't there!

Marine: so Mr P, what about us? Are we to appear in the new series as well?

MR P: of course, since you have no link to any other series.

Cameramen: HOO-RRAH!

BT: is Nanoha providing the fireworks this year?

Nanoha: if you want me to…

_Nanoha has her mech out with the mecha-sized RH all set up…are you sure you're not trying to shoot down a star or two?_

Mr P: no need to. Lindy, will you please do the honours?

Lindy: with pleasure!

_Lindy inserted a firing key into a laptop in front of Mr P. Once inserted and turned, the countdown began...everyone ready???_

BT: I'm sure going to miss you guys…

Cameraman: cheer up BT! I'm sure we'll make plenty of friends in the new series.

Yunno: don't you mean "enemies"?

Ginga: hush, do you want BT to chicken out already?

Alicia: so what are we supposed to do then?

Arisa: I heard me and Suzuka will simply return back to earth to keep running our companies.

Yunno: me and Arf will return to the Infinite Library.

Zafira: I'll continue on making my epic journey so I can get my own spin-off show!

Reinforce: I'll accompany you.

BT: looks like everyone is sorted. Oh yes! Alicia, you're moving in with the Cameramen for now.

Marine: why?

Ginga: are you guys really going to let a poor innocent young girl out in the cold?

_The cameramen look at Alicia, who's holding her apprentice scythe and black hood that mimics Death…innocent my butt!_

BT: ah well, let's join everyone in the count down!

_Everyone crowds around the large holographic clock in the middle of the room. As the timer reaches 10, everyone starts to count down the seconds…I'm not crying because I won't be seeing everyone again…(Mr Commentator breaks down into tears)_

Everyone: 10!

Alicia: oh look, BT is crying!

Everyone: 9!

Yunno: what do you expect? He had an interesting year with all of us!

Everyone: 7!

Arisa: do you think he'll miss the random cosplay Vivio put him through?

Everyone: 6!

Suzuka: maybe he will. After all, when you love someone, you HAVE to love their flaws as well!

Everyone: 5!

Reinforce: I don't believe he was given a choice of whether he was allowed to refuse to cosplay for her or not.

Everyone: 4!

Zafira: heh, still, I'm sure going to miss you guys!

Everyone: 3!

Erio: even though my time with you guys was short, I really enjoyed myself!

Everyone: 2!

Arf: I'm sure most of our viewers are getting teary-eyed as well, now that we're finally ending the show.

Everyone: 1!

BT: don't worry! I'm sure they'll be there when we start the new series!

_Everyone goes quiet as the sky is lit up by thousands of magical bombardment spheres exploding into a shower of colours. Even the planet destroyer space station in orbit explodes into a multitude of colours…I can see Mr P's three bodyguards coming back while surfing on the remains of the space station…at least they're coming back in style!_

Everyone: HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

BT: from all of Interview Hell, thank you for watching this crazy hair-brains series! I'm your host BT, signing off.

_The cameras turn off as everyone gets down to celebrating the New Year. Various couples go off to do their own celebration. _

_Vivio drags BT off to the roof, the Cameraman carries Ginga in his arms to the back of the garden, Subaru is dragged by Tia to the bathrooms, Erio picks Caro up like a prince would do and goes off to the mansion's pool. Amy wheels Chrono to the guest bedroom, and finally: Nanoha simply starts to strip Fate's clothes off in front of the others, and those who aren't paired up with someone simply take the celebration party to the front door…this has been one hell of a day!_

_

* * *

_

_One of the TV's inside BT's room flickers on eerily. The picture shows Mr P with the spotlight shining down on him, his face somehow is shrouded in shadows._

Mr P: well viewers, we'll see you again in the "Kampfer" universe. It might take sometime to set up the show, like three weeks due to having a few rights that needs to be signed off and a few people who might be against my TV series…

Ramster: what about the loyal fans you acquired?

Mr P: it's the end of this series, but it's also the beginning of another. So, until then take care and have a happy 2010 New Year!

Ramster: aren't you forgetting something Mr P?

Mr P: oh yes I forgot, thanks to Major Mike Powell III for checking the finished script… then again isn't the script written while they're talking and killing each other?

Ramster: why are you asking me?

Major Mike Powell III: Semper-Fi! Carry on!


End file.
